Krystin Hargrove - Founder of CoTripper + Single Mom of Two

[00:00:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Welcome to Season 2 of You and Me, Kid, a podcast about starting and raising a family on your own.

[00:00:08] [SPEAKER_02]: Where I speak with other single moms, those still considering an experts in relevant fields

[00:00:14] [SPEAKER_02]: to give you a real sense of what the day-to-day experience of solo parenting looks and feels like.

[00:00:20] [SPEAKER_02]: So wherever you are in the process, I hope this podcast provides some support, helpful info, and most importantly, humor.

[00:00:27] [SPEAKER_02]: Thanks so much for listening. Now let's get to it!

[00:00:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Okay, Krystin. We just were catching up a little bit prior to recording, and I want to really dive in more to kind of the experiences that we've both had in the single-mom community.

[00:00:43] [SPEAKER_02]: But before we do that, I just wanted to give those listening just a little bit of a background on kind of on you and how you came into the world of single parenting.

[00:00:54] [SPEAKER_02]: With you, I'm so excited to check because there's a lot of different categories of things I want to talk to you about. You're a single-mom of two.

[00:01:02] [SPEAKER_02]: You are an entrepreneur. You started this incredible single-mom community, and that community also has this really amazing sub component of travel,

[00:01:11] [SPEAKER_02]: which is a really big part, I think of single-mom maybe fears and excitement as well.

[00:01:16] [SPEAKER_02]: So we have a lot to cover, but why don't we start just kind of a little bit if you could take me back, Krystin, how did your single-mom journey begin?

[00:01:28] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so I got pregnant at 24. And I can't say it was like a love of my life situation. You know what I mean? I was like, I was young, I was having fun, everything was great.

[00:01:38] [SPEAKER_00]: And then you know, you make tough decisions. You're like, hey, this is like a new relationship. It was for us and it's like, do we want to have the baby? These are real conversations that we're having. Do we want to have the baby, are we ready for a baby? You know, should we take other routes?

[00:01:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Ultimately decided to give it a go. And you know, that relationship, it was actually great for me as I entered in motherhood because we just had a ton of support, right?

[00:02:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think like us making that decision, we're going to, you know, move forward. We're going to pursue our relationship together because that was like a six months in got pregnant kind of was just dating situation, right?

[00:02:12] [SPEAKER_00]: So we worked together. Over time, it just wasn't the right match.

[00:02:17] [SPEAKER_00]: We were two kind of like people who had level heads and we're like, all right, like we can compare it. It's fine, right? So that always I tell people like motherhood in that regard with my first child.

[00:02:28] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't really understand the life changing element of it because my life did not materially change because of how much support we had, right?

[00:02:37] [SPEAKER_00]: So what I really consider like my introduction to motherhood and sounds bad. Maybe I don't know.

[00:02:46] [SPEAKER_00]: But single motherhood in particular, where I really started to feel like a single mom was that relationship ended. We were co parenting always right with the world.

[00:02:55] [SPEAKER_00]: And I ended up getting back with my high school sweetheart thinking like, okay, this is it. We've tried dating other people. We both had other kids like this is going to be perfect, right?

[00:03:05] [SPEAKER_00]: It was not okay. It's a little bad not so bad. I would say so bad, but it was so bad, right?

[00:03:13] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think in that relationship, I really did think like, okay, this is done. Like, this is it. This is what I'm doing. I'm going to get married all the things.

[00:03:21] [SPEAKER_00]: But I think my, from a relationship standpoint that I'm moving to motherhood.

[00:03:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I just expected that to be the person that I knew and the friendship that we maintained over the years. I didn't really look under the hood, right? I just assume like, oh, we've known each other for years.

[00:03:35] [SPEAKER_00]: We were high school sweetheart's like, this is a beard breeze. And there was just a lot of things under the hood that fundamentally when I think about how wanted to raise having a child already, right?

[00:03:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think that's what I was thinking about. I think that's what I was thinking about.

[00:03:52] [SPEAKER_00]: So that was really difficult. I had anti-partum depression while I was pregnant just because of the sheer weight of everything that was on that relationship prior to getting pregnant.

[00:04:04] [SPEAKER_00]: And then now having the hormones of just a baby was really challenging.

[00:04:08] [SPEAKER_00]: And in that pregnancy, I really wanted to leave while pregnant, right? I wanted to leave the relationship while pregnant. And I wanted to have a smooth pregnancy and just that in an appinging.

[00:04:18] [SPEAKER_00]: I left two months after giving birth. So that is what I feel like my introduction to single motherhood was it was taking my eight-year-old then in a newborn into a apartment by myself.

[00:04:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Barely healed from the motherhood, you know, the delivery and all that experience. And that's when I was like, wow, like, I'm a single mom.

[00:04:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I have to figure out how to give my kids kind of like the life that I wanted them to have not rooted in the circumstance that was really hard, you know, in a time to manage.

[00:04:50] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's my motherhood journey and how it entered single motherhood. And it was, it was a big event. It's why I've kind of gone down the road of entrepreneurship.

[00:05:01] [SPEAKER_00]: It's why I built the communities that I built. And so yeah, I credit that to that like my second child really introducing me to like the full range of motherhood and then just this new.

[00:05:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Lane, even though I was a single mom with my son, you know, I didn't really feel like it. So this, my daughter Harper, she really.

[00:05:23] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, introduced me to the world of like, you need support. You need help. You need to figure out like how are you going to do this?

[00:05:29] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, to build the world around you to support. Yeah, right.

[00:05:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, I'm going to go on a big, witty question because I feel like you can handle it three minutes into a chat or send.

[00:05:41] [SPEAKER_02]: I feel like now that I've become a single parent, there are kind of these boxes that exist within the single parenting world and I'm doing quotes for those listening where it's like you are a single parent if you're a single parent by choice.

[00:05:55] [SPEAKER_02]: You're a single parent if you are a widow. You are a single parent if like I don't know maybe someone creates a boundary where it's like, oh, you broke up or someone left you a few weeks in having a baby right and then there's this huge world of folks who are co parenting or maybe there's a person in the picture.

