[00:00.000 --> 00:07.240] Welcome to Sharing Our Stories. We share stories of support for individuals in recovery from substance misuse and mental health-related issues.
[00:07.240 --> 00:14.440] There are numerous pathways to recovery, and each week we welcome powerful leaders and role models who have struggled in drug and or alcohol addiction,
[00:14.440 --> 00:20.420] have found a pathway to recovery, and who thrive as positive community members with an ongoing vision of success.
[00:20.420 --> 00:27.660] Join us as we share our experiences, strength, and hope when the world says, give up. Hope whispers. Try it one more time.
[00:27.660 --> 00:31.860] What's going on, Recovery Fam? And welcome back to Sharing Our Stories.
[00:31.860 --> 00:38.540] My name is Slim with Nani Al-Jaleel, Tomas Hernandez, and our guest, Rainbow Griego from Denver.
[00:38.540 --> 00:41.840] And if this is your first time checking out this program, well, welcome.
[00:41.840 --> 00:46.680] Thank you for being here and sharing our stories as a program all about addiction and recovery.
[00:46.680 --> 00:53.140] Everybody in this room has dealt with addiction to drugs and or alcohol, and we are in our recovery.
[00:53.140 --> 00:56.420] And we like to share that, yes, recovery happens.
[00:56.420 --> 01:06.120] So if you, a friend, a family member, are dealing with addiction, we want you to see that, yes, recovery happens and spread a little hope,
[01:06.120 --> 01:09.460] spread a little inspiration and spread a little strength out there to you.
[01:09.460 --> 01:13.600] So welcome to the program. Tomas, welcome back.
[01:13.600 --> 01:15.960] Hey, how are you, man? I'm doing good.
[01:15.960 --> 01:18.600] I know you're tired, man, because you are working so hard.
[01:18.620 --> 01:28.400] I can see the look on your face, a man who is traveling from state to state doing way too much for a good cause.
[01:28.400 --> 01:33.400] Yeah, you know, it's when you get on a national level, and I've said it before on the show, it's just
[01:34.840 --> 01:41.680] it wears and it tears, you know, like you got to balance and, you know, compartmentalize your lives in different places.
[01:41.680 --> 01:46.680] Taking some time for your own self, your own mental health, for your, you know, for you?
[01:46.700 --> 01:49.600] I can say yes, but, you know, a lot of stuff blends.
[01:49.600 --> 01:55.880] So it's like, it's like you've got to figure out that art, you know, like, like I just picked up a new sponsor,
[01:56.480 --> 02:03.920] you know, getting back up in the steps because it's like it's a reboot of things, you know, you can live like.
[02:06.820 --> 02:07.820] How do I put it?
[02:07.820 --> 02:15.080] You got to compartmentalize your recovery, your personal life and the needs of others in your business, you know.
[02:15.100 --> 02:20.840] And a lot of times when you get into it, there's no choice for it to blend because you just got to get into it and figure it out.
[02:21.340 --> 02:26.940] So before, by the time you figure out that you got to start separating things, you're tired as hell.
[02:27.580 --> 02:31.240] And, you know, and I'm in the motion of making sense of everything.
[02:31.840 --> 02:35.240] Thank God I made the whole world mad in my personal life.
[02:35.780 --> 02:39.580] And, you know, there's always a get back to those situations, you know what I mean?
[02:39.580 --> 02:43.920] But it's not overworked or what this man works.
[02:44.020 --> 02:45.020] This man works.
[02:45.020 --> 02:45.420] Yeah.
[02:45.420 --> 02:46.220] He's in a lot of work.
[02:46.220 --> 02:47.220] Yeah, I do. I do.
[02:47.220 --> 02:47.820] You know what I mean?
[02:47.820 --> 02:48.920] It's not just tribe.
[02:48.920 --> 02:53.420] I have a couple other business interests that I'm owner of.
[02:53.420 --> 02:58.720] So, you know, it's, you know, you got to put on one hat, snap on the other one, do this, that and then new positions.
[02:58.720 --> 03:04.920] You got to like learn, you know, when I'm in, when I'm here, I got what I've built here.
[03:04.920 --> 03:10.620] But when you're in Las Vegas, you know, I'm just Tomas, you know, they don't know me who I am.
[03:10.620 --> 03:12.020] I'm just this mysterious guy.
[03:12.020 --> 03:13.620] That's why you're growing your hair, too.
[03:13.620 --> 03:20.520] Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I'm this is a mysterious guy that shows up in a murdered out Cadillac and talking about hope and dreams and stuff.
[03:20.520 --> 03:23.820] And, you know, and then just open the treatment center under everybody's noses.
[03:23.820 --> 03:27.120] And then all of a sudden the mayor there and all of a sudden they're like, who is this dude?
[03:27.120 --> 03:27.720] You know what I mean?
[03:27.720 --> 03:33.120] And it's just and it's still not even if you do miracle work like that and put up,
[03:33.120 --> 03:35.820] you still got to show up every day because, you know, it's just like recovery.
[03:35.820 --> 03:40.520] Everything is a maintenance and and trying to get that across the line.
[03:40.520 --> 03:44.720] You know, fortunately, I got some great people that are there that are,
[03:44.720 --> 03:46.520] you know, I just meant these people.
[03:46.520 --> 03:48.120] I just know them. So, you know, they're supportive.
[03:48.120 --> 03:54.320] But, you know, my my main infrastructure of support teams is in Colorado, you know,
[03:54.320 --> 03:58.120] because that's where I'm from. Those are the people that I know, you know, twenty four seven.
[03:58.120 --> 04:00.820] Not to say, you know, anybody that I know in Las Vegas are great people.
[04:00.820 --> 04:07.720] You know, I've set myself a good, good foundation of friends that are becoming family,
[04:07.720 --> 04:10.520] that that that support me, that hold me accountable.
[04:10.520 --> 04:11.120] You know what I mean?
[04:11.120 --> 04:15.120] I don't look at those lights and and and all that stuff.
[04:15.120 --> 04:18.320] You know, I have no I don't ever want to use again.
[04:18.320 --> 04:21.520] I know I know who I am when I use.
[04:21.520 --> 04:24.520] I'm too much sober and clean.
[04:24.520 --> 04:30.320] Yeah, like, like, you know, you know, I got I got this certain way of living.
[04:30.320 --> 04:34.720] I'm a lot for, you know, it's not I'm not a nine to fiber.
[04:34.720 --> 04:39.220] So anybody that's in my life trying to like fit in the situation that I'm in,
[04:39.220 --> 04:43.620] it's really hard, you know, so that's the balance that you that you have to get,
[04:43.620 --> 04:46.520] because, you know, I'll be a blink of eye, I'll be on a plane.
[04:46.520 --> 04:47.620] And that's been my whole recovery.
[04:47.620 --> 04:51.620] This was even before like when I started tribe, that's what I did.
[04:51.620 --> 04:56.620] I jumped on planes to help people like I had a summer backpack and a winter backpack
[04:56.620 --> 04:58.320] and somebody who called me for intervention.
[04:58.320 --> 05:01.720] I jump on a plane and I'll be out and I'd be in Florida.
[05:01.720 --> 05:02.420] I'd be in Texas.
[05:02.420 --> 05:03.120] I'd be in LA.
[05:03.120 --> 05:03.920] I'd be in Boyle Heights.
[05:03.920 --> 05:08.120] I'd be in, you know what I mean, all the way up to wherever the hell I was in
[05:08.120 --> 05:12.120] San like South Dakota at a cigar shop waiting for a kid one time.
[05:12.120 --> 05:15.920] Like, you know, he was around the corner just scoping the motel that he was sitting
[05:15.920 --> 05:16.020] there.
[05:16.020 --> 05:19.220] So happened to be a cigar shop right there just smoking and waiting for him
[05:19.220 --> 05:22.520] to kind of walk out his room where his mom booked his room at, you know,
[05:22.520 --> 05:26.720] it's like but it's still, you know, to long story short, it's taking
[05:26.720 --> 05:27.420] care of myself.
[05:27.420 --> 05:28.320] I'm getting better at it.
[05:28.320 --> 05:29.020] I'm tired.
[05:29.020 --> 05:29.820] Yeah, come on.
[05:29.820 --> 05:30.820] That's my whole point.
[05:30.820 --> 05:34.120] Yeah, I just got you tired.
[05:34.120 --> 05:40.120] You know, I could be like, I'd be like, yeah, I'm tired, Joe.
[05:40.120 --> 05:40.520] What's up?
[05:40.520 --> 05:41.520] Yeah, I'm tired.
[05:41.520 --> 05:42.720] Yeah, you got it.
[05:42.720 --> 05:44.220] You got it.
[05:44.220 --> 05:48.220] Well, you know, if you start speaking Spanish or something so you can
[05:48.220 --> 05:53.020] understand it in Puerto Rican, I don't know what you want me to do.
[05:53.020 --> 05:53.820] Yeah, I'm tired.
[05:53.820 --> 05:58.220] You sound like some NFL player, some freaking hip-hop or you're tired.
[05:58.220 --> 05:58.920] You're tired.
[05:59.620 --> 06:01.020] Well, I figured it was all the hard work.
[06:01.020 --> 06:03.720] Just make sure you take care of yourself as you continue to expand
[06:03.720 --> 06:05.020] tribe recovery homes.
[06:05.020 --> 06:05.520] Thank you.
[06:05.520 --> 06:06.020] Yes.
[06:07.520 --> 06:09.620] I mean, I'm tired, but I'm not tired of that.
[06:09.920 --> 06:10.520] Hell no, I know.
[06:10.520 --> 06:11.420] I mean, I'm on it.
[06:12.020 --> 06:12.920] That's happening.
[06:14.120 --> 06:14.720] Oh, sorry.
[06:16.520 --> 06:17.420] There goes the bleep.
[06:19.220 --> 06:22.320] Six minutes in first curse word.
[06:22.320 --> 06:22.820] All right.
[06:22.820 --> 06:23.220] Nailed it.
[06:23.220 --> 06:23.820] Not too bad.
[06:24.020 --> 06:24.520] All right.
[06:24.520 --> 06:30.520] So our guest today for sharing our stories is Rainbow Griego.
[06:30.520 --> 06:32.520] And Rainbow was supposed to be our guest.
[06:32.720 --> 06:33.520] How long ago?
[06:33.620 --> 06:34.520] It was about a month ago.
[06:34.520 --> 06:35.220] About a month ago.
[06:35.320 --> 06:36.220] About a month ago.
[06:36.220 --> 06:42.420] And Griego didn't make it because Leilani Shalom decided to bless
[06:42.420 --> 06:43.520] us with her presence.
[06:43.520 --> 06:44.420] You had a baby.
[06:46.320 --> 06:49.020] Literally, the day she was supposed to come in and speak with
[06:49.020 --> 06:51.420] us was the day that your baby was born.
[06:51.420 --> 06:51.920] Yes.
[06:51.920 --> 06:52.720] That's a warning.
[06:52.720 --> 06:54.120] Congratulations.
[06:54.120 --> 06:58.520] I called and I'm like, oh, shoot, let me let her know.
[06:58.520 --> 06:59.020] Yeah.
[06:59.020 --> 07:00.320] I will not be there.
[07:00.320 --> 07:01.820] Congratulations.
[07:01.820 --> 07:02.820] Thank you.
[07:02.820 --> 07:04.820] And I'm so glad you're able to make it now.
[07:04.820 --> 07:06.320] Your baby is around the corner.
[07:06.320 --> 07:06.820] Yes.
[07:06.820 --> 07:08.020] With Lonnie, your man.
[07:08.020 --> 07:08.520] Yes.
[07:08.520 --> 07:09.720] Never shout out to both of them.
[07:09.720 --> 07:10.720] They're over there.
[07:11.720 --> 07:13.720] But this is all about you today.
[07:13.720 --> 07:17.920] And this is about your struggles with addiction and your recovery.
[07:17.920 --> 07:19.920] So we want to thank you for coming in to share.
[07:19.920 --> 07:22.520] I know that you're at seven years.
[07:22.720 --> 07:23.920] Seven years.
[07:23.920 --> 07:24.920] Yes.
