Sharing Our Stories - Stacy Kay Syphers

[00:00:00] The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in the following program belong solely to the host and guest and do not necessarily reflect those of this radio station. Our parent company, advertisers or affiliates. Welcome to Sharing Our Stories.

[00:00:12] We share stories of support for individuals in recovery from substance misuse and mental health related issues. There are numerous pathways to recovery and each week we welcome powerful leaders and role models who have struggled in drug and or alcohol addiction, have found a pathway

[00:00:26] and who thrive as positive community members with an ongoing vision of success. Join us as we share our experiences, strength and hope. When the world says give up, hope whispers, try it one more time.

[00:00:37] My name is Slim with Nani Al Jalil and of course Tomas Fernandez from Tribe Recovery Homes. Our guest today is Stacy Kay Syphers from Colorado and if you're just tuning in you're like what is this all about? Well Sharing Our Stories is a program about addiction

[00:00:54] and recovery. Everybody in this room has dealt with addiction to drugs and or alcohol and we are in our recovery and we believe that by sharing these stories hopefully we can reach somebody

[00:01:04] out there in the mile high who might be suffering an addiction or somebody who has a friend, a family member, a loved one who is suffering an addiction and maybe you can understand what they're going through a little bit more or if you're dealing with addiction

[00:01:16] you can say you know what I'm listening to these stories of other people in recovery it's something that I want it's something I believe I can do and I want to go for it too

[00:01:24] and I want to make it happen so we like to share stories of recovery and let you know that recovery does happen. This program is brought to you here at the Merge Media Academy Studios

[00:01:33] the 5280 podcast studios and it is brought to you by Tribe Recovery Homes and Caring for Denver and Tomas Hernandez is the CEO the hefe of Tribe Recovery Homes he's a very busy man

[00:01:46] it's why he's always sitting here with three phones as he but no this is real this is for real as he as he's helping people out like he's actually making moves pretty much at all times and

[00:01:57] he is a leader in the Colorado community him and his team Nani and and the rest of the staff they have there and helping people get clean get sober and find their recovery

[00:02:09] I love the hatch it got on today thanks man it's a friend of mine from Compton he's in recovery he's got over 25 years for those that can't see his hat it's a bright red hat with

[00:02:18] white lettering it says it's dopless on it having no dope dopless yeah yeah yeah he made it look like a Dodgers hat well I didn't bother to notice the the font of the Dodgers yeah

[00:02:31] you could care less about that part yeah but I like the message of dopless man how's things going how's the expansion into Vegas going it's good it's good we got a good team out there you know it's

[00:02:43] what's great about it is um I took another approach then just kind of cutting down the middle and then just creating other two families Colorado and Las Vegas is working together tirelessly

[00:02:54] to get this program going to make sure that we can hit it um Las Vegas just like Colorado government is really um been open arms um so my ideology of marrying community to to uh

[00:03:17] you know judicial agencies to to to politics to to government working hand in hand really works um you know I I came in there with a very small budget drove a car in there and did exactly what

[00:03:32] I did when I first started tribe here in Colorado and it's uh and it's worked so it still blows my mind that you're a guy that talks to politicians and people of high stature they talk to you

[00:03:45] and offer you hundreds of thousands of dollars to help people recover you yeah but it's a learning like term terminology like EBITDA and all this stuff on financial stuff and it's like but the most amazing people are in recovery or folks just like yourself folks that you don't

[00:04:01] judge a book by a cover don't look at somebody and think you know who they are because if somebody did that with you they're going to be so mistaken so mistaken to find out that you're a leader

[00:04:11] in this community of helping people get clean man so thank you for that thank you I appreciate that you know it's the biggest thing and the listeners that are out there that they feel

[00:04:19] stigmatized just don't let them do it just you know you got to look in the mirror every day I got to I got to see who I am I have tattoos all over my head my face my body and I'm not going to

[00:04:31] stigmatize myself so I'm not going to let anybody else I'm not going to allow somebody to judge me or nor do I care how they feel about me I'm going to get down the road and

[00:04:45] I'm going to get my dreams done because there's only one life what else I mean I've wasted a lot of it you know I have a lot of people that depend on me you know I mean I got a wonderful life I got

[00:04:58] a great wife I got amazing kids I got I don't just have employees I have family like Nani Texas me every morning you know what I mean she's probably the most bubbly race sometimes

[00:05:11] she keeps you working she keeps you moving Texas is like oh hi the donut with a freaking sunrise Nani how are you doing I'm doing good staying really busy staying connected to the

[00:05:25] community lots of really great things coming up for tribe lots of events going on we're excited holidays are coming yeah so my hi if you've ever wanted to be a guest on this program if

[00:05:34] you want to come in and share your story you're you've dealt with addiction you're in recovery Nani's who you talk to Nani's who will reach out to you and she will she will give you the full

[00:05:44] rundown of what you're getting into when you come in here to speak and she is our liaison between all of our guests in this program so if you want to come beyond the program jump on our

[00:05:54] facebook page facebook.com slash sos sharing our stories leave us a message and Nani will reach back to you and you'll be sitting right where Stacy is yeah and our guest today is Stacy K

[00:06:06] Cifers from Colorado and I've known Stacy for years like over 10 years because your daughter was in high school and you said that she's 26 now yes and your daughter is a cancer survivor by the way

[00:06:16] i just want to start with that she has the most amazing daughter who dealt with cancer as a child she is fully recovered right we call in remission we call that right yes exactly wonderful kid I