[00:06:14] [SPEAKER_02]: And I feel like even within the single mom community, there's kind of this sense of well you're not a single mom anymore if these categories apply like you now have a partner or you are co parenting with someone and

[00:06:29] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't like that. I feel like everyone should be able to identify however they want and if that single parenting, you know, I don't like those boxes being right and

[00:06:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm I'm interested in kind of how you feel about all that and the language around single parenting especially, you know, co parenting with the guys in your life like, how do you address all of that and how do you feel about those kind of titles.

[00:06:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Now that I've kind of stepped outside of myself in my own experience by way of having a community, I feel empathetic to the to the reasons why I think they are legitimate reasons why those walls exist within the community right.

[00:07:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I think there's a very different experience from a single mom who, you know, the dad bailed and they're kind of forced in a situation in versus me who we talked about it and we co parent and I very much so still identify as a single mom.

[00:07:24] [SPEAKER_00]: And then there's levels of like do you receive child support is so many things and like little nuances, but I stand firm in that I'm a single mom like and I acknowledge my co parents and I acknowledge that even with me having two they're very different.

[00:07:38] [SPEAKER_00]: They're very different types of co parents are they're very different people so I like to in my case the criticism that I've gotten is like you have co parents and I'm like.

[00:07:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but you know those are very that's a choice right and it's like there are things that you as a mom who doesn't have a co parent have the freedom to do that may be I a mom with a co parent don't really have the freedom to do because of the consideration of the other parent and things like that.

[00:08:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So my sentiment is that we're one community right and I think that the nuances that make our unique experiences different and where these walls kind of are these lines are drawn are really helpful to the community as a whole.

[00:08:25] [SPEAKER_00]: If you talk to a mom who co parents and hear their their individual journey it may encourage you if possible to reach out and pursue a relationship that maybe you know it's so many nuances these things are powerful to use collectively as a community to educate to inform.

[00:08:41] [SPEAKER_00]: To support just to say like hey, like I'm in the same situation and I identify with what you're going through you know.

[00:08:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And the more different perspectives that you have around your experiences the better so for me try to always diffuse.

[00:08:57] [SPEAKER_00]: A lot of the content that we do with co-tripper and single moms travel is also in that co-tripper community is we talk about those things head on.

[00:09:06] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't mean and I think the problem is that single moms by choice stay with single moms by choice and you know co parents stay with with co parents and to me that's detrimental to the community at large.

[00:09:17] [SPEAKER_00]: And the real value of kind of like at least what I'm trying to do is create like this ecosystem where we all work together we all like use each other's experiences we all can like say hey you know you need help with this or that and not even from a help perspective I think from a sheer economic perspective.

[00:09:36] [SPEAKER_00]: The value of us coming together means better things get built for single moms in general no matter how you identify like products get built.

[00:09:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And we've seen that happen with other communities and how powerful it could be.

[00:09:51] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I think the one thing that I always encourage people to do is just like you can own your experience but also be empathetic to like the way you imagine somebody else experience just because of this.

[00:10:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And so the provider or this specific thing is not necessarily like the embodiment of their story and they may have something valuable to exchange with you again like to sum it up.

[00:10:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I empathetic to people who've had a different experience than I have had in single motherhood but I also also very strongly own and stand firm in the fact that I am a single mom.

[00:10:25] [SPEAKER_02]: You know I feel like to there's the kind of this sense of that it has to be hard like that being a single mom is hard right and I feel like those lines are drawn when it becomes like well wait it's not as hard for you as it is for me.

[00:10:42] [SPEAKER_02]: I have it harder because I'm alone and you have a co-parent or I have it harder because I don't have child support coming in and you do like and I actually see it totally the opposite in a lot of you know instances.

[00:10:56] [SPEAKER_02]: I have partnered people in my life who I think it's harder for them to be a parent and keep a partnership together or manage a partnership that may be really unhealthy.

[00:11:07] [SPEAKER_02]: And then me and my daughter be able to make whatever decisions we want it would ever time right and so I'm similar to you and Chris and that I try to kind of change this story when people are like I don't know how you do it or gosh well stone so has a boyfriend and that must be easier to like it's just it's not there's benefits to what I'm doing there's benefits to what you doing and there's downsides to both but everybody's.

[00:11:31] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not going in somebody right like let's not compare the struggles and prioritize them that's just not fair.

[00:11:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I have a lot of merit almost all of my friends are married you know and I love the Institute of Marriage I love it.

[00:11:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I want to be married one day. I wear it as a badge of honor. It's not an identity thing. It's like just like currently I am a single mom right and I think for however long you're traveling through your journey as a single mom there should be resources support and community for you period just like a married mom just like a whatever you know whatever arrangement anyone else has going on right and I always say anybody can be your co-parent my mom is my co-parent even though I have co-parents.

[00:12:10] [SPEAKER_02]: I like to do an interview you did a while ago where the gal interviewing you was like Alexa's my co-parent and it made me laugh.

[00:12:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Out loud and I was like oh who's my co-parent and my daughter's obsessed with Taylor Swift so she's too thanks to the Disney app she's watched the Ares tour a number of times and I'm like at 530 in the morning like Taylor Swift is my co-parent you know like.

[00:12:32] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm not Alexa but that's is she's the most consistent person in our life right now. So yeah I'm totally with you and I'm actually I love that you just brought up the fact that you want to partner because I totally get that as well which is people think because I've like stamped the single mom box that it is the thing that I identify with the most it is not.

[00:12:52] [SPEAKER_02]: And that it's like where I'm going to stand forever and I have to be open about hey I'm I would love to be married I would love to find someone who has their own kids and have a whole big crazy chaotic family.

[00:13:04] [SPEAKER_02]: But I and I try to be as open about that as I can because I do think people maybe don't think about me as an option for other single people because they're like oh Sarah's like a single mom that's her journey that's her path that's her identity and so I have to remind them that just because I chose this doesn't mean I'm choosing it in place of partnership.