[07:24.920 --> 07:25.920] Me too.
[07:25.920 --> 07:26.920] High five, seven-ish.
[07:26.920 --> 07:27.920] That's right.
[07:27.920 --> 07:29.720] Seven years is a big deal.
[07:29.720 --> 07:30.720] It's huge.
[07:30.720 --> 07:31.720] It's definitely a big deal.
[07:31.720 --> 07:32.420] So awesome.
[07:32.420 --> 07:34.220] So we're going to turn this over to you.
[07:34.220 --> 07:36.520] This is your program to share in your life.
[07:36.920 --> 07:41.620] And Mahay, our guest today is Rainbow Griego from Denver.
[07:41.720 --> 07:42.620] Hello everybody.
[07:42.620 --> 07:43.620] I'm Rainbow.
[07:44.020 --> 07:49.320] Here because of my lovely friend Nonny who invited me here.
[07:49.320 --> 07:56.820] And so a part of my life is addiction, you know, starting.
[07:56.820 --> 08:03.520] Let me go back way back to my childhood because you know, I
[08:03.520 --> 08:11.120] grew up with trauma at a young age and then my mother leaving.
[08:11.120 --> 08:14.320] I was raised by my father who was also an addict.
[08:14.320 --> 08:19.520] So it was not an easy childhood.
[08:19.520 --> 08:26.220] Of course, I went from this little young girl into the streets
[08:26.220 --> 08:34.420] thinking that was like it was my cover-up, you know, from my pain
[08:34.920 --> 08:38.920] and everything that I was feeling from the trauma that I had
[08:39.720 --> 08:40.720] as a child.
[08:44.520 --> 08:51.020] Started using at a young age, 11 years old weed, acid.
[08:54.520 --> 08:57.120] Dilling started, you know, was a part of that.
[08:57.120 --> 09:01.720] I was dealing acid in middle school thinking that it was cool
[09:01.720 --> 09:10.920] at school, tripping in class, you know, those days were crazy
[09:10.920 --> 09:13.720] because you know, I was able to handle that.
[09:13.720 --> 09:16.920] But you start handing that to people and they can't handle
[09:16.920 --> 09:21.920] that. And then you're like, I gotta go buy, you know, where
[09:21.920 --> 09:23.120] do I go now?
[09:25.220 --> 09:33.320] So once I got into alcohol that changed everything, you
[09:33.320 --> 09:35.120] know, things started to get.
[09:37.920 --> 09:43.420] Every week, you know, even we were throwing parties and drinking
[09:43.420 --> 09:48.420] all the time, thinking that was cool and progressing from
[09:48.420 --> 09:51.120] just drinking to doing lines.
[09:51.120 --> 09:54.220] And so what part of town you from?
[09:54.220 --> 09:57.820] I'm from the west side of Denver, Baker neighborhood.
[09:57.820 --> 10:03.020] Okay, went to Baker Middle School, went to West High School.
[10:03.020 --> 10:06.320] Did it last very long there?
[10:06.320 --> 10:07.920] So that's why we need you a tribe.
[10:07.920 --> 10:08.820] That's where we're at.
[10:08.820 --> 10:09.520] Okay.
[10:10.520 --> 10:13.320] The wheels in my head are already spinning, you know.
[10:15.320 --> 10:18.720] Yep, we dropped somebody off there not too long ago.
[10:18.720 --> 10:21.620] Good, you know, keep them coming.
[10:21.620 --> 10:25.520] Yeah, it's a vicious cycle out there.
[10:25.520 --> 10:32.120] Once you get into that cycle, it's hard to get out if you
[10:32.120 --> 10:35.420] don't know you have support or where to go when it's there,
[10:35.420 --> 10:42.720] you know, and that's a part of my whole life, just being in
[10:42.720 --> 10:47.920] this life that you think is cool, using, selling, going out,
[10:47.920 --> 10:52.620] drinking, clubbing, you know, you get caught up in this
[10:52.620 --> 10:53.620] lifestyle.
[10:53.620 --> 10:57.020] And once I started selling drugs, I had a reputation to uphold.
[10:57.020 --> 11:02.420] So when I started using, it was not like, hey, what's up?
[11:02.420 --> 11:03.220] You want to get high?
[11:03.220 --> 11:04.020] You know what I mean?
[11:04.020 --> 11:06.420] It was like, I'm gonna go make my money and then I'm gonna go
[11:06.420 --> 11:07.920] home and I'm gonna be stuck all night.
[11:07.920 --> 11:11.120] It was just an awful thing.
[11:11.120 --> 11:15.020] I didn't want nobody to know that I was using.
[11:15.020 --> 11:20.920] It was a very shameful time of my life, even though everybody
[11:20.920 --> 11:21.620] was doing it.
[11:21.620 --> 11:25.320] Everybody, everywhere I went, somebody was using something
[11:25.320 --> 11:27.120] some way, shape, or form.
[11:28.120 --> 11:41.220] And so started with coke, went to meth, and that's when I
[11:41.220 --> 11:47.720] really lost myself, lost my kids, broke relationships with
[11:47.720 --> 11:54.620] my family, even though I didn't like subject them to my
[11:54.620 --> 11:55.420] addiction.
[11:55.920 --> 12:01.620] There was no trust, you know, like if I was, because I got
[12:01.620 --> 12:03.720] high, if I was going to go in, was I going to steal?
[12:03.720 --> 12:05.120] Was I going to take from them?
[12:05.120 --> 12:07.120] No, not really.
[12:07.120 --> 12:08.020] I had my own money.
[12:08.020 --> 12:13.720] I did my own thing, but it's just that label that addicts
[12:13.720 --> 12:18.420] get when you're getting high, you know, who are you going
[12:18.420 --> 12:19.020] to steal from?
[12:19.020 --> 12:19.920] Who are you going to hurt?
[12:19.920 --> 12:21.220] Yeah, and you know, it's a simple fact.
[12:21.220 --> 12:23.520] What's funny is in that, you know, my family's from the
[12:23.520 --> 12:27.120] same culture, everybody has a level of addiction.
[12:27.120 --> 12:29.220] So alcoholics are better than cokeheads, cokeheads are
[12:29.220 --> 12:31.020] better than meth heads, and they have their own little
[12:31.020 --> 12:37.020] way of battering, and the stigmas are inside of us while
[12:37.020 --> 12:39.620] we're still using, and all of us are using in our own
[12:39.620 --> 12:39.920] way.
[12:39.920 --> 12:43.120] And it's that blame factor, and it even splinters even
[12:43.120 --> 12:45.320] more in spirals, and it's really confusing when you're
[12:45.320 --> 12:45.620] young.
[12:45.620 --> 12:47.120] So I feel what you're saying on that.
[12:47.120 --> 12:49.220] You know, I could just kind of fill it in your story
[12:49.220 --> 12:52.020] of, you know, coming home and like you got a pocket
[12:52.020 --> 12:53.920] full of money, and you're like, man, I don't need
[12:53.920 --> 12:55.320] your like broken phone.
[12:55.320 --> 12:56.420] Like, what you talking about?
[12:56.420 --> 12:57.520] You know what I mean?
[12:57.520 --> 13:00.720] But they still profess that you stole it, you know?
[13:00.720 --> 13:03.120] Yeah, it's crazy.
[13:03.120 --> 13:06.320] You know, and my dad was an addict my entire life.
[13:06.320 --> 13:12.420] Thank God that he is 15 years sober, and but when he
[13:12.420 --> 13:16.220] got sober, it was, he was God almighty, and you
[13:16.220 --> 13:19.220] know, it was so bad that what I was doing when my
[13:19.320 --> 13:23.520] whole entire life, I waited for you with broken
[13:23.520 --> 13:28.720] promises and hard feelings and moving around and
[13:28.720 --> 13:31.520] living with family members because, you know, he was
[13:31.520 --> 13:32.120] locked up.
[13:32.120 --> 13:35.020] But when I was getting high, it was like the end
[13:35.020 --> 13:39.120] of the world, you know, and it was way different.
[13:39.120 --> 13:42.320] My kids didn't sit at the bathroom door waiting
[13:42.320 --> 13:45.420] for me to come out, you know, granted, like, I
[13:45.420 --> 13:49.520] took time away from them because weekends came,
[13:49.520 --> 13:51.420] they went with family, you know, they were over
[13:51.420 --> 13:51.720] here.
[13:51.720 --> 13:52.620] They were over here.
[13:52.620 --> 13:55.320] They didn't see me in my addiction either, but
[13:55.320 --> 13:57.520] that didn't mean that I didn't still hurt them
[13:57.520 --> 14:01.520] because I was taking away my time with them
[14:01.520 --> 14:03.220] instead of spending time with them.
[14:03.220 --> 14:05.120] Okay, I went, they went to school.
[14:05.120 --> 14:06.720] They were on-roll students, you know, they
[14:06.720 --> 14:10.020] did good and this and that, but came tonight.
[14:10.020 --> 14:10.820] It was mommy's time.
[14:10.820 --> 14:11.320] Bye.
[14:11.320 --> 14:13.420] I was out, you know, and it was that was still
[14:13.420 --> 14:15.320] hurting my children in a different manner.
[14:15.720 --> 14:18.320] Than what I was hurting and so
[14:19.220 --> 14:22.220] Isn't it crazy how we become, we become the
[14:22.220 --> 14:26.020] generation of generational drug use in, in, in gangs
[14:26.020 --> 14:26.820] and everything like that.
[14:26.820 --> 14:30.520] We learn these things, these mechanisms inward,
[14:30.520 --> 14:35.220] so young that it just becomes second nature to use
[14:35.220 --> 14:35.720] them.
[14:35.720 --> 14:36.220] Yep.
[14:36.520 --> 14:38.920] And before you know it, you have no idea that
[14:38.920 --> 14:40.920] you're using this very thing that hurts you.
[14:40.920 --> 14:41.420] Yep.
[14:42.020 --> 14:43.620] Yep, exactly.
[14:43.920 --> 14:46.320] And when you realize that though is like the
[14:46.320 --> 14:50.120] best thing is because for years, I was like,
[14:50.120 --> 14:51.220] I'm not an addict.
[14:51.420 --> 14:52.720] I'm a functioning addict.
[14:52.920 --> 14:53.720] I get up every day.
[14:53.720 --> 14:54.420] I go to work.
[14:54.420 --> 14:55.520] I take care of my kids.
[14:55.520 --> 14:56.020] I do this.
[14:56.020 --> 14:59.820] I do that, but yeah, I'm still an addict at
[14:59.820 --> 15:00.720] the end of the day.
[15:00.720 --> 15:03.620] I'm still using, I'm still hurting my kids.
[15:03.620 --> 15:05.420] I'm still breaking relationships.
[15:05.420 --> 15:08.220] I'm still isolating.
[15:09.420 --> 15:11.720] I'm still holding that guilt that shame that
[15:11.920 --> 15:13.320] keeps me in my addiction.
[15:13.320 --> 15:14.420] I says, hey, you know what?
[15:14.420 --> 15:20.220] I'm going to take my F at all pill and I'm going
[15:20.220 --> 15:22.120] to, you know, I'm going to go over here and
[15:24.720 --> 15:29.120] acceptance is a huge part in your recovery.
[15:29.120 --> 15:31.420] You have to accept that you're an addict.
[15:32.220 --> 15:34.520] You have to accept that you need change.
[15:34.820 --> 15:38.320] You have to accept that change is going to be
[15:38.320 --> 15:41.020] hard and you know,
[15:42.020 --> 15:44.920] and then change is possible to yeah, you have to
[15:44.920 --> 15:46.720] accept that change is even possible.
[15:46.720 --> 15:53.220] Yeah, because for years, you know, I was lost in
[15:53.220 --> 15:56.920] my addiction for 10 years deep in my addiction,
[15:56.920 --> 16:01.820] but it and I used to always point the finger blame
[16:01.820 --> 16:03.120] this person in that person.
[16:03.120 --> 16:05.720] Oh, I was in this relationship, but I still
[16:05.720 --> 16:08.020] chose to put that pipe to my mouth, not nobody
[16:08.020 --> 16:12.820] else, even though the abuse and all the bad
[16:12.820 --> 16:16.120] things that were happening in my life, like I
[16:16.120 --> 16:17.120] was numbing.