[00:06:28] remember as a kid she's a young adult now but I gotta give Kennedy a little shout out yeah hey Kennedy how you doing and I'm so and I'm so happy that sure that you are where you are in your life and

[00:06:38] healthy and and living Kennedy and just live in life is what I mean so um congrats Kennedy all right so our guest is Stacy K Cifers from Colorado um thanks for being here thank you guys

[00:06:50] I'm really I really am excited to be able to hopefully with my story help somebody well you know the it's it's the program runs really really simply if we help one person if we reach one person

[00:07:02] if that message gets to one person out there in the mile high it is a success and I firmly believe that what you have to share today will do just that and uh mile high I want you to turn your

[00:07:14] radio up just a little bit more if you're online streaming us turn it up a little bit more and uh give your attention to our guest today from Colorado Stacy K Cifers thanks for being

[00:07:24] well thanks again I I'm super excited um to be here I do feel that um as Tomas had mentioned like the stigma of addiction alcohol was um things like that because it was really really super hard for me

[00:07:44] to tell anybody anybody that I was an alcoholic or anybody that I was an addict I mean it just wasn't going to happen because that to me was just such a dirty disgusting you know that's what was

[00:07:57] brought in oh well he was an alcoholic or her dad was in you know and it just was like that's me and I just realize that I have to admit who I am and what I am and that I'm going to be

[00:08:11] this addict alcoholic for the rest of my life active no but I still am an alcoholic if I pick up that drink you know I'm an alcoholic in recovery is what I should say um you know I think back I am

[00:08:28] from Delphi Indiana so that's a really small town in Indiana and um lived at the normal Midwest life just was a cheerleader you know was just uh hanging out with my friends in the 80s and

[00:08:45] I'm you know just having a good time drinking that boon's farm you know that was my first time of drinking was boon's farm to monsters look like he had a such a flashback his eyes opened up

[00:08:55] his eyes have been closed since we started it is fully opened up and he was like boons farm do you have a flashback to that that was like the fake id thing oh yes absolutely boons farm

[00:09:08] in purple passion so they could get drunk too purple passion tickle like mad dog 2020 yes oh matting yeah big mouth mickeys you know you name it so I think that was my first experience

[00:09:22] with drinking was in high school just casually partying and stuff but I I should have known at that time like most young girls that something wasn't quite right with me because I also was

[00:09:36] starting to have an eating disorder went hand in hand I don't know what the correlation is you know medically but that was something that was happening to me so I tried to get a grip on all

[00:09:49] of that and I wanted to leave my small hometown um to see the world so I joined the military and um I am 100 percent service connected disabled through the VA and that is quite a

[00:10:05] feat to to get a service connection so I had some pretty nasty things happen to me in the military you know and so when I left at 18 I was grandfathered into Colorado had the grandfather

[00:10:20] clause where you could drink three two beer or whatever nobody ever checked you know but we could drink at 18 you didn't have to be 21 so I mean I went from some bad things happening

[00:10:32] even through basic training into my first um duty uh station was lorry before it changed and is now buckly and so we could drink there and I did and it it um it was something that was

[00:10:49] comforting to me and something that um I could forget some of the things that happened but then more things kept happening and I used to blame myself for that like many women do

[00:11:01] I'm doing something wrong I'm asking for trouble you know whatever happened but now that um through the different recovery programs that I've worked I realized that it wasn't my fault um I really truly

[00:11:17] was a victim which I don't like to think of myself as a victim because that just sounds so helpless but part of me as a victim I had things happen to me that I couldn't stop I had things happen to me

[00:11:30] that no matter what I wanted to do to make it not happen there wasn't that avenue for me to be safe so I went overseas and again this is back in the Gulf War I'm so I'm aging myself quite a bit

[00:11:49] or Desert Shield Desert Storm I'm right there with you it's okay we're right there we're right together yes um I I ended up having um some I was finding myself again here comes this creeped

[00:12:04] up this eating disorder again and I was really sick and I think it was my cry for help like can't you see that I now that I can look back at it can't you see that I need help like I don't

[00:12:17] know because I couldn't say the words because I felt like nobody was listening to me so I think destroying or hurting myself was one way that I was hoping that I could be seen that way

[00:12:31] so with that being said I ended up getting out of the um military with an honorable you know honorably discharged uh luckily um never had any major problems in the military or got in

[00:12:43] trouble in the military um I just was kind of swept under the carpet and hopefully you know she'll get out and I did so I fought really long and hard with the VA for um the uh the

[00:13:00] what do I say being 100 service connected um disabled not because I like the word disabled but because it is the truth and sometimes we have to take what other people judge us as

[00:13:13] when they don't know anything about what has happened so after the military um you know you're pretty lost I was pretty lost I was like I don't know really what I'm doing I'm back in the midwest

[00:13:26] which is where I wanted to leave from and I found myself getting into um some really shady um working at bar um you know just kind of walking around in a bikini and you know because that's

[00:13:41] just what I could do for fast cash at that time I've never really like totally admitted this but um making money thank god I I mean and I'm not judging strippers but I didn't get to the point where I was

[00:13:53] stripping I didn't get to the point where I was selling my body and I thank the Lord for that all the time because at that point I started to do cocaine because it kept me skinny and um there's

[00:14:05] going to be a lot of people that can't believe the story but um I was doing cocaine and I was on a bunch of mental health medicines that they had given me after the military and I ended up going to my

[00:14:18] first rehab after my first rehab I got out was was doing really well was working um at a location back in Indiana met um who I would marry and have my beautiful girls Kennedy and Kerrigan absolutely