[00:13:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I just and hopefully just flipping the order a little bit yeah and like I feel like it is something people deem your identity right if you say it out loud now if I was like a corner kind of like sad about it then it's something about saying it out loud and saying like and not having a problem with it because I feel like society and just like there's a lot of bias that is connected to that title.

[00:13:52] [SPEAKER_00]: Right I know single moms who would not say that publicly they feel ashamed they feel like everything that I want to like flip that on its head because I'm like just like you said like the struggle part like it's a beautiful life like it really is I don't know any mom again I have partner friends single friends who don't struggles with like that's like the baseline less like.

[00:14:15] [SPEAKER_02]: We all being a human like.

[00:14:18] [SPEAKER_02]: Being a human being a parent all that is just like there's a baseline of it being hard but hard looks really different for everybody you know right right and so like I think like not enough is talked about like.

[00:14:31] [SPEAKER_00]: It's empowering to make a choice to have a kid by yourself it's a beautiful thing right it's like I'm not waiting because women we have a clock I don't you know like say what you want.

[00:14:42] [SPEAKER_00]: She don't you don't to mean like I don't want to be 50 I haven't I mean people do it no shade but.

[00:14:46] [SPEAKER_00]: I didn't want to be either to me like so even me being married and having kids there's so many nuances to it is like it's nothing wrong with it is nothing wrong with it is nothing to feel bad about that you're not partnered.

[00:14:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think owning that makes people uncomfortable sometimes.

[00:15:01] [SPEAKER_00]: So that's why the narrative hasn't shifted to a more positive sentiment around single motherhood and single moms it's just because.

[00:15:10] [SPEAKER_00]: Again in the silos like I feel like we're not loud enough to really put a stamp on how beautiful and in in a growth processes to choose to parent this way right and there's a lot of us parenting this way you know yeah.

[00:15:25] [SPEAKER_02]: I felt when I first started the podcast a little bit like I couldn't be honest about how great it was.

[00:15:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Like how happy I was how fulfilled I was because I feel like whether it's single moms or just parents in general there's this idea like oh you're going to be.

[00:15:42] [SPEAKER_02]: Sleep deprived and you're never going to shower and you're going to be like you know you're over it in your hair crazy all the time like no balance and my experience has been exactly the opposite.

[00:15:53] [SPEAKER_02]: And I felt at the beginning of maybe the podcast or even just in casual conversations that I'm not really like allowed to say how good it is because maybe that sounds a little like.

[00:16:05] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't know fake or like Paul Yanna like I'm you know painting over what's really hard about it but the experience has been incredible and.

[00:16:15] [SPEAKER_02]: And way more joyful than I ever even imagined and I imagined it was going to be amazing and so.

[00:16:23] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm so glad you said that because it's like why is that like there's this society thing it's like you got to complain about parenting and you've got to complain about being a single parent and you got to complain about your partner and.

[00:16:35] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm like you know yeah I'm like more my life is more balanced than it has ever been I'm more joyful than I have ever been.

[00:16:43] [SPEAKER_02]: I find just so much fulfillment out of this and in my relationship with my kiddo and and I never anticipated it being that I just assumed I was choosing chaos and I was okay with that but I didn't.

[00:17:00] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah and and similar is true with like leaving partners like we were not good together.

[00:17:05] [SPEAKER_00]: You don't need okay like we didn't work like but that doesn't mean and I know like they're domestic there certain things like and I always recognize that.

[00:17:14] [SPEAKER_00]: It's not an option for some people to to leave relationships amicably or even like I wouldn't say I left my relationship amicably in order to be and I would say I worked.

[00:17:24] [SPEAKER_00]: diligently and intentionally at making sure that we had a good enough foundation post separation to be able to possibly have what we have today right so I was careful how I did things and took a lot of crap you know early on because everyone's healing and again like it's based on empathy so for me.

[00:17:44] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm like I am so happy that they're over there I'm over here and we're doing this this way like it's yeah my lack would be miserable if I would have stayed right and so it's like.

[00:17:57] [SPEAKER_00]: You could say for the vanity metrics were married and we're together and we're a family but like I know in my heart of hearts that making those choices.

[00:18:08] [SPEAKER_00]: I would have been miserable and I'm happy now like this happy doesn't mean challenges are not like that always strangled my son as a teen sometimes you know like because I do quite often.

[00:18:19] [SPEAKER_00]: But it means like you know I wouldn't even be able to parent them with intention and love and true presence like I do now if I were in those relationships and that I know.

[00:18:33] [SPEAKER_02]: Right so it are parent you're better than a person to Christian like all the things right that are like the baseline of how we teach our kids.

[00:18:41] [SPEAKER_02]: To become the people that they want to be you know I couldn't I couldn't agree with you more as you were going through all this.

[00:18:50] [SPEAKER_02]: As far as I understand into my Google research of you you were an accountant through this whole time right and then at some point.

[00:18:58] [SPEAKER_02]: In having two kids solo you decided that pursuing entrepreneurism and starting a company on your own was something that felt right to you which again is like a big leap as a single parent and that financial security and all of that kind of talking through how you made that decision and.

[00:19:15] [SPEAKER_02]: Why there was a need that you really wanted to answer with your company.

[00:19:20] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah so I have a deep love for single motherhood and I would have had that because I was raised by a single mom even if I never became one.

[00:19:28] [SPEAKER_00]: So it's always been something that was near and dear to me so in 2018 I was working out a startup about working at a SaaS startup as an accounting manager and in that time the owners were really supportive of my.

[00:19:43] [SPEAKER_00]: I guess entrepreneurial spirit right because they're like similar in age their company was like you know growing and they allowed me to like used our new space to like host events so what I started you was like while I was still.

[00:19:58] [SPEAKER_00]: And then I was just like let me just like tap into like I know I want to do something geared towards women.

[00:20:03] [SPEAKER_00]: I know single motherhood is such a big part of my identity and I wasn't sure how to like weave it together so I started with like a woman's organization.