[16:17.120 --> 16:18.420] I was covering up.
[16:19.020 --> 16:21.220] It was still my choice to get high.
[16:22.120 --> 16:28.920] And so you have to really start wanting to dig
[16:28.920 --> 16:32.220] deep and figure out because for me, I couldn't
[16:32.220 --> 16:35.520] get sober and stay sober until I started to
[16:35.520 --> 16:37.420] get to the root of all my problems.
[16:38.520 --> 16:42.220] And find out that hey, okay, I was hurt at a
[16:42.220 --> 16:44.720] young age, but there's still people that go
[16:44.720 --> 16:47.020] through life that go through even worse things
[16:47.020 --> 16:49.920] than me that are still come out and don't use
[16:49.920 --> 16:52.620] don't get high, you know, and are successful, but
[16:52.620 --> 16:55.320] I did it and those were because of my choices
[16:55.320 --> 16:56.120] that I made.
[16:56.220 --> 17:00.220] I decided to stay in my pity and be like, oh,
[17:01.020 --> 17:01.820] I was hurt.
[17:01.820 --> 17:03.920] So I'm gonna go run over here and I'm gonna
[17:03.920 --> 17:05.520] get high or I'm gonna drink.
[17:06.320 --> 17:07.520] It wasn't okay.
[17:07.520 --> 17:09.820] It was just hurting my whole life.
[17:09.820 --> 17:13.820] You know, I drinking isn't any better than getting
[17:13.820 --> 17:17.020] high because that's our gateway, you know, you
[17:17.020 --> 17:19.520] can you can still lie and have it in a martini
[17:19.520 --> 17:20.920] glass to a wine glass.
[17:21.320 --> 17:22.520] It's still the same thing.
[17:22.520 --> 17:25.120] You know, I've coached I've coached athletes.
[17:25.120 --> 17:26.520] I've coached millionaires.
[17:26.620 --> 17:28.220] You know, I used to have this millionaire
[17:28.220 --> 17:29.620] gentleman, God rest his soul.
[17:30.620 --> 17:33.420] His binge drinking was just out of a crystal
[17:34.420 --> 17:35.120] glass.
[17:35.920 --> 17:38.420] I mean this this setup that he had was worth
[17:38.820 --> 17:39.720] 10 grand.
[17:40.320 --> 17:42.720] You know that he would dump his his his death
[17:42.720 --> 17:46.920] into and he would sit in his office and he
[17:46.920 --> 17:48.620] would hide it until he couldn't hide it.
[17:48.620 --> 17:50.420] No more and then his wife would call me
[17:50.420 --> 17:52.720] because he missed another dance recital or
[17:52.720 --> 17:55.220] he missed this he missed that and he just
[17:55.220 --> 17:58.920] be laying in his in his office and we would
[17:58.920 --> 18:00.420] have to call family members because he
[18:00.420 --> 18:02.320] would be in his own urine and whatever
[18:02.320 --> 18:05.020] else because he drank himself to that point
[18:05.420 --> 18:06.920] of depression and everything and you know,
[18:06.920 --> 18:08.220] and that's what's crazy about it because
[18:09.020 --> 18:10.720] West Side for the people that don't know
[18:10.720 --> 18:14.020] that just got here being from the West Side.
[18:14.020 --> 18:17.720] There's not just a little gentrified now,
[18:17.720 --> 18:19.620] but there's not a lot of money that was there.
[18:20.020 --> 18:20.720] You know what I mean?
[18:20.720 --> 18:23.120] So what you're doing with the neighborhood,
[18:23.120 --> 18:24.820] you're sharing you're doing things is a different
[18:24.820 --> 18:26.920] kind of culture, but it doesn't matter what
[18:26.920 --> 18:28.520] culture you're in because like the gentleman
[18:28.520 --> 18:32.220] I was talking about he had everything everything
[18:32.220 --> 18:35.320] and died of cirrhosis died in his car.
[18:35.820 --> 18:36.620] That's a terrible.
[18:36.620 --> 18:38.620] You know what I mean died in his car.
[18:39.820 --> 18:41.820] Just they couldn't find him for three days.
[18:42.820 --> 18:43.420] You know what I mean?
[18:43.420 --> 18:46.220] So with that being said, you know,
[18:46.220 --> 18:48.420] having that sickness no,
[18:48.420 --> 18:50.220] no medical attention all that stuff,
[18:50.220 --> 18:52.520] you know, this is insidious and I did this post
[18:52.520 --> 18:54.920] insidious madness incarceration,
[18:55.320 --> 18:57.220] you know, all these things of mental health
[18:57.820 --> 19:00.220] then and addiction that we don't understand
[19:00.220 --> 19:02.920] because it's the first time you see somebody
[19:02.920 --> 19:05.820] use or you see a domestic violence situation
[19:05.820 --> 19:09.920] or you see a fight or you see something that's
[19:09.920 --> 19:10.620] happening.
[19:10.720 --> 19:12.020] It's you're imprinted by it.
[19:12.020 --> 19:14.220] It don't matter how old you are and then if you
[19:14.220 --> 19:16.420] see it repetitively and then you can participate
[19:16.420 --> 19:18.620] with the things that are happening and you try
[19:18.620 --> 19:21.620] to block and shade and all those things we learn
[19:21.620 --> 19:25.620] these mechanisms of of of lower self-worth
[19:25.620 --> 19:28.420] and you know aggression and all these things,
[19:28.420 --> 19:30.220] you know, and I don't know.
[19:30.220 --> 19:32.820] I just I really resonate with your story because
[19:32.920 --> 19:35.820] with coming from those neighborhoods is why
[19:36.120 --> 19:37.120] tribe was born.
[19:37.820 --> 19:38.320] You know what I mean?
[19:38.320 --> 19:41.220] Because there's not a lot of help for us in places
[19:41.220 --> 19:45.020] that if you have, you know, native Hispanic black
[19:45.020 --> 19:48.620] culture, you know what I mean are poor and white,
[19:49.120 --> 19:51.420] you know, there's not a lot of a lot of help
[19:51.420 --> 19:51.920] for us.
[19:51.920 --> 19:54.820] We're told to go to work to go to church and
[19:54.820 --> 19:55.620] shut the hell up.
[19:56.320 --> 19:56.920] You know what I mean?
[19:56.920 --> 20:00.420] And if you ain't at like some outreach center
[20:00.820 --> 20:03.120] and professing God like that Jesus Christ
[20:03.120 --> 20:05.320] dudes and all that stuff like God, I don't see
[20:05.320 --> 20:05.820] it that way.
[20:05.820 --> 20:06.620] You know what I mean?
[20:06.620 --> 20:07.320] I'm not gonna get on that.
[20:07.320 --> 20:07.720] Don't worry.
[20:08.320 --> 20:08.920] You know what I mean?
[20:09.720 --> 20:11.720] I've been blowing the Christians up on this show.
[20:12.020 --> 20:12.620] But anyway,
[20:14.320 --> 20:16.120] you have a Christian right here.
[20:18.120 --> 20:18.820] But anyway,
[20:19.120 --> 20:19.920] without being said,
[20:19.920 --> 20:21.120] I'll let you get back to your story,
[20:21.120 --> 20:22.920] but I just really appreciate that because women
[20:22.920 --> 20:24.720] in recovery doing things that are right,
[20:24.720 --> 20:25.120] you know,
[20:26.920 --> 20:28.620] that's just that's a that's something
[20:28.620 --> 20:30.820] that's that's very very important for every
[20:30.820 --> 20:32.220] all of our listeners to hear.
[20:32.820 --> 20:34.920] You know, that was a hard hard place.
[20:34.920 --> 20:38.720] Just I can see the house in the neighborhood.
[20:38.720 --> 20:41.120] Basically what you're talking about right now.
[20:41.420 --> 20:42.420] I can see the parks,
[20:42.420 --> 20:43.120] the streets,
[20:43.520 --> 20:46.520] the alleyways and the stuff that in the bars
[20:46.520 --> 20:47.920] that were around there back then,
[20:48.420 --> 20:50.720] you know where to go where we knew where to go,
[20:50.720 --> 20:51.120] you know,
[20:51.920 --> 20:53.020] and those places,
[20:53.020 --> 20:53.420] you know,
[20:53.420 --> 20:54.220] and you know,
[20:54.520 --> 20:55.520] most of them are closed,
[20:55.520 --> 20:56.820] but they opened up with different names.
[20:56.920 --> 20:57.520] You know,
[20:58.720 --> 21:02.320] and the crazy part is I started drinking out
[21:02.920 --> 21:06.220] in the bars in the clubs at 17 because my sister
[21:06.220 --> 21:08.220] was 21 who looked just like me.
[21:08.620 --> 21:11.320] So it was like me and my friend had sisters
[21:11.320 --> 21:12.820] who were older than us.
[21:13.120 --> 21:15.420] And so we thought we was just all that,
[21:15.420 --> 21:16.020] you know,
[21:16.520 --> 21:19.620] and that's when it was my alcohol because you know,
[21:19.920 --> 21:23.220] I'm an I'm an alcoholic and an addict in recovery,
[21:23.320 --> 21:26.120] but I'm an alcoholic first
[21:26.220 --> 21:28.220] and then it goes hand in hand.
[21:28.220 --> 21:31.120] It's not if it's when it always goes together.
[21:31.120 --> 21:31.620] So,
[21:31.920 --> 21:32.320] you know,
[21:32.320 --> 21:35.020] we thought we was all that going to the clubs
[21:35.020 --> 21:40.320] at 17 years old and in the bars in the West Side,
[21:40.320 --> 21:40.720] you know,
[21:40.720 --> 21:43.920] starting there because we was too scared to go downtown first,
[21:44.420 --> 21:46.520] but you know,
[21:46.720 --> 21:47.120] God,
[21:47.120 --> 21:51.620] I could go there's a little bit of everything in my past.
[21:51.620 --> 21:58.520] When I got deep into well,
[21:58.520 --> 22:01.720] let's start with let's go to when I was in America
[22:01.720 --> 22:03.020] in my first marriage.
[22:04.220 --> 22:06.420] It was pretty bad and
[22:08.820 --> 22:10.220] that went from
[22:11.420 --> 22:15.620] I mean physical emotional mental abuse and
[22:16.320 --> 22:19.720] that's when I landed in prison and to be honest,
[22:19.720 --> 22:22.820] I'm thankful that I went to prison when I did
[22:24.120 --> 22:25.620] for so many reasons.
[22:25.620 --> 22:28.320] It saved my life and
[22:29.620 --> 22:32.620] if I would have went to prison probably five years earlier,
[22:32.620 --> 22:35.720] I would probably still be in prison because I would still be fighting.
[22:35.720 --> 22:37.120] I would still be a hothead.
[22:37.120 --> 22:41.320] I still would be disrespectful and I wouldn't have made that change
[22:41.320 --> 22:47.520] that I needed to do to make in order to come out and be successful today.
[22:47.720 --> 22:53.220] Wasn't it that crazy feeling like when you knew the game stopped when I was in DRDC?
[22:53.820 --> 22:54.920] Everything got quiet.
[22:54.920 --> 22:57.020] I got thrown in my cell and I'm in diagnosis.
[22:57.020 --> 23:01.120] I have no idea where I'm going to land like no idea,
[23:01.720 --> 23:02.920] but it was so quiet.
[23:02.920 --> 23:08.020] I ain't never slept that hard from the county jail from like from the street
[23:08.020 --> 23:11.720] to the arrest the lights cameras and helicopters are chasing you handcuffed
[23:11.720 --> 23:14.120] and you're doing all the things that you do because I have to make everything
[23:14.120 --> 23:16.420] animated and I don't surrender that well.