[00:14:39] just the joys of my life um in the military I had Nicole so I have three daughters Nicole who's going to be a psychologist Kennedy who is a cancer survivor and has a titanium rib cage

[00:14:51] so they literally took her ribs out and put a titanium piece in I have Kerrigan who just who just got married to Louie and just got to be a massage her massage therapy degree

[00:15:05] so those three girls are doing great and all the mess up as I was as a mother somehow those children made it because I put them through hell and I know that unintentionally I know it was not

[00:15:17] easy for them so then I have a son also which will come a little bit later but um he's at University of Mariana baseball and academic scholarship so you know I am very grateful that

[00:15:30] my children um so far are staying on the straight narrow and have not been in trouble because oftentimes children that come from such broken parents and such misguided and unaware

[00:15:43] as I was they could have very easily fell into that but I think part of me knew that I needed to keep them straight so I came back to Indiana as I mentioned and went into my first rehab got

[00:15:58] married um terrible uh when you are codependent so uh marriage failed and I came to Colorado and was completely sober so I have been sober up until my latest relapse almost 13 years sober

[00:16:15] so 13 years completely sober not even communion wine you know like no we are sober and we're going to be sober I was sober through Kennedy's diagnosis and through all of the stuff that happened with

[00:16:28] her and her cancer journey six weeks after Kennedy was diagnosed my father was diagnosed full cancer was gone a couple months later while my daughter was in treatment here I'm flying to

[00:16:42] Indiana to say goodbye to my 60 year old dad still sober two years later my mom had a glioblastoma 61 years old that's a brain cancer if for people that might not understand that terrible disease

[00:16:59] terrible um and all three of these cancers are non family related or history related you know they're all different so I'm sitting here thinking what in the heck is going on with our family like my both my parents are gone but my daughter is doing well still sober

[00:17:18] so I think what happened is that my ego got to me I think I felt like if I can stay sober through all that you're good now I'm fine you're good I relapsed in one second that one second that I

[00:17:34] decided that I am fine I am strong I can have a glass of wine what is a glass of wine well the glass of wine was damn damn near at the end of my life because about a year later I'm standing in

[00:17:48] the snow without any shoes on a little sundress with my gun and I was standing out in a corn field and ready to end it all so that's how quickly things can change I'm not saying that

[00:18:04] everybody that relapses goes to that extreme but it happened to me and so I was um 100 percent out of my mind of suicidal depression anxiety so on and so forth so three years ago well in 2020

[00:18:24] so the year of the pandemic I went into um into Harmony a treatment center in Estes Park so I went in and in the end of March well during that time the whole country shut down

[00:18:43] we didn't know I used to be there 30 days I was there for much longer because I I needed that extra help so the whole country shut down when I came when we all so I can't imagine

[00:18:55] the other people came out there was no meetings in person there was no um being able to have coffee with somebody if you needed to talk because you just straight out got out of rehab

[00:19:08] there was there was nothing it was all done online and where I live up in northeast in Colorado our service is not that great as far as for for internet and things shady spotty so I would

[00:19:23] get so frustrated like I just want to talk to somebody like I just need somebody to talk to so I realized that that wasn't going to be an avenue for me so I needed to find self help

[00:19:35] books and I don't really have one that I can say is like the one go to but things about um your goals you know goals of what you have because I needed to look to the future

[00:19:49] because what the problem was with me is I never let go of the past as cliche as that sounds I never let go of the past so I would bring it up all the time I did this I had two failed marriages I had

[00:20:03] three you know all of these things that were just so awful in people's eyes but it brings me to where I'm at today so I think that by finding avenues that I could do for on my own at that

[00:20:18] point because I could not have um one-on-one or person contact worked for me and people will say you know you definitely need to have in I am not ever ever bashing any kind of program because

[00:20:32] I've been to those programs and different programs that are available and they all they work but when they're not available to you at all how can something work when it's you

[00:20:42] can't even find a place to have a meeting so I believe also in addition to the programs that are available to um addicts and alcoholics is that you can do things on your own if that's

[00:20:59] what has to happen for that time you know I made it through that time that we couldn't our country was shut down so after that I decided to then I got on to the zoom calls and I was able

[00:21:10] when we could go to the library and use the library access and things like that you know and that really really helped so with that um being said I think that I would like to

[00:21:25] just share with people that if they're in a really safe they feel like they're in a really safe and good place I'm not trying to scare anybody but I can tell you that in one second

[00:21:39] that can change you're not completely sober forever if you're not working that program or that you you have to fight for it and and that sounds extremely extremely rough I guess and

[00:21:59] that's not what I'm trying to say you have to fight for it because the demons and the of this disease and with the addict and with pills it was pills that were prescribed to me I had pain medicine

[00:22:11] that was prescribed to me why knew exactly what to say to the doctor to get more because they made me feel good so you know I liked that and and that was something that

[00:22:22] was comfortable to me so I know for a fact that when I thought I was safe I wasn't and when I thought that I was in control I wasn't and how quickly it went from the glass of wine

[00:22:42] at the piano bar to me standing in my yard with a gun to my head the disease for me takes me into an absolutely horrible place it's not being numb from something

[00:22:55] that happened anymore it's I have a hold on you I have a grip on you so what does your recovery look like today so like past COVID past the self-help books where what what does that look like

[00:23:09] today how did how did you get to where you're at today to keep keep that ball rolling um yeah that's that's the that's the question I'm sure the listeners are biting their nails at right

[00:23:20] sure so with where I live and there are not meetings available there are online zoom calls where you can be in a meeting okay and be in a meeting with people that you can then

