Enormocast 323: Cole Brauer – Every Day the Sea

[00:00:00] You are listening to the Enormocast.

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[00:02:46] Hello and welcome to the EnormoCast. This is your host, Chris Caloose. It is May 4th, 2026, about 8 a.m. here in Colorado. And this is episode 323 of the EnormoCast. A conversation with former, sometimes climber, and now sailing legend, Cole Brower. And the EnormoCast is a little off-root with this one. I've decided to delve into the sailing world.

[00:03:15] And if you don't know who Cole Brower is, but it's sort of tickling your brain stem, it's probably because like me, a couple years ago in 2023, Instagram said, hey climber, maybe you would like this other adventure sport. And started feeding me reels and live feeds from this woman out in the middle of the ocean. Totally committed, racing hard, getting pummeled, laughing, dancing. Crying, crying, all the things.

[00:03:44] On her race around the world in the global solo challenge. Cole Brower was making history as the first American female to solo race a sailboat nonstop around the world. Not only did she make history in that capacity, but she came in second out of a field of 16 or 17 boats. She mentions it in the interview. The only woman in that race. She also set a speed record for the class of boat that she was in. So she wasn't just participating.

[00:04:15] She was kicking ass. Anyway, I followed her all the way through that race. I actually managed to talk to her on her boat a little bit before she kind of blew up. And I'd been wanting to interview her ever since. But it took a while for things to calm down after that. And I finally kind of caught up with Cole. She's living in her van, trying to make a career out of sailing after that monumental event. And so much of it reminded me of climbing.

[00:04:41] The van life, the kind of trying to make opportunities happen to keep herself moving forward in professional sailing and on sailing teams and in races. And it just felt so interesting to me also to talk to her about what it's like to be alone soloing in a boat for that long a time. Just too many parallels to leave it alone. So I got in touch with Cole and she right away was super stoked to do the Enorma cast.

[00:05:10] I didn't know this, but it turns out she has a little background in climbing when she was younger. It was definitely something she was super interested in. But then sailing took her in an entirely different direction. So she knows about climbing. She knows about alpinism. She knows about the same kind of solo mindset that goes into climbing big mountains sometimes. Sometimes they say don't meet your heroes. But meeting Cole, at least through the screen, was everything I hoped for. She's fun. She's smart.

[00:05:39] Thinks deeply about what she's doing. And I think this one turned out awesome. And I totally appreciate Cole taking the time on somebody else's couch to do this interview. Yeah, she's a van lifer. I'm living in marinas and people's driveways and things like that. If you follow Cole on Instagram, then you are as excited about this as I am. And if you're kind of wondering why I'm going to talk to some sailor and not somebody who's climbed V17, well, you're probably at the wrong podcast to begin with.

[00:06:09] But I can guarantee that if you do dive in, you're going to get a lot out of this interview. A conversation with threads of climbing throughout with Rolex 2024 Yachts Woman of the Year, Cole Brower. Hey, folks. As you know, I parade my past dirtbag cred around on the Enorma Cast like I'm the king of the carnival in four Cezeracs deep. Toyota truck, months in the creek, thumbing around Australia, blah, blah, blah.

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[00:07:34] And the Fit? So dialed your family will not roll their collective eyeballs when it's the one nice thing you have to wear to your sister's wedding. So stop pretending your seasoned jacket is a badge of honor. Or at least leave it in the back seat when you actually gear up for something serious. And go to Arcteryx.com or your local shop and allow yourself at least one nice thing in your life. You deserve it. I mentioned that I'm like more nervous and everybody's gonna be like, why is Caloose talking so fast?

[00:08:02] About this versus interviewing, you know, some of the great climbers that I've met because, you know, I have a background in that. So it's like they're doing something I know about. And the idea of sitting on a boat by yourself in the middle of the ocean just freaks me out. I was so caught up in it while you were doing that race. But can you tell me a little bit about just why it's sailing for you versus, you know, it's climbing for us? Yeah.

[00:08:28] Why that thing clicked for you and it clicked for you a little bit late in life, actually. Yeah. So I didn't start sailing till I was about 19 years old. I actually was a climber beforehand, like my dad. Yeah, I was actually funny. Cool. It's so funny because I'm like, you know what? You talked a little bit in one interview about how you're kind of small for sailing. And I'm like, yeah, but she's built perfectly for climbing is exactly what I thought. For climbing. Yeah. Yeah, no, I was always built.

[00:08:58] I was built kind of as a climber anyway. And I always had a lot of upper body. My biggest struggling in climbing, actually, because my dad, my dad was really big into pushing me into climbing. And we used to go to lots of climbing gyms together. And he wasn't a climber, but he always wanted me like when I was, I think, like eight or nine years old. My dad wanted me to be the youngest person to climb Mount Everest. And he was like all about it. And he was like flooding me with like climbing books.

[00:09:25] And I'd be like crawling out of my bedroom window, you know, and I'd end up like falling and ending up in the bush. Like we had a rose bush, like under my two story window. And I would end up in that bush all of the time where I'd try to get to the tree. And I loved climbing. And I think that climbing was not really something that I would have ever thought of actually continuing to be like a professional at. Because I grew up on Long Island. There's no mountains anywhere close to there.

[00:09:55] And like the climbing gyms were super far away, like three, four hours away, like closer to New York City. And so there was like no way that it wasn't sustainable. But I was surrounded by water. And so I always kind of found myself either like kayaking or, you know, walking through the marsh or, you know, participating in more water sports. Because that was just kind of what was available when I was a kid.

[00:10:21] And I worked on a fishing boat to make money when I was in high school because the tips were really good. And I could, you know, you know, you could have drinks with your friends afterwards and have a good time and be outside all the time. And so I think that if I had maybe was born like in the mountains, I probably would have never gotten into sailing. I probably would have been totally part of the the climbing community. I live in my van still full time.

[00:10:51] And so I think that I still kind of like exemplify that type of adventure lifestyle. Like, you know, living in a house is definitely like not my forte. Like this is a friend's house. Most of the time, if you were to do a podcast with me, like once a month, I would be in a different location sleeping on different people's couches. For multiple reasons of different jobs that I grabbed onto.

[00:11:17] So I think what brought me into sailing was just the accessibility of it. And when I got to school at the University of Hawaii, it was so accessible. It was available to anyone that wanted to be a part of it. And at the University of Hawaii, I didn't have to pay for any lessons or things like that. You know, I just I just joined the team and they taught me everything. And so I didn't have any money.

[00:11:44] I moved out to Hawaii, you know, and spent all my money on that plane ticket and on tuition to be at school. And so there was, you know, I didn't have anything left over to do extracurriculars. And so the University of Hawaii sailing team was subsidized by the university and it was NCAA. And so I was like, well, this is great. I can get a free education into this sport, this niche sport that is weird and fun and everyone's a little eclectic.

[00:12:12] And I moved out to Hawaii and I had, you know, no friends. I had no family. You know, I moved, you know, I don't know how far is that? 5,000 miles away or whatnot. 6,000 miles away from like everyone that I knew. Any further and you're getting closer. If you go any further, you're starting to get closer again to too long. Yeah, exactly.

[00:12:35] So I was very much like, um, I needed something like an outlet and sailing actually just seemed like an easy way. Didn't cost me any money. Um, I could still be a bum and still like enjoy it and be out in nature and do everything that I was already doing as a kid. And then as I kept going into the industry, I realized that people were willing to pay me to be on their boat, to make their boat go faster.

[00:13:04] And it slowly became a thing where I realized I could make this into a career by just continuing to excel my talents and skills and learning. And, um, and it's a lifetime sport, which is, I think really similar to climbing. Climbing can be quite lifetime because just when you start to feel like you're, you're getting up there and like the masters, you know, there's, there's a new mountain for us. It's, it's a, it's a new boat.

[00:13:33] It's different weather patterns, you know, oh, we're going to try this something different. Oh, we've got new technology coming in. So there's always kind of something, you know, once you feel like you're, you're getting to like the top of your game, there's a whole different outlet opening. And then eventually as your body starts to break down, you start to kind of go backwards and you start to get back into those, uh, I don't know anything about that. Yeah.

[00:14:01] I, so far my body is holding on. I think I've got probably another 10 years, like strong in, um, in the sailing industry as a professional before I've got to slow down definitely. Um, and start making 30, 31. I'm 31. Yeah. I'm going to be 32. So it's, you can still compete at a high level for sure. Um, you just have to pick and choose which boats you're going to compete in.

[00:14:28] I'm not going to be like in the Olympic classes, which you have to be. Most of them are super young kids straight out of college and like they're working out, you know, twice a day, um, and training twice a day. And they're, they're pretty intense. And like, I wouldn't be at that. That wouldn't be like my specialty. Sure. Sure. Yeah. So, so I mean, I, there was like so many things in there, um, as you were talking, no, it was great.

[00:14:56] But like the van life thing was actually one of the, I think it might've been the thing that really pushed me over the edge of like, I need to talk to her now because it's like that was too parallel to, um, and it's interesting because I have had this little glimpse into sort of the dirt bag sailing world, which exists, which I didn't know existed. You know, I had, I went to Sardinia with a friend and her brother was a sailor who had just like, it was just kind of bumming around on a sailboat in the Mediterranean and came and met us.

[00:15:24] Unfortunately, he couldn't bring his boat, which was the original plan. But, but yeah, but then talking to him over the weeks, I was like, oh my God, there's this like dirt bag sailing thing, which to me, the other thing about you that I found fascinating was this late in life thing. And, and there's this kind of myth in climbing that when you are out on the road and you see these people living in their sprinters and climbing all the time, they're, they're quote unquote trust funders, you know, which is usually not the case.