[23:18.520 --> 23:21.620] Highs me J's all that stuff and you finally get in the county jail
[23:21.620 --> 23:23.720] and you go through that then you fighting and fighting and fighting
[23:23.720 --> 23:26.420] trying to wheel and deal and willing deal willing deal and figure out
[23:26.420 --> 23:29.120] what you're going to get and then you finally get sentenced and then
[23:29.120 --> 23:31.320] one day they come to pick you up and they put you in you know,
[23:31.320 --> 23:34.920] you got to bend over and cough and put the powder stuff on you
[23:34.920 --> 23:38.120] and do all the different things that take pictures and all that kind
[23:38.120 --> 23:41.220] of stuff and then you get thrown in the cell and I remember sitting
[23:41.220 --> 23:41.720] there like
[23:41.720 --> 23:46.120] the game's over.
[23:46.120 --> 23:52.620] Yeah, I slept for like 12 hours straight just out like a lamb
[23:52.620 --> 23:56.920] because the whole game was just over finally.
[23:56.920 --> 24:00.120] It was in the most terrible place of my life, but you know,
[24:00.120 --> 24:00.920] I still had years.
[24:00.920 --> 24:05.420] I was looking at ahead of me, but it just felt good that like when
[24:05.420 --> 24:05.920] I woke up.
[24:05.920 --> 24:09.020] I was like, hey, I need I need to make a change on this this run.
[24:09.420 --> 24:10.520] It was the third time.
[24:11.720 --> 24:13.120] I need to make a change.
[24:13.120 --> 24:13.720] You know what I mean?
[24:13.720 --> 24:14.320] I'm like man.
[24:14.320 --> 24:16.720] This is that's when the embarrassment came in.
[24:16.720 --> 24:17.220] You know what I mean?
[24:17.220 --> 24:21.320] So yeah, explain more on how because you're a product of prison
[24:21.320 --> 24:23.920] recovery, you know, you're proud of waking up through that that
[24:23.920 --> 24:24.520] experience.
[24:24.720 --> 24:27.720] What was like that for you and what was it in a women's prison
[24:27.920 --> 24:28.920] was different.
[24:29.220 --> 24:30.020] You know what I mean?
[24:30.220 --> 24:32.220] That's what I've always been interested in having somebody on
[24:32.220 --> 24:34.820] the show to talk about, you know, Nonny and everybody else
[24:34.820 --> 24:37.520] can tell me pieces of what they've done on that, but like a
[24:37.520 --> 24:38.820] real adulterated.
[24:39.820 --> 24:40.620] Hey, I was in there.
[24:40.620 --> 24:41.920] Nobody's really focused yet.
[24:41.920 --> 24:45.120] What was that like to find yourself in prison to make that
[24:45.120 --> 24:45.620] change?
[24:45.820 --> 24:50.120] Well, first of all, I was 36 years old and I was facing 24
[24:50.120 --> 24:55.920] years and so I was like my life is over like this is going
[24:55.920 --> 24:59.320] to be the rest of my life and I couldn't believe it after
[24:59.320 --> 25:04.220] all the years and all the things that I had done throughout
[25:04.220 --> 25:06.520] my entire life at that moment.
[25:06.520 --> 25:09.320] I would never in a million years thought that I would be
[25:09.320 --> 25:15.220] going to prison, you know, and in County Jail is when I
[25:15.220 --> 25:20.020] actually started to change still being the same person
[25:20.020 --> 25:22.920] still high still acting up.
[25:23.820 --> 25:28.620] I was in church and I was everybody around is jawjerking
[25:28.620 --> 25:32.620] and and I'm like how embarrassing is this like I felt
[25:32.620 --> 25:38.120] disgusted and so from that moment, I started to change
[25:38.620 --> 25:41.720] like hanging out with the people being in the mix doing
[25:41.720 --> 25:44.620] those things that I was doing worrying about the wrong
[25:44.620 --> 25:50.420] things and so but for me when I was in that bus and I
[25:50.420 --> 25:53.620] got to that gate and the gate closed behind me.
[25:54.020 --> 25:56.220] I was like, oh my god.
[25:59.020 --> 26:00.820] Oh my god, this is real.
[26:01.020 --> 26:02.120] I'm here.
[26:02.320 --> 26:04.720] It's going down and there ain't no turning back.
[26:04.920 --> 26:05.720] I can't run.
[26:05.720 --> 26:06.720] I can't leave.
[26:06.820 --> 26:09.220] My name is what 126444.
[26:09.320 --> 26:10.120] Yeah.
[26:10.220 --> 26:11.920] Yeah, it's 126444.
[26:12.020 --> 26:14.220] Mine is 183 055.
[26:18.620 --> 26:22.120] My cousin Albert was 66666 before he passed away.
[26:23.120 --> 26:24.020] Straight sixes.
[26:24.620 --> 26:27.420] When I heard that I was like God, I just want to become
[26:27.420 --> 26:28.720] Christian and throw Hollywood around.
[26:30.820 --> 26:33.220] Jesus Savior.
[26:33.320 --> 26:33.920] Yeah.
[26:35.920 --> 26:42.720] And going in there, I think at that age, I was already
[26:42.720 --> 26:44.120] ready for the change.
[26:44.220 --> 26:48.020] So it was not as hard as it was for me.
[26:48.020 --> 26:52.920] If I would have went in five years at that age, you know,
[26:53.620 --> 26:55.120] I had a different mindset.
[26:55.120 --> 26:57.420] So my goals were different.
[26:57.420 --> 27:00.420] It wasn't like oh my god because when I went in there was
[27:00.420 --> 27:01.720] like a West Side Reunion.
[27:02.020 --> 27:03.720] I'm like, this is where everybody's been.
[27:03.920 --> 27:04.520] Whoa.
[27:04.820 --> 27:05.820] What the heck?
[27:05.920 --> 27:09.620] Oh, no wonder why I haven't seen you.
[27:09.720 --> 27:10.820] It was embarrassing.
[27:10.820 --> 27:14.020] Like, yeah, so my friend Dennis Gonzalez, unfortunately,
[27:14.020 --> 27:14.920] he's back up in there.
[27:14.920 --> 27:17.520] I walk in the in the child hall and I got this dude
[27:17.520 --> 27:19.520] to kind of buffed out looking at me and I'm like, ah,
[27:19.520 --> 27:20.320] man, here we go.
[27:20.920 --> 27:22.620] So I'm already sitting at the newcomers table.
[27:22.620 --> 27:23.220] You know what I mean?
[27:23.220 --> 27:25.420] Because nobody's really put me up in the cards the
[27:25.420 --> 27:26.320] first time I'm in.
[27:26.620 --> 27:28.420] So he comes by and he's smiling at me.
[27:28.420 --> 27:29.520] I'm like, man, this dude.
[27:30.120 --> 27:30.620] Dennis.
[27:30.620 --> 27:32.120] Don't touch this knicker.
[27:33.920 --> 27:35.720] So Dennis says, hey, man, come sit with us.
[27:35.720 --> 27:38.520] So we talked to the captain of the building.
[27:38.520 --> 27:41.120] He gets me over the next month.
[27:41.120 --> 27:43.420] I'm in the cell with him and I remember we're sitting
[27:43.420 --> 27:46.020] there just staring up at the thing and looking at
[27:46.020 --> 27:48.120] our TVs and we looked at each other the same time.
[27:48.120 --> 27:49.720] We're like basically said the same thing.
[27:50.020 --> 27:52.020] Remember when we were younger talking about all those
[27:52.020 --> 27:53.320] great things we were going to be and we said at
[27:53.320 --> 27:56.620] the same time how mother effing wrong we were and
[27:56.620 --> 27:58.220] just started dying laughing.
[27:58.420 --> 28:00.620] You know, we're sitting there sharing a prison cell.
[28:00.820 --> 28:02.720] You know, we went to high school middle school
[28:02.720 --> 28:05.320] together and hustled and dropped out at the same
[28:05.320 --> 28:08.020] time and you know, everybody's telling us it ain't
[28:08.020 --> 28:08.820] going to go nowhere.
[28:08.820 --> 28:10.820] Me and him are like, you're going to be a rapper.
[28:10.820 --> 28:11.920] I'm going to be a promoter.
[28:12.120 --> 28:14.420] I'm going to have 10 million dollars in houses and
[28:14.420 --> 28:16.120] businesses and construction and all this.
[28:16.120 --> 28:18.920] And he's he's having his own little dreams and
[28:18.920 --> 28:19.720] everything like that.
[28:19.720 --> 28:22.520] And we ain't nothing but addicts sitting in a cell
[28:23.020 --> 28:27.120] watching a TV that's clear as can be about that
[28:27.120 --> 28:30.420] big and using our toes to change the channel.
[28:34.120 --> 28:37.720] Use that like a chopstick, you know, just sitting
[28:37.720 --> 28:40.320] there and changing that channel, you know, but go
[28:40.320 --> 28:40.720] ahead.
[28:41.020 --> 28:46.520] So being in there, you know, it's just a whole
[28:46.520 --> 28:49.920] other little it's like its own world in there.
[28:49.920 --> 28:50.420] Yeah.
[28:50.620 --> 28:57.020] And I literally like I was I was scared.
[28:57.320 --> 28:59.320] I because, you know, you watch all these prison
[28:59.320 --> 29:02.620] movies and you know, there's all these gangs and
[29:02.820 --> 29:05.720] all the it ain't like that really, to be honest.
[29:05.720 --> 29:09.920] No, but it's what you make it.
[29:10.020 --> 29:11.320] Of course, there's fights.
[29:11.320 --> 29:14.220] Of course, there's still things that go on
[29:14.220 --> 29:19.220] inside the prison that keep you lost and addicted
[29:19.220 --> 29:20.920] and all that.
[29:20.920 --> 29:24.920] But if you choose to do the right things for me,
[29:24.920 --> 29:28.220] I had to do all the mental health classes because
[29:28.220 --> 29:31.620] I still knew that it was my mental health issues
[29:31.620 --> 29:33.320] that kept me going backwards.
[29:33.620 --> 29:35.620] All these thoughts that I kept telling myself,
[29:35.620 --> 29:36.520] I ain't worthy.
[29:36.820 --> 29:37.920] I'm no good.
[29:38.220 --> 29:42.320] I'm a piece of I won't do it for you.
[29:43.320 --> 29:45.220] You had the willingness to do that.
[29:45.220 --> 29:47.320] You were willing to say you were willing to take
[29:47.320 --> 29:49.420] a look at those things and that's that acceptance
[29:49.420 --> 29:51.320] that you were talking about earlier that you
[29:51.320 --> 29:52.520] had when you were in there.
[29:52.720 --> 29:53.520] That's courage.
[29:53.520 --> 29:54.720] That's courage, right?
[29:54.920 --> 29:55.920] Yeah, definitely.
[29:55.920 --> 30:00.520] You really have to dig deep in into those traumas
[30:00.520 --> 30:03.120] because in order for you to get through trauma,
[30:03.220 --> 30:06.420] you have to face it and all those years growing up
[30:06.520 --> 30:10.820] in and out of therapy and counseling and all that
[30:10.820 --> 30:12.820] it would just make me more angry because they're
[30:12.820 --> 30:16.120] like, okay, wow, and they poke and poke and poke
[30:16.120 --> 30:17.820] because you have to face it.
[30:17.820 --> 30:20.320] You have to go through that again in order to
[30:20.320 --> 30:23.820] heal from it and I wasn't ready and when I went
[30:23.820 --> 30:27.120] to prison, I was ready to sit down and say, hey,
[30:27.120 --> 30:27.920] you know what?
[30:28.520 --> 30:29.520] I was lost.
[30:29.920 --> 30:31.220] I was addicted.
[30:31.620 --> 30:33.520] You know, I made mistakes.
[30:33.520 --> 30:37.320] I did everything that I said I wasn't going to do
[30:38.420 --> 30:42.920] by using and drinking and running off and stealing
[30:42.920 --> 30:46.320] cars and like he said going out with the Big Bang
[30:46.320 --> 30:48.520] because I was going hard.
[30:48.520 --> 30:49.420] I wasn't going home.
[30:49.420 --> 30:53.020] So I was going I was going hard and
[30:54.320 --> 30:57.320] that's the sad situation is looking at it like
[31:01.420 --> 31:03.420] how do I I fix that?