[00:23:35] be in the same meeting you know and go which is what I did it was one that was extended from my EOP for Harmony okay once I could get that but that is exactly what I needed to do

[00:23:49] that's awesome and through over Harmony's good good good program I've toured it many times I remember I used to joke with the CEO that uh I was going to steal the big black rhino

[00:23:59] out of there they have a they have a huge rhino inside there that's uh extinct and you can't sell it you can't take it out of there can't transport yeah it's real so yeah so it used to be a

[00:24:09] hunting lodge so before they turned it into rehab that things just basically stuck there until it burns down or disintegrates but I was like yeah I was going to try to figure out a way to

[00:24:19] go to make your new mask take that rhino yeah I was gonna get it somehow let me just look at me but yeah I just thought I'd throw that out there listeners but anyway speaking of the

[00:24:30] hunting lodge there was one day I was in rehab and I kept hearing on my window and it was a glass window and I had um because of PTSD and things like that I had my own little room um for night terrors and

[00:24:43] things like that as I was detoxing and stuff and I kept hearing and I opened my door and there was a turkey with his feathers out and he was trying to attack himself in the reflection

[00:24:59] in the reflection oh okay I don't know what to do shoe shoe you know go on tell me he was huge and then as I looked out there was other turkeys there but he had found his reflection and then

[00:25:10] another day which I really needed this in recovery I opened the door and there was the biggest herd of elk that you could ever imagine and I just stood there and watched how large they

[00:25:21] were but how how they were gliding across because it snowed up there when I was there in March April and I looked and I thought how majestic like you know it's those little things that

[00:25:34] you see that all of a sudden just kind of hit your heart and so like of the hunting I can understand that's a hunting lodge because it was just it I was like this massive animal

[00:25:46] I just felt like I needed his power or something it was it was crazy but yeah and the work that they do there what they've invested in you know um listeners they put in 3.5 to 4 million dollars

[00:25:58] into a detox for their patients into that in that building and not on the hunting lodge just not just a hunting lodge it was invested into that's harmony is a beautiful beautiful beautiful

[00:26:11] rehab it also helps for our first responders so um if you are a first responder and you're struggling right now please call harmony if you need help do not sit there and feel like

[00:26:26] there's not a place for you harmony can't help you in this park that is a great that and I can attest to it I've been sober ever since today I left so you know now it's over three years

[00:26:41] I don't take one day of that for granted because I had almost 13 years why did I want that wine why part of me still has the demon inside that thinks that if you're going through a tough time

[00:26:53] or something there's a way to to numb that it has to be that yeah you know me being in Vegas um I always tell like I was telling nani and julio when we got there like just remember it's

[00:27:07] just a light bulb there's a light switch somewhere around here all that is is just a light bulb it's just a place with a light bulb don't don't buy into all this bull crap that's around here

[00:27:20] we're here to do we have a mission we're here to save lives absolutely and and I love that save lives because I know that there's somebody out there that is very much like me

[00:27:31] that has tons of sobriety you know years of sobriety over a decade of sobriety that sounds like a lot yeah yeah it is over a decade right and things in the world right now are really really hard

[00:27:45] you know I mean it's hard out there I'm not going to get into the politics of it um because I'm way opinionated so I'm going to keep that to myself I do got a big question yes

[00:27:56] being a mother going through all the things that you had to do but the big question is is being in the woman in the military being a vet in recovery what does that look like because

[00:28:14] that's that's there's many of you out there and that's not a question that's that's asked a lot and that's something that really needs to be asked and well one thing I can honestly say is that if there's anybody that is struggling at all that has

[00:28:30] been in the military we all have this this pride in us that you know I did not believe that I had PTSD why would I that's for the the frontliners that you know that the people in battle

[00:28:44] people can have PTSD for many different reasons and there are people that have seen things done things um had to work in the medical field whatever it shall be they have had parts of trauma in their life

[00:29:01] and the way that I explain that and then I'll go back to finishing that is like here is a ball a perfectly round beautiful ball I'm holding in my hand so I'm going to set the ball down

[00:29:12] because this is the beginning of my life and I'm going to roll the ball and then when something happens to me and I'm saying significantly it roll it goes over a razor blade so part of the ball is gone

[00:29:24] or injured but it's still rolling so it's rolling again to the next trauma to the next terrible heartache of somebody's life to the next trauma so you have this ball that you pick

[00:29:37] up and all around it it has slices in it that never change that that'll never leave you that is in that is in your psyche in your body in your mind whether you're addressing it or not it is there

[00:29:52] then something else happens and all of a sudden this ball is rolling back and forth and all these other these other slices are now going for what you just had we're going to make it bigger

[00:30:03] we're going to fix it you know like we're and that's how I can explain it so the ball of my life had tons and from childhood unfortunately to the military to high school when it started with

[00:30:15] the eating disorder there's a slice to the things that happened to me in the military there's a slice to the the abusive relationships there's another slice to the diagnosis of my daughter there's

[00:30:27] a slice death of my parents I could go on and go on so I'm holding this ball that's that's just sliced but it's my ball it's it's me and there's a lot of light in that ball

[00:30:38] so I did not realize that that ball can hold PTSD you know I just didn't realize that so there's there's people in the military that are out there that that don't think that they're

[00:30:50] worthy or don't think that they they fit this this level of getting help because they weren't front-minds whatever it would be yeah the thing is is that they can go on to va.org okay and I'm not a

[00:31:05] spokesperson for the VA at all I'm telling you what I've done with myself they can start a claim the day that they ask for the medical part of it is a day that they sign up at va.org it might take