[00:15:51] I mean, more often they just worked a bunch and save some money, you know, it's not that expensive, but sailing is expensive. And so I kind of just assumed like, oh, she grew up sailing, you know, and some family at the yacht club kind of thing. And, but, but you're not that, which is, I think it is an unusual entrance into at least the level that you're at. Would you agree with that? One hundred percent. I think I actually, I got really lucky that I had started sailing quite late because the

[00:16:19] burnout in sailing can be quite high when you're competing at this high of a level for years and years and years on end. And so like the kids who come out of the womb and they're given an opti, which is like a, pretty much like a bathtub of a boat, but, and then you go into like lasers and then you go into college and then you go into pro. And then once you're in pro, you can pretty much just keep going up the ranks. And normally by the time you get pro, you're like, I miss being in the amateurs.

[00:16:49] Like I miss being in this world where I could just kind of enjoy this versus feeling like I'm just getting paid by a super wealthy person to be on their boat. And I didn't have that because I had never experienced what it felt like to be one around money. And like my dad had a, like he worked construction and my mom had a small dance shop in town. And so we grew up with, you know, like there was food on the table, but I mean, we understood

[00:17:19] that, you know, we, we don't waste things, you know, when we, we, we were very conscious of like the environment because of where I grew up in the marsh. And, and so the van life was like a very easy transition for me. Like it wasn't like for people always ask me, like, why do you still live in a van? When now I have like, you know, brand sponsorships and I like work with like bigger companies and I like, I make decent money from racing and stuff.

[00:17:48] And they're like, so why do you still live in a van? And I was like, well, back in the day, it wasn't a choice. I couldn't afford rent because the majority of the regattas and where the boats are based is, you know, Miami, Fort Lauderdale, Monaco, France. You know, it's like super high end expensive places, New York city, Newport Island, San Diego,

[00:18:13] like places I could never in a bazillion years, even today, ever afford rent because you're going to where these super wealthy people are living to go work. You know, you're, you're the help. And, um, and so being in the van life was, I just didn't want to be in a hotel for the rest of my life. You know, they'd get you a hotel or an Airbnb to work for the weekend, but then where do you go before, between gigs?

[00:18:40] You know, there's, there's weeks sometimes between gigs, even maybe a month between the next one. And so I was like, let's get the van and see how it goes. And so I, my dad had an old construction van and it was kind of like on its last legs. I just, I didn't even, I mean, I asked him, he said no multiple times. Uh, like, could I, could I borrow the van? And then eventually he just like, wasn't looking.

[00:19:08] And I took the van, um, like, you know, like the little shithead that I am and I took it and I just kind of lived out of the back of it, which is like this little Walmart mattress thing, like super thin and made it, made it work. And it was great because I could, I could make money living in the marinas for free. And then I was always at the boat.

[00:19:32] And so if you're at the boat more, you get the next gig faster because people see your face and it's, it's word of mouth. You don't get like the racing gigs or even the working gigs. If your face is not right there because I didn't have the legacy, I didn't have the last name. Um, and I was small and a woman in a super male dominated sport. I knew that I had to like have some form of advantage.

[00:20:01] Like I had to have some type of leg up and honestly living in the marinas, you know, showering in the marina, uh, bathrooms. And, uh, I use the hose for a while, um, when it's really, when it's warmer, like in Fort Lauderdale, I'd go down and like on the strip of Fort Lauderdale, there's all these showers behind the lifeguard stands. And I would just bring my shampoo and my conditioner and I would just go and shampoo. And then I'd ride my bike back to the van in the marina when they were doing construction on the bathrooms.

[00:20:30] And it was like, it didn't seem that wild, like that wild or that crazy. You just knew, you know, like, this is what I'm doing for the dream, you know? Yeah. Well, it's funny because in one of the show, uh, podcasts I watched that you had done, the interviewer asked you like, what's kind of the weirdest thing about you? And you said, oh, I live in my van. And, and, but as a climber, I was like, that's not weird at all. Like, but I know when you're talking to a certain, you know, you're talking to that demographic.

[00:21:00] Yeah. Yeah. They're like, what? That sounds crazy. But it's funny because up in Tensleep, there's a, you know, climber in Wyoming, you probably know about Tensleep. And in the town, there's a, you know, one of those splash pads for kids, but there's this big sign that says no washing in the splash pad. And I'm like, yeah, they had to put that up because of the climbers. Like, I'm sure there was like, families bringing their kids to the thing. There's some climber and they're like washing his pits in the, in the splash pad, you know?

[00:21:28] And cause I'm like, I'm absolutely sure that happened because I've done it. I've done it in Vegas. I've gone and washed out of splash pads. So, but. I get it. Yeah. I totally, I totally get it. I went to a really fancy dinner at this yacht club and it was really my way of. They caught you washing in the sink? No, which, I mean, it was, it's hilarious how sometimes when I walk into these yacht clubs, I definitely feel like an outcast.

[00:21:55] Like I'm not wearing the right thing or I'm not, you know, dressed nicely or there's stains like on my clothes and, but it's like the nicest thing I own. So I'm like, okay, like it, it works for now. I'll put like a scarf over it so you can't see the stains. And, and I can mostly get away with, like, I can talk to people and I can converse and I can sit and I can eat properly and I don't burp at the table. And, you know, I can like, I can kind of like get along with, with billionaires.

[00:22:23] Cause you know, that's where a lot of the sponsorship comes from or like from. Um, and so one of the, I was sitting at this big round table where like the, all, all the people pretty much at the table could have taken out a checkbook and written it for my next campaign, like for the whole campaign. And the guy next to me, we're talking for a while. He was probably 85, 90 years old. And we were having a great conversation. I was like, he, he would be a good like next investor or whatnot. And you're thinking about these things and we're chatting and talking about business

[00:22:51] and finance and stock market. And, you know, cause you have to be able to, you have to be able to switch quickly and talk about everything in trouble. And then he asked where I live. I had a glass of wine. So I was feeling like way too free. And I said, I live in my van. And the guy looked over at me and he goes, you're homeless. And I was like, I was like, no, I, no, I'm houseless. And I tried to like crack a joke or whatnot.

[00:23:18] At that point, like checkbook closed, like done, like end of conversation. And, and I went, I went back to my friend's house where I was living on their couch in New York city. And they were like, so how did it go? You know, like, oh, is it good? And I was like, ah, I messed it up. I totally screwed it up. But it hit me that I really don't want sponsorship for my next campaign to be coming from people who want me to be something else.

[00:23:45] Like I choose to live in the van because it's my home. I've built it. Like my dad and I actually, my dad ended up five years ago. I, I've had enough money actually from not spending it on rent to buy a nicer, like I bought a Ford transit van and it's perfect. Like my dad and I built the wood in it and like varnished the inside and made it look beautiful. And I've got throw pillows now and I've got a little closet and I've got a running water and a

[00:24:14] little stove and the whole, you know, the whole thing. And, you know, I was living out of a, you know, a really crappy van for many years with like a little jet boil that I'd make tea and stuff. And so this was like, I realized you're like, Ooh, I'm living luxury now. Good. Now, now we luxury. I have like a place to put my bike. I've got like this little pullout thing that I built and that's like, I can put the bike in, in the back and underneath the bed.

[00:24:41] And it's just, I mean, none of it was really that expensive, but it was an, it was something where I could actually like call my own. And I think that's what like, same with climbers probably feel is that you're always bouncing along people's couches and you're probably starting to feel like there's nothing that I can really give back to a lot of my friends other than just some comedy every once in a while. But if I can like, instead of sleeping on their couches as my friends now in their thirties are

[00:25:08] starting to get married, you know, they're thinking about kids and, and they still have their little houseless friend living on the couch. Now, at least I've moved off the couch and I'm in the van. I mean, I still like have a plug that runs from, you know, their garage so I can run my little heater because it's cold in Newport right now and it's snowy. Let's get to the adventure part.

[00:25:32] Again, me and a bunch of other people noticed you doing your various media from the global solo challenge, which is a around the world solo race that, that you were in and finished and became the first, I think, American woman to ever solo that race. Correct me if I'm wrong. But yeah. And that was like, again, I think I, I, I like repost a bunch of stuff. I'm like, oh, everybody watch this woman.

[00:26:02] It's, it's so cool and so fun. And yeah, but you, and I actually was able to talk with you a little bit. You were, you were answering messages. You, I mean, I'm sure everybody was, but it was nice that like you were at a point where you were still kind of like answering messages and stuff like that. Yeah. But let's talk about leading up to that. So you, you went to college, you, you got on this team in Hawaii.

[00:26:25] You obviously were a sponge and had a talent for it despite maybe again, not quite fitting the stereotype of, of size and gender. Or, I mean, maybe a quick path of how that neophyte who's, who drops in in Hawaii ends up, you know, again on a boat, a very expensive boat, I'm sure, you know, sponsored or, or, or whatever to, to join this race.

[00:26:52] What was the quick kind of path to, um, to that? I had made the decision that I was going to start working in the industry. I graduated the University of Hawaii. I stayed there for an extra year, thought I was going to live in Hawaii, realized I couldn't afford to live in Hawaii when I wasn't like going to school. And I had a scholarship at the University of Hawaii. So I, I moved back to Maine where my parents lived. What was the scholarship for? Just academics. Oh, okay, cool.

[00:27:21] They didn't, um. That's a good window. Anyway, you, you, you. Yeah. So when that was all done and like, all of a sudden you're like, oh, I, I actually have to, you know, like the jobs out in Hawaii. I couldn't really make that, that good of money and not enough to pay for rent and rent in Hawaii and food in Hawaii. Hawaii is just like a premium of everything because it's so beautiful and it's touristy place.