[31:04.020 --> 31:06.220] You know, I had to
[31:09.120 --> 31:12.320] think about everything that made me feel shameful
[31:12.320 --> 31:16.120] and regret the things that I did because when we're living
[31:16.120 --> 31:17.020] in the streets
[31:18.620 --> 31:21.420] selling drugs doing all the things that we're doing
[31:21.420 --> 31:24.420] in our mind were so cool and everything's all good
[31:24.420 --> 31:28.520] and you know, and it's really not I memorized every
[31:28.520 --> 31:30.520] person's name in my discoveries through everything
[31:30.520 --> 31:33.320] and I got thick books full of that stuff and I would
[31:33.320 --> 31:35.720] watch the news and you know, like even perspective
[31:35.720 --> 31:37.420] and recovery when I looked at it because I was like
[31:37.420 --> 31:39.120] yeah, they're part of this again because they're doing
[31:39.120 --> 31:41.220] this arrest but then when I got in recovery,
[31:41.220 --> 31:42.720] I really thought about it because some of them did
[31:42.720 --> 31:44.620] some pretty violent things and got a probation
[31:44.620 --> 31:46.920] and you know, a lot of laws are made behind these
[31:46.920 --> 31:49.420] police officers, but then I realized man
[31:50.420 --> 31:53.420] they fight in the same fight that we got because
[31:54.120 --> 31:56.020] they could have killed me that night and the stuff
[31:56.020 --> 31:58.520] that I was doing the high-speed chases and the people
[31:58.520 --> 32:01.820] are endangered and put endangered myself at every
[32:01.820 --> 32:04.420] opportunity to smoke me to you know what I mean
[32:04.420 --> 32:05.520] and recovery.
[32:05.920 --> 32:09.120] I was destined to be in healing like I'm back in
[32:09.120 --> 32:11.320] the healing process now 10 and a half 10 10
[32:11.320 --> 32:12.420] years seven months later.
[32:13.120 --> 32:13.920] You know what I mean?
[32:13.920 --> 32:15.420] I'm back in the healing process.
[32:15.920 --> 32:17.920] You know, it's just you know, I got a reboot,
[32:18.520 --> 32:20.320] you know, so rebooting in prison.
[32:20.320 --> 32:23.820] I feel you like question I have is is on the mental
[32:23.820 --> 32:27.220] health with your woman in prison.
[32:27.320 --> 32:28.820] You're expected from the neighborhood.
[32:28.820 --> 32:31.220] You got family members that you've known for years
[32:31.220 --> 32:33.120] and friends all these things.
[32:34.220 --> 32:37.120] What made you stay in it in the day that you left?
[32:37.920 --> 32:39.220] What kept you on pace?
[32:40.820 --> 32:44.120] To be honest my faith my faith in God.
[32:45.020 --> 32:51.920] If I wouldn't have stood out of the mix and found
[32:51.920 --> 32:56.720] my worth again because being in the my previous
[32:56.720 --> 32:59.520] marriage like I was stripped of my whole identity
[33:00.320 --> 33:09.720] like I was it was so bad and I wasn't able to do
[33:09.720 --> 33:13.220] like you know, I was we won't even get into that
[33:13.220 --> 33:16.320] because I just kind of like yeah put it kind of
[33:16.320 --> 33:19.720] like making it seem like it was all that person
[33:19.720 --> 33:22.520] and it wasn't it was me allowing that person back
[33:22.520 --> 33:25.620] in my life and stripping me of everything that I
[33:25.620 --> 33:30.220] was because I couldn't really be because anybody
[33:30.220 --> 33:33.220] I dealt with was a man and that was not acceptable
[33:33.220 --> 33:37.120] because it was insecurities over here abuse
[33:37.120 --> 33:39.720] because of the insecurities and stuff like
[33:39.720 --> 33:47.720] that but finding my worth again and getting to
[33:47.720 --> 33:51.220] the bottom of my problems and knowing that it was
[33:51.620 --> 33:53.920] not okay. It was not my fault what I went through
[33:53.920 --> 34:02.420] when I was a child and healing from that is what
[34:02.420 --> 34:07.820] really helped me and then just educating myself
[34:07.820 --> 34:11.020] going in there getting my GD getting in classes.
[34:11.320 --> 34:13.420] Like I said, I did all the mental health that was
[34:13.420 --> 34:18.220] available to me came out with 27 college credits.
[34:18.220 --> 34:23.720] Yes got connected every teacher all the people
[34:23.720 --> 34:26.020] who were important that could get me in classes
[34:26.020 --> 34:28.620] knew who I was I was the one that was doing
[34:28.620 --> 34:32.720] all the illegal moves. It's lunch when I'm going
[34:32.720 --> 34:34.820] up here. I'm gonna talk to this person because
[34:34.820 --> 34:36.720] if I didn't advocate for myself then I wouldn't
[34:36.720 --> 34:40.120] have got where I needed to be because nobody cares
[34:40.120 --> 34:42.720] and if I'm gonna send a kite to my case manager
[34:42.720 --> 34:46.620] it's gonna be yeah, it's gonna be when by the
[34:46.620 --> 34:49.620] time I get out. Oh, they'll send me a kite back
[34:49.620 --> 34:55.220] the day before I leave. No, yeah, so I really
[34:55.220 --> 34:58.320] advocate it for myself all the main people
[34:58.320 --> 34:59.920] who could get me in the important classes
[34:59.920 --> 35:03.020] that I wanted to get time off my my sentence.
[35:03.720 --> 35:05.420] I ended up with a 12 year sentence.
[35:05.420 --> 35:11.820] I did almost for so which wasn't too bad.
[35:12.220 --> 35:14.620] I was super thankful for that. Well you put in
[35:14.620 --> 35:15.620] the work. You know what I mean?
[35:15.620 --> 35:17.720] That's how you got out. Yeah, you know cuz I
[35:17.720 --> 35:19.720] really had it. You know, there's there's people
[35:19.720 --> 35:22.720] we know we all know get like a five year sentence
[35:22.720 --> 35:24.220] turn it into a life sentence because they don't
[35:24.220 --> 35:27.120] know how to act up inside there. Like how did
[35:27.120 --> 35:29.920] that happen? You know what I mean? Like and
[35:29.920 --> 35:31.720] that's mental health and addiction and that's
[35:31.720 --> 35:33.920] you know when when people get too far in the
[35:33.920 --> 35:36.320] mix and you see them those cannonballs like
[35:36.320 --> 35:39.120] what are you doing man? Like like like you try
[35:39.120 --> 35:43.120] to talk to him like yo calm down homie go go
[35:43.320 --> 35:46.520] make a burrito. Yeah chill out. What's what's
[35:46.520 --> 35:48.420] happening here? You know cuz like on the men's
[35:48.420 --> 35:51.920] side a person's a gangbanger for real. You know
[35:51.920 --> 35:53.520] it's not different ball game. Yeah and the
[35:53.520 --> 35:55.720] women's side. Yeah men's side. That's that's
[35:55.720 --> 35:58.520] for real. You know race race and gangs and
[35:58.520 --> 36:01.120] politics and extortion. You know, it's nothing
[36:01.120 --> 36:02.820] like the movies and all that stuff that they
[36:02.820 --> 36:04.520] talk about other things you know that's cuz
[36:04.520 --> 36:07.820] it's more flashier and whatever sexual or
[36:07.820 --> 36:10.220] whatever you want to put it. No it's a when
[36:10.220 --> 36:11.920] you in prison and you know you I'm sure you
[36:11.920 --> 36:14.120] can attest to this you become that can of
[36:14.120 --> 36:16.020] carrots that gets passed around at every
[36:16.020 --> 36:18.520] food bank. People tend to forget about who
[36:18.520 --> 36:21.920] you are. Visits get smaller. Sometimes you
[36:21.920 --> 36:24.120] don't get money on your books anymore. You'll
[36:24.120 --> 36:25.520] make that phone call and see if you got
[36:25.520 --> 36:27.220] money on your on your on your phone but
[36:27.220 --> 36:29.420] you don't. You know what I mean is just it
[36:29.420 --> 36:31.320] gets shrinks and it shrinks then you find
[36:31.520 --> 36:32.920] yourself writing letters and they become
[36:32.920 --> 36:35.020] one-sided letters. You just writing just
[36:35.020 --> 36:36.920] cuz you're writing. Yeah. You know at
[36:36.920 --> 36:38.520] that point cuz nobody's really responding
[36:38.520 --> 36:39.620] it's not that they don't love you. They
[36:39.620 --> 36:41.420] just don't have the time. Yeah. You know
[36:41.420 --> 36:42.720] and they've lost they've lost their
[36:42.720 --> 36:45.120] luster to it and you show up one day
[36:45.120 --> 36:47.720] and everybody's surprised at just hey.
[36:49.120 --> 36:50.420] How are you? What's what's up man?
[36:50.420 --> 36:52.620] What's new? Like well, I don't know
[36:52.620 --> 36:54.720] a three hots and a got you know what
[36:54.720 --> 36:59.120] I mean? That's weights. Yeah. Craziness
[36:59.320 --> 37:02.420] despair distortion. I've been in the hole
[37:02.420 --> 37:04.820] for since I've got out, you know, it's
[37:04.820 --> 37:06.820] good to see people. You know what I mean?
[37:06.820 --> 37:08.120] It's nice to see the light. Got a key to the door.
[37:08.120 --> 37:10.520] This is dope. Got a key to the door. All
[37:10.520 --> 37:13.220] right. We in business. We got a key to the door.
[37:15.020 --> 37:16.820] Well, life goes on when we go to
[37:16.820 --> 37:18.620] prison, you know, life goes on on the
[37:18.620 --> 37:21.720] outside and we're not the only ones
[37:21.720 --> 37:24.320] doing time. Yeah. And we heard a lot
[37:24.320 --> 37:27.220] of people and in the process, a lot
[37:27.220 --> 37:28.920] of people turn their backs. I was
[37:28.920 --> 37:31.620] super thankful that I can admit that
[37:31.620 --> 37:34.420] when my dad in the beginning was like,
[37:34.420 --> 37:36.120] I'm going to disown you when you if
[37:36.120 --> 37:37.520] you lose these kids, I was fighting
[37:37.520 --> 37:40.320] for my babies. And he said, if you
[37:40.320 --> 37:41.420] lose these babies, I'm going to
[37:41.420 --> 37:44.220] disown you. And I allowed my ex
[37:44.220 --> 37:45.820] husband back in my life and guess
[37:45.820 --> 37:47.820] what happened? I lost everything,
[37:47.820 --> 37:50.120] including my kids and my dad said
[37:50.120 --> 37:51.520] he was going to disown me and he
[37:51.520 --> 37:52.920] turned his back on me. And then I
[37:52.920 --> 37:54.820] was running the streets and then I
[37:54.820 --> 37:56.320] landed up in prison, but he was there
[37:56.320 --> 37:59.120] for me the entire time.
[37:59.120 --> 38:00.720] It's cool. We both got dads in
[38:00.720 --> 38:02.720] recovery. My dad's got like 46 years
[38:02.720 --> 38:06.120] in recovery. My mom was a hard love
[38:06.120 --> 38:07.520] Catholic that lit the whole
[38:09.020 --> 38:11.120] United States on fire with candles
[38:11.120 --> 38:12.720] and novellas and yelling at me.
[38:12.720 --> 38:15.620] But my my dad, but my dad, though,
[38:15.620 --> 38:17.720] he would just it didn't matter what
[38:17.720 --> 38:19.520] happened. And it got pretty bad
[38:19.520 --> 38:21.820] at the end of the federal end.
[38:21.820 --> 38:24.920] He was sitting in that chair with
[38:24.920 --> 38:26.420] the same look on his face, and I
[38:26.420 --> 38:28.520] didn't understand what it meant.