[00:31:16] a while for them to get it to go through but it goes back to that date they can get help there's free resources on va.org without going through to get a um to get a I'm so sorry this is my brain

[00:31:29] um a percentage uh to get a rating that's what I meant to say this is crazy because I'm talking to you about this I sat with um he's he's pretty famous I don't know if you've heard of

[00:31:39] Brian Slate trauma and triumph yes trauma and triumph yes I sat with him last night I'm consulting for him in Utah he's building a 300 bed facility for veterans I love that so much um yeah we'll

[00:31:53] definitely have to have you meet up with him yes I'm going to bring him to Colorado please to uh to see how we do things at tribe because he wants to put a judicial track in that

[00:32:06] military service is so much needed for for men and women and for the service um um you know it's it's a trick out there every our listeners are listening um you know it's not

[00:32:19] a Medicaid track it's a try care try west type of situation um it's very tricky va has to very much protect our service people because people that outside influences and outside uh private

[00:32:36] um agencies sometimes tend to abuse those those insurance policies and then they have to lock it up a little bit and then bring it back in house you know so we really need to do a better job as

[00:32:49] providers to make sure that we are given those proper services out there to our military that come home because you know I don't know if you've ever been into any problem solving

[00:32:59] court just like this young lady just stated sitting in the front in a sundress with a gun they either go hard or go home there's no really a misdemeanor about it there's not it's triple 70

[00:33:12] felonies in one case um you know I was talking to brian he was just talking about he was so mad the other day that he was just putting cement in the back of a truck and the guy didn't do it

[00:33:23] how he wanted to and he almost ripped him out of the forklift it was that quick with his tbi his reaction exactly so what is tbi that is a brain injury traumatic traumatic brain injury got you

[00:33:35] got you yeah um and ptsd um is very much like that so I have problems with my um short term memory and things uh that I really am very aware getting better aware of um adhd I thought that was just

[00:33:51] a hyper kid running around no it's how you cannot follow through with tasks and things like that so those are some good things um that happened was the diagnosis so then I know how to help myself

[00:34:04] get better but before I went to harmony I forgot to mention this I um worked with six counties so I was the only representative at the time for veteran suicide awareness so um that was also part of it

[00:34:23] that put me over the edge is that there are so many of them that I you're not I that that aren't being saved that are not getting the resources that they need that are not getting the medical help they're

[00:34:36] just saying you know what we're going to send you home come back or get a hold of your therapist well you know you talk to a vietnam vet that's up in the middle of northeastern colorado

[00:34:46] where is he going to see a therapist the closest hospital is over an hour away there some of them do not even have smartphones do not have there's apps for everything well some

[00:34:56] still have lion landlines and and you know the thing is is that I saw every age that I could you know it's from kids that are just coming home to um the Korean all of it so I think this

[00:35:11] stigma for for ones that did not think or do didn't did not believe or didn't understand PTSD and the fact of alcoholism happens um the drug addiction happens the um you know everything

[00:35:28] even heroin and meth I mean there it's everywhere I mean if you have a veteran that that has a tooth that's infected where are they going to go to get help when some of them can't drive

[00:35:42] and then you start getting that how are they going to numb this pain I mean that sounds so silly but it happens all the time and I learned that in my job before I was standing in the field

[00:35:54] with a gun to my head um see that's him right there yes he gets you with him that would be amazing I would love that book it's called cleared hot um we got to get him on the show I love it

[00:36:06] trauma and triumph that's crazy and you were just with him yes last night he wants to do he bought a hospital bought a hospital in Utah I just you know I mean it's wonderful military it's

[00:36:21] it's going to be ran by military vets I just think it's I think that is amazing and the thing with so many vets um since we're on that subject and because I am one and it is a big part of

[00:36:34] my disease and and things um everybody talks about the stigma stigma stigma well there is a stigma there I mean you know you start to hear that so often like let's break the stigma you

[00:36:47] know well everybody no there is a stigma because I was not going to put disabled veteran plates on my car because I didn't think I deserved that and I was a hundred percent service connected

[00:36:58] disabled disabled yeah I you know things like that um that I had spoke to so many people because I had six counties so you stick with eyes yourself I did why wouldn't I because I wasn't I was I was

[00:37:14] abused um but did I cause that abuse was it because you know I was drinking or my girlfriends and I were out doing things you know and so I blamed myself you know I still get that

[00:37:27] there's a couple there's two establishments in Las Vegas right now and I'm not even gonna I had a couple of friends even one my attorney that I can't even go into because of my tattoos and how

[00:37:37] I look um basically blocked my entry they don't even know what I do for a living um gang affiliates you know they blockage you judging me for gang tattoos and affiliation and possible

[00:37:52] men is whatever whatever's on their mind you name it it's in their computer and my ID flag to go into establishment and I can't do that anymore you know and that's and it's going on today and it's funny you know these two establishments are are just one particular

[00:38:09] that I'm not going to mention in blast which I want to so bad um is the pot calling the kettle black on that you know what I mean just the dumbest situation on earth um on that and it's uh

[00:38:23] it's funny that still today drinking energy drinks smoking cigars doing nothing not even participating in the things that happen in this place walking out at a respectable hour I still get thrown under the bus but I'm okay with it today because you know what like how we're talking

[00:38:50] about at the beginning of the show I really don't care what people believe in me but I do got to believe on what I care about myself right because I can be my worst enemy like what George

[00:39:01] talking about you know I mean so I really got to learn how to love myself and and not say mean things to myself oh yeah absolutely not allow you know because it creeps

[00:39:11] in because the ones that love you that tell you certain things you start to believe those things you know that's and that's how what happened to me when I was younger you know those those