[00:27:48] So I moved back to Maine, moved back in with my parents and was like, okay, I need to get out of here. Like I need to figure out a way. And so I, I took up a job at like the local yacht club teaching kids how to sail, which is hilarious because I had never even been in an Opti in my life. And now I was teaching kids how to like sail an Opti, which I still, to this day, have only been in an Opti once, which your, your fans probably won't know what an Opti is, but I, I, I begged them to look it up. It's ridiculous.

[00:28:18] Like looking, um, it's definitely not your high performance type of boat. But it's the, it's the like a top roping in your hiking boots for the first time kind of thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like let's get you good at this by giving you this little thing that hardly works. We'll give you a little breadcrumb here. Yeah. And so there was a couple races that summer that I'd like come in and they, I mostly just started asking questions to people.

[00:28:46] And I started to, I started to see people at like the yacht club and I started to meet people in the community in Maine. And, and I, I just put it out there constantly. Like, Hey, I need a job. I need a job. And, and I found this captain of this like 85 foot beautiful racer cruiser boat, like just super nice yacht. And I was like, Oh, like I would love to just come work for you. And he pretty much was like, no, he was like, absolutely not. I was 24.

[00:29:16] I didn't know anything. And he was like, yeah, okay, no way. But I found his phone number. Cause I'm a stalker. And I, I just kept texting him over and over again for like three weeks straight. And I was like, please like I'll do anything. I fit into tiny spaces. I'll, I'll clean anything. I don't care about like how dirty it is or how miserable it is. Like I'll wake up anytime.

[00:29:41] And finally he said yes, because he just needed someone to come and like clean the bilges of the boat, which was like disgusting and oily and gross. And, and so I came and I worked eventually I just kept working for him and taking all these different jobs with him. And he kind of took me under his wing and, um, he was my mentor. I actually just saw him in the BVIs recently. Hilariously. I'm, I really want him to come on to my, now my team, which is really funny that like,

[00:30:10] he had taught me everything that I know about the racing world and about like mechanics and like the electrical side and the hydraulic side. And now like, I want to hire him back like onto like my team. So yeah, I just grabbed on to all these gigs and he gave me really good advice where he was like, do as many miles as you possibly can, which is probably the same thing as like, go out and just climb. It doesn't matter if it's a race or anyone's there to watch you.

[00:30:39] It doesn't matter. Just like get on the water and just go like no matter what. And so I just started doing whatever it took to get on the water and I sailed everything all the time. It didn't matter what kind of boat it was. And I just felt like alive, like absolutely completely alive where I'd finish, I'd finish a gig sailing, like I'd move a boat or something and then I'd be back onto the train or bus or

[00:31:07] whatever to go to the next gig and do it all over again. And I just developed all these miles and I met all these people. And eventually I had made this idea of like, okay, what is something that no one's done before? Because I kept on trying to get on all these race teams and no one would hire me. No one would bring me on the team because I was small, young and a woman.

[00:31:35] And so I had to figure out like different pathways where normally the pathway for most people is like you leave college, you get a gig working as a pro sailor, and then you get on bigger and bigger and better boats. And I had kind of had to do this kind of zigzag to get to the same exact pathway. And I knew, like my mom was so upset with me when I finally told her, I was like, this is what I want to do.

[00:32:02] I want to race around the planet and I want to be the first American woman to race solo around the globe. And my mom was like, well, why do you have to do that? Like, why can't you just keep being the boat captain? I had my license. She was like, why can't you just be a boat captain and do the little gigs here and there? And I was like, I'm getting paid less than half of what the guys in the exact same position are getting paid. Who are my age. Everything is exactly the same.

[00:32:30] I have more miles than most of them and they will still get paid more. I like have to do something totally out of this realm to even just make a blip into this sailing world. Just so that I can at least like stamp my name to be taken seriously and not just for me, but I had developed a lot of friends like pro women who were in the sport who were leaving

[00:32:55] the sport because they were so burnt out of going, working so hard to be in it and then getting paid so much less and having to struggle so much more. There was a bunch of us that lived in our vans and we look around at all these guys and they're wearing like designer sunglasses and they're walking up and you know, you know, they're getting paid so much money to be on the same boat.

[00:33:22] And you're just, you're watching them going, well, like what are we doing wrong? And so I had kind of at one point because it'd been so many years since I had made that plan. It'd been like five years and I was working in the industry. I had almost kind of given up a little bit. I had like the boat I was working on had lost its mast, which was devastating. So that meant I lost my job for the rest of the year. That's like 16 events.

[00:33:49] So that's, that's your whole year of like pay everything. And once, once you lose that, you know, it's hard to get back onto teams because they plan like six months in advance. And so I was like, oh, well that's, you know, whatever. And then I was like working on a boat and these guys walked down the dock and they were like, oh, would you want to come out to dinner? You know, we see you working here every day. It was Fort Lauderdale in like April. It was really hot and muggy. And I was like, oh, okay, great.

[00:34:18] Free meal would love to, you know? And I knew that they had a boat down the dock. And so I knew that they weren't like totally creepy or whatever. It was kind of like, all right, whatever. So I got to dinner with like them and their girlfriends and like, like pretty much all their friends and we are having drinks and things is really, it's like, we're having a great time. And then they're passing out like tequila shots.

[00:34:42] And at this point, like I realized that like, oh, I'm not in college anymore because I like had a couple of tequila shots and then I went outside and I vomited in the bushes and like came back in and was like, oh my God, I can't look like a wuss in front of these, you know, nice, nice guys who are, you know, paying for my dinner tonight with like all their family and their friends. And then, so I left, but what I had done when I was kind of a little tipsy, I had told them

[00:35:11] what my dream was. And I said, I want to be the first American woman to raise soul around the globe. And I didn't think anything of it. And then they called me about a week later and they were like, oh yeah, we love your dream. And I was like, okay, cool. They're like, we want to make it happen. And I was like, what? Yeah. Like so weird. So weird. And I was like, no, like no. So I say no, because I think they're being weird. You know, I'm like, yeah.

[00:35:40] Like nobody gives the homeless kitten, you know, in the parking lot, like a golden ticket. Who puked in the bushes. They didn't know. I don't think they, I think to this day they still don't know. I hid that one. I was like, oh, I'm not going to show them that I'm a wuss. And they, they own a couple alcohol companies. So I was like, they can, they can hold onto their liquor well. And so I was, and I was like, oh, I don't really understand what this all means. And so I said no.

[00:36:07] And then like their representative started emailing me being like, no, they like really like they're, they're into this, they're, they're into the pitch. They're into it. And I was like, well, for one, it wasn't a pitch. I don't like, I don't like asking for money for any of my sponsorships. And so it was kind of the super weird situation where I just kept saying no for like a couple months.

[00:36:31] And then eventually I agreed to do like one race on this boat. And so I, I went out and it was a double-handed race. And I said, they were like, oh yeah, you can bring whoever you want. And so I brought another woman with me and we went out and we won. And the guys were like, oh, that's so cool. Like, let's do another one. And so we did another one and then we won again.

[00:37:00] And there was another race that was going to go from Newport to Bermuda. And I was like, wait, this is like, this is a moment. Like we should definitely try to do this. And so it's a two division race. So you, you go down solo. So I would go alone for 600 miles and then we would then sail back together. Me and Kat, a girl I was sailing with. And so, yeah, we did, we did that race and I won the solo division down and then we sailed

[00:37:27] back and we won the double-handed division back. Yes. And it was just like, so. This is like a movie. It was like a movie. It was like. Because I'm getting all tense when you were saying that you were saying no. Even though I know the outcome, I'm like getting all tense. I'm like, stop saying no, Cole. Stop. Stop. Well, it's like, there's so many things like in your mind when you've been like, you've had your face shoved down so much and you, you just always think you're not good enough. Like, and I'd been in the industry for a while.

[00:37:57] I'd been in the racing world, but I'd always been like second. I'd always been like the one where they're like the other guys get the trophies. Even if I was on the boat, those other guys get the trophies. Like I'll just keep on working and I'll keep, I'll listen to the conversations and I'll take notes and I'll keep doing my thing. But I was always racing like fully crude with other people. And then there was a moment where I was like, I think I could really do this alone. Like I feel confident enough. I could actually just branch away.

[00:38:27] And the Bermuda one too was such a really amazing moment because it was like just this crescendo of like, holy crap. Like this is actually possible. And I knew the boat really well. I had been sailing on that boat for like five years, but with other people. And so I was actually now in charge of this thing and it was going really well. And I was like, you know, so many people were like, oh, it's a fluke. It's a fluke.

[00:38:56] And then we won the double handed back by like so far so much that it didn't, all of a sudden it wasn't a fluke. And so we went to the award ceremony and I'm like the crazy one. I wore a wedding dress to the award ceremony, which is like, I thought it was like, okay, this is my last race. I'm good. Like I give the boat back. Sponsorship is done. And then I'll, you know, I'll go back to my regular life of, you know, working with these other dudes and, you know, whatever.

[00:39:25] And the sponsors contacted me after that award ceremony and they're like, we want, we want you to do one more race. And I was like, oh, okay. Okay. What is like a cheaper race that they would still agree to? You know, I'm like thinking about it. And Kat, my, um, my crew who we'd won all these races with was like, there's this race that's going to happen in October. And at this point it was July.

[00:39:55] And she was like, there's a race and it's a race around the world. And like, you know, first lights already kind of set up, you know, for offshore, you know, you'd have to do a little bit more to make her for around the world worthy, but you know that boat. And you've got this race coming up and these guys want to sponsor it. Like, why don't you just jump the, jump off the cliff and just offer it to, you know, these sponsors. And so I did, I offered the two races.