[38:28.520 --> 38:29.820] Like I go, why is this guy so
[38:29.820 --> 38:32.520] calm and cool? And I finally had
[38:32.520 --> 38:34.020] the conversation of why he's been
[38:34.020 --> 38:36.020] sober for so many years. And he
[38:36.020 --> 38:37.920] just then I got recovery and I
[38:37.920 --> 38:39.020] understood that's what I do
[38:39.020 --> 38:41.120] today. When somebody's hurting,
[38:41.120 --> 38:44.020] I just stay calm and cool. As
[38:44.020 --> 38:45.120] much as I can be, unless you'd
[38:45.120 --> 38:47.020] like deliberately yelling at me
[38:47.020 --> 38:48.120] or something, I'm going to act
[38:48.120 --> 38:50.720] up. But, you know, I try to
[38:50.720 --> 38:53.620] stay calm and coolest as I can
[38:53.620 --> 38:54.920] and understanding this like my
[38:54.920 --> 38:58.020] father did, because I mean, he
[38:58.020 --> 38:59.220] didn't drop a tear. He didn't
[38:59.220 --> 39:02.020] break down. He just knew that
[39:02.020 --> 39:03.620] I was an addict person in
[39:03.620 --> 39:05.520] recovery. I don't know my father,
[39:05.520 --> 39:06.620] but somebody that need to
[39:06.620 --> 39:09.220] advocate for my feelings and
[39:09.220 --> 39:11.420] know that I wasn't alone.
[39:11.420 --> 39:12.220] I don't know if I could have
[39:12.220 --> 39:14.520] done those multiple bids and
[39:14.520 --> 39:15.720] been in all those courtrooms
[39:15.720 --> 39:17.520] without that man.
[39:17.520 --> 39:18.320] You know what I mean? My mom
[39:18.320 --> 39:19.220] had to check out and I love
[39:19.220 --> 39:20.120] her to death and she had to
[39:20.120 --> 39:21.820] do those things for that, you
[39:21.820 --> 39:25.220] know, but my father, every
[39:25.220 --> 39:27.720] court date didn't matter where
[39:27.720 --> 39:30.020] it was at. Every visit didn't
[39:30.020 --> 39:31.320] matter, taking my daughter up
[39:31.320 --> 39:33.120] to me. You know what I mean?
[39:33.120 --> 39:34.720] That one person who supports
[39:34.720 --> 39:35.720] you and believes in you.
[39:35.720 --> 39:37.320] Yeah. And that takes, and
[39:37.320 --> 39:38.720] there's a we program, right?
[39:38.720 --> 39:40.920] Right. It's a we program. We
[39:40.920 --> 39:42.820] know how to heal each other.
[39:42.820 --> 39:43.520] You know what I mean? And
[39:43.520 --> 39:45.320] we're going to mess up. Like
[39:45.320 --> 39:46.420] I'm going to mess up eight
[39:46.420 --> 39:47.720] million times a Sunday. You
[39:47.720 --> 39:49.520] know what I mean? I'm still,
[39:49.520 --> 39:50.820] you know, like that's that
[39:50.820 --> 39:52.920] divine comedy of it. I was a
[39:52.920 --> 39:55.620] piece of whatever for years. So
[39:55.620 --> 39:56.820] I try every day not to be
[39:56.820 --> 39:58.820] that piece of whatever. You
[39:58.820 --> 39:59.620] know what I mean? So people
[39:59.620 --> 40:01.520] don't have to experience that
[40:01.520 --> 40:03.420] person that I used to be, but
[40:03.420 --> 40:04.620] sometimes that stuff slips
[40:04.620 --> 40:07.420] out because so many years of
[40:07.420 --> 40:10.620] generational teaching and
[40:10.620 --> 40:12.520] training and I mean, it's
[40:12.520 --> 40:13.620] training when you, you
[40:13.620 --> 40:15.420] learning something like when
[40:15.420 --> 40:16.620] you think a baby is just kind
[40:16.620 --> 40:17.920] of playing and ignoring the
[40:17.920 --> 40:20.220] yelling, they're playing more
[40:20.220 --> 40:21.620] animated inside that thing
[40:21.620 --> 40:22.320] because they're more
[40:22.320 --> 40:23.420] concentrating on what mommy
[40:23.420 --> 40:25.020] and daddy's got to say. You
[40:25.020 --> 40:27.120] know what I mean? And whatever
[40:27.120 --> 40:28.420] is happening or cousins hitting
[40:28.420 --> 40:29.820] each other or learning how to
[40:29.820 --> 40:30.920] sell drugs and learning how
[40:30.920 --> 40:31.920] to like the cousins over
[40:31.920 --> 40:33.120] there. And you just try to
[40:33.120 --> 40:34.220] stay close enough to figure
[40:34.220 --> 40:35.720] it out and how they drink and
[40:35.720 --> 40:36.920] how they smoke and how they
[40:36.920 --> 40:38.920] do it and what they do and
[40:38.920 --> 40:39.920] all these things. And then
[40:39.920 --> 40:41.620] before you know it, like you
[40:41.620 --> 40:42.520] wait in your turn. It's
[40:42.520 --> 40:44.320] not like experimenting. You
[40:44.320 --> 40:45.520] just wait in your turn. And
[40:45.520 --> 40:46.620] as soon as they look at
[40:46.620 --> 40:48.220] you and they're like, bam,
[40:48.220 --> 40:49.120] you're in there and in the
[40:49.120 --> 40:51.620] flash and you got that beer
[40:51.620 --> 40:52.520] down your throat before you
[40:52.520 --> 40:54.220] even got it. You're showing
[40:54.220 --> 40:55.420] them that I learned from
[40:55.420 --> 40:56.920] you and trying to get cool
[40:56.920 --> 40:58.120] points and enroll in that
[40:58.120 --> 40:59.120] stuff. And you know, it's
[40:59.120 --> 41:01.920] just, you know, it's crazy
[41:01.920 --> 41:02.820] to know, you know what I
[41:02.820 --> 41:03.520] mean? And people don't know
[41:03.520 --> 41:04.520] a lot. Like when I talk to
[41:04.520 --> 41:05.520] people in Vegas about
[41:05.520 --> 41:06.220] Denver, they think this is
[41:06.220 --> 41:09.020] a cowboy state. No, not
[41:09.020 --> 41:11.320] at all. You got the
[41:11.320 --> 41:12.620] wrong place. This place is
[41:12.620 --> 41:14.820] huge. And you know, just
[41:14.820 --> 41:17.120] because we have nicer
[41:17.120 --> 41:18.220] buildings in an average
[41:18.220 --> 41:19.220] ghetto place, it's been
[41:19.220 --> 41:20.720] beat up, man, you could
[41:20.720 --> 41:22.220] have eight Crips or eight
[41:22.220 --> 41:25.020] Westside GKI's in a house
[41:25.220 --> 41:26.020] that's worth a half a
[41:26.020 --> 41:27.520] million dollars because
[41:27.720 --> 41:29.020] HUD got it for them.
[41:29.820 --> 41:30.820] You know what I mean? Don't
[41:30.820 --> 41:32.920] let the sticker mess you
[41:32.920 --> 41:34.220] up. You know, things are
[41:34.220 --> 41:36.120] going down still, you
[41:36.120 --> 41:37.020] know, and it's, and you
[41:37.020 --> 41:38.120] know, right now we got,
[41:38.120 --> 41:39.320] we're very high on the
[41:39.320 --> 41:40.720] murder rate. People are
[41:40.720 --> 41:43.520] dying, you know, like
[41:43.520 --> 41:45.620] crazy. People are getting
[41:45.620 --> 41:46.720] shot like crazy.
[41:46.720 --> 41:48.420] Yeah. It's so sad.
[41:48.520 --> 41:51.320] It is. We lived, we just
[41:51.320 --> 41:52.220] moved to Green Valley
[41:52.220 --> 41:53.520] Ranch and we lived
[41:53.520 --> 41:55.820] downtown and just in the
[41:55.820 --> 41:57.920] homeless population, like
[41:57.920 --> 41:59.420] the homeless camps were
[41:59.420 --> 42:01.320] right. We lived right
[42:01.320 --> 42:03.120] by Jesus saved and four
[42:03.120 --> 42:04.920] people got killed in the
[42:04.920 --> 42:06.320] homeless camps, you
[42:06.320 --> 42:07.220] know, and they're their
[42:07.220 --> 42:09.120] own little community. Like
[42:09.120 --> 42:10.520] they, they don't snitch
[42:10.520 --> 42:11.720] there. They have the,
[42:12.320 --> 42:13.720] the drug dealers, the
[42:13.720 --> 42:15.020] prostitutes, the
[42:15.020 --> 42:16.220] addicts, you know, and
[42:16.220 --> 42:17.420] it's like a whole nother
[42:17.420 --> 42:18.320] little thing out there.
[42:18.320 --> 42:19.720] And just with that
[42:19.720 --> 42:20.620] people struggling with
[42:20.620 --> 42:22.520] homelessness, like it is
[42:22.520 --> 42:24.320] so sad. It breaks my
[42:24.320 --> 42:26.020] heart and it breaks my
[42:26.020 --> 42:27.020] heart even more that
[42:27.020 --> 42:27.920] you look out the window
[42:27.920 --> 42:28.920] and it's somebody that
[42:29.120 --> 42:30.220] I have a 21 and a
[42:30.220 --> 42:31.520] 25 year old, you know,
[42:31.720 --> 42:33.320] and I'm like, God, I
[42:33.320 --> 42:34.620] thank God every day that
[42:34.620 --> 42:35.820] my son is not out there
[42:35.820 --> 42:36.820] on that corner doing
[42:36.820 --> 42:38.220] that, you know, they
[42:38.220 --> 42:39.320] get younger and younger
[42:39.320 --> 42:40.820] and younger and their
[42:40.820 --> 42:42.220] mental health is just,
[42:43.120 --> 42:44.720] yeah, deteriorating.
[42:44.720 --> 42:45.720] Yeah, it's tough out
[42:45.720 --> 42:47.120] there. It's tough out
[42:47.120 --> 42:47.720] there. You know, it
[42:47.720 --> 42:49.220] gets cold, you know, in
[42:49.220 --> 42:50.520] Denver, you've got to
[42:50.520 --> 42:51.320] get, I mean, you get
[42:51.320 --> 42:52.120] desperate measures. I
[42:52.120 --> 42:52.720] think that's the only
[42:52.720 --> 42:53.620] reason why to get, get
[42:53.620 --> 42:54.620] homeless because like,
[42:55.220 --> 42:56.620] you know, I'm not, I'm
[42:56.620 --> 42:57.520] not sleeping on no
[42:57.520 --> 42:59.520] floor. I'm going to,
[42:59.520 --> 43:00.420] I'm going to use my
[43:00.420 --> 43:02.220] creativity to get what
[43:02.220 --> 43:03.920] I need or I'm going to
[43:03.920 --> 43:05.120] go to jail trying.
[43:05.620 --> 43:06.120] You know what I mean?
[43:06.120 --> 43:06.820] That's what I'm going to
[43:06.820 --> 43:07.420] do. I'm going to
[43:07.420 --> 43:08.620] manipulate. Yeah,
[43:08.720 --> 43:09.920] yeah, not did I
[43:09.920 --> 43:11.820] manipulated my way
[43:11.820 --> 43:13.220] through every system
[43:13.220 --> 43:16.020] possible to get what I
[43:16.020 --> 43:17.220] need, you know, and it's
[43:17.220 --> 43:18.220] crazy because, you know,
[43:18.220 --> 43:19.020] I'm not saying I'm the
[43:19.020 --> 43:20.120] guru of stuff. You have
[43:20.120 --> 43:21.420] the same experiences and
[43:21.420 --> 43:22.520] stuff like that. But
[43:22.520 --> 43:23.620] 48 years old, when I
[43:23.620 --> 43:24.520] look at somebody trying
[43:24.520 --> 43:27.020] to game me, I get real
[43:27.020 --> 43:28.820] quiet because it's like,
[43:29.220 --> 43:30.120] man, I try to do that in
[43:30.120 --> 43:32.020] 92. You know what I
[43:32.020 --> 43:32.920] mean? That was what
[43:32.920 --> 43:33.820] happened when my sister
[43:33.820 --> 43:35.020] was doing that in 98.
[43:35.220 --> 43:35.720] You know what I mean?
[43:35.720 --> 43:36.920] Like, come on, man. Like
[43:36.920 --> 43:38.120] I've been young, I've
[43:38.120 --> 43:39.120] been old, I've been,
[43:39.420 --> 43:40.920] you know, I've been in
[43:40.920 --> 43:41.620] prison, I've been in
[43:41.620 --> 43:42.520] all this kind of stuff and
[43:42.520 --> 43:43.420] I'm not going to like give
[43:43.420 --> 43:45.220] a teaching to somebody.