[00:20:10] [SPEAKER_00]: I hosted events at my company they let me like run out our kitchen one of the founders he would come in and he would just be in the back and he would kind of like you know watch and listen.

[00:20:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And I thought that was super cool right and so I for a long time had in battling with like not filling fulfilled as an accountant and I think that particular.

[00:20:31] [SPEAKER_00]: partner you know founders to founders of the company could tell right because I was hosting the events and I like to say he's like.

[00:20:39] [SPEAKER_00]: Had something to do with how I exited that company my old boss who I'd been with for like six years he left and everyone was leaving that I can't because I was an early employee so like the company was growing changing got more funding the dynamics inside the company was changing as like most startups do.

[00:20:54] [SPEAKER_00]: And I just wasn't happy right and so I wasn't going to quit because I'm not a psycho.

[00:21:00] [SPEAKER_00]: I need to take care of my kids money is a real thing right I needed money kids.

[00:21:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Even right Kristen liver owned life outside of kids takes money you know travel who are I've always been a traveler right and so kind of coacher started under.

[00:21:18] [SPEAKER_00]: you know as a small group travel company before the pandemic so was separated from that company and they gave me a severance right and typically when you get it's was a lay off technically right and so typically when you get a lay off you don't get a severance or you're laid off right so something will do depends but I had I like to think that he had something to do with it from watching me move and doing things that I was doing.

[00:21:41] [SPEAKER_00]: And I was like this is my opportunity I have this lump sum of money that I can really try to pursue something.

[00:21:49] [SPEAKER_00]: So I took that year and took the best parts of my life and the hardest parts of my life in built co-triper so it was like the best parts of my life where these trips we were taking and I was like whatever I'm not giving up travel on care if I have a new board and we were gone we're just doing stuff going.

[00:22:03] [SPEAKER_00]: The idea was born to do small group travel for single moms and that's what we launched as a group travel company for single moms in 2019 so that was like a year after I had separated.

[00:22:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I figured out what I wanted to do and I really really wanted to support single parents single moms specifically.

[00:22:20] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I started single moms travel actually before a coderper as just like an exploratory thing kind of how this podcast came about for you right it was like I just want to know how other single moms are traveling like what are the recommendations like.

[00:22:33] [SPEAKER_00]: What's really hard about it would be fine easy about it and so that's how that community started on Instagram.

[00:22:40] [SPEAKER_00]: And then the pandemic happened we I took like some of the early adopters who were like very active in our community and put them in a WhatsApp and they just poured out oh my god hundreds of what's up group from everything across the board from dating to like.

[00:22:56] [SPEAKER_00]: By the house to like like just maintaining their sanity like so many different things and I was like there's something here.

[00:23:05] [SPEAKER_00]: That's way beyond travel that I need to figure out how to build for the single mom community at large it took me a long time to like put down travel as our business though a lot probably longer than it should have because I was so connected to the benefits of travel and the thought that like if you did a really hard thing.

[00:23:21] [SPEAKER_00]: The things that were like not as far will become easier right and I feel like travel is really hard thing to do financially time wise experience wise.

[00:23:31] [SPEAKER_00]: Facing your fears a little bit you know and things like that so eventually that blossomed into what I'm calling a media.

[00:23:38] [SPEAKER_00]: We're a media company now right so travel is one of our verticals home life is one of our verticals finances one of our verticals I took all of the top of mine.

[00:23:48] [SPEAKER_00]: Things that I was hearing throughout the pandemic and I made it into a business model and I think media is like the vehicle in which.

[00:23:58] [SPEAKER_00]: We receive information now right and I think you and I both experienced the lack of information or resources.

[00:24:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I thought like why not aggregate all of these archetypes all of these avatars that are single moms give them a place to go give them content that if you're a single mom by choice if you're a widow if you're if you've never been married.

[00:24:21] [SPEAKER_00]: I think that you can find content and community that resonates with you.

[00:24:25] [SPEAKER_00]: I just didn't see that online. I still don't see that online except with what I'm doing and like pockets of where there's a podcast like you know this one.

[00:24:34] [SPEAKER_00]: And I think there's something really special like you said every day this this community is growing.

[00:24:39] [SPEAKER_00]: I think there's something really special at being on the emergence.

[00:24:44] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, the economic impact and this ownership of single motherhood I think it's it's going to be a huge thing and I think because.

[00:24:54] [SPEAKER_00]: Media will help us pay attention to it. It'll give us a place to go for it.

[00:24:58] [SPEAKER_00]: I think a lot of people will start investing and that's my dream right that that more investments are made in single moms for the things that are hard or the things that are confusing.

[00:25:07] [SPEAKER_00]: Or the things that you know you just want to talk to other people about like that exists in this community that can help you like not in a.

[00:25:28] [SPEAKER_00]: That mindset because I think some people don't have it from the sheer lack of acknowledgement of the community.

[00:25:34] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, there is I mean there really is so little out there. I remember doing a Google search like the most basic maybe Amazon book search when I started thinking about becoming a single mom and I was like there's got to be some books.

[00:25:46] [SPEAKER_02]: There's not and I've now found like a few but I'm still shocked at how little there is and for me, like my daughters too.

[00:25:58] [SPEAKER_02]: I don't always need a single mom perspective. Sometimes I need a mom perspective more often than not I just need a parent perspective that aligns with the way that I parent right but sometimes I really do need a single parent perspective and those times are a lot of the things that you cover on.

[00:26:17] [SPEAKER_02]: The coach of birth site, which is like I was looking through this morning and it's like okay what are the five things you should take traveling like what are the tools.

[00:26:26] [SPEAKER_02]: What are the hacks how does it work with just two arms to take two kids through security what should you always have in your luggage there are things that are different about especially experiencing travel.

[00:26:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I think four single parents right and so I think that this content is really valuable because I'm looking for something like so specific when I go online that I'm either going to get it from the women that I've interviewed for the podcast or now in your community right because I can put something really really specific in like talk me through this one thing.

