Amanda - Delivery Nurse and Aspiring Mom

[00:00:01] Welcome to Season 2 of You and Me, Kid, a podcast about starting and raising a family on your own.

[00:00:08] Where I speak with other single moms, those still considering, and experts in relevant fields

[00:00:14] to give you a real sense of what the day-to-day experience of solo parenting looks and feels like.

[00:00:20] So wherever you are in the process, I hope this podcast provides some support,

[00:00:24] helpful info, and most importantly, humor. Thanks so much for listening. Now let's get to it.

[00:00:32] Hello. I'm so excited to share today's episode with you. I am talking to Amanda,

[00:00:38] who is an aspiring single mom, but who was actually a nurse when I was in the hospital

[00:00:44] having my daughter. Amanda told me when we met in the hospital that she was considering becoming

[00:00:50] a single parent and then we reconnected because she delivered the baby of a friend of mine who

[00:00:55] is also a single mom and that friend recommended this podcast to her. And she reached out and we

[00:01:01] finally put it together that she was actually there helping Ellie and I in our first 24 hours

[00:01:07] of life together. So I loved chatting with Amanda. She provides a lot of insight into

[00:01:13] the birthing and hospital process for both moms and babies, but also single moms and what she

[00:01:19] sees as a nurse, as well as all of the things that she's been considering as an aspiring

[00:01:24] single mom and where she is in the process. Amanda is just a ball of energy and positivity,

[00:01:31] and I hope you enjoy our chat. Okay, we just kind of started to get into it. So I am glad

[00:01:36] that we're now officially chatting because I want to make sure everything that we're talking

[00:01:39] about is recorded. So just to backtrack a little bit, as I'm saying, I am pretty sure

[00:01:47] the last day of my birth you were there as one of the nurses. You're a nurse, right? Are

[00:01:52] you an NP? Mom, baby. Okay. And then recently I had a friend come into the same hospital,

[00:01:59] deliver as a single mom who will hopefully also be on the podcast fairly soon. And we got

[00:02:05] reconnected because you were listening to the podcast and we finally put it all together that

[00:02:09] we'd actually met when I was giving birth to my baby, which is the world's smallest story.

[00:02:15] So crazy. It's crazy. Yeah. And I would not have found your podcast had I not taken care

[00:02:20] of your friend. And she basically, it was kind of the same scenario where she was like, yep,

[00:02:25] I'm just tired of the dating world. I feel like I'm not getting any younger. We're both 39.

[00:02:31] We're going to be 40 soon. And so I was like, okay, what is this podcast? She goes,

[00:02:35] oh my gosh, it was this girl I went to high school with, blah, blah, blah. And so I found

[00:02:39] her podcast through taking care of her. And then I was just like, okay, part of me thought,

[00:02:44] did I take care of you too? Yeah, you definitely did. Before we get into your story,

[00:02:49] I just want to hear where you are in the thinking process. You just said when we were chatting

[00:02:56] casually that you have a lot of single moms that come to you guys and deliver on their own. Can

[00:03:01] you tell me a little bit more about that? How often does that happen? What do you see in

[00:03:06] terms of folks who are coming in and what kind of support system do they bring with them?

[00:03:10] Because I think one of the things that I thought about a little bit prior to having

[00:03:14] a baby was I thankfully have a midwife as a best friend. So that was like a set situation

[00:03:21] for me that I would have basically the Tom Brady of delivery with me. But what do you typically

[00:03:28] see and how often is this happening? Because I think folks assume it's not that often that there

[00:03:32] are single moms by choice in the hospital. It's the gamut of things. I mean, we have

[00:03:37] single moms by choice, but then we also just have single moms who like wish they had a

[00:03:41] better significant other. In the last month, I've had two different patients and I don't use names

[00:03:47] or anything obviously just for HIPAA stuff, but they basically have multiple five and six children

[00:03:54] and there are situations where these significant others are supposed to be home watching the

[00:04:01] other children and then come to find out, oh look, they're all home by themselves right now.

[00:04:06] And it's the neighbor that's calling up to say, hey, do you know your kids are out in

[00:04:09] the front yard? And we're like, oh, this patient's giving, she delivered. She can't just drop what

[00:04:15] she's doing and leave the hospital because her newborn's not discharged yet. So I mean,

[00:04:20] there are situations where I'm telling these moms, I am so proud of you and you are such

[00:04:27] a kick-ass person to be able to have six tiny humans that you are responsible for. And then

[00:04:32] your next door neighbor is being the hero just to be like, hey, I got you. Your baby

[00:04:37] daddy is not cool and he just decided to go do something else. And I've got your kids at my

[00:04:42] house right now. So not even by choice, but just watching some of these moms navigate how to do

[00:04:47] things from a hospital no less in the unexpected circumstances. So you delivered it 36 weeks.

[00:04:54] Well, I didn't plan on delivering a month early so I would have probably gotten child

[00:04:58] care put together had I known I was going to have a baby. But yeah, you see both ends

[00:05:03] of the spectrum where it's like, okay, we've got moms that are our age, 39, almost 40,

[00:05:08] that have navigated through Hinge and Match and all this online stuff. And for those listening,

[00:05:15] we're in Denver, which we've heard menver. Supposed to be a lot of single men, but I

[00:05:21] said a lot of people that stuff lie. That is not true. Or they just don't know what they

[00:05:26] want. They ghost you, they go on a couple dates and we're just tired of having time

[00:05:31] wasted. And so I've gotten to take care of a couple of moms that first baby, 40, did maybe egg

[00:05:37] freezing mid thirties and then getting to reap the benefits now when they're just like,

[00:05:42] you know what? I just wanted to pull the trigger. I wanted to be able to do this

[00:05:45] and not keep trying to serial date through the online world and just do this. You are

[00:05:51] a strong independent human being and you don't have to have a significant other or partner

[00:05:57] to be able to be a mom. Yeah. So one thing, before we get to kind of where you are in

[00:06:03] your process, the one thing that I thought a lot about when I was giving birth was had I not

[00:06:09] had my best friend there with me, I think there, I don't know if there's a fear around

[00:06:16] having the baby on your own or maybe you don't have a support system or friends that could

[00:06:21] come with you, but I was so blown away by all of you and how supported and like loved and taken

[00:06:31] care of. I felt by all of the staff and I was there for a week and it just, you know, even

[00:06:39] in those initial hours, had I not had Emily, I still really would have felt like I had a team

[00:06:45] there. And I do think there's something, I'm sure you guys treat everyone that way, but I do

[00:06:51] think as a single mom, had I been there by myself, that would, there would have been a

[00:06:55] little bit of extra kind of TLC in terms of like making sure I understood everything or I

[00:07:00] had someone to talk through decisions with. But it really, it didn't feel like there were

[00:07:05] just nurses coming in and out in masks. It really felt like we got to know each other

[00:07:09] and there were people that were there really to like take care of me. So if anybody is scared

[00:07:15] about having a baby in the hospital without, you know, friends, family, whatever, I wouldn't

[00:07:20] in any way be nervous about that because it just felt wonderful from the minute I walked in.