[43:45.520 --> 43:46.720] It's just really heartfelt
[43:46.720 --> 43:47.420] and depressing because
[43:47.420 --> 43:48.420] you really don't have
[43:48.420 --> 43:49.720] that answer. It's just
[43:49.720 --> 43:50.520] that like-minded
[43:50.520 --> 43:51.820] situation that you see it
[43:52.020 --> 43:52.820] and it kind of triggers
[43:52.820 --> 43:53.920] and traumatizes you and
[43:53.920 --> 43:54.520] you know, because you can
[43:54.520 --> 43:55.320] say the wrong things
[43:55.320 --> 43:56.520] and I've been guilty
[43:56.520 --> 43:57.320] of saying the wrong
[43:57.320 --> 43:58.820] things to to people,
[43:58.820 --> 43:59.620] you know what I mean?
[43:59.820 --> 44:00.920] So just sitting back and
[44:00.920 --> 44:02.520] being quiet, you know,
[44:02.520 --> 44:03.220] and that's hard for me,
[44:03.220 --> 44:03.820] as you know, on this
[44:03.820 --> 44:04.520] radio station.
[44:06.320 --> 44:07.120] It's hard for me, but
[44:07.120 --> 44:08.320] you know, I got more
[44:08.320 --> 44:09.620] questions for you like.
[44:10.620 --> 44:11.620] So you got through,
[44:11.620 --> 44:12.720] you got through college,
[44:12.720 --> 44:13.720] you got your kids back,
[44:13.720 --> 44:14.120] right?
[44:14.520 --> 44:15.220] Well, no.
[44:15.520 --> 44:16.920] Okay, so through
[44:16.920 --> 44:20.120] because I lost my kids
[44:20.120 --> 44:21.420] and then I went to prison.
[44:21.420 --> 44:23.120] So I lost the chance to
[44:23.520 --> 44:25.520] like fight for them.
[44:25.620 --> 44:26.120] Okay.
[44:26.320 --> 44:29.020] And so really to me,
[44:29.020 --> 44:30.520] that was like the worst
[44:30.520 --> 44:32.520] thing for me that
[44:32.520 --> 44:35.320] kept me most shameful
[44:35.320 --> 44:38.620] and like it just that
[44:38.620 --> 44:39.320] was the one thing
[44:39.320 --> 44:40.920] that held me down boy.
[44:40.920 --> 44:43.020] It kept me didn't
[44:43.020 --> 44:44.620] it put me in this place
[44:44.620 --> 44:45.620] where I didn't care.
[44:45.620 --> 44:46.420] I didn't felt like
[44:46.420 --> 44:47.420] I didn't have nothing,
[44:47.820 --> 44:48.620] you know, kept me in
[44:48.620 --> 44:49.420] my addiction.
[44:49.820 --> 44:51.720] So being in prison
[44:52.420 --> 44:54.820] and wanting to change
[44:55.320 --> 44:56.420] and not being in the
[44:56.420 --> 44:58.320] mix and and making
[44:58.320 --> 44:59.920] the changes that I needed
[44:59.920 --> 45:00.220] to do.
[45:00.220 --> 45:01.520] So when I came out,
[45:01.920 --> 45:05.020] like that's all I need
[45:05.020 --> 45:07.120] to do is be successful.
[45:07.120 --> 45:08.720] So that way that
[45:08.720 --> 45:09.820] when they do want to
[45:09.820 --> 45:11.020] come and find me that
[45:11.020 --> 45:12.220] I'm a person that
[45:13.020 --> 45:14.320] they want to be around
[45:14.620 --> 45:15.920] because if I'm addicted
[45:15.920 --> 45:16.920] and I'm lost and I'm
[45:16.920 --> 45:18.020] still running the streets
[45:18.020 --> 45:19.020] and I'm still doing
[45:19.020 --> 45:19.820] the same things that
[45:19.820 --> 45:21.020] I was doing before
[45:21.020 --> 45:22.220] then they ain't going
[45:22.220 --> 45:23.320] to want to be in my life.
[45:26.220 --> 45:27.720] But you lead by example.
[45:28.020 --> 45:29.620] So you said God is big,
[45:29.620 --> 45:30.020] right?
[45:30.020 --> 45:30.720] God is huge.
[45:30.720 --> 45:31.820] God is everything.
[45:32.220 --> 45:33.920] What is your recovery basis?
[45:33.920 --> 45:34.920] Now, what do you do?
[45:34.920 --> 45:36.420] Like what I've been
[45:36.420 --> 45:37.720] hearing this rainbow,
[45:37.720 --> 45:38.120] rainbow,
[45:38.120 --> 45:39.220] rainbow got pregnant,
[45:39.220 --> 45:40.320] regmo just had a kid,
[45:40.320 --> 45:41.320] could be on the show.
[45:41.320 --> 45:41.820] But rainbow,
[45:41.820 --> 45:42.620] now she's packed.
[45:42.820 --> 45:44.020] Like you're like the terminator.
[45:44.020 --> 45:44.520] Now you're here.
[45:49.120 --> 45:50.220] Well, first of all,
[45:51.420 --> 45:52.620] one of the other things
[45:52.620 --> 45:54.620] that helped me through
[45:54.620 --> 45:56.220] prison is because I used
[45:56.220 --> 45:58.120] to see how many people
[45:58.120 --> 45:59.820] were that revolving door.
[45:59.920 --> 46:03.020] And so my one of my goals
[46:03.020 --> 46:05.920] was to make change to get out
[46:05.920 --> 46:06.920] so I could go back
[46:06.920 --> 46:08.220] and be that person
[46:08.220 --> 46:09.520] for the women inside there
[46:09.920 --> 46:11.520] because we make these connections
[46:11.520 --> 46:12.420] inside prison.
[46:12.720 --> 46:13.620] And when we get out,
[46:13.620 --> 46:14.620] we don't get to keep them.
[46:14.720 --> 46:15.920] Well, now they're changing that.
[46:15.920 --> 46:17.220] So it's a little bit different.
[46:17.520 --> 46:20.420] But I want it to be
[46:20.420 --> 46:21.720] because of who I am
[46:21.720 --> 46:24.420] when people I'm a recovery coach.
[46:24.920 --> 46:28.020] And so I get a I get a give back.
[46:28.020 --> 46:28.820] Yeah, give a shout out
[46:28.820 --> 46:29.720] to who you work for.
[46:29.720 --> 46:31.120] Make sure they get the big ups for that.
[46:31.120 --> 46:34.220] P2P recovery and empowerment.
[46:34.620 --> 46:35.520] Love empowerment.
[46:35.520 --> 46:36.020] I love them.
[46:36.320 --> 46:37.520] They do big things.
[46:37.520 --> 46:38.720] They do a lot of good things
[46:38.720 --> 46:40.020] in the community for women.
[46:40.020 --> 46:42.020] There's so many things out there for men
[46:42.620 --> 46:46.020] and not so many for women.
[46:46.020 --> 46:46.520] That's right.
[46:47.020 --> 46:48.120] We need to build on that.
[46:48.120 --> 46:51.120] So if I could change one life
[46:51.120 --> 46:52.720] by being a peer recovery coach,
[46:52.720 --> 46:54.720] then that's my whole
[46:54.720 --> 46:55.820] that fills my cup
[46:55.820 --> 46:56.920] and it makes me happy.
[46:57.420 --> 46:58.920] I think that needs to be entry level
[46:58.920 --> 47:00.920] to everything to be coming in this field.
[47:01.720 --> 47:02.520] You got to sit there
[47:02.520 --> 47:03.920] and be a recovery coach first,
[47:03.920 --> 47:05.120] because if you don't understand
[47:05.720 --> 47:06.520] through coaching.
[47:07.620 --> 47:09.420] Or, you know, or you're in a fellowship
[47:09.420 --> 47:11.320] where you learn sponsorship
[47:11.320 --> 47:13.420] and being a sponsor, you know,
[47:13.420 --> 47:15.120] and those are two very different animals.
[47:15.120 --> 47:16.120] Everybody that's listening.
[47:16.120 --> 47:18.020] Those are two very, very different animals,
[47:18.020 --> 47:19.520] two very different programs,
[47:19.520 --> 47:20.920] but concepts of the bottom
[47:20.920 --> 47:22.620] of the first days coming in
[47:22.620 --> 47:24.720] and having somebody next to you,
[47:24.720 --> 47:26.020] you know, like, you know,
[47:26.020 --> 47:29.020] it's a very, very hard job she has.
[47:29.020 --> 47:30.720] You know, the average lifespan
[47:30.720 --> 47:33.020] career span of somebody doing 24-7
[47:33.020 --> 47:34.120] full-time recovery coaching
[47:34.120 --> 47:35.420] is two to three years,
[47:35.420 --> 47:36.820] because you just get burnt out.
[47:37.320 --> 47:38.620] It's a full-time job.
[47:38.620 --> 47:41.120] Yeah, and it's hard.
[47:41.120 --> 47:43.220] Yeah, you're burying a lot of people.
[47:43.220 --> 47:45.320] You're seeing a lot of people regress.
[47:45.320 --> 47:46.820] You're seeing a lot of triumphs
[47:46.820 --> 47:48.520] and like you can't wait for those triumphs,
[47:48.520 --> 47:50.220] you know, like sometimes
[47:50.220 --> 47:51.420] I still got that hard time
[47:51.420 --> 47:51.920] with someone like,
[47:51.920 --> 47:52.820] Tomas, you saved my life.
[47:52.820 --> 47:54.020] This isn't that, you know,
[47:54.020 --> 47:55.520] it still kind of feels weird.
[47:55.520 --> 47:58.320] Like I, you know what I mean?
[47:58.320 --> 47:59.320] Cool, man.
[47:59.320 --> 48:00.920] You know, that's that's great.
[48:00.920 --> 48:01.420] You know what I mean?
[48:01.420 --> 48:02.220] How you doing today?
[48:02.220 --> 48:02.820] You know what I mean?
[48:02.820 --> 48:04.520] Just, you know, it's a,
[48:04.520 --> 48:06.620] it's being able to that ground level
[48:06.620 --> 48:08.020] and you know what P2P does
[48:08.020 --> 48:10.320] and empowerment does in the inner city.
[48:10.320 --> 48:11.920] You know, they're two very different animals,
[48:11.920 --> 48:13.220] ones, you know, homeless
[48:13.220 --> 48:14.520] and the other ones, you know,
[48:14.520 --> 48:16.420] for the women and inside the prison systems,
[48:16.420 --> 48:18.120] you know, LGTBQ Plus
[48:18.120 --> 48:19.420] and a whole lot of different programs
[48:19.420 --> 48:20.820] and having buildings like Mariposa
[48:20.820 --> 48:21.920] and a lot of stuff
[48:21.920 --> 48:24.420] that's happening that they do great on,
[48:24.420 --> 48:27.920] you know, and it'll be a diverse cultured situation
[48:27.920 --> 48:30.220] to where you could be
[48:30.220 --> 48:32.520] at the mercy of any type of human being
[48:32.520 --> 48:34.220] in the city at any moment
[48:34.220 --> 48:35.020] that you're assigned to
[48:35.020 --> 48:36.920] and you have to have that love and empathy.
[48:36.920 --> 48:39.320] So, you know, that's what was cool
[48:39.320 --> 48:41.120] about hearing about your story.
[48:41.120 --> 48:42.120] That was awesome.
[48:42.120 --> 48:45.520] You know, that that also everybody speaks highly
[48:45.520 --> 48:48.120] of how you're in the prison systems
[48:48.120 --> 48:49.920] and how you speak from the heart
[48:49.920 --> 48:54.120] about how to do things to get out and do it right.
[48:54.120 --> 48:54.920] You know what I mean?
[48:54.920 --> 48:57.720] We do not have that many women out there
[48:57.720 --> 48:58.920] with those capabilities,
[48:58.920 --> 49:00.120] you know what I mean?
[49:00.120 --> 49:01.920] And that's why I'm telling your bosses,
[49:01.920 --> 49:04.620] I'm trying to steal you right now on the air.