[00:27:02] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah and I know that there's all these other women that have gone through that moment and so I think that's really valuable and I'm really excited to now be a part of the coach of our community and start kind of engaging and asking questions and.

[00:27:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Especially as I turn the corner to like really some bigger travel.

[00:27:19] [SPEAKER_02]: I've already found your content really helpful and so I'm with you I'm excited to see how this all grows and it does feel like it's also just way too late like why is it taking this long.

[00:27:30] [SPEAKER_02]: But I even feel like I started trying to get pregnant four years ago and I feel like even in the two years that I was trying and especially in the last two years.

[00:27:40] [SPEAKER_02]: There's just way more conversation around it and people understand the terminology a little bit more and and so I like that energy but I still feel like it's it's shocking to me the numbers of women that are single moms versus the amount of kind of content brands support research.

[00:28:00] [SPEAKER_00]: That's there it's just kind of shocking yeah and we were relatively small community to be quite honest because we were talking before we reported it's really hard to find.

[00:28:11] [SPEAKER_00]: community like I have to search I have to search hashtags like again, I think that's that whole identifying with single moms and like how many people are doing it versus how many people are not doing it.

[00:28:21] [SPEAKER_00]: It's been as a company you know rooted in like one driving community and two delivering content that's relevant and timely and like what you want it's important for me to hear.

[00:28:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And like just research people but it's so hard like it's been so hard yeah we don't have a ton of free time.

[00:28:40] [SPEAKER_00]: That's working single mom is there's not a ton there's not a ton of free time it turns out yeah what I would encourage you if you're a single mom listening to this podcast like.

[00:28:52] [SPEAKER_00]: If you're on Instagram like just tag single mom tag single something because that is how like brands and businesses we have to figure out a way especially for a kind of an underserved demographic I feel like we are certainly an underserved demographic.

[00:29:05] [SPEAKER_00]: But we would have to try to figure out like how do we aggregate the community and so that's literally how I find people it's how like you know so like just that even that ownership on the content you are putting out helps us help.

[00:29:18] [SPEAKER_00]: The community right it helps us figure out who are you like what do you like and be able to do that research around the community at large because I spend hours just trying to find single moms like I'm sure.

[00:29:30] [SPEAKER_02]: It's crazy.

[00:29:30] [SPEAKER_02]: It's crazy.

[00:29:31] [SPEAKER_02]: I feel the same way about the podcast it's like I know there's a ton of people out there because I'm getting all that feedback that folks I know or person connected to person is sending the podcast to people I see the metrics of who's listening.

[00:29:46] [SPEAKER_02]: But trying to just schedule a sit down for an hour in a quiet place that's the funny part that's impossible.

[00:29:54] [SPEAKER_02]: Easy impossible I do find it funny but then when we make it work it's so valuable.

[00:30:00] [SPEAKER_02]: Like these conversations are so valuable and I continue to hear which I'm sure you hear about your content that it's really helpful.

[00:30:06] [SPEAKER_02]: For folks to hear other experiences and get those travel hacks and I now have a bunch of people listening who aren't even single parents who are like oh my god the tips you just gave about.

[00:30:17] [SPEAKER_02]: Kids getting sick in the first year was super helpful to me so it's like that content is value why I think given outside the community but.

[00:30:24] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm totally with you I think I think this is just the beginning of of what it will be so you got in early and you created those.

[00:30:32] [SPEAKER_02]: And I'm incredible community so I'm excited to watch it grow okay I want to talk about travel for a second so.

[00:30:40] [SPEAKER_02]: I love to travel like you I traveled the ton before having kids I was nervous that after I had child wouldn't be able to travel in the same way and again society tells you like oh traveling with good is so hard and blah blah.

[00:30:55] [SPEAKER_02]: I have traveled with my child I've traveled without my child and it has not been as hard as I thought that it would be I also find it incredibly empowering like you said earlier when you do have a really rough day you're like man I did that like the little thing that happens to me next week is no big deal because I got through.

[00:31:13] [SPEAKER_02]: Six hours on the tarmac with a sick kid like I got this you know when did you start traveling with your kids.

[00:31:21] [SPEAKER_02]: Like when did you really start to kind of bring them into that part of your life and and how often are you guys kind of getting out domestically internationally these days.

[00:31:32] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so I think with my son his his dad's side I mean there were just like a ton of weddings and a ton it like that's how it started it was like well we got to go.

[00:31:41] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so and because I was such like a comfortable travel I made it a lot of international travel I used to be what they now called an influencer in my day was longer.

[00:31:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And so you know I had done like Europe and I'm out a lot of Europe in the Caribbean and I enjoyed those places so much and wanted to do more.

[00:32:02] [SPEAKER_00]: And so when I had kids just those domestic early kind of like weddings and things like that it helped me it was like okay so I was never really scared to travel with him because we had traveled so much.

[00:32:13] [SPEAKER_00]: I think I just continued on when I wasn't partnered and because I had the experience from when I was partnered I would say like you have to just do it it's scary it's hard.

[00:32:26] [SPEAKER_00]: It's it's unpredictable but you have to do it like if it's something that you want to do and I encourage moms to do it.

[00:32:33] [SPEAKER_00]: I think when I started when I had my daughter she traveled I think her first international flight was when she was under two and we went to Paris and it was smooth.

[00:32:42] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean I met my sisters there but we traveled alone and it's just little things about doing research like you know going to the gate asking for a bass and Etsy asking for like hey is there somebody next to me this is the flight full like those little just.

[00:32:55] [SPEAKER_00]: You got to ask these questions you know and go to the gate and you can get that doesn't add any additional costs you know so with color it was like I was a little bit more like okay I have to make sure like I do research or I figure out what do I need because I hadn't had experience.

[00:33:12] [SPEAKER_00]: He was eight at the time you know like when we separated so I didn't have like solo experience traveling with a younger child but I did have some experience right with being partnered so I think.

[00:33:23] [SPEAKER_00]: It never was a time where I was like I never traveled you know so for me it was it was helpful that I was already an experienced traveler on my own.