[00:07:26] Oh yeah. I mean we are everybody's sister, auntie, secondary mom, bestie, you know,

[00:07:33] we just step in and we're just like, you know what? You can do this. You have got this.

[00:07:37] And whatever the struggles are, like maybe it's just feeling confident leaving the hospital

[00:07:42] breastfeeding. That's one of the biggest hurdles because you know so many people get so excited.

[00:07:47] They hit that 24 hour mark and they're just like, all right, I'm ready to go. I'm ready

[00:07:51] to go home. And then we're kind of that little hoist of reason that it's like, hey,

[00:07:54] you know what? Insurance covers two full days. And do you really feel like you've kind of

[00:07:59] got this handle? Cause your baby's been so sleepy. It really hasn't breastfed yet.

[00:08:04] And I'm like, I'd highly encourage you stay that extra night, utilize the nursery. We've

[00:08:09] got people that will just hold your baby, you know, staff. We will just hold your kids

[00:08:13] so you can take a two hour nap. You will feel like a whole new human and then you're ready

[00:08:17] to tackle that next feeding. And so sometimes just spending that extra 24 hours in the

[00:08:22] hospital as a first time parent is like the game changer because that cluster feeding kicks in

[00:08:28] and people do not realize that this is a normal process, you know? So they're just like,

[00:08:33] if you went home at 24 hours, they're the ones that will freak out thinking something's wrong.

[00:08:37] Why is my baby always on the boob and go into the emergency room paying a $350 copay that

[00:08:43] you probably could have avoided just cause you were like, all right, let's just suck it up.

[00:08:47] Stay one more night. You know, let's get the support we need and have the help and

[00:08:51] the assistance. And then again, yeah, utilize that nursery, get a little nap in because you

[00:08:55] won't be able to do that when you go home. So the staff were there just to like support

[00:08:59] and make sure you feel like, okay, I've got this, you know, versus like girl,

[00:09:04] I just still pulled out the box of mac and cheese and read the directions out of the trash

[00:09:07] cans. Like we're not going to do that to you. It really is. I feel like a, you know,

[00:09:14] after having a midwife as a friend for now 20 years, I remember driving home with her,

[00:09:19] with my baby from the hospital and saying, I thought I knew what you did for a living. I

[00:09:24] thought I had a really good sense of it. I had no idea. I had no idea what all, you know, my

[00:09:31] close friends had been through when they delivered babies. I just had no, and I don't

[00:09:35] even mean it was dramatic or traumatic. Some of them were, but just the understanding of like

[00:09:41] what occurs and what this just massive shift is in life. And I just, my two biggest reactions

[00:09:51] were one shocked that my best friend does this for a living when I am on zoom and writing emails

[00:09:57] and she's helping four or five, six women deliver babies every day and raising four children of her

[00:10:03] own. And the other thing was just like, Oh my gosh, I wish I would have known better because

[00:10:08] I would have stepped up in different ways to support the women in my life when they were

[00:10:12] going through this. But the point of all this is you guys are like magical, like angel humans

[00:10:19] dropped on the earth. Did this feel like a calling for you? Cause it kind of feels like

[00:10:24] if you've chosen this path, it has to be because holy hard job. Yeah, it is not for

[00:10:30] the weary that is for darn sure. 12 hour and 13 hour shifts are very, very strenuous. And then

[00:10:38] the thing that most people don't see when we're dealing with child protective services,

[00:10:44] having to take away a baby or you have a fetal demise and having to care for that and

[00:10:49] the emotional strain because it's like, I go home at night and then I've got these images

[00:10:54] feared into my brain that I still have to try to sleep at night and then come back tomorrow.

[00:10:58] So it is definitely not for everybody. I knew early on, I loved my church nursery. I'd

[00:11:06] volunteer and just hold little babies one Sunday a month. And I loved to babysit growing

[00:11:10] up. My mom was a pharmacy technician and she had worked in the NICU, the neonatal ICU and

[00:11:17] made all of their meds. So I knew like high school age, I kind of thought I want to work

[00:11:21] like kind of where mom's at, but I don't know if I want to do the NICU. A lot of alarms,

[00:11:26] a lot of beeping, you know? And then mom baby was kind of like that halfway middle point where

[00:11:31] you still got to have the adult mom side and get to teach and bond with these new moms.

[00:11:36] And then you had the infant, which I absolutely love because it's just such a fun, whether

[00:11:40] it's your first kid or your sixth kid, like every baby is so different. And it's like,

[00:11:45] it could be riding a bike all over again. But then we have some moms that they're like,

[00:11:48] well, my kids are 20 and 23 and then I got remarried and this was our oops. And now I

[00:11:53] have a newborn and I've not done this in 20 years. So it's just so fun to be able to

[00:11:58] support wherever stage of life these guys are in and you know, however many kids you

[00:12:03] have or whether it's your first, everybody goes into it for a different reason. But like

[00:12:07] throughout the latter half of my career, I really, really enjoy just getting to teach

[00:12:12] and like whether it's just having these dads learn how to change a diaper or how to swaddle

[00:12:17] and get that little nice tight snug because they're like, you guys just do it so much better

[00:12:21] than we do. I never mastered it. That statement is accurate. Y'all know how to do it.

[00:12:26] Like pros, I never got it. I just use the Velcro and the zipper wands because

[00:12:32] I'm not going to try to compete with the pros. It's just not, I'm going to lose every time.

[00:12:37] But like never did I have a calling to be like on the burn unit or like a wound care

[00:12:42] nurse. Like Lord G. The callings, you know, some people are like, I could never do. How

[00:12:47] do you change people's mesh underwear and like deal with their pads? And I'm like guys,

[00:12:52] it's all the same, you know, upside down, blindfolded backwards. It's all the same.

[00:12:56] It doesn't matter. We don't care. So you've been a nurse for 17 years,

[00:13:01] you said. When did you start thinking about having a baby on your own?

[00:13:06] I would say in the last three years. I think the pandemic really just kind of amped up

[00:13:12] the stress level. And I know, gosh, there are so many of my labor co-workers that have left

[00:13:19] strictly for to have less stress in their life so that they're able to get pregnant because

[00:13:25] the infertility with healthcare workers is like through the roof because of the stress

[00:13:30] that we deal with on a daily basis. Wow, I didn't know that.

[00:13:34] Five and six co-workers that have since left to do other jobs in order to try to get pregnant.

[00:13:40] And then at the time we did not have insurance benefits that went towards fertility stuff.

[00:13:46] So that just came about September 1st, we're almost at a year now of last year.