[00:40:23] I offered the TJV, which is a transatlantic race, which would have been cheaper. Um, and then I offered the around the world race and both of them started the exact same day, like that year in 2023. And I got on the phone with them that July and I had pitched both. I had sent out both the budgets of how much everything was going to cost and for the best of my abilities. And FK calls me back. He's like the main sponsor guy. And he's like, so I see these two races here.

[00:40:54] He's like, so which one can you win? I was like, well, we have an older boat. So the TJV would be really hard because like the newer boats are going in for the TJV. Like we would probably get like a mid fleet, like best case mid fleet finish in that race because of just the boat that we have. And he was like, could you win the around the world race? And I knew that the vintage of boats that were going around were the same vintage as first light.

[00:41:20] And I was like, yeah, like I, I think that we would have a much better chance of winning that race. And he said that moment, let's go big or go home. The purse is open, whatever you need. And I was like, this is amazing. I'm like just grinning over here. This is so sick. It was like the most insane thing I'd ever been through in my whole life. And it was July. The race started in October.

[00:41:50] And these around the world races, people prep like two to five years for like, it's, it's not an easy thing to prep for. And so I was sitting in my van, I was at a job site and they were like, can you come work? And I was like, my whole life is about to change. We finished that phone call and I went outside and I was like, I don't think I can work with you guys for the rest of the summer. They were like, why? And I was like, because I think, I think I'm going around the planet in October.

[00:42:19] So I finished that job on Long Island and I, I went back to Newport. I got the boat and I called every one of my girlfriends, every single one. And I was like, you guys want a job? They, they like all of my friends quit their jobs. All of them. Like, it was incredible to see the, like how much they had watched like for years and years and years of me just like coming home and just feeling like so devastated.

[00:42:48] And I was living on all of their couches and pushing for this thing that felt like it didn't even exist. And now it was there. And, um, yeah, so we, I mean, we, we got the whole team together. I hired pretty much everyone was my friends. There was only one guy that the, um, that the brothers who sponsored me wanted to have on. And now he's like my second dad. Like he, he was an amazing Marine electrician and it was actually, it was his idea to put

[00:43:16] the cameras on board. He was like, Oh, I can get these super cheap cameras off of Amazon. We should film this whole thing. It's never been done before, which ended up being a huge plus. Yeah. It was absolutely. I mean, we put Starlink on board. We're the first sailboat to ever go around the planet successfully with Starlink. And I had gotten a lot of flack for like, Oh, this is a new technology. That's really scary.

[00:43:45] You're going to send, you know, this, this 29 year old girl out in the middle of the ocean with technology that's not tested. And, and I was kind of like, well, yeah, but American woman has never raced around the planet. So that's kind of untested also. So, so we're, we're kind of, we're trying out everything and it ended up being, you know, as you saw this amazing experience, but the best part about the whole experience really was like the team kind of coming together.

[00:44:12] And all of my friends had always known what it felt like to be in second place. And it was like, for the first time, they kind of could feel what it felt like to be like the top. Contenders. Yeah. So, uh, let's get to it. I mean, it sounds like to me, there's this like moment and you have three or four months to, to deliver. You're probably just scrambling.

[00:44:38] Are you actually thinking about the sort of mental training part of it? Are you just going to leave shore with what you've got on board in terms of your head? Um, do you know what I mean? Like, like, you know, you're going to go out here solo and I've, pointed out so many times that like most people do not spend time alone in our daily lives. It's very difficult to spend three days alone, a week alone. Like you have to go way out of your way to do it.

[00:45:07] You know, Outward Bound sees this value in it and they force kids to go spend a night alone. Right. And it can be this, you know, amazing thing or this devastating thing. So was it a thought like what, what's going to happen to me out there? Or, or were you just like racing to get the boat ready and done? And then you were going to deal with it later? Yeah. It's a, it's a great question. And I think a lot of people when you're in like niche sports, especially climbing and sailing,

[00:45:33] um, where you do spend some time alone, uh, you have to learn how to really love yourself, um, in a very different way than just like superficially. You have to really love your own mind and find it beautiful in its own way and understand that there's a dark side. That's always going to be there. And if you know, it's there, you can kind of use it to your advantage.

[00:45:58] And if you try to push that dark, you know, demonic side that we all have, we all have this really like scary side of ourselves. And that's probably why we do the things that we do and why people get into adventure sports. It's because it, it quiets that demon side. And I think that I wasn't afraid of that side. Like I had already, when I was a kid, I had some things that weren't so great that happened to me.

[00:46:27] And then when I got to college, I also had gotten into some alcohol and drugs and stuff. And, you know, that really brings in, it kind of brings that, that, that dark side to the forefront. And so I had already known what it felt like to be battling some form of darkness. And then as you're going through your whole professional career, you have people that are telling you, no people telling you that you can't do it because of this or that, and things that you're

[00:46:54] born with that, oh no, you can never do this because of something you can't control. And so you spend your whole professional career battling that dark side that when you're finally actually out in the middle of the ocean, it's the only time it's actually kind of quiet where that, that dark side is very in control. And versus like when you're walking down the street and you're thinking about, oh, where, where do I need to go?

[00:47:22] Or, oh, I got to write this email or I got to do this, or I got to do that, or I'm late to this. Or, you know, you, you, you're, you're battling that the whole time. And then you get offshore and it's like, everything just goes. And it's the most amazing feeling. And so there's this kind of this comfort about going offshore that I, I can feel safe. I'm actually feel much safer being offshore. So I think the mental battle was never about the offshore.

[00:47:52] It was whether or not I could keep things together when I was on shore before and after the race. And those are the, the hardest parts of doing this, this big of a monumental thing in your sport is the before it's the prep. It's, you know, everyone's asking you questions. Everyone, you're the leader of this thing that could fail.

[00:48:16] And then the aftermath of that, of dealing with the publicity and things like that and, and telling, trying to get yourself to stop telling yourself that you're, oh, I'm, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing. And so the actual act, I didn't need any practice for it. What I needed was on the outskirts of it. Right. So what was the feeling leaving? And where, where did you leave from? Where do you set sail from for that race?

[00:48:44] I left from Alcarunia, Spain, which is on the northwest tip of Spain. It's like the furthest spot you really can be on Spain to leave from. It's a beautiful spot, but it's also a super dangerous and, and really kind of wild spots. The frontal systems kind of come across the Atlantic and they build up speed and then they kind of attach themselves with the Arctic and then they, and then they kind of slap onto like the northwest tip of Spain.

[00:49:13] And so it's, it's a, it's a very interesting place to leave from because it's quite easy logistically to leave and get out. You don't have to go through like Gibraltar, which is like the currents really bad and, um, which Gibraltar is between, uh, Portugal and, and Africa. And that's kind of like a really dangerous spot to leave from. But if you're kind of that northerly logistically, it's okay. The weather leaving can be horrendous.

[00:49:43] Horrendous. What'd you get? I got horrendous. It was, we, uh, I was supposed to leave on the 28th, October 28th. And I ended up leaving the morning of the 29th instead because we were, we were seeing like 60 knot gusts and like five meter waves. And it would have been upwind to try to leave. And so they, um, like their coast guard that's there actually shut down like the Marina. You weren't allowed to leave anyway.

[00:50:12] So even if I had been crazy enough to want to leave, I couldn't leave until the weather window and the authorities had given us kind of the, the go ahead. But I wanted to leave like a month before then I was ready. Oh my God. I was so ready. So let's get into it. So you go, um, out alone in this boat. Um, well, let's just do this. How about this? Like, give me some, some strikes and gutters. Like what were like a couple, cause I can't have you.

[00:50:39] We'll be here for the rest of the day if, if you go blow by blow on this thing, but. You have to read my book. A couple of high points. Your book. My book, my book's coming out in September and it has all the craziness, but I'll, I'll do it. I'll do a little synopsis. I'll do a synopsis for you. Okay. Yeah. Just give us a couple of high points and then we'll get into like the dark moments. Um, you know, when it, when it felt the dark thoughts came in or it felt impossible or it felt really scary because we haven't talked about fear at all.

[00:51:08] And there, there has to be fear, um, in the middle of the ocean. It's just part of the deal, I think. So whether you want to go low or high to start. Uh, we'll go, we'll go low. Um, so it's funny actually that you mentioned fear. Um, I actually didn't have, I know this sounds like I'm a sociopath, but, um, Um, I didn't, I didn't. We're used to those on this show. Don't worry about it. I'm, I'm sure, I'm sure you are.

[00:51:33] Um, who, who was the guy, side note, who was the guy from, you know, the documentary The Alpinist? Who was, um. Yeah, Marc-Andre Leclerc. Yes. It's, that's one of my favorite documentaries of all time. I cry like a child every single time I watch it. I make all my friends watch it. I actually kind of feel, because I watched Free Solo, and don't get me wrong, that was, that's a great documentary. I couldn't personify with him very much.

[00:52:03] Sure. And then I watched The Alpinist, and I was like, oh my God, that's me. Like 110%, you don't feel fear when you're in the middle of doing something that you love. You're just doing it. You're just feeling, you're just part of it. Like, you're so absolutely present in what you're doing, that there's nothing else that floods in during it. It's not like you're all, oh, what am I going to eat today?

[00:52:31] Or, you know, what am I going to, it's just, like, you're just so unbelievably focused with what you're doing, where so many people would give me so much crap about, like, well, aren't you afraid of, like, falling off? And, you know, with Solo, you fall off, you die. Like, there is no, no one's coming to get you. Like, your boat leaves without you. Right, yeah. Yeah. You'll watch that boat leave. That's terrifying, by the way. It's a different, but it's not anything that I never thought about it.