[00:33:32] [SPEAKER_00]: But I would say people who aren't I mean honestly now there are other group trip resources there are other things that you can tap into.

[00:33:41] [SPEAKER_00]: That lifts the burden of you traveling totally by yourself which is great like there are products exist for family travel that I mean there's some with age requirements like five so that doesn't help if you have like kids under five.

[00:33:52] [SPEAKER_00]: I mean there's no magic formula that I really could tell you other than like I strongly encourage you to do it and just get in community with women who have done it.

[00:34:01] [SPEAKER_02]: Yes all the questions yeah it's a double day you nailed it it's travel day logistics.

[00:34:08] [SPEAKER_02]: My best friend who's been on the podcast a few times has four children she travels all the time with them.

[00:34:14] [SPEAKER_02]: Solo and she gave me all these tips of like hey they're going to ask you to do this in security you don't have to do it you can always go through with milk like the things that you would stress about knowing what you can and can't do knowing about that bass and it.

[00:34:26] [SPEAKER_02]: Knowing to go you know I board last like little things like that where it's like oh here the tricks of the trade that are going to make this day that generally is probably just going to suck it's not even that fun without kids.

[00:34:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Right well.

[00:34:39] [SPEAKER_02]: Traveling without kids now is like kind of a luxurious day but being in an airport terminal just like isn't fun right so getting through that day that's just not really going to be fun and getting to the destination.

[00:34:52] [SPEAKER_02]: Just it just gets you through and it eases that and I wonder for you you know your kids are older now but when they were younger.

[00:35:00] [SPEAKER_02]: What I hear from you when I hear from other moms is like yeah getting there might be tough and yes there's going to be some moments maybe when you are traveling that are going to be challenging.

[00:35:09] [SPEAKER_02]: But the growth you see in your kids when they're seeing you things and eating new things and engaging with a world they haven't seen before is worth.

[00:35:21] [SPEAKER_00]: All of that do you yeah is that what you've seen in your kids to 100% my kids like ask me when are we going somewhere like they are so in their.

[00:35:29] [SPEAKER_00]: And they fall in line I think my tip will be the younger you the better the younger that you can get them experienced the better because my kids are they're not they're great.

[00:35:38] [SPEAKER_00]: They're probably pros I mean they're not they know what to do they have their system they like got my headphones got my tablet got whatever like.

[00:35:46] [SPEAKER_00]: It's like fearful like with the ear popping thing one time my son's ears popped and it was this whole thing.

[00:35:52] [SPEAKER_00]: And you know just knowing like have the earplugs have the juice have something you know stick on your boob if they're a baby when you're taking off so like you know it's just like.

[00:36:01] [SPEAKER_00]: They've grown to be so used to the experience that it's almost like I mean they're privileged you know like it's not even like it's special to them it's like in their routine.

[00:36:12] [SPEAKER_00]: So I just ran in the earlier the better and like even this last trip we had to Morocco like we had they had to get like the typhoid vaccine and I'm like I don't need it.

[00:36:22] [SPEAKER_00]: I won't take it I don't because they have it I'm good and then I get sick you know during.

[00:36:27] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it would thank God it was a 24 hour bug but like one of my biggest fears that I had not happened yet was like what happens if I get sick so I always have travel insurance I don't care anyone else says like I'm getting travel insurance because anything can happen.

[00:36:40] [SPEAKER_00]: But like having that experience just as a parent was like oh, no I don't know what it's like to be sick and like how right.

[00:36:49] [SPEAKER_00]: And so it just everything like you said every even not even for the kids even for me it gets teaches me how to become or like how to like different areas are like how to relax and just be president in the moment and not be on alert all the time like I've grown to be much more comfortable traveling places I've never been you know because we've traveled so much together and I know we have this.

[00:37:09] [SPEAKER_00]: This way that we move.

[00:37:12] [SPEAKER_00]: It's helped me relax and us by in turn we get to explore more because I'm less.

[00:37:18] [SPEAKER_00]: Parentoid or whatever you know still cautious and still you know what sort of safety things in place but like as a family I think.

[00:37:28] [SPEAKER_00]: As a single mom like they're just so many benefits to travel beyond the travel experience that you just have to do it and you have to try it at least try it you know.

[00:37:36] [SPEAKER_00]: And just accept the fact that there will be unexpected things right like nature of the beast.

[00:37:44] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, you brought up a really good point which is I think so much of my experience which has been like instead of being afraid of the thing happening.

[00:37:53] [SPEAKER_02]: The sleepless night when there are baby afraid of like the day that they're they have a stomach problem you're on a plane right like those moments that everyone tells you're going to happen.

[00:38:01] [SPEAKER_02]: They're going to happen you're going to have a delayed flight you're going to have some major travel snafu like it's going to happen so instead of being scared of it.

[00:38:11] [SPEAKER_02]: You're going to get through it and it is a little bit of like as you said it does make all the little things wait easier I find that I'm.

[00:38:19] [SPEAKER_02]: Sometimes calmer as a parent and I was before being in parent which is not something society told me I would be so I'm totally there with you on that which is like take them a little bit as like.

[00:38:30] [SPEAKER_02]: In little empowerment steps of like oh we did that as a family like we figured that thing out we're not going to have to worry about that again right we checked that box where have you guys gone.

[00:38:40] [SPEAKER_02]: Tell me a little bit about some of the trips you guys have taken and your favorite spots.

[00:38:45] [SPEAKER_00]: Honestly, the the biggest trip that we've taken together recently is Morocco and I had just heard like the wonderful things I've never been Africa so typically I will take them somewhere that I've already been just as a comfort they have like.

[00:38:59] [SPEAKER_00]: You're a family with Europe like it's like all over there so it's like when I took my daughter to Paris it was like.

[00:39:06] [SPEAKER_00]: I got this and you're like yeah, you know so we were on the train and just certain things like bringing umbrella strollers mistake I made is bringing like my nice big lovely stroller that could not get in and out of the metros like literally we had to take a heart.

[00:39:22] [SPEAKER_00]: To get it and I have a metro so you just learn little things but like so that was great in like my daughters we went to Paris it was just her.