[00:13:51] So of course all my girlfriends had left and they were like, oh my gosh, now they put

[00:13:56] the benefits in blah, blah, blah. However, in 17 years out of all the hospitals that I've worked

[00:14:02] in, no one has ever done any type of benefit or insurance deductions for healthcare people

[00:14:09] for fertility stuff. So we've had a lot of girls that left. Thankfully, I would say five

[00:14:14] out of the six that have left, they are all currently pregnant or have just delivered.

[00:14:18] So I mean, it's amazing. Like you walk away from the bedside and that stress is lifted.

[00:14:22] And then you're just like, wow, it's like magic. Everyone got pregnant.

[00:14:25] So super thankful for that. But yeah, it's definitely because of the stress and the anxiety.

[00:14:31] I feel like that sometimes is what causes a lot of us to not be able to get pregnant

[00:14:35] because we're surrounded by happy things, sad things, stressful things. And then

[00:14:43] it's kind of like the mom shaming stuff with women who breastfeed that maybe decided

[00:14:48] to do a bottle or to pump and then everybody wants to hone in on, oh, well, why couldn't you

[00:14:53] do it? And why couldn't you blah, blah, blah. And now that we actually have

[00:14:56] insurance benefits that will put a little bit of coverage towards stuff, which is huge,

[00:15:01] absolutely huge. My coworker, her baby just turned one August 2nd, I believe. So she had

[00:15:09] done it. I bet you she delivered, it was like August 1st or August 2nd. And then September

[00:15:14] 1st those benefits went live. And I was like, so does this make you want to have a second one?

[00:15:19] Like eight weeks later. And she goes, I cannot utter this out loud because right now,

[00:15:24] my family and my parents are helping me a ton, but she goes, it really makes me want

[00:15:28] to have a second one. And watching her go through the process and then my sister just

[00:15:34] delivered on Friday and they're a same sex couple. So they delivered a little boy.

[00:15:40] So I'm just so pumped. And then just getting to watch her go through this, because I think

[00:15:44] my coworker delivered August and then my sister told us they were pregnant like around

[00:15:48] Thanksgiving. So I've kind of had two close people back to back getting to watch them

[00:15:53] walk through it and just hear, okay, here's how we did the sperm donor picking and here's

[00:15:58] how we did XYZ. And so now really getting to kind of see how people have walked through it.

[00:16:03] And then I started listening to your podcast and my sister was like, oh, I wish we would

[00:16:07] have had this when we were going through it like eight months ago. So it's just super cool

[00:16:12] to kind of have the whole like wheel come full circle. My friends who are in single

[00:16:17] sex couples were the ones who actually really were the most helpful resources for me because

[00:16:22] they were the ones who had already gone through the sperm donor process. And I picked Seattle

[00:16:27] Sperm Bank because three of my friends who were in single sex couples had already picked

[00:16:31] it. And I was like, okay, great. One last thing that I need to research. I love these

[00:16:34] people. I trust them. I'm just going to go with this. And so yeah, they were absolutely

[00:16:40] huge in getting me started because I didn't know any other single moms. I didn't know anyone else

[00:16:45] who had used a sperm donor or an egg donor. I think they were around. They just weren't

[00:16:50] talking about it maybe, or I just didn't know. And so I'm glad you've got some

[00:16:57] people around you that are helping a little bit and you've already frozen your eggs. Is

[00:17:01] that right? Nope. I've done basically all of the testing and did like the ultrasound

[00:17:07] to check the tubes, the ovaries, the uterus. My next step is basically pick a sperm donor.

[00:17:13] Oh my gosh. It's on. I'm thinking by fall because my whole thought was,

[00:17:17] okay, A, I got to see Taylor Swift when she was here. So I was like, that'll be my one

[00:17:21] last hurrah. I'll get to drink alcohol, whatever. And then my sister was due to have

[00:17:26] a baby like three weeks later. And I was like, let her have her moment, deliver,

[00:17:31] have your month. And then I'll start trying to kind of get more focused on that. But I

[00:17:36] didn't want to take away anything from their birth story and that sort of thing. So

[00:17:40] everyone at work was like, okay, so you've seen Taylor Swift and now your sister had her baby.

[00:17:44] So when's it coming? Did you pick one yet? Yeah. At this point is your plan to try IUI

[00:17:49] with sperm donor or are you going to go straight into IVF? It's going to be straight

[00:17:55] to IVF. And only because that's what our insurance covers because of the fact that

[00:18:00] IUI is a lesser success rate. So it's a 15 to 20% success rate with IUI and IVF is a 60 to 70%

[00:18:10] success rate. And then same thing, they won't do egg freezing, but they will freeze your embryo.

[00:18:16] So, and it's like, again, I understand, I get it. It is more expensive, but when it's

[00:18:20] more of a for sure thing that this is going to work or you actually get your fertilized,

[00:18:25] you know, possible embryo. It made sense. I was like, yep, I get it. So the only two things

[00:18:31] that the major things so far before all the rest of, you know, the meds, the hormones,

[00:18:36] the appointments, the two things that they don't cover was my genetic carrier screening. So

[00:18:41] all the 282 genetic and metabolic disorders, I think that one was like 250 out of pocket.

[00:18:47] And then once you get your fertilized embryo, it's the pre implantation genetic testing.

[00:18:53] So they test the embryo for all the things because obviously if it's a cystic fibrosis,

[00:18:58] they're not going to want to implant knowing that you're going to have this really long

[00:19:02] road to walk ahead of you. So that one out of pocket is 4,100. So I was trying to save,

[00:19:08] you know, through the summer, but of course, you know, life happens and I'm just like,

[00:19:12] oh, I want to go home and see my family and there's a $500 plane ticket and hope you're

[00:19:16] going to get tickets. I'm sure we're not cheap. Oh, girl. I had the free access back in November.

[00:19:23] So our tickets were $99. Oh, my gosh. I know a handful of people who paid upwards of 700, 800.

[00:19:31] So I love that Taylor Swift was your last milestone before having a baby. That's fantastic.

[00:19:36] I'm in love with that. Okay. So you did all your initial testing. Now you need to

[00:19:42] pick a sperm donor. Where are you in that process? Like, you know, obviously you listened

[00:19:47] to my chat with Courtney. We chatted a little bit about that, which God had I met her early

[00:19:53] in the process, it would have made that so much easier and somewhat more fun. I think

[00:19:57] had I reached out to the resources at the cryobank because just like you guys, they are

[00:20:01] just magical, wonderful humans. But where are you in like, how are you feeling about picking

[00:20:08] a donor? I've got a couple that I've heard it that I've saved that I'm like, okay, hopefully

[00:20:13] this person will still be here in two weeks. But just even looking at, you know, you were

[00:20:17] talking about like the cost of things and like different things will ship for free. Some ship,

[00:20:23] it's more expensive. So like the Seattle, it's free shipping. So that was kind of one

[00:20:27] reason why I swayed towards them. And then I looked at the California cryobank. So right

[00:20:32] now I've got two subscriptions, essentially. So like you can pay which my coworker that

[00:20:38] had the baby, she goes, ooh, try this code for the three months for California's cryobank.