[00:39:20] certain things that the ones that you love so much that say certain negative things yes kind of starts to become a part of you right and then ideologies of those things you kind of just hold

[00:39:30] on to so like those great things about recovery is awesome like I always mention noni like I'll get that text I'll get a text from a kid that I get like my my homeboy Cory Deon he gives me a daily

[00:39:41] reading every morning crazy crazy dude from Boston he's from Southie crazy guy you know and he'll say the most reputant stuff if you call him like it's it's spiritual on the page but

[00:39:56] like you know just I do you know anybody from Boston oh yes as soon as you call him like what's up yeah yeah absolutely you know yeah you know I do know my ex-husband is from Boston yeah so

[00:40:08] what's that yeah you know what I mean yes I do and it's that and it's that there but you know he's in recovery who jump on a plane with his last dollar if I called Cory you know and that

[00:40:18] and that's the beauty of recovery listeners if you're not in recovery and you need to be in recovery get in here because I'm telling you you can make it it's the best place on earth I have

[00:40:31] my whole family in this damn whole movement that saved my life if you were at seven in the morning right now contemplating your life and you're loaded you have tears in your eyes or you're a family

[00:40:52] member and you know somebody that needs help call somebody now don't don't hesitate don't wait there's not time there's no time you don't want to be just like this lady just said just like she

[00:41:06] just said sitting in the middle of a yard with a pistol in your hand she's not the first she's not going to be the last right she's not unfortunately there will be many people that actually pulled

[00:41:19] that you're gonna pull that trigger you know what I mean you got to pull the trigger the other way you got to use the phone yes and that's what happened with me it was a phase time I think

[00:41:28] what you brought something up about this stigma I was actually in the VA and I had an older gentleman and he was with I'm assuming his wife possibly or you know a female that was around the

[00:41:39] same age and he said why no why she's here I know how she got here to me I know how you know loud enough for me to hear and I thought what does that mean and so his wife said what are you talking

[00:41:55] about he goes it's the pretty ones and I was sick first off I don't think I'm pretty that's not what I'm saying the second off is that he literally knew I knew in his mind why I was at the

[00:42:10] VA and that just I'll never forget that you know and about the pistol in the hand one thing I can say having suicidal ideations in my past is that people there are people that don't want to kill

[00:42:26] themselves I'm gonna say that and I'm gonna get a lot of slack and the reason why I'm gonna say that is because I've talked to people that actually were in the same it's that one second choice

[00:42:36] where nothing you cannot see one single beam of light in your world at that very second that you did not have hope you did not have recovery choices you did not have try you did not have options and it's that one second that you cannot take back

[00:42:59] and if you can get a hold of somebody I always say one second if you can get a hold of them before that one second because it is in that second and in that second I ended up FaceTiming my beautiful

[00:43:09] daughters and I was out of my mind and now I'm so embarrassed that that happened but I am embarrassed that they had to see me I'm saddened not embarrassed I'm saddened that they had to

[00:43:19] see me like that my husband my current husband is somebody that I went to high school with and then we separated you know in our separate ways he went to play college ball I went to the military

[00:43:30] and we've been together now 15s let's see cadence now and we 20s are like 17 years so um with having somebody that said I'm going to find you help you need help I've got to get you help

[00:43:48] and he is calling around just a country boy from Indiana and I love you David if you're listening to this but try and to tell them this is the insurance that I have how can I help my wife

[00:43:59] no I'm not going to take no I need her to get in there today that's love and to to do that for me um knowing not to force you to assist you to assist me I knew I had to go

[00:44:12] you know because I I'm not a big I'm not big on forcing people I don't think it works in the long term but assisting yeah that's so I try to tell these people you're a family member you got

[00:44:20] a loved one or something yes assist don't force don't force assist yes because at that point if somebody would have told me that that's what I needed to do if somebody would have said

[00:44:29] you're so effed up and you know and you're ruining the family and stuff I would not have cared that they said that I would have resented them for saying that to me yeah you know my mom did it all

[00:44:39] the time you're ruining the family I'm like well what I understood is y'all were ruined before I was born so like I'm you're a jerk I'm an addition I'm an addition to it I'm just carrying

[00:44:52] in the flame here right you know what I mean she's getting mad at me saying stuff like that but I get it you know but yeah you know just the thing force you know I've done absolutely you know

[00:45:01] not to tube my own horn but I mean 36 states I've done a lot of interventions I've done over two 300 interventions it's easy that's wonderful and there's uh it's just patience and listening shut the hell up listen let them get it out they're gonna run they're gonna kick they're

[00:45:20] gonna scream just let them get exhausted and then my favorite thing is I just laughed at what I do it's like you're done yet done yet do you believe in intervention do you believe it works I believe

[00:45:32] the way I do things I don't do the big family lock the car in the driveway let's do the family letters and all that stuff I go right in the midst of the situation I pray to my higher

[00:45:44] power to speak for me and I have conversations I have the first conversation maybe I got to come back I have the second conversation you know sometimes it's on the first one and they're ready to roll

[00:45:56] you know what I mean first contact is a phone call but the first time in person I know that I got a shot to do something you just kind of know it's not a it's not a like your intervention is an

[00:46:07] influence them a community with them open their mind yeah they gotta you gotta here I am and this is the intervention and I'm putting you in a back seat and I'm taking you to a place

[00:46:17] you're being locked up they gotta build trust you know that doesn't that doesn't yeah I don't show up in the solution stuff that they got they gotta build trust because where I'm where I'm meeting them