[00:52:59] Like, I never once was like, oh, I need to watch my step. I just always, you make sure that when you plant your feet, you know that that foot is planted before that next step goes. Like, you always make sure. And even when you're moving quick, you're still always kind of running your steps. And you have your set amount of, like, variables that you give yourself in one time. So it's not overly overwhelming.

[00:53:25] Even when something, like, breaks, it's like, okay, continue and move and go and do your steps. And so when I first got started in the race, I think a lot of my friends and family were very nervous for me. And they were very scared. And I kind of was more like, yeah, you get anxiety like a normal human where you're like, oh, like, I should have done that a little bit better. Like, I know I can do better on that.

[00:53:54] Where I got food poisoning on the first two days and I threw up for 24 hours where I was, like, throwing up bile. I couldn't keep food down. And then I, like, shat myself for another 24 hours because whatever was in my system was going out both directions trying to get through. And so you're in, like, 40 to 50 knots of breeze going upwind, like, slamming through these waves alone.

[00:54:21] You have this horrible thing going on in your body and there's not much you can do about it. And you still have to, like, tack the boat and you still have to move the stack. And now you have to move a thousand pounds worth of gear and then tack and then go for a couple hours, move the thousand pounds of gear again and then tack again and make sure that you're doing it correctly. That was definitely a low point. And it was Halloween.

[00:54:46] And I remember having to do a Halloween post and I was, like, in my gear and my media manager, Lydia, who's amazing. She was like, we should do, like, a Halloween post for your social media. And at this point I was like, I don't think that's a good idea. Like, this sucks. I don't want to be on, like, social media at all. I feel like absolute crap. And she was like, but, like, you have fans now.

[00:55:16] Like, people are really into this. Like, you should do this. And I threw such a fit about it, which is so funny to think back because now I'm, like, involved in social media so much more now. And I did this post and it looked like I hated that I was doing it. Like, it was me being like, well, happy fucking Halloween. Like, here are my decorations and I'm dressed like a pirate and I hate myself. And I was, like, so horrendously cynical about it.

[00:55:45] And but the people that kind of came together and watched that post loved it. They loved it because there was no fakeness. Like, it was 100% exactly how I was feeling at that moment. It was like, I'm so tired of tacking. I cannot wait to stop tacking. This is so dumb. I'm so tired. You know, you're just like, you're, like, mad. And then you get through and it's, like, the whole world just, like, lifts off. And you have this beautiful sunrise. It starts to warm up.

[00:56:15] You can take your gear off. The wind goes behind you. And now you're just, like, soaring along. And you're, like, okay. Like, I'm out of, like, the depths. Like, in the Lord of the Rings where you've done the journey. And now you're, like, you're there. And that was, like, so the first, like, three days was pretty, like, horrendous. That's good. I mean, get it out of the way, right? Like, you can't get worse than this. Get it out of the way. And then you were, like, and then you're there.

[00:56:44] And it's the most amazing experience of your whole life. Every single day is so wonderful. And I just, you know, of course you go through these loneliness in the beginning. I say that it was, like, purging land where you're, like, letting go of humans. You're letting go where, like, I would have dinners with my team every night before we left. And then those dinners stopped.

[00:57:13] And now you're alone. And so probably the first, like, two weeks, so 14 days, I was really sad. Like, you feel like you're purging land. Like, you'll just find yourself crying. And you don't know why you're crying. And it's not because you're afraid. It's because you feel like you've, like, your whole family has died. Like, it feels like you've lost your entire family.

[00:57:41] And after about 14 days, you come out of it. And you're like, okay. Like, I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm recovering from this, from this, what we call loneliness. And then once it's gone, you start to see much more clearly. And I think humans, we just don't give ourselves the grace to actually last that 14 days. And once you last those 14 days, I think you can run through walls.

[00:58:10] You can do anything. I always say that if you're going to do, like, a journey like that, you should start. You should start your loneliness journey before you leave the dock. Like, don't talk to anyone for, like, a week before you start, like, a really big solo stint. Get the purging or the withdrawals, like, the human withdrawals out quickly. Because it's human nature for us to feel connection with other humans.

[00:58:38] And that connection has to leave first for you to actually be able to really appreciate the world around you. So, yeah. And then it took me 130 days to do the race. So, the first 14 were pretty rough. And then I cracked my ribs halfway through. So, that kind of sucked too. But at that point, at least it hadn't happened in the beginning. So, I was strong.

[00:59:07] Like, mentally, I was like, I mean, yeah, I was really upset that I had cracked my ribs. But how'd you do that? I was having a problem with a sensor that was in the boat. And the sensor actually tells the boat where it is in space. And so, same way that, like, imagine you have, like, vertigo. Like, imagine the boat had vertigo. It's really dangerous. I didn't know the boat had this vertigo that was going on.

[00:59:34] So, she was glitching, telling the brain of the autopilot where to go. And I was in, like, 15-foot waves. So, the waves were pretty big. And once they get over, like, 12 feet, they start crashing. And so, the boat had, like, a glitch. And I was like, uh-oh. Like, I kind of felt the boat do this weird thing. And then she turned. And as a breaking wave was coming. So, she had showed her belly to this breaking wave. And so, she rolled.

[01:00:03] And I happened to be sitting, like, on the high side, like, inside the boat. And I was thrown, like, across the boat. I cracked my ribs. Did you post that? I did. Well, oh, God. We got very close. I remember seeing a lot of things where you were, like, getting tossed around at least a little bit. But did you post that one? I can't remember. We did. We did post that one. We weren't going to because I thought it was too heinous to, like, show people.

[01:00:30] Like, you know when you really want people to enjoy your niche sport and, like, participate? You don't want to show the actual, like, sometimes the super, super dark side of what you're dealing with. Like, I was in the Southern Ocean. I was, I don't know, probably 1,000 miles away from, like, direct land. But it would have taken me another, I don't know, 3,000 miles because of the way that the wind shifts in the Southern Ocean. To actually get to land if I was, like, severely hurt.

[01:01:00] And it would have taken probably, I don't know, at least five days for anyone to come and get me if I was, like, devastatingly hurt. Which at that point, you know, there's, that's not really going to help. And so I didn't really want to post that and show the world, like, hey, like, as a woman, if you show something like that, they can, they can come back and say, oh, she's reckless. Or, oh, this is such a bad idea.

[01:01:25] Like, or maybe go after my mother and be like, oh, why would you let your daughter ever do something? And my mother was getting so much all the time from, you know, from all this comments of, like, how dare you? It's reckless. You shouldn't let her go and do this. And my mom was like, I have no control over what my 29-year-old. Yeah, I was going to say you're in your late 20s. It's like. Yeah. My mom's like, I have no idea. Like.

[01:01:56] So that was definitely, that was like hell week. That was probably the worst. But then we got through it. Southern Ocean. I don't know if any of anyone's ever been in the Southern Ocean that you've talked to on this podcast. So the Southern Ocean, it's one of the most difficult places to be on the planet because it's, it's pretty cold.

[01:02:17] I mean, I'm sure it's not nearly as cold as being on top of a mountain or anything like that, but it's this cold that like gets into your bones and kind of like rocks you. And it could be snowing or hailing and you have pretty big storms come through and it's pretty much never sunny. And so I was in the Southern Ocean for two months.

[01:02:41] And that on your mental state can be a little tough because you're constantly trying to stay warm and eat properly and exercise. And now I had to cracked ribs. So I couldn't really move like the right side of my body very well. And then you're still racing. Still in the middle of a race. I still have people that are like barreling down on me trying, who know that now I'm like the wounded animal, you know?

[01:03:11] Like they know. I saw it online. I saw the video. She's in trouble. Let's go. Let's go. Yeah. They're like, ah, like we, we got to get her now. And so you're still feeling like that pressure of like, and I had one guy that was in front of me. And so I was still like, you're still competing like at this high level, but I have to like strap up my, you know, put lidocaine patches and stuff like outside. And then I'm taking, you know, Tylenol like crazy.

[01:03:39] And, you know, you're all strapped up and you still have to like continue to do your sale changes and move the stack. And, but I think that there's a certain level of maybe crazy that extreme athletes get, like when you have something that happens to you really badly. And there's no, there's like no, um, there's no escape plan. Like you, you have to, you just have to keep going straight. Like there's no turning back. Like you can't turn against the wind and go back.

[01:04:07] I mean, you can, it would be way worse. So you kind of just have to ride it, hope you make it through and that makes me sound like a psycho. No, no, no, you're absolutely right. I mean, it's, it's part of the mentality. It's, it's, you know, you know, what you just said just reminds me of, um, of a story that was told on here by Alpinist named Mark Twight, you know, setting off on, on, you know, a Himalayan face.

[01:04:36] And you get to a point where, yeah, you can't really go down or you think you can't anyway. Um, or, or you're, you're pinned down by a storm and it's only up and over. That's going to get you out of here and stuff. And, and you make these mental changes and, um, and you just get, get the job done, you know, make or break, I guess. Yeah. So no, that, that's again, that this, this, this, this parallel, this fascination of, of being committed is what we, I mean, I don't know if that's the word you use in sailing, but in climbing it's commitment, being committed.

[01:05:05] In other words, you're, you're, you've let all the lifelines go and now you're out there and, um, chose to do it. So you have that to think about and, um, you know, here you are, right? For sure. The solo experience, you know, is often about this kind of, um, transcendence that you're looking for as well. Mentally breaking through to something that you don't get in everyday life.