[00:20:44] Hey guys, thanks so much for listening to this episode of the podcast. As you know,

[00:20:48] this season I partnered up with California cryobank, the number one sperm bank in the US.

[00:20:54] California cryobank ships to over 40 countries and has one of the largest and most diverse

[00:20:58] selection of donors out there. They're offering my listeners an amazing deal for season two

[00:21:04] that gives you free access to their level two subscription, which lets you check out baby

[00:21:09] and adult photos of the donors. To use this code, visit cryobank.com or click the link

[00:21:15] in the episode description and use my promo code you me kid Y O U M E K I D for a free

[00:21:24] level two subscription to their donor catalog. California cryobank has helped tens of thousands

[00:21:30] create the family of their dreams and hopefully you're next. Now let's get back to it.

[00:21:37] So I have, you know, August, September, November or October if there is an October in

[00:21:41] there to be able to look through these profiles. But hopefully I will have found one

[00:21:45] prior to that. But I've got at least three months worth of all access. One of my bigger

[00:21:50] things too is that I kind of wanted to see the adult photos like my sister, they're

[00:21:55] picking their rationale was we only wanted to see a baby photo. We don't want to see what he looks

[00:21:59] like in his adult because what if I happen to run into this person at the airport and be like,

[00:22:04] oh my gosh, that's my sperm donor. I'm like, I don't even see my own co-workers at the

[00:22:09] grocery store. Like how do you think you're going to run into your sperm donor? I'm like,

[00:22:13] that's insane. And just from my perspective, we see a lot of really cute babies that turn

[00:22:19] into not so cute adults sometimes. And you're just like, wow, you know, so I kind of thought

[00:22:24] I'd rather see what an adult looked like afterwards. But out of maybe there's 250 donors,

[00:22:30] there might only be 50 that have adult pictures. And then the other-

[00:22:33] You've got through California?

[00:22:35] That one is California.

[00:22:36] Okay. Because Seattle doesn't do adult photos. I don't think.

[00:22:39] Yes.

[00:22:39] Okay. Got it.

[00:22:40] So that was why I was kind of like, let's go with these two. So one is free shipping,

[00:22:44] one is adult photos. It's just the silly things.

[00:22:48] It's so funny that it all gets like that. And then I think I said in an earlier podcast,

[00:22:54] maybe when I was talking to Courtney, but when you said you put them in your cart,

[00:22:56] it does really feel like Amazon. You put them in your cart,

[00:23:00] put in your credit card and you purchase sperm. It's like a screenshot of-

[00:23:04] Like a dating app for sperm donors.

[00:23:05] Yeah. How did it feel to you the first time you signed on to one of the sites where

[00:23:12] you can look through all the donors? Was it weird at first or were you just like,

[00:23:16] game on, let's do this?

[00:23:18] I think I would game on and I did it when I was at work. So of course, all my co-workers,

[00:23:23] let me see, what is this? Okay. Let's look at this one. So then they were joking around like,

[00:23:28] okay, people have gender reveal parties. You need to have a pick a sperm donor party.

[00:23:33] So everyone can give you a thumbs up or a thumbs down. And I'm actually going home in a week

[00:23:40] to go meet my new nephew. So I figured I'd maybe show them the few that I've hearted and

[00:23:45] be like, okay, what do we think of this one? And then get my sister's input and her wife

[00:23:48] and just kind of what they had done and whatnot. But the thing that I really loved about your

[00:23:53] podcast was you were talking about the recorded interviews and how just in case, if it's an open

[00:24:02] donation to where when your kid turns 18, if they want to seek out their biological father,

[00:24:07] like to hear the sound of their voice and to hear that this is a genuine, compassionate,

[00:24:13] kindhearted person, that is something I would have never thought of was just to be able to

[00:24:18] listen to some of these interviews and be like, wow, this sounds like a really cool person.

[00:24:21] Like I would actually hang out with this guy, you know, if even if I wasn't dating them.

[00:24:26] So just to put other things into the mix instead of people getting so focused on,

[00:24:31] I want a specific eye color or hair color or race or whatever. A lot of that, you know,

[00:24:36] yes, I would like a white dude, but the rest of the stuff I'm like, it's kind of all

[00:24:42] doesn't really matter. But then when you were talking about listening and I thought that is

[00:24:46] something that I'm going to start going through and just kind of listening to their interviews and

[00:24:50] hearing them talk about what their why was, you know, if they're genuine enough that they're

[00:24:55] like, I really want to try to help these other people start a family. Like that's huge.

[00:24:58] Like not just doing it to get your hundred dollars, but they really want to try to help

[00:25:03] other people that have had fertility issues. And I'm like, that's like the nurse in me.

[00:25:07] Like we just want to help people, you know, get to the other side of things and be successful.

[00:25:12] So that was such a huge thing. And I was so thankful that I'm getting to hear

[00:25:15] your bits of podcasts before I'm walking through the rest of the next steps.

[00:25:20] So yeah, I'm so glad that you have had a good experience with it because I think it's

[00:25:25] really scary to a lot of people. And I certainly at first was listened to a couple,

[00:25:30] closed my laptop and was like, absolutely not. This was not right for me. And I had to

[00:25:34] revisit it and I couldn't be happier with the way that it worked out. What I did also,

[00:25:40] which you mentioned was I sent the, I think my final three or four to a few of my best friends

[00:25:47] and I didn't tell them who my favorite was. I had a clear winner at that point, but they do

[00:25:51] tell you to pick multiples because they go fast. Right. And so I picked, I think three or

[00:25:58] four, I sent them to my closest friends. I just said, Hey, will you listen to these

[00:26:01] interviews and look at their profiles and tell me who you think would be a good fit for me.

[00:26:07] And not kidding, Amanda, all of them chose my guy. No way. Yeah. And they, I would have been

[00:26:13] happy with all four. They were all strong. I would have been totally good with it. And

[00:26:18] they all picked the same one, not knowing. So it wasn't even a group email. I asked them

[00:26:22] to respond separately so that they wouldn't like change each other's choices or thinking.

[00:26:28] And so I know they all picked my person. So it was, it was great. And I think, you know,

[00:26:34] I was talking to Terry who was on the first episode of season one and she picked a donor

[00:26:41] and had a similar experience. It wasn't like, you know, the stars are aligning and it felt

[00:26:46] like my perfect person. It didn't, that's really not what I was looking for. I just

[00:26:50] was looking for someone who felt like a good fit and had the characteristics and the kind of

[00:26:55] values and just kind of optimistic, positive, kind vibe that I was looking for. And so I think

[00:27:03] it's important to maybe not set the expectation that, that stars are going to align and, you

[00:27:08] know, champagne is going to pop and there's going to be, you know, all these amazing-

[00:27:14] Taylor Swift glitter is going to come from the ceiling.