[00:46:25] Matt is like you know I'm the places where I did it was like in Boyle Heights Riviera Beach Miami Trenton New Jersey you know what I mean the middle of LA and in in Skid Row you know I'm

[00:46:37] going I'm going to places where nobody else will go and I'm just sitting with them downtown Denver of 13th and in a Lattie it's amazing what you can do by just talking to somebody you know

[00:46:49] you know you got different kinds of currency there you don't know how far socks and underwear goes fresh socks and underwear you know a dollar can buy you a conversation five dollars can buy a

[00:47:03] meal maybe a beer for them ten dollars can feed them twenty dollars is cool fifty dollars a hundred dollars could get you killed or get them killed or it could kill them with some dope yeah so you

[00:47:13] got to watch giving so much money you know what I mean but resources all that kind of stuff you know there's a lot of different ways to do interventions but it's really building trust

[00:47:24] once you got that trust no matter how high they are you know sometimes if they're too irate you gotta you gotta gear back down chill out get them some coffee in them you know and

[00:47:35] sometimes people just ain't ready they ain't ready if they're if they're racing too hard give them your card but like you know where to get ahold of me and then you just come back

[00:47:43] like what's up man you ready you ready now you ain't ready let's go you ain't ready you know but you don't box a man like I see some stuff on tv like man I

[00:47:53] I've never been a fan of interventions but yours is not the way I I envision intervention and so yours I'm a fan of yeah but hey man we just here you're gonna come with us

[00:48:04] because we're tired of this and we're locking you in in the car and we're now I did the kid ones have you ever heard of the kid ones that go to like a teen challenge and all that

[00:48:13] basically the parents sign over the rights and I had a big old Samoan friend that's in recovery and you got painted in the butt kids and we just basically kicked the bed at 12 at night and

[00:48:24] wake them up take them but like your bags are packed your mom's packed your bags get up get in the car this paper says boy you're coming with me I might have a different view for those under 18

[00:48:34] yeah that's a little bit more a little bit more you know that's a little bit more open to that I'm just not a fan of intervention because if you don't want it it doesn't work exactly but

[00:48:43] you know like my type of intervention you know I have a thing that I say to them when they you call me I take my hat off they see my tattoos like if you didn't for instance in front

[00:48:52] of me a man with his tattoo on his head you effed up in life man if I'm your last resort if I'm your last resort in life there ain't much left on me

[00:49:15] there ain't no preacher there ain't no pastor there ain't no doctor the only doctor that's left is pretty face it's pretty ugly not his face the situation you know the situation you mentioned

[00:49:29] man I'm sexy man I don't know what he's talking about I said not your face I said the situation's pretty ugly Stacy you mentioned rock bottom and what I believe oftentimes with the interventions

[00:49:40] um and I too um it would not have worked for me so I know what you think rock bottom is for me is not rock bottom for me possibly what you think not you personally you know what what my family

[00:49:56] you cannot you know you have reached rock bottom oh no oh no I could go further yeah I have a couple pi or what a fifth savaka to go to for me to get out and shoot the field to get out into the

[00:50:11] field with no shoes on with the gun yeah my mom rock bottom because I um told somebody in my family something that you know told them off or whatever yeah my mom used to think rock bottom was I was

[00:50:24] going through all the wires I used to click because first I used to think you're always a cop when you got too many wires so I take everybody's wires like oh my god so I have a bag full of them

[00:50:34] so I'd sort through the wires and she didn't know I just started getting loaded so I slowed through the wires like oh my god this is the rock bottom for you I was like I just started

[00:50:42] getting high hold the phone you ain't you ain't seen nothing yet you know and that's just I I think that if my children if my husband if my sister because we lost both of our parents so we're

[00:51:01] kind of orphaned in ways we say that if my half brothers if my step brother was not enough for me to not walk out into that field something was wrong deeper in my soul and in my psyche

[00:51:16] and I had I have mental illness I will have mental illness probably for the rest of my life how I treat the mental illness because those people whom I would die for I was ready to die for a different way of my own selfishness and they weren't enough

[00:51:38] but yet I'd lay my life down for any of them explain that you know I was not thinking of my family my son who is a senior whatever we're getting ready in high school who I was not thinking

[00:51:52] of anything but the fact that I needed to stop what was happening in the pain of this mental illness and the stigma with mental illness I I don't want to have to get this beeped out but I

[00:52:09] am it can happen to anybody you can be a doctor you can be a janitor you can be whatever there are things where you just know that things are not right where you might have anxiety where you

[00:52:23] might literally be paranoid and you're keeping yourself in your room you might be angry at everything that's going on in the world and so you are starting to become full of rage

[00:52:36] where if you go out and you are armed you could do something to somebody and not even mean to because your mind has put you into that situation that is where the stigma is real

[00:52:51] you know I'm not some fancy little stigma of mental illness let's let's everybody say that we can get help love it but that's not me I am like this is what can happen to you this is you know

[00:53:03] these are the resources that you can use now not that everybody needs to be nice and and understand that people have mental illness yes we do need to be nice but that's not getting us

[00:53:15] anywhere in my way of they want to make it less abrasive so it has to be word Smith it because but the truth of it like I agree with you it's not it's very dirty it's messy it's messy and we

[00:53:29] ugly and you got to get to the to the root of it quick right and you got to understand your messy is not my messy to the next person that's right you got to get ready to roll

[00:53:38] your sleeves up put your boots on strap them on and get into it because it's going to be a long ride yes and mental health just like recovery is a lifelong journey it is it's a day by day lifelong

[00:53:51] journey it is I absolutely agree with you and the fact that I have have accepted that my brain is broken my thinking is broken people will disagree with me but I know it is broken because