[00:39:31] [SPEAKER_00]: And me my son didn't go on that trip and it was just like the little things like that it was like it was wonderful.

[00:39:37] [SPEAKER_00]: To like learn like oh how to move about it was like really interesting and just fun seeing her just like chasing pigeon in the front of the Lou.

[00:39:43] [SPEAKER_00]: You know like it's just like she's even no it's just so amazing to see like you're doing you're so outside of your norm and they just acclimate so that was like really cool to see.

[00:39:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But like our trip to Morocco was like in that I got sick we recovered we did like think like we had slots for everybody to do what they were passionate about and with older kids that's really you're really cool to watch right like so.

[00:40:09] [SPEAKER_02]: I think that's what you're trying to get your time and things you're excited about and everyone goes with you that's cool.

[00:40:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah and the people there are just amazing in warm I think there are some places that I've been I mean Europe has been like not so good with people before depends on the day.

[00:40:22] [SPEAKER_00]: But just everyone that I met there down to the guy we had a 10 hour drive to this here I thought that that was gonna be really bad it was so smooth the kids were so we like the way it stopped and started.

[00:40:35] [SPEAKER_00]: And like to get us there and we have like one overnight stay at this really cool like soul thing I don't know it was just beautiful and just it was also because I did a lot of research though like I found the place I found the things and that's hard to find traveling to like.

[00:40:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Like the places if you are recommended for someone a one in traveling solo week kids to go like that's not easy information to find online our best trip I think for me they will all probably tell you something different.

[00:41:02] [SPEAKER_00]: It was Morocco it was just like I overcame the fear of getting sick everybody had their time they were older you know like it was just a different experience they could give me more feedback around like the experience.

[00:41:14] [SPEAKER_00]: I loved it but I mean we haven't done crazy like too many crazy international trips we had a really great time in LA like Catalina Island like something just not that fancy you know but the Caribbean my daughter's favorite places Jamaica I can tell you that like she loves Jamaica she gets in watch you got in the water in LA was like this isn't Jamaica so it's ice cold I'm gonna get out that's fair.

[00:41:37] [SPEAKER_00]: But yeah like honestly we haven't traveled a lot because I've been so focused on like building co-tripper and really just like you know sacrificing our own stuff for the greater good of building this company but I'm looking forward to we're planning our first community trip.

[00:41:52] [SPEAKER_02]: That was just what I was gonna ask I'm like dying for a trip like this tell me what is happening I've seen posts on single moms travel like yes tell me everything about these single mom trips because I'm in.

[00:42:04] [SPEAKER_00]: So unfortunately we never have executed a trip due to COVID right and so when I changed the business model I was debating on like should I still offer groups trips like is that something because it's just so hard after COVID to like get all the things in place.

[00:42:18] [SPEAKER_00]: And so this year I just finally decided like we're gonna we're gonna do it we're gonna go and so right now I'm just collecting like interest forms.

[00:42:27] [SPEAKER_00]: And I've learned a lot about the way I've offered trips in the past and what worked and what didn't work and you know the preferences of single moms that.

[00:42:34] [SPEAKER_00]: Maybe I don't consider as a single mom so kind of getting this.

[00:42:38] [SPEAKER_00]: Formula so to speak of like how to execute these things and so now we're probably gonna do two trips next year one for smaller kids you know maybe like five and under and then one for the older kids still debating on location but.

[00:42:52] [SPEAKER_00]: We have an app and I think the best way to do it based on how we've done it before is to bring all the moms interested into our app and really have them be a part of how we create trips.

[00:43:05] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it'll help me make sure that experience is amazing for the people who are coming instead of me trying to like pre-build an itinerary which I've done in the past which they liked but.

[00:43:15] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, it was a lot.

[00:43:16] [SPEAKER_00]: It was a lot of good tape so that's the way we're doing it now so we have an interest form around the fall we're gonna segment the groups and say like hey here the the two groups that we're thinking but.

[00:43:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Have everybody in a collective private group in our app and we're going to book a trips.

[00:43:36] [SPEAKER_00]: That's pretty nice.

[00:43:37] [SPEAKER_00]: The just it is not that formal it's just like we're going guys we're doing it.

[00:43:41] [SPEAKER_02]: Yeah, well I'm gonna add myself to that list right after our chat.

[00:43:45] [SPEAKER_02]: I want to know about that.

[00:43:47] [SPEAKER_02]: I love that idea.

[00:43:48] [SPEAKER_02]: I think you've got something there I really do I think there's this fear around travel as a single mom.

[00:43:55] [SPEAKER_02]: And I think providing that kind of community and knowing that you're going to go and have other people there with you folks who've had kind of similar types of experience there's going to be other kids there the trip is going to be structured in a way that supports all those elements I think is.

[00:44:12] [SPEAKER_02]: Genius because it's hard to do that all on your own and for me what I've.

[00:44:18] [SPEAKER_02]: What I've thought a lot about in terms of travel is like I don't I'm not at this stage because my child is too that I want to travel just with her internationally it doesn't feel like.

[00:44:27] [SPEAKER_02]: She's quite old enough to like as you said give me feedback and have that engagement like we're just giving the place where she can like talk to me at dinner time like we're just doing that corner you know.

[00:44:36] [SPEAKER_02]: But I do love the idea of going with people who are open to going with me and a child or bringing we've got some amazing babysitters that are like a part of our life that I would love to travel with.

[00:44:47] [SPEAKER_02]: To get her started early but the big thing for me that you're addressing is that community piece yeah it's like there's already people there that you know that like you're going to hit it off with a couple of them right and and.

[00:45:00] [SPEAKER_02]: I love connecting with people until for me that adds that component that just planning travel on your own.

[00:45:06] [SPEAKER_02]: Wouldn't have so I think you've got something there and I've got to put myself on all the lists to.

[00:45:12] [SPEAKER_02]: I want it.

[00:45:13] [SPEAKER_02]: Chris and tell me tell me this I feel like this is kind of the magic question of parenting and single parenting.