[00:27:16] Your donor soulmate. I mean, I hope that's what happens to you, but

[00:27:21] it's a little bit more just about kind of picking the right choice for you. And then

[00:27:25] I now know having a baby, it's like, they're just going to be their own person anyway.

[00:27:29] And you're never going to know the difference between your baby with donor A or your baby

[00:27:34] with donor B. Exactly.

[00:27:36] It's not like A plus Amanda equals one baby and A plus Amanda, B plus Amanda equals another

[00:27:41] baby. The baby is like option Z, their own human. And you're, you know, you're never

[00:27:47] going to know the difference. And so just feeling confident about your choice and then

[00:27:50] just moving forward and knowing you're giving this little, this little person,

[00:27:54] this little spirit a chance to come into the world, I think was the way that I kind

[00:27:59] of thought about it. Super, super cool. And like you said, like they turn into their own

[00:28:04] little personality. They have their own little, you know, flaws and their temper tantrums

[00:28:10] and, you know, just their, their little personalities are so fun when you start,

[00:28:14] like I'm watching my niece and nephew grow up through like FaceTime because my family is all

[00:28:19] in South Bend, Indiana. And I'm like, thank God for Snapchat, FaceTime, text messages

[00:28:24] and pictures because you get to kind of see, you know, and then obviously visiting them

[00:28:28] in person, seeing what their true, you know, characters are. But oh my gosh,

[00:28:32] like they're such fun ages right now. And just getting to watch them grow up

[00:28:36] and like develop into these little tiny people. I'm like, ah, it just,

[00:28:40] it definitely encourages you like, okay, you know what? Yes, you're going to have

[00:28:44] your struggles and yes, it's going to be difficult, but you know, you find your

[00:28:47] tribe, you've got people around you. You figure out how to make things work. You know,

[00:28:52] the biggest thing I think my coworkers are worried about is because I work two jobs.

[00:28:57] I'm also an instructor for Denver's College of Nursing for their OB students. So I take them

[00:29:02] into the hospital setting and then we do their OB rotation and kind of help get them

[00:29:06] the hands on of seeing deliveries, taking care of moms and babies postpartum. But I only do

[00:29:13] one group a month and it's only three shifts extra. So if you figure somebody picked up a shift a week,

[00:29:19] you know, it's essentially the same thing. However, there are some weeks where I end up

[00:29:23] working like five 12 hour shifts. So I'll do like 60 hours and they're like, Amanda,

[00:29:28] if you're doing five 12s, what are you, how are you going to pay for daycare? What are

[00:29:31] you going to do when you're working so much and all this sort of thing? I said, honey,

[00:29:35] I'm going to cross that bridge when I get there. I'm like, you know, I'm banking on,

[00:29:39] I've already kind of looked at some of the little daycare areas that are around me.

[00:29:43] One of my coworkers lives a block in our same subdivision north of me. I said, maybe her and

[00:29:49] I can nanny share. Then there's people in our little neighborhood Facebook group that are like,

[00:29:54] oh, I do childcare out of my home. I majored in elementary education with a secondary in

[00:30:00] music education. So your child will have musical lessons and you know, hands on stuff. So

[00:30:06] we're not just babysitting your kid. They're getting actual, you know, hands on little lessons

[00:30:11] that are going to further their intellectual abilities. So I'm like, you know, there's

[00:30:16] things, there's options, but I'm going to cross that when I get there. You know,

[00:30:19] I don't want the stress of, oh, you're not going to have enough money because it's like,

[00:30:23] God knows we're all paycheck to paycheck here. Denver is not cheap and the cost of living.

[00:30:28] I said, we don't just get pay raises for like cost of living or inflation. I was like,

[00:30:32] Nope, we just keep trucking along. And I kid you not, I Googled how much it costs to be a semi truck

[00:30:39] driver because when I heard Taylor Swift had paid her truck drivers, all 50 of them,

[00:30:44] a $100,000 bonus, just a bonus, not just what do you make on the daily? And I was like,

[00:30:50] okay guys, it costs $6,000 to get a CDL license. Like that might be my backup plan.

[00:30:56] Yeah. They, they in a car seat just in the back hit the road girl. You guys can see the

[00:31:01] country. So yeah, it's like, again, you just cross that bridge when you get there. You know,

[00:31:05] if you got to put some stuff on the credit card, it's okay. That is how majority of the people

[00:31:09] are surviving right now. Pandemic was not kind to any of us and healthcare workers get paid

[00:31:15] trash. So it's, you know, not everyone has the ability to be a travel nurse. There are

[00:31:20] some people that just, you know, you've got your family already in place and you don't want

[00:31:24] to uproot and move around every three months. I'm to the point now where it's kind of like,

[00:31:29] you know, travel nursing would be great. But again, I bought a house on my own. I was able

[00:31:34] to kind of plant roots. I've got cousins that are here. So, you know, I don't really think I

[00:31:39] want to. I mean, I think that's just the most incredible attitude to have about it because

[00:31:45] it took me and I know some of the women I've spoken to a little bit longer time than I

[00:31:50] wish it had to just get over the, can I afford this? How does the day-to-day work?

[00:31:55] What's like, how do I keep working, you know, a couple of jobs just like you and how do I do

[00:32:00] this and still be a present parent? And it took me a little bit longer to kind of put those

[00:32:05] pieces together. And I wish I'd just kind of gone for it and figure that out later because

[00:32:10] I now know you're right. You just cross that bridge when you come to it and you pick from

[00:32:14] the options that present themselves at that stage. And so you're already miles ahead of

[00:32:21] where I was in this process at this stage. Is there anything that you're still kind of

[00:32:26] wondering about or you're just, do you, I mean, is there anything you're still kind of like,

[00:32:30] wow, I wonder how I'm going to handle this as a single mom? Or I wonder if this is going to

[00:32:34] affect another stage of your life or like what's going through your head at this stage?