[00:54:08] when I go there it's broken if I don't take keep it in check and stay sober it's broken and I can be broken but I can be beautiful I can be broken and I can hope the best for you and everything

[00:54:24] that you're working for and mean it I can be broken and when I hear the story about the living facility tribe right yeah I want to say tribal so I didn't want to say it wrong

[00:54:34] I can be broken and love you for all of these years and follow what you went through be it stop smoking be it whatever and be happy for other people when they make those those accomplishments

[00:54:46] in their lives and I will be broken forever so the biggest difference from your 13 years that you spent and the three years that you've had now what are some of the biggest blessings that you've

[00:54:58] had since that you have a recovery program now that is a great question because in the 13 years I was sober but I wasn't working anything I was working on Kennedy getting better I was working

[00:55:12] on the miracle party that I started which was the party for children with cancer and hundreds and then thousand people would go to once a year I founded that you know then I was a

[00:55:22] foster mom then I worked for the the veteran's suicide you know I was trying to help everybody else I was helping my daughter because I had to and that's what we needed to do I was trying to help

[00:55:33] with the miracle party because I was starting to get lost and not working a program so instead of drinking I was doing the miracle party I was starting then I was starting to drink

[00:55:43] and working with the veterans um suicide awareness see see what happened I did not have a program so what is what is what's the biggest blessing for me now is I'm aware and I can say it

[00:55:55] and it hurts but I'm an alcoholic and the first time I said it really was here on the show tonight I'm an addict I have an obsessive compulsive personality that if it's going to be all or

[00:56:10] nothing I'm not going to just dabble I'm going to go full force and not care if everybody else around me is going to die too thank god I didn't get into anything with fentanyl thank god

[00:56:21] I didn't get into heroin or meth not judging I'm saying had I tried it with my addictive personality I would have been there yeah I wouldn't have stopped so with this with this sobriety

[00:56:33] now it's that I can admit who I am not feel such terrible shame that I am a recovering and completely sober alcoholic an addict who wants to help others I am 100% service connected disabled not because I want to be because other people did really bad things to me

[00:56:56] I need to use that to help people but in a healthy way help people when I can because otherwise I would throw myself full force into helping everybody else and then I lose

[00:57:07] myself right yeah that's right so I just you know I have so much to share that if anybody ever wants to message me on Facebook or whatever I have quite a following there just because

[00:57:19] a Kennedy's journey so I don't think I can accept friend requests but you can follow I think follow me or whatever I don't know about that reach out it's reach out it's what I'm trying to say

[00:57:28] reach out I got all into that like way too much message me I you know I'm not going to ask anything personal if somebody needs to message me that's a veteran or just need some resources

[00:57:39] follows enough you know build up to build up the flow build that I can send some links to you like I can send links that's that's amazing that you're available you know you can't keep

[00:57:48] what you can't keep what you don't give away I truly truly believe that since the beginning it's one thing in 12 steps on the 12th stepper that I did not follow they told me that

[00:57:57] you know hold up you just can't just start helping people from the beginning I mean I wasn't going to try to sponsor but I'm gonna help you I'm a grown-ass man I'm gonna help you

[00:58:06] and I'm gonna keep helping you I have a motto I'm gonna help why everybody else hesitates yep I like that you know you can twirl your thumbs I'm hoping mahi this is sharing our stories we're here every Sunday on your radio at 7am you can also

[00:58:19] find this program on youtube please if you are watching on youtube do subscribe hit like do all of that so that you get the alerts and that you you catch the program whenever it is available

[00:58:29] we're also on all your podcasting outlets so if you're on Spreaker and so on and you want to grab this as a podcast you can do that our guest today is Stacy K. Cifers from Colorado and I want

[00:58:40] to thank you absolutely real quick before we wrap up I want to apologize when I did the miracle party for you as for kids with cancer I was still in my addiction and I was suffering at

[00:58:51] that time and I remember I had a really hard time hosting that because all I wanted to do was drink at your event yes and I remember drinking there and and and not I didn't do anything inappropriate

[00:59:02] but I wish that that I had been sober when I was doing that event so my apologies oh absolutely for the state that I was in yes when you used to do the miracle parties yes and if you ever

[00:59:13] could if you ever bring that back you you sign me up to be your host and I've got you in oh I would love that yeah COVID kind of took that miracle party away I don't I think

[00:59:21] I think you're a powerful woman to bring it back all right and I just had a lot to say and I just have so many levels from childhood to the military to cancer mom to you know foster mom where I have

[00:59:34] a lot a lot to say so I'm sorry you know I can't like vomit that out no no I commend you thank you my this program is brought to you by tribe recovery homes you want to thank Naughty

[00:59:43] and Tomas for all the work they do here in Malaya and in Sin City now and in Las Vegas soon soon to be opening to help people with recovery if you are suffering that you need help pick up the

[00:59:52] phone call tribe recovery homes if they can't help you they're going to put you in touch with somebody you can it might be harmony you might be a veteran or a first responder and they'll say hey we're

[01:00:01] going to get you out to harmony we know exactly who to call all right give them a call 720 60 tribe that's 72060 tribe for tribe recovery homes also online tribe recovery homes calm and finally a special thanks to caring for Denver caring for Denver is the organization

[01:00:16] that helps our recovery community here in the Malhi stay connected to better assist our Denver community so thank you to caring for caring for Denver please share this program please help somebody

[01:00:27] you know who is suffering and addiction and thank you so much for giving us your time today this is sharing our stories and we'll see you again peace