[00:45:21] [SPEAKER_02]: You like me have a lot of plates spinning on entrepreneurship.

[00:45:26] [SPEAKER_02]: I'm running the coach of our community being a mom also having a misdhumming a personal life and friends and activities that you do without the kids.

[00:45:37] [SPEAKER_02]: How do you how's the balance feeling for you right now at this stage and what do you do to stay.

[00:45:45] [SPEAKER_02]: You know, seeing an authentic and and what what are the tools that you're pulling from.

[00:45:51] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, organization is something that I've historically been terrible at right and so lately I have put a conscious effort into like.

[00:46:03] [SPEAKER_00]: Kind of kind of time blocking and just like almost forecasting my years and what I want for me out of that year's like a life plan.

[00:46:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I can say.

[00:46:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And it's a tool I use because I visit it daily it's like it's like what do I need I check in myself pretty regularly almost daily like what do I need.

[00:46:26] [SPEAKER_00]: I also and this might skew towards older kids I also I also really communicate to my kids that.

[00:46:34] [SPEAKER_00]: I'm their mom, but I'm me first and I really honor that and I require them to honor that now that they're at age where they can it was more challenging for me.

[00:46:45] [SPEAKER_00]: It was more challenging for me when they were younger and I couldn't necessarily set those boundaries.

[00:46:54] [SPEAKER_00]: But that's really important to me that my kids know that I'm I'm their mom, but I'm a human being first just like their kids, but they are human being first and like the things that they need and the things that I need have to work.

[00:47:07] [SPEAKER_00]: And so that is a intentional conversation that I've had with my kids since they were young.

[00:47:14] [SPEAKER_00]: Even when they probably didn't understand it, but that has I think benefited me now where they know what I need a minute or I'm working or.

[00:47:23] [SPEAKER_00]: We have to do this for your brother and you have to allow us that time to do it or I'm going out because I need to go out with our friends, you know.

[00:47:32] [SPEAKER_00]: And so I just try to really parent intentionally and not neglect myself which is very easy to do single parenting bless you.

[00:47:42] [SPEAKER_00]: So I mean that's what I would say I think entrepreneurship has been in any you know single mom or single parent pursuing entrepreneurship it's been tough.

[00:47:53] [SPEAKER_00]: There have been times where financially is tough and it's a choice I continue to make because I'm really I really believe in in what I'm building and who I'm building it for so.

[00:48:05] [SPEAKER_00]: It's about recognizing when you need to ask for help around those things and that's that's something you have to do and it's not a sign of weakness I always say asking for help with a sign of strength.

[00:48:16] [SPEAKER_00]: And self awareness that you know you're not able to do things, you know everything on your own which we're not as human's built to do that.

[00:48:26] [SPEAKER_00]: So I I think that's how I manage I'm very I'm a woman of faith so I'm very listen is nothing that I can't do being a woman of faith I believe that there's no obstacle too hard it's just about in the moment knowing what do I need to delegate and what do I need to do myself or what boundary do I need to say.

[00:48:46] [SPEAKER_00]: And that or what I need to do to ask for help that's just I'm in a constant analysis of those things what do I need to do for my call what do I need to delegate what do I need to do to ask for help to manage all of these things that I have going on that I feel strongly that I need to do and it's about also like stop doing things that are not valuable to you.

[00:49:05] [SPEAKER_00]: You know like that don't meet your next milestone or your next goal for yourself for your life your family.

[00:49:11] [SPEAKER_00]: Like we have to stop doing those things too and that was hard for me because sometimes that meant like.

[00:49:17] [SPEAKER_00]: I lost friends or I lost environments that no longer served me that I was still emotionally connected to but it's just like a constant analysis of my life my goals and where I want to be and just.

[00:49:30] [SPEAKER_00]: Deligently working towards those things right and screaming and crying and doing whatever else you need to do to get that you know.

[00:49:38] [SPEAKER_02]: Pilates never it is yeah yes sleep I you nailed it in in my experience as well because it was it's daily and it shifts daily it's like gosh I didn't get as much sleep last night as I thought I would because my daughter got up early so like I'm going to shift with that we're going to do today because we need something else or I made that plan that plan doesn't feel really good to me anymore.

[00:49:59] [SPEAKER_02]: We're going to shift to something else.

[00:50:02] [SPEAKER_02]: But it is it's daily it's like I send out the little so-narr like throughout the day right of like oh how are we doing what do we need to feel good what do we need to feel connected what do I need as a human and I love love love that you said that it's like you are teaching your kids that.

[00:50:18] [SPEAKER_02]: You're you in your their mom and and you have to take care of you to be a good mom.

[00:50:25] [SPEAKER_02]: And so regulating yourself is your way of being a great parent and I think that's just like such an amazing.

[00:50:32] [SPEAKER_02]: Lesson and and one that I'm certainly going to think about with my daughter for sure.

[00:50:37] [SPEAKER_02]: I loved love chatting I'm so impressed by everything that you're building I think it's incredible will you tell those listening again.

[00:50:45] [SPEAKER_02]: Where they can find you and your companies.

[00:50:50] [SPEAKER_00]: Yeah so I'm pretty much across social at Christian Hargrove.

[00:50:53] [SPEAKER_00]: Co-tripper is at co-tripper our website is www.co-tripper.co.com that's very important.

[00:51:01] [SPEAKER_00]: And then we also have a single mom's travel which is just on Instagram where we primarily talk about travel and do all the travel things.

[00:51:08] [SPEAKER_00]: So we can find us at any one of those places and I'm an open book you can ping me whenever like if I can help I definitely will.

[00:51:16] [SPEAKER_02]: Awesome thank you so much for chatting I really really appreciate it and I hope we can talk more and if there's anything I can do to support the community please please let me know.

[00:51:27] [SPEAKER_01]: Thanks so much for listening to today's episode I hope you enjoyed it for more information about the podcast or me go to uannbkidpod.com.

[00:51:37] [SPEAKER_01]: See you soon.