[00:32:40] I think my biggest thing is that being 39 and yes, majority of all the testing and everything

[00:32:46] looked in the normal range, is this embryo gonna take? Because I have watched so many friends of

[00:32:53] mine that have never had issues with cardiac stuff, obesity, whatever. It's like I've seen

[00:32:59] so many people not be able to get pregnant and you just don't know what the reasoning

[00:33:05] is. And then I've seen couples online, influencers that you might follow that are

[00:33:10] trying hard for IVF and this is like our sixth transfer and still it didn't take,

[00:33:16] we're still not pregnant. And then it's just like, man, the money that they're probably

[00:33:20] putting into this right now too. You just kind of have to go with the attitude that

[00:33:26] people always say, like if you want to continue to keep saving for something until it's the

[00:33:31] right time, you're never gonna do whatever you're trying to save for. Whether that's

[00:33:36] a huge vacation, have a child, put them in college. You're never gonna do that if you

[00:33:40] just keep thinking it's never gonna be the right time. And so I've tried to go into it with just,

[00:33:45] okay, you know what? People have water heaters break. There's 3000 on your card. Oh,

[00:33:49] your transmission goes out. There's another 3000 on your credit card. There's things

[00:33:53] that'll happen. You gotta just do what you have to do and then eventually that stuff will

[00:33:59] get paid later on. And I don't want that to be the reason that, oh, I don't think I'll

[00:34:03] be able to afford it. So I don't think I'll be able to have a kid, you know? And I didn't

[00:34:08] have the luxury of just sleeping with whoever because they ghost you so fast. And so I was

[00:34:14] just like, you know what? You just have to kind of go with it with a grain of salt. And

[00:34:18] it's just like, it is what it is, but I really pray that I'm not gonna have an issue getting

[00:34:22] pregnant. I've tried to stay active, try to stay healthy and that sort of thing and do

[00:34:26] whatever I can to be able to maintain or sustain a pregnancy. So those are the things

[00:34:32] that kind of go through my mind just because we see so many patients that have struggled

[00:34:36] with infertility or I've got good friends that just posted they got pregnant and then

[00:34:41] here's the box with all the needles in the shape of a heart to be able to show this is what

[00:34:45] we had to go through. So I think it's the medical side of things and the fact that we

[00:34:50] know too much for our own good. I don't know if anyone ever told you, your midwife friend,

[00:34:55] the nurse curse. So basically because you're in healthcare, all the shit storm things that

[00:35:02] you don't want to happen will probably happen to you because you're in medical. So like,

[00:35:07] oh, you didn't want pitocin. Oh, pitocin is hanging. You didn't want the IV. You got the IV.

[00:35:12] Oh, you didn't want a C-section. Well, you just didn't dilate. So now you have a C-section.

[00:35:16] Oh, your water was broke for more than 24 hours. Now you have a fever. Now your baby's

[00:35:20] going to go to the NICU. So it's just this like running joke of, oh, don't worry, but

[00:35:26] you're probably going to have preeclampsia. You'll probably have gestational diabetes.

[00:35:30] So I'm already like, I really got to work on the sweets. I'm really trying to keep my

[00:35:34] blood pressure in check just to prepare. Yeah. She was the same. She has four kids and had

[00:35:42] three births with the four and they were completely different. And she now looks at

[00:35:45] it right, that she has experienced so many different types of birth that it makes her a better

[00:35:51] caregiver to moms. But yeah, the process is such an interesting one. And the one thing I think

[00:36:00] I say the most to people is that I believe the majority of people go in thinking the first

[00:36:05] IUI will work because why wouldn't you think that? Right. And how amazing if that were the

[00:36:10] certainly know a lot of people where that has been the case. But the process just continues

[00:36:16] to move forward and different things look different at every stage, right? It looks

[00:36:21] different at IUI number one than it does at IUI number four. And it looks different at

[00:36:26] retrieval number one as it does at retrieval number three or you might get one embryo,

[00:36:32] you might get 30. You don't know what it's going to look like and how you're going to

[00:36:36] feel about those options until you're in it. And the toughest thing I think as you mentioned is

[00:36:42] when whether it's single moms or couples that are going through infertility is deciding when

[00:36:48] to keep going when finances are so much at play. And I'm like you, I was in a position

[00:36:57] to get going with some savings but I thought the first IUI would work and it didn't. And

[00:37:02] after three rounds of egg retrieval for IUIs, I am leveraged on every front. You can be leveraged.

[00:37:10] I max out my 401k. I maxed out my credit cards. But obviously as you said, I'm just going to pay

[00:37:16] them off and now I have this little baby that makes it all worthwhile. And it was worth it

[00:37:20] in the end of process. But I certainly was very close to reaching the point where there

[00:37:27] were no more options financially for me. And had my one embryo not taken, I maybe had another

[00:37:35] half step or so. I could have gone with some eggs that were frozen but I was out of money,

[00:37:40] completely tapped out. And so I was definitely at that point where it wasn't just let's do

[00:37:46] whatever it takes to get pregnant. It was about to get to that point where I would have

[00:37:49] done that. That was it. And so I certainly have sympathy for folks who don't have the

[00:37:55] option of trying everything because that's not everyone's reality.

[00:37:58] Yeah. And I'm hoping that if it comes to that, to where you've got several... And again,

[00:38:05] you might have the embryos that don't mature to the next stage. They didn't make the cut

[00:38:10] like the four or five days. And so then it's kind of like, oh my gosh, okay, those are

[00:38:14] things that run through your mind too of is it even going to make it to the part where

[00:38:18] it would get implanted? And then I think- Those are rough days. Those are days to

[00:38:24] have some girlfriends over or- Oh yeah.

[00:38:26] A trip, kill those hours because the embryo waiting week is really difficult and then

[00:38:33] the am I pregnant two week wait is really difficult as well. So plan some plans and

[00:38:38] plan stuff. I was going to say drink some wine but you can't really because you're

[00:38:42] highly medicated and you feel like crap. But yeah, plans of days because those are

[00:38:46] the toughest stages. I think my sister, they had done, I want to say her wife tried first

[00:38:52] because she was a year older. So Sam had done three IUIs and then my sister did four

[00:38:58] IUIs. None of those took. And then my sister said, okay, I'll do the IVF and I'll try

[00:39:03] to carry first. I think the second IVF took. And I want to say they only let you do

[00:39:09] seven attempts, whether it's IUI or IVF just because the risk of like a cancer developing

[00:39:17] because you're full of so many hormones, so many different times, they cut you off

[00:39:21] after like seven attempts. And so part of me was like, oh my goodness, she's going to be at

[00:39:25] five. Like she only has two more tries. But luckily they got on that fifth one for her.

[00:39:31] They got pregnant. But yeah, just kind of hearing her story of like, okay, we've tried

[00:39:35] this. None of these worked. Then we went to this and then it wasn't the first one. It was

[00:39:40] the second one. So, and I think same thing with my coworkers. She had done two IUIs

[00:39:45] and then one IVF and then the IVF had finally taken. So just trying to keep an open mind

[00:39:50] of like, you know, some people get really lucky and it happens on that first go. And then other

[00:39:54] people, that's why they say get three to four vials because you just don't know.