[01:05:29] And, um, you know, I'm, I'm, uh, kind of have a old reputation for being a big wall soloist. Um, but like nine days or whatever was my, I think my biggest wall that I did by myself. And so, um, Nine is long. Nine is long. Yeah. I mean, you know, it took me a while. It's a winter ascent too. So it was nice and snowy and cold, but, um, but yeah, but you're looking for this thing and I, I, it's hard to talk about or it's hard to, to see it, but, um, maybe talk about,

[01:05:59] a little bit back to the high points of like, you know, this was your dream. You were fairly confident you could do it. Tell me about the confirmation of like, this is what I came for. It's an amazing experience because I had always thought about it and dreamed about it and wanted to do it. And I'd grown up in such a small town that most of my friends that I grew up with, like never left. They're like our tiny town and there's no, there's no mountains, but there's also no like huge big ocean.

[01:06:29] You know, so it's, it's, you're, you're in this very different world than you've ever experienced. And like the boat acts really differently when it's in the Southern ocean. Like there's really no training that you could ever do mentally or physically, or even like electronically to simulate how the Southern ocean works. Because like when we're, you know, out in the Atlantic, it's close, but it's not the same. Like the wave states are just wildly out of control.

[01:06:59] And when you, when it switches from like the Northwesterly to Southwesterly and it starts coming from Antarctica and it brings super unstable breeze. And all of a sudden then the waves are crisscrossed and all over the place. And you have to kind of still be able to like eat and survive and live and go to the bathroom. Seems to be a problem. Yeah. Learn how to like live in this world and keep, like, keep your head straight, you know?

[01:07:27] And it's, it's, and then it was weird because I had social media also that I was participating in. And sometimes the social media would like get into my head too much that I would just shut down everything. And I would tell my team, I'd be like, Hey guys, I'm going to go off the grid for a while. I'll let you know when I'm back on because we're also, I'm running through like battery powers. Like how much did my batteries work?

[01:07:52] I had solar and a hydro generator that charges through like how fast you're moving in the water. And so there was no sun in the Southern ocean. So it's not like I was really getting solar that much, you know, you get like a couple amps, but nothing like in the tropics. And so you're kind of like, your batteries are being depleted in the boat. Your batteries are being depleted on your soul. You know, you're, you're constantly trying to like keep up with this.

[01:08:20] I'm, I'm wiping the mold off from inside the boat every single morning. Cause like the dew is constantly like building up and building up, you know, there's no insulation. It's just a, it's just a fiberglass shell that you're living inside. And you're constantly trying to keep up with these things. And so it can, it's, I think it's like all this big kind of like, oh man, okay. We're surviving. I made it through like 30 foot waves.

[01:08:48] It was like the most insane thing I'd ever been through my life. These waves were massive. There's whales that are bigger than the boat that are out there that are like swimming next to me. You know, you're having like this, this quite amazing moment, but it's exhausting. And then you get around Cape Horn, which is what we call the Everest of the seas is to like survive the Southern ocean. And you make it through like around Cape Horn and I made it through Cape Horn and I, I fell asleep.

[01:09:18] And I had been living without an alarm clock. I would just wake up every, you know, like 20 minutes here and I'd be up for like another hour or 20 minutes there. I'd sleep for an hour. You know, my schedule was just wherever my, my rhythm was kind of going or whether or not I had like a bad weather window coming up. Went around the horn. All of a sudden you're in the lee of South America. And so there's like very little waves.

[01:09:45] And I slept for nine hours, which is so dangerous, which is like so unbelievably dangerous to do. So the boat's just sailing with you in it. And like in the Southern ocean still for nine hours, I slept and I was near the Falkland Islands, like dangerously close to the Falkland Islands. And I woke up in like an absolute full panic, like, oh my God, what, what's wrong with me?

[01:10:14] I'm like irresponsible that I slept that long. I can't believe I didn't set an alarm and I go out and it's just like, it's the first time in two months that I could see the horizon. Like the waves had been so big in the Southern ocean that I hadn't seen the horizon. And there's like just these little tiny waves, nothing big or anything. It's blowing maybe like 10 knots. Like it's just this glorious, the boat is just going along.

[01:10:44] It was almost like first light, my boat had just told me like everything's okay. Like she had just kind of taken me and been like, you need this sleep. This is for you. And it's just this beautiful moment of like after you come out of that wild and crazy world that's trying to kill you. Like you're in, you're in that habitat.

[01:11:07] The same way, like if you're going up to climb a mountain, you know, that storm is going to hit you whether you were there or not. Like it's, we're in the wilderness habitat. And it's up to us like where we find the safest places. And then when you actually get out of it, kind of like when you see, I guess, when you look out and you're at the top and you're above like the clouds, I'm sure that's like such an amazing moment. Cause you're like, oh my God, I just, I lived that.

[01:11:36] I survived all of this craziness. That's the in-between the journey of going up this mountain. And that's what the Southern ocean is. It's two months of just an absolute climbing battle of getting through this ocean. And you don't see any boats. I didn't see any boats for months. And you don't talk to anybody on the radio. You know, people don't really know you're there other than your little tracker and the social media that I had done.

[01:12:07] And then you get around and there's just this like relief of like, oh my God, I've survived the horn. Now I'm free. I'm back in the Atlantic. I'm safe. I'm almost home, which I was still 7,500 miles from the finish line, but it was like almost done. I only had one more month left.

[01:12:32] Like that's probably one of my most, like one of my most beautiful moments, I think of the whole race was just going around the horn. Yeah. Well, if you guys, you guys should change that to the Nanga Parbat of sailing because Nanga Parbat is much harder than Everest. But just a little climber. Okay. I will change that. Let me see if I can change that before my book is published.

[01:13:00] So let me ask you about like ego and humility. I think I heard you say that word humility at some point in something I was listening to where you were talking about going back to like a dinghy or something like racing smaller boats, like put you back in your place a little bit. You know, this is, it's sort of a, it is a massive ego project, right? It's, it's, it's this, this ego of like, I can do this. I can go against the Southern ocean.

[01:13:27] It, you know, climbing is the same way, especially with alpinism. You have to believe your abilities and you have to tap into that. Like I am, I'm capable and I'm a great person and I can, I can ascend these things. But let, let me talk about that, like of being humbled. You, you, you got your ass kicked when you broke your ribs, you know, you got your ass kicked when, when you had the, the, the food poisoning.

[01:13:53] How do you sort of use those things to not just, you know, say I'm done, right? Like most of us would have like, come get me. I'm over this shit. But use it to sort of both fuel your ego, but kind of keep your ego in check. Like, do you know what I'm getting at? It's kind of a, kind of a difficult question.

[01:14:13] Like how, how are you out there with, you know, keeping Cole Brower, not giving up, but also like I have a task and I do have one more month or I do have three more months or, you know, keeping that sort of line. Uh, even, and can you? Yeah, no, it's really, it's really interesting. I find very, like a lot of comfort in being out in the middle of the ocean and the planet that we have is glorious.

[01:14:41] Like we, we have this most amazing thing. And what happens is that like, I think I go into it where I allow the planet to have the ego and I allow myself to be checked constantly. Like where, when I was thrown across the boat, like I didn't blame first light for that. I didn't blame like the wave for crashing. And I think that a lot of athletes, like, I think that needs to be like taught sometimes.

[01:15:07] Like when you, if you were to be like a pro athlete and you were going to come up into this world of like professionalism and, and any sport, I think that it's really interesting. It's almost like we need to, we need to see that we're like our equipment should, shouldn't be against us the same way that the planet isn't against us.

[01:15:29] And I think I always consciously made sure that I didn't have that, that kind of moment of like, like, oh, this is, this is, that's false. I would, I'd be very conscious and be like, oh no, that was, I was sitting in the wrong spot. Like I need to, I need to do better here where when I cracked my ribs, I recognized that like, I could have put myself in a much better position that I wouldn't have fallen so far.

[01:15:57] And so then afterwards I always kept, I kept my bed then on the low side, which is not advantageous for racing. But at that point I was like, my safety will take priority over the race itself. And I'll just stack more stuff on the high side to balance out my own hundred pounds that I am.

[01:16:21] And I, like, it's, it's, it's kind of this like balance of things where I had been fighting so hard to be part of this race. And there was a moment, like when I was tossed where the race kind of went out the window a little bit, where all of a sudden it wasn't about like the race. It was about making sure that the boat is safe because if she's safe, I'm safe.

[01:16:43] And I spoke to First Light, like she was like my mother, my daughter, my, my friend, my, my boyfriend. Like we, we talked, we argued a lot. We, we would get into big arguments, but it was really just like my subconscious.

[01:17:00] And I think that's actually what keeps you human is that if you feel like someone is watching you, like First Light watching me, I'm not going to end up being, you know, egotistical or think, oh, I deserve to have this because of X, Y, and Z. Because First Light would have told me, no, you don't like this ocean is, is, is hurting both of us right now. And we need to respect that this ocean is like the mother of everything.

[01:17:30] And we are this tiny little speck. And I think that nature, nature, like makes us much more in control of our own egos very quickly. And you could see it. I read a lot of the, like the other guys that were racing in the race, they would post on a blog.

[01:17:50] And I would see that a lot of times they would blame like the storm that would hit them or they'd blame their equipment that though they didn't have enough money or that they couldn't do this or couldn't do that. And I always saw that as like painful for me, like very painful. Because I'd be like, well, you know, don't blame your, your boat. Your boat is actually your trusty steed. Like, like she's there to protect you. You know, she's your everything.

[01:18:17] And there was two guys that sank on the race and two guys that lost their mass. And so I felt for not just them, but I felt for their boat, like you're losing almost like your horse. And I think that's also what makes me, when I go to these next events and I go into these positions where I'm not like the main person, I actually still find comfort in the boat.