[00:40:00] And so I don't know. Yeah. And you can sell them back to Seattle for a course of a half 50%

[00:40:05] as you get pregnant in the first IVF. Fantastic. Um, and I think the other thing too, that

[00:40:13] just thinking about is it really is a numbers game, right? So you'll have your eggs

[00:40:17] retrieved. You'll make those eggs into embryos. Um, and just having some extra sperm even for that

[00:40:24] process is smart. Like just having it around, I think is smart. So you don't have to start over

[00:40:30] from picking a donor. And if you do, you do, but I think the three vial things felt really

[00:40:35] good to me. I think that seems standard. That's also what Courtney said. I went through

[00:40:39] all of my vials obviously, cause I did so many different stages of this process, but

[00:40:44] you know, the other thing I'm wondering about you also is, you know, you said you were on all the

[00:40:49] apps and you tried all those things and it just didn't, you know, doing this, the more traditional

[00:40:54] route of finding a partner and then having a baby wasn't just the way it worked out. Right?

[00:40:59] I've had a couple people assume because I had a baby on my own that it means I don't want a

[00:41:05] partner. And I have very quickly corrected them in that I am absolutely excited to meet my

[00:41:12] partner, to have someone to raise Ellie with. And I love relationships. I would love to be married.

[00:41:19] That is all that's not by any means something that I feel like I gave up by having a baby on

[00:41:24] my own, but what's kind of your dream scenario of, are you looking for a partner? Is that

[00:41:30] something you want to do later on or does this feel like enough for you having a family?

[00:41:35] Girl, I'm like, if God brings that right guy at whatever time he decides to come,

[00:41:39] I'm like, that'll just be icing on the cake. Yeah. You know, and again, it's,

[00:41:44] I had been engaged before in the past, like in my mid twenties, was almost engaged a second time

[00:41:50] to a different person. And when you know that like this is not the right person,

[00:41:55] I don't want to settle and get married just for the sake of getting married because

[00:41:59] that's what society says you're supposed to do. And I mean, I could have had that, but then

[00:42:03] I thought, would I even be a happy person? Would I be happy in that marriage? And so those

[00:42:08] are other things that I kind of looked at as well, that I thought, you know, I, my life could

[00:42:12] look totally different right now. And I wouldn't be in the position or be the person that I am

[00:42:17] had I not walked through those harder things, you know, giving somebody a ring back and then

[00:42:22] watching all your other friends get married and that sort of thing. So yeah, it's not that I

[00:42:26] didn't put in a good effort, the good old Girl Scout try, but it's just like, you know,

[00:42:31] so many guys here they might put, oh, I'm looking for a long term relationship, but

[00:42:37] then they get there and they're like, actually I don't know if I have time to date or, you know,

[00:42:42] I'm trying to give people grace with you've already got kids thrown into the mix. Like

[00:42:45] you've got kiddos we can meet at Chick-fil-A and just have like a coffee date and your kids

[00:42:50] can play in the play thing. And then, you know, a week later, you know, I just don't

[00:42:53] know if I'm going to be able to do it with my two kids. And I thought sometimes it might

[00:42:57] take them getting back out there or figuring out if I can try to date. And maybe I was

[00:43:02] the guinea pig. I just feel like I keep being the guinea pig for some people, but, you know,

[00:43:07] I was just got to the point where I thought, all right, this last person I dated, it was like

[00:43:12] six weeks, met his two year old, felt like we were invested and had, you know, a good

[00:43:17] connection. And then he had gone on vacation, went to Italy. We talked every day, sent me

[00:43:24] pictures every day of what he was doing. And this is so fun. And I can't wait to come home

[00:43:28] and then we can make this drink together or do this or that. And then it was like,

[00:43:32] he gets home radio silence for two days. And then all of a sudden I get the,

[00:43:37] I think I just want to be friends text message. And then you're just like,

[00:43:42] wait a string me along for six weeks. Thank you for wasting that time. So next time don't

[00:43:48] introduce your two year old to somebody if you're not sure you're going to be like

[00:43:51] having a thing with them, you know? So just after that one, I was just like, all right,

[00:43:56] I'm done. I'm not unpausing my profile. It's just going to stay paused. I'm just going to

[00:44:00] start looking at doing my own thing and you know what, whatever God puts in my path after

[00:44:05] the fact, that'll be icing on the cake. Yeah. That's how I see it too, which is just,

[00:44:10] you know, I definitely want it. I'm excited about it. I have no fears that at some point

[00:44:17] it will happen and somebody great will come and somebody probably even greater now, because

[00:44:21] I have this totally different lifestyle and this tiny little human with me. And I think that will,

[00:44:27] I really believe that attracts a different type of person than maybe the person we would have

[00:44:31] dated before. And I like that other person better. I like, you know, someone who is ready

[00:44:36] to be a dad or who's already a dad or loves the idea of having a baby. Like that's just so

[00:44:40] attractive to me. And I also feel, I would say on a daily basis, just so much kind of

[00:44:47] empathy and heartbreak for the people that I know that are maybe getting divorced and looking at

[00:44:52] a future of maybe sharing their child with somebody or sharing custody. And there's,

[00:44:57] you know, both sadness for them and I'm grateful that, you know, I didn't just have this baby with

[00:45:02] whoever because I don't want to share her. I want her all to myself. I don't want to fight

[00:45:08] for custody of her. And that feels like a little, just a little bit of an added benefit

[00:45:14] of going at it this way, which is regardless of who comes into my life in the future,

[00:45:18] it's her and I. And we're going to do this. And as you said, they are only going to come in if

[00:45:25] they make our life incrementally better. We don't need them for anything specific. It's not

[00:45:30] a missing puzzle piece. It's just icing on the cake, as you said. And it takes all of

[00:45:36] the weight off of dating for me. All of it. It just makes it, I'm not going to say fun,

[00:45:42] but it makes it just something that I'm looking for to make my life better instead of

[00:45:49] kind of this more belabored, dreaded thing that I need to do to, you know,

[00:45:55] the means to the end of having the family. Yep. And then part of me, I was just kind of

[00:46:01] super excited because, you know, whether you have a boy or a girl, I kind of thought,

[00:46:06] you know what? That's carrying my dad's last name down another generation line. So that's

[00:46:11] kind of another added bonus. And one of those things that like you don't think about, but then

[00:46:16] it's just like, well, there's another win whether it's a boy or a girl, you know?

[00:46:21] Yeah. So we're cool. But and then I didn't know too, did you pick if it was a boy embryo

[00:46:28] or a girl embryo or did you have a surprise? I had one embryo. So the only embryo out of,

[00:46:35] I only had one embryo out of three rounds of making embryos that made it and it was a girl

[00:46:41] and that's my daughter. Okay. So that's the like, you know, I've talked about this so much in the

[00:46:46] podcast, but the numbers game and IVF is a real mental battle and they're going to tell you what

[00:46:53] you should think is important. But if there's any advice I can give you on the IVF path,

[00:46:58] it is don't think that hard about it. Don't let yourself go on that up down roller coaster

[00:47:03] of, oh, I only have six and I wanted 13 or I only have two and none of them are going to be viable

[00:47:08] because I spent two years getting numbers that I was not excited about and literally all it took

[00:47:15] was one. And I did not, you know, I was terrified that it wasn't going to work and it worked.