[01:18:44] Like I will still stay late and almost like, oh, this is going to sound super weird, but I still like talk to the boat and I create the friendship with my vessel as almost like a protection thing where, you know, if you treat your vessel well and you know that the vessel has the ability to kill you, you, you don't mess with that. You know, you, you protect the vessel the same way that she's going to protect you.

[01:19:12] And a lot of people don't look at it that way. I think especially a lot of pro sailors, they look at it like that the, the boat is, is not an entity. You know, the boat is just a, is an object that they use as like just the, the thing that brings in the trophies and brings in this. But I mean, I wouldn't be the sailor that I am if I hadn't, I've had first light to kind of teach me and guide me along this way.

[01:19:37] So I'm quite respectful of, of any boat that I go on to and I make sure that they, they get the, the things that they need so that I can do what I do. And that sounds so foofy when I say it out loud. It sounds so much better when I write it down. Awesome. Yeah, it's fine. No, no, everybody, I, people are all nodding their heads. Don't worry.

[01:20:05] Really, honestly, honestly, that, that was a great answer to the, to the sort of inquiry around that. Yeah, I'm not quite sure if that answered your question. I'm really not quite sure, but. It doesn't matter. The questions are merely a, a starting point. You know, I, I referenced this, this climber Mark Twight earlier and so much of what you're talking about reminds me of not only his episode that he did on this podcast, but his writings.

[01:20:29] He was sort of a philosopher king of, of alpinism, but in his estimation, you know, he would talk about coming back to the valley. Right. And he used that metaphor of like, and that's coming back to life, coming back to, you know, all the things you talked about when you, when you leave shore. And yours is, is going, you know, back on land. So, so tell me about that.

[01:20:50] You tell me about finishing the race, literally like sailing in and arriving to, you know, tell us how you did, you know, how you finished in the race. And also like the reception I'm sure was amazing. But let's start with that. And then we'll talk about maybe the afterwards. So I was on my way in, I'd gone around like the North side of the Azores. So as you're going, you can really, depending on where the weather systems are coming from the East coast and they kind of spin around.

[01:21:19] A lot of times you can get into a situation where you can either go South of the Azores or you can go North. And of course I had to go the long way, which is the North and trying to avoid this bigger storm that was coming through. And as I was going around, it started blowing like gusts of 65 and just, just like this, this, everything that could start to go wrong was starting to go wrong.

[01:21:46] I could just feel like first light was kind of whining, you know, this is like the final, like, oh my gosh, we're almost there after, you know, four months, one week. And the press was starting to infiltrate and be like, oh, we want interviews. We want this. We want that. I had told my team. I think I asked for one. Sorry, I apologize. It was probably a lot earlier than that, but. That's okay. My team was like fielding so much at this point. And I, I, poor Lydia.

[01:22:16] I told Lydia, I was like, just say no to everything. And she was like, oh my God, this is going to, this is going to lead to some disaster. And I was like, no. And I just shut down my Starlink. And I was like, I'm just, I'm going to finish the race with first light and I together. And that's it. And I was battling it out with the, like, we had 65 knots. And, you know, you're, you're trying to like pretty much talk the wind down. Like, please just allow me to finish this race like, and safely, you know?

[01:22:43] And like, you're going, you're going past Finisterre, which is like the way that the wind kind of hits the coast of Spain and Portugal and kind of like swings up. And just, it creates so much more wind than like it ever forecast. It's always like 15 to 20 knots more. And you just know it. And then you get into the lee of Spain, like when you have that southerly.

[01:23:10] And all of a sudden it drops and you're moving it like two knots. And it totally changes the whole game. So you feel just like wind broken. I don't know if that makes any sense, but. It makes absolute sense. I know exactly what wind broken feels like. Not at that level. But yeah, no, no. I mean, yeah, absolutely. When you're in the mountains and it just won't stop. Yeah. Yeah. It won't stop. Yeah. It's like the worst thing.

[01:23:36] It's the, it's, and it's so funny because like, I'm not a wind lover, which is really funny. Like, I, I'm not a wind person as being a sailor. That sounds really strange. But like when I don't, when I'm not working, like I love a beach that has like nothing. Like no wind, like dead, like not even waves. No kiting or anything for you. No, no. I am, when I am off, I am off. I am like cocktail in hand, book in hand, like just no.

[01:24:06] And then, so we get in the, I get in the Lee, we, her and I, we get into the Lee, Spain. And I call one of my teammates and I'm like, Hey, I'm actually here earlier. And he's like, Oh yeah, nobody's awake. Like, we need you to slow down. And I was like, okay. So I'm like flogging the sails, trying to slow down. So now after four months and one week, my whole team is like, okay, like the media is not going to be there on time.

[01:24:34] You know, you, you have to be there. Like we had made this plan that we were going to be there at first light because the boat's name is first light. And so we were like, okay, we're going to do this. But now I was there at midnight. So I was like, Oh shoot. Like, this is not okay. And so I'm slowing down. I'm cleaning, I'm cleaning first light up, trying to get her all set up. And I called my teammate back again.

[01:24:59] And I said, can I just go to like a mooring and just take the sails down and take a nap? Can I just do that? And he was like, no, like you can't do that. Like there's, there's going to be media and everything. Like you're going to try to sleep through it. Like I was not really into this whole media idea at all. I was kind of like, well, let's do just exactly what's necessary to get my name out there. And then we'll stop. Like we'll do just enough.

[01:25:27] And then like, that's it. And if I was to go back in time, I would have actually fought harder and I would have just dropped anchor. And I would have slept for a couple hours. And like to this day, I still am upset with myself for not like being stronger and just saying, no, this is, this is what I need. This is what I need right now. I need a nap. I hadn't slept in 24 hours because of the storm that I was in.

[01:25:52] And so I was like, no, like, and I'd always at this point prioritized first light safety and my health over anything going all the way around the planet. And now I was starting to feel like society is creeping back in where your own personal health doesn't matter to other people. It just doesn't.

[01:26:13] And not to say about my team, but the media doesn't care, you know, as long as they can get their viewership up and play this beautiful video of me and interview me and whatnot. And so I get to the, I finish, get to the dock. And all I wanted was a croissant and a cappuccino. That's all that I wanted, like on, on all of planet Earth.

[01:26:37] And I stood there so awkwardly because for one, I hadn't hugged or touched anyone or talked to anyone face to face. And now everyone was waiting for me to speak. And it was the weirdest, I have to say, it was so uncomfy. Like, it was just so weird. And everyone was like, oh, this must be like the most amazing part of the dream. And I was like, no, the dream happened. It was back there. It was in the Southern Ocean.

[01:27:06] It was going around the horn. It was the tropics. It was these three little birds that were shitting all over the deck and following me the whole way up the, like, up the coast of Brazil. Like, no, like, that was the dream. Like, that was this beautiful moment. And now I'm here. And people, when they talk to me, they spit. And I, like, don't know what to do about it. And, like, there's people that want to, like, they want to hug me.

[01:27:33] And they want to, like, like, do I shake their hands? Do they kiss me? Like, there was this, these rules that all of a sudden I didn't understand anymore. And immediately within, like, I don't know, 10 minutes of my finish, I had to go on the Today Show. Holy crap. Holy crap. Yeah. And I was like, oh, this is really cool. I feel like in a past life, this would have been, like, one of the most amazing experiences of my life.

[01:28:01] But you get on it and they tell you never to look away from the camera. Like, you can't even look at any of, you know, the people on the screen. And they're like, just talk to that little green dot. And you're like, there's, you don't get to actually experience it.

[01:28:22] I was so jealous, so unbelievably almost angry, upset, frustrated, irritable, jealous, that everyone else got to experience it. Except for me. I'm still a little bit bitter about it, to be honest. Because everyone got to really, like, party and have a great frigging time and, like, eat and drink.

[01:28:51] Like, my stomach was so messed up. Like, we went out to dinner and, you know, the food in Spain is really fatty. I hadn't eaten any fat for four months. So I couldn't even eat. I couldn't make it to the dinner. I was, like, hunched over. I couldn't really drink alcohol. I couldn't. There was all these things and I couldn't enjoy any of it. I was in 30 hours of interviews back to back to back just sitting. Everyone went to go watch Formula One at a bar.

[01:29:17] And I was sitting in a hotel room, like, just taking shots of espresso, trying to keep myself awake. And it was just this moment. All my girlfriends, we sat on a bed and we watched Mulan. Because that's, like, all that, like, my brain could really, like, with the bandwidth, was that, like, my best girlfriend, like, Kelsey, she's, like, singing the songs, like, the Mulan songs from, like, our childhood.

[01:29:44] And it was, like, the only bandwidth that I could handle. I couldn't even cry. Like, there was just no emotion. And it's such a weird feeling. This feeling took months, months to actually, like, recover from. Right. Yeah, I had that question. Yeah. Yeah. I think everyone thinks that it's this amazing thing to finish.

[01:30:10] But the amazing thing was the race, was being in the middle of the ocean. Like, it was never about the trophy. It was never about, like, for me to complete the, to be the first American woman to race soul around the planet. I didn't have to, like, I got second out of 16 competitors. I was the only woman. But the record was just to finish. I didn't need all the fanfare and all of that craziness.

[01:30:40] Like, I just wanted to be able to enjoy it. Like, I would have actually loved if it was somebody else. And I could have just been there, like, fangirling off of whoever was doing it and be part of, like, this monumental moment. Where the monumental moment was all pointed at me. And I didn't have the mental bandwidth to be able to, like, accept it and have fun with it.

[01:31:03] But it was the only time that I ever felt fear in the year or so from the start to finish or whatnot. It was the only time that I felt absolutely crippling, undeniable depression, fear. Like, just going into your darkest corners of your life and then coming out and saying,

[01:31:31] I understand why people, like, why celebrities, after they go, like, really high up, why they get into cocaine. Like, I understand. Like, it makes perfect sense. Like, why they become drug addicts when they're not left alone. And being alone was the most beautiful part. It didn't create fear. It creates, like, a sanctuary for your soul. And now that was just all gone.

[01:32:03] And, yeah, it took a really long time to recover. Well, I mean, I had that question. It's a common question on here about that. Yeah, the letdown. And like I said, we can actually, you know, use the literal metaphor of coming down into the valley, as Twight would put it. And, you know, after these experiences. And everyone talks about it. I've been talking about this Polish alpinist on here named Wojciech Kertka.

[01:32:29] And he's written about it of, you know, being in this other state and then having trouble coming out of that other state. Yeah. Yeah. You're in. But did the people around you understand this? You know, because it seems like everybody expects a certain thing of you. And then you're maybe doing the opposite of what they expect. Were you able to get understanding from your team and the people around you as you started to flounder a little bit?

[01:32:56] I would say most of my team understood. I think that it took a while for everyone to really get it. I definitely lost some friends because I shut my phone off. I wouldn't answer anything. And everyone was wondering, like, oh, why is she ignoring? Like, this isn't like her. When she was, like, when I was offshore, I was participating and I was really loving the whole experience. And I was, you know, mentally available, I guess you could say.

[01:33:26] And then I came back and I went into hiding. I moved back into my van in Newport, Rhode Island. Didn't take any jobs for a while and just said, okay, I'm just going to enjoy the summer, like, in Newport. And my, like, really close girlfriends could totally see the turmoil. They didn't ever ask anything of me. I have a really close girlfriend, Serena. I live in her driveway.

[01:33:53] Like, her husband and her live in, like, their little house. And I, like, come in and use the toilet and the shower and stuff. And they totally took me under their wing. And Serena, like, would make me breakfast and coffee in the morning. And we would just sit there and not talk about sailing. We would talk about the weather or, you know, what their dogs had to eat for, you know, in the morning. We would just try to get me back into, like, a norm.

[01:34:21] But I was doing, you know, three or four speaking engagements a month because now I had signed with an agency. The videos, the YouTube videos, all the interviews. Like, I signed up to write a book, which has now taken me a year and a half to write. And now it's almost done. Like, really cool things came out of that. A year and a half's not bad. By the way. A year and a half on a book's not bad. Don't worry about that. I assumed I could do it in three months because I was like, oh, I raced around the planet in four.

[01:34:50] I can do it in three. They were like, no, that's not how this, you don't do that. But, um, so I went through this whole thing of, like, really cool things came out of it. But I had to rewrite the book twice, almost three times because I started writing it with such mental turmoil that when I first sent in the book, it was, wow, it wasn't me. Like, it wasn't me. It was angry.

[01:35:19] It was, like, just this darkness. And my, like, close girlfriend, Serena, was like, you can't print that. Like, you can't, like, don't print that. Like, it's, that's not you. That's just, like, the, like, the demons that are living inside you right now. You need to find an outlet to get rid of that and so that you can, like, show who you truly are. And so, like, I rewrote that book a bunch. And so it's, it's better now.

[01:35:48] It's, it's a little less dark. There's some dark bits, but it's, it's not as dark as it was. So I get it. I feel like alpinists, they, they probably totally understand what it feels like to be isolated from the world. But so, like, welcomed by yourself and so warm and so comfortable and, like, you just, you, you have basics.

[01:36:13] And the variables are within this construct where you get out into society and the variables increase, you know, by a billion. And now you have to worry about all these different things and where the biggest worry that I had when I was offshore was making sure that I was, like, eating properly to stay up with my nutrition. Like, okay, I need to do this and I need to make sure I'm hydrated because I'm going to, I'm going to climb the mask.

[01:36:43] So I know that if I climb the mask, I'm going to be sweating a lot. I'm going to be up there for, like, an hour to two hours if something's wrong. I need to make sure that I'm, like, mentally all there. And so I would prep, you know, and, and so you would spend, like, a day or two days prepping your mind and your body to make sure you were ready for that type of exertion of getting yourself up this mask, which the mask is only 70 feet. It's actually not that big.

[01:37:13] But climbing up when you're getting, like, slammed about as you're sailing is, is, is a different level of frustration. And then you're already, your body's already depleted. So I get it. Climbing is not easy. I, I would, if I had to go back in time, climbing would have probably been the way for me to go because I, I think you can, you get the best exercise. And it's so good for your mind.

[01:37:41] And you also learn what it feels like to really love yourself because you have to when you're out there. How did you emerge from this? I mean, there's, like, accolades piling on you. You know, everybody's very excited. They want you to be part of whatever they're doing. I mean, I was included in that. You got, you know, Yachtswoman of the year, I think the following year. Is that what it was called? Yachtswoman? Yeah. Yep. Yep.

[01:38:10] And so I mean, but, but I'm, and you're, and you're probably, if you're in this mental state, you're probably rejecting all of this. Right? Like, you're like, yeah, these things don't mean anything. Or, you know, these people are wrong about me. They don't understand what I'm actually really like or whatever. How do you emerge from that? What did you do to, to move on a few months later and find sailing again in a way I think might, might be a, what, what happened?

[01:38:36] A lot of people were giving me a lot of different awards for a lot of things. Um, seamanship awards, the Rolex Yachts Woman of the Year. You know, they, they, they give you a lot of these things, but they don't give you, you know, the next gig or the next job, which is.

[01:38:52] The whole goal of my entire campaign was just to kind of put a stamp in and say that, you know, women that are young and small coming up into this super male dominated world can actually like make a huge impact specifically in the mainstream and bringing this niche sport into the mainstream.

[01:39:40] And people were like, yeah, that's great. You're not going to let the other ones who actually were doing real work. Going around the planet was amazing. Don't get me wrong. And it was hard and it was wonderful, but you know, there's still women fighting to get representation in this industry who didn't do it through the way that I did it. And people were like, yeah, but you know, we just, just take the award and be quiet and go away. And I, I realized I was like, I got to get back offshore.

[01:40:09] Cause I need to figure out, you know, why do I sail? Like I, I, and I need to say goodbye to first light. And so I sold the boat to a woman who lives in Australia and she didn't have the money to actually get the boat shipped from Spain to Australia. And so I called her up like the crazy person that I am. And I was like, why don't we just sail the boat, boat set up. Like it's ready to go. Let's just, let's just go.

[01:40:38] No race, no nothing. Just F it, you know? And let's do the, let's go back into the Southern ocean to do it. You know, we won't take like the Northern route and then go through, you know, the Indian ocean, the Northern Indian ocean. And she was like, yeah. So she didn't have that much sailing experience and I had done it solo. So I felt pretty confident. And we left December 1st of 2024. So I'd finished my race in March and I was like, okay, I'm going back out.

[01:41:08] My mother was so mad. Oh my gosh. She was so pissed off at me. She was like, you missed Christmas. It's going to be the second Christmas. So I go back out there and it's just as amazing. It's just as like, it's like it had called me back. And I realized that, yeah, the media attention was great and it looks great. But the truth of the matter is I have to keep sailing to keep myself sane.

[01:41:35] Like this, I've been on, I've been on like a sabbatical from sailing for like the last like two, three months. And all my friends are like, you have to get back out there. Like you, we can't deal with your craziness. You have to go and like get it, get it out and be a part of this planet in a different way. And I think a lot of people can do it. Maybe it's just to go to that yoga class, you know, that really hard yoga class or maybe to go for that hike or whatnot.

[01:42:04] For me, it's sailing super long distances into like the abyss. But for other people, it could just be one little small challenge every single day to keep them sane. Like especially in this crazy political atmosphere, it's wildly out of control. I'm like, get me back out there so I can be safe and feel safe. I feel a thousand percent safer out there than I would ever feel on land.

[01:42:33] And I'm sure there's a lot of climbers out there that would agree with me on that. All right, folks, thanks for listening. And thanks to Cole. Doesn't she just feel right to be in the climbing world?

[01:42:58] Like you would have no problem if she rolled up in her van and parked next to you at Indian Creek and hit you up for a belay the next day. Also, throughout that interview, you know, I had this kind of like guilt complex going. Like I am the press, you know, in my moderate small way. I am the person forcing Cole to explain herself. So I really do appreciate that she she made time for that, that she fielded my questions as best she could.

[01:43:24] I'm very much looking forward to her book where she can go even deeper and have her thoughts organized in a way that she's super comfortable with to put out in the world. I encourage you to find out more about Cole. Follow her on Instagram at Cole Brower Ocean Racing. It's pure fun and adventure over there at her Instagram. And I will keep you updated on the forthcoming release of her book. Sounds like later this fall. Cool. It's springtime.

[01:43:54] Let's go, as the kids say. You remember what's your Dawn Wall? Now it's what's your global solo challenge? What's your getting offshore? Let's say that. What is it to get offshore for you? Think about it. Do it. And in sailing, as in climbing, maybe more so in sailing, don't forget to check your knots.

[01:44:15] I mean, can you imagine just like ripping across the Southern Ocean and if your system fails, if your clip-in isn't double-checked and you fall in the water, you just watch your boat sail away. And you contemplate your stupid mistake for days. A week? However long it takes for you to become hypothermic and go underwater. Just an incredible level of commitment.

[01:44:43] You come far, pilgrim. Feels like far. Were it worth the trouble?

[01:45:15] What trouble? I'm taking off the bend here. I can walk. I have more. I can walk.