[00:47:20] And that was just my reality. But I'm glad I didn't really ride the waves of the numbers

[00:47:27] because there are a lot of them every week, every ultrasound, every, you know, there's just

[00:47:32] a lot of them. And so I would say as much as you can kind of float above the fray of that is

[00:47:38] the best because you just don't know. You just don't know until they are implanted and you

[00:47:42] see what happens, you know? But if you have multiples, you can pick. I think there's like

[00:47:49] three camps. One is let the doctor pick based on the quality of embryo. The embryos are graded

[00:47:55] like school grades, ABC, double B, double C, double D or something like that. So I think some

[00:48:01] people do pick the most viable embryo based on the health of the embryo and the grade. Or you can

[00:48:07] let the doctor pick and not know if you're having a boy or girl just like anybody else finds out

[00:48:12] at 20 weeks. So totally up to you, but I only had one and I could have left it to be a

[00:48:17] surprise. But at that point I'd been through so much that I was like, give me some fun news.

[00:48:22] I need something fun to be excited about. So I knew it was a girl going in.

[00:48:26] Oh, that's awesome.

[00:48:28] Yeah. So you just did your blood work, new nephew was born, Taylor is over.

[00:48:36] It's like full on game time to jump in and have kind of what probably a pre-IVF appointment

[00:48:43] with your doc and start getting those meds, start getting those shots rolling.

[00:48:50] Yeah, it'll end up being, I'm assuming I'm going to hopefully have something narrowed

[00:48:54] down when I get back from Indiana and then kind of send it to my coworkers and say like,

[00:48:58] what do you think about this one? And then basically set that next appointment to figure

[00:49:02] out, okay, do I need to ship it to Shady Grove Fertility or do we need to do the meds first

[00:49:09] and that sort of thing. But yeah, it'll end up being doing the meds and then hopefully egg

[00:49:14] retrieval and just kind of going from there. Oh my God, get it rolling through the holidays.

[00:49:19] I love that. And you like your fertility team?

[00:49:23] Yeah, so far I've felt really supported and just any email questions that you have,

[00:49:28] you can send them or send it in a little chat. So just little stuff along the way if

[00:49:33] I've had questions about. Yeah, they've been very supportive.

[00:49:41] I feel like you're going into this with a much more kind of in-depth understanding

[00:49:45] of the needles and the meds and the mixing and the whole like Bill Nye science guy of it all,

[00:49:50] which took me just a little bit to get used to like mixing my own medication. Like I was in

[00:49:54] some sort of crazy chem lab. So you're going to be a pro at that, but it is really nice to

[00:49:59] have a responsive team because you know, the night before you're doing something or they change

[00:50:04] your meds and you're like, wait a minute, I'm putting a powder and a what? Like I've done

[00:50:08] this a million times. Like can you remind me what my dosage is? Because your brain gets all

[00:50:12] foggy. Having someone that will answer an email or pick up a call is so essential. So

[00:50:17] I'm glad you feel good with your folks. Yeah, so far so good. Good. Okay. Well,

[00:50:22] I'm going to let you go because I know you have things to do and probably rest to get

[00:50:27] so you can deliver some beautiful babies tonight or tomorrow. But I've said this over Instagram

[00:50:33] and text and I'll say it again. I am here 100% for you to answer any questions at any

[00:50:40] time. Have coffee, jump on the phone as you start doing shots. I'm just here to support

[00:50:45] you because this is just an amazing, amazing adventure. And I think it's good to have folks

[00:50:52] who've gone through it. So I'm here for you girl. I am so excited because I just thought even

[00:50:57] having people that have gone through it on their own and have already kind of laid that

[00:51:01] brickwork down. It's so nice to be able to have that support just because you know,

[00:51:07] we're not the norm. We're not the traditional where we're having all the things, you know,

[00:51:11] oh, we got pregnant on the first try and I have my partner to support me. And it's kind of like,

[00:51:16] you know, you just have to go in it with a glass half full attitude and just to see the

[00:51:21] successes of other people that are around you. And I also just love the fact that you're here

[00:51:26] local. And so you get like the financial battles of how pricey Denver is and you know,

[00:51:32] just all the stuff that you have to kind of walk through navigating finances on your own and

[00:51:37] kind of taking that next step. So it's super, super encouraging. And then just getting to see

[00:51:42] that like, you know, my coworker and you like they've got their little kiddos now and she

[00:51:47] had just turned one and is your little girl like nine months? Just turned one. No, she just

[00:51:51] turned one. She's 14 months. Yeah. So I'm the and it was, I mean, it was the best. I

[00:51:58] feel kind of Pollyanna when I say that it's not always easy, but it's it was the greatest

[00:52:02] year of my life. No question. And so I can't shout from the rooftops more for anybody

[00:52:09] thinking about it to go for it because it's just, oh, it's so worth it. And I'm so

[00:52:17] excited to like hear the play by play. And I want to hear when you pick a donor and I want

[00:52:22] you to keep in the loop on everything that's going on with your fertility. And I'm more than

[00:52:26] happy to come and drink some vino and talk about shots all day long. So please reach out. I would

[00:52:33] love to do anything I can to support you because you, you guys and your team were just everything

[00:52:37] to me in the hospital. So my time to my time to pay it back. Well, I absolutely love that.

[00:52:44] And yes, like you said, I mean, I feel like I know you for 10 years, but it's one of those

[00:52:51] things that sometimes, you know, God will put other people in your life at different

[00:52:54] seasons and to help you walk through things. And you're just like, wow, I would have never,

[00:52:58] you know, this person was such a huge support in such an important time of my life. And,

[00:53:03] you know, I feel like whether you are spiritual or religious or not, it's just, you know,

[00:53:08] sometimes God does things for reasons when you think I've walked through the hellish of

[00:53:13] holes. But on the end of it, you're going to have something so exciting. And I've heard

[00:53:18] nothing but amazing things from my other single mom friends that are just like, I would do the

[00:53:24] 1000 times all over again, because being a mom is like the single greatest blessing that they've

[00:53:29] gotten to experience. And, you know, I hope that that's going to be the same for me and

[00:53:34] I'll be able to have my own little kiddo. And even if it's just one, you know, it's like,

[00:53:38] I will be so thankful and happy if just one takes. So fingers crossed. Fingers crossed.

[00:53:45] We'll reach out with anything. I'm so excited for you. And thank you so much

[00:53:49] for chatting today. I really appreciate it. Thanks so much for listening to today's episode.

[00:53:55] I hope you enjoyed it. For more information about the podcast or me, go to unbkidpod.com.

[00:54:02] See you soon. Thank you for listening to this episode. If you or your company are looking

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