[49:04.620 --> 49:06.120] Yes.
[49:06.120 --> 49:07.120] Uh-oh.
[49:07.120 --> 49:08.920] Hey, guys.
[49:08.920 --> 49:11.320] I love you, guys.
[49:11.320 --> 49:12.320] But...
[49:12.320 --> 49:15.120] Tell me about what you do in the prison system now.
[49:15.120 --> 49:19.020] So, I started going back into the prisons
[49:19.020 --> 49:21.420] when I was still in community corrections.
[49:21.420 --> 49:24.520] And so that's a big deal
[49:24.520 --> 49:28.320] because they're not really big on that.
[49:28.320 --> 49:30.920] And so that was a big deal for me.
[49:30.920 --> 49:34.120] I fought for that because going in there
[49:34.120 --> 49:37.420] and what I do is I just go and spread hope
[49:37.420 --> 49:42.920] and show them because people know me for selling drugs.
[49:42.920 --> 49:47.120] Not a lot of people know me as an addict in my addiction.
[49:47.120 --> 49:50.020] So, when they see me and they see me in prison
[49:50.020 --> 49:51.220] and then they see me out,
[49:51.220 --> 49:53.720] then they're like, what are you doing?
[49:53.720 --> 49:54.920] And how did you do that?
[49:54.920 --> 49:56.120] And how did you get there?
[49:56.120 --> 50:03.120] And it makes me feel good that them see me
[50:03.120 --> 50:05.120] instead of me being in the streets
[50:05.120 --> 50:07.220] known for something negative,
[50:07.220 --> 50:10.320] that it's known now they see me as a positive
[50:10.320 --> 50:12.620] and they want to do something different.
[50:12.620 --> 50:14.520] And I could talk to them and say,
[50:14.520 --> 50:15.720] hey, this is what I did.
[50:15.720 --> 50:17.120] This is how I did it.
[50:17.120 --> 50:19.120] And when you struggle, I'm here.
[50:19.120 --> 50:20.120] Here's my number.
[50:20.120 --> 50:22.320] You know, I write a lot of people.
[50:22.320 --> 50:23.320] I send pictures.
[50:23.320 --> 50:25.820] For those that don't have family members
[50:25.820 --> 50:27.020] who ain't there for them,
[50:27.020 --> 50:30.420] I get pictures from their families and their kids.
[50:30.420 --> 50:32.220] And, you know, just that, like you said,
[50:32.220 --> 50:35.320] that one person, Nani, that will be there
[50:35.320 --> 50:37.020] and support them.
[50:37.020 --> 50:41.020] And I tell them all, every single client I get,
[50:41.020 --> 50:43.120] I'm like, first of all, I'm no-nonsense.
[50:43.120 --> 50:44.720] Like, I'm going to call you on your...
[50:44.720 --> 50:46.420] I'm going to call you on your...
[50:46.420 --> 50:49.120] Because there ain't nothing you could do
[50:49.120 --> 50:52.220] that I ain't already did, that I already lied about,
[50:52.220 --> 50:54.620] or that I denied, or you know what I mean.
[50:54.620 --> 50:56.220] And if you can't be honest with yourself,
[50:56.220 --> 50:57.620] then you can't be honest with me.
[50:57.620 --> 50:59.220] And you have to be honest with yourself
[50:59.220 --> 51:03.220] if you want to be successful.
[51:03.220 --> 51:07.320] You can't lie to yourself and say, I'm not an addict.
[51:07.320 --> 51:09.520] And then go over here and be sober
[51:09.520 --> 51:11.420] and be something around these people.
[51:11.420 --> 51:14.320] And then be over here with these people
[51:14.320 --> 51:17.220] and going out and doing, you know...
[51:17.220 --> 51:18.720] It's the core existence, you know.
[51:18.720 --> 51:23.320] Like, I have this new mantra saying that I'm doing
[51:23.320 --> 51:26.020] with all the participants that I got the coaches doing in Vegas
[51:26.020 --> 51:28.320] and I'm going to have them start doing it in Denver.
[51:28.320 --> 51:31.820] It's basically, and you speak to it, Nani does,
[51:31.820 --> 51:34.320] Slim does to a huge amount,
[51:34.320 --> 51:37.020] because everybody knows who he is in recovery.
[51:37.020 --> 51:39.220] I don't want to be a product of my environment.
[51:39.220 --> 51:41.320] I want the environment to be a product of me.
[51:41.320 --> 51:42.520] That's huge.
[51:42.520 --> 51:44.420] That's so deep.
[51:44.420 --> 51:45.420] Deep.
[51:45.420 --> 51:47.620] And that's how we beat the stigma.
[51:47.620 --> 51:49.120] And we ain't perfect.
[51:49.120 --> 51:53.020] I mess up daily, but I do know,
[51:53.020 --> 51:56.520] no matter what mistake I made,
[51:56.520 --> 51:59.220] I can help somebody within a split second.
[51:59.220 --> 52:02.320] I might help before people, while other people hesitate.
[52:02.320 --> 52:03.820] I'm going to apologize,
[52:03.820 --> 52:06.720] even when it feels like my ego should be shattered.
[52:06.720 --> 52:09.120] I'm going to, you know,
[52:09.120 --> 52:13.420] do what I need to do and humble myself in a heated moment.
[52:13.420 --> 52:16.720] I'm going to try to do everything I can
[52:16.720 --> 52:18.920] to take accountability for my mistakes.
[52:18.920 --> 52:21.720] And those are those things in recovery that you're like,
[52:21.720 --> 52:24.920] okay, I'm blown out right now.
[52:24.920 --> 52:26.920] My family has nothing for me.
[52:26.920 --> 52:28.420] And I've ruined that.
[52:28.420 --> 52:30.320] What do I have for myself?
[52:30.320 --> 52:32.820] You know, I remember yelling in the field at God,
[52:32.820 --> 52:36.020] like I'm like Robert Duvall and the Apostle.
[52:36.020 --> 52:36.720] You know what I mean?
[52:36.720 --> 52:40.020] I'm going crazy, like telling him everything.
[52:40.020 --> 52:40.720] Like, you know what?
[52:40.720 --> 52:42.620] You killed my friends and dad.
[52:42.620 --> 52:43.720] Where were you at?
[52:43.720 --> 52:44.620] You know what I mean?
[52:44.620 --> 52:46.120] What happened here when I was on this?
[52:46.120 --> 52:46.720] Where were you at?
[52:46.720 --> 52:48.620] When I got shot, when I got stabbed,
[52:48.620 --> 52:50.220] when I got this happening, when I overdosed,
[52:50.220 --> 52:51.920] where were you at?
[52:51.920 --> 52:52.920] And you know, at the end of the day,
[52:52.920 --> 52:55.120] when I exhausted myself, when I was hoarse,
[52:55.120 --> 52:57.820] I could just hear a voice in my head say,
[52:57.820 --> 52:59.120] you're here, right?
[52:59.120 --> 53:00.120] Yeah.
[53:00.120 --> 53:02.120] You're standing in the field.
[53:02.120 --> 53:05.120] You're here with the next chance.
[53:05.120 --> 53:08.620] So humble yourself and know I'm here for you.
[53:08.620 --> 53:10.320] Whatever you want to call me,
[53:10.320 --> 53:13.820] God, Dukash, Little Wonka Tonka,
[53:13.820 --> 53:18.620] Muhammad, whatever you want to label me as today,
[53:18.620 --> 53:21.520] just know I'm your friend and I'm here.
[53:21.520 --> 53:23.020] I'm here.
[53:23.020 --> 53:25.220] You know, and that's the message of coaching.
[53:25.220 --> 53:26.920] You know, there's a thing that you know
[53:26.920 --> 53:29.820] when you talk about spirituality versus religion.
[53:29.820 --> 53:31.320] And you learn this in recovery,
[53:31.320 --> 53:33.620] and you'll stumble upon it a million times.
[53:33.620 --> 53:36.020] It's basically, it states,
[53:36.020 --> 53:38.620] religion is for people that are trying to find heaven.
[53:38.620 --> 53:39.920] Spirituality are for people
[53:39.920 --> 53:42.320] that have been through hell trying to find peace.
[53:42.320 --> 53:43.720] You know, I'm going to go with spirituality,
[53:43.720 --> 53:45.520] yo, because I'm trying to find peace.
[53:45.520 --> 53:48.320] Because I can make my own living hell
[53:48.320 --> 53:53.120] in a $3 million mansion because I'm at it.
[53:53.120 --> 53:55.620] I could have it paid for with the lights
[53:55.620 --> 53:58.920] and every bells and whistles and all the cars and clothes
[53:58.920 --> 54:03.220] and whatever these commercials that want to drape you in
[54:03.220 --> 54:05.320] and all the gold and bigger gold and better
[54:05.320 --> 54:09.220] and beautiful this and beautiful that and all that.
[54:09.220 --> 54:11.620] But I could be in a mouth of madness
[54:11.620 --> 54:13.120] because of my addiction,
[54:13.120 --> 54:14.720] because I have no spirituality
[54:14.720 --> 54:17.220] because I've lost my way and I've done that.
[54:17.220 --> 54:19.720] And that's what's great about programs and coaches.
[54:19.720 --> 54:21.420] They'll be like, hey, man, what's up?
[54:21.420 --> 54:23.420] Like, you know, I got to give out a shout out
[54:23.420 --> 54:24.820] to Lassonde Latif.
[54:24.820 --> 54:26.820] He called me before I got to the radio station
[54:26.820 --> 54:28.620] and that's the same thing you identified.
[54:28.620 --> 54:30.020] And that's people in recovery saying,
[54:30.020 --> 54:31.820] hey, yo, man, I'm here for you.
[54:31.820 --> 54:34.120] You look tired.
[54:34.120 --> 54:35.120] You look tired, my brother.
[54:35.120 --> 54:36.420] You look tired.
[54:36.420 --> 54:38.620] If you need to talk, just call me.
[54:38.620 --> 54:40.920] And you know, I can't, I can't lie about that.
[54:40.920 --> 54:42.020] That's my, that's my mentor.
[54:42.020 --> 54:43.720] That's the guy that I look up to.
[54:43.720 --> 54:45.020] And he says the same thing about me,
[54:45.020 --> 54:47.520] but we're always battling who looks up to each other more.
[54:47.520 --> 54:48.520] You know what I mean?
[54:48.520 --> 54:50.520] You know, but he's older than me and he's done it.
[54:50.520 --> 54:52.420] And he's been in there, but he was like, you know,
[54:52.420 --> 54:53.620] my brother, you're tired, man.
[54:53.620 --> 54:55.420] You got to take some time for yourself.
[54:55.420 --> 54:58.520] You have to have a lot of people like that in your life
[54:58.520 --> 55:01.120] when you're in recovery because for me,
[55:01.120 --> 55:05.920] community was huge before it was the streets
[55:05.920 --> 55:07.320] and all the wrong people.
[55:07.320 --> 55:09.720] But once I started to make connections
[55:09.720 --> 55:14.720] and have my church family and people who,
[55:14.720 --> 55:17.820] if I looked at your life and this is what I tell my girls,
[55:17.820 --> 55:20.720] if you have somebody in your life and you look at them
[55:20.720 --> 55:24.920] and you don't, they don't have something that you want
[55:24.920 --> 55:27.920] in a good positive way, then they shouldn't be in your life.
[55:27.920 --> 55:28.920] That's right.
[55:28.920 --> 55:31.720] Like, you know, you should have good people in your life
[55:31.720 --> 55:34.120] that are sober, successful.
[55:34.120 --> 55:36.720] There was something that is something that-
[55:36.720 --> 55:38.020] And it's on the reverse too.
[55:38.020 --> 55:40.120] If you're not complimenting somebody else's life,
[55:40.120 --> 55:42.720] you got to go ahead and give them that choice.
[55:42.720 --> 55:45.220] Like, listen, I'm not really complimentary to your life, man.
[55:45.220 --> 55:47.520] I'm a lot, because I have to do that quite frequently
[55:47.520 --> 55:49.120] on how I live.
[55:49.120 --> 55:52.080] Like, are you sure you want me in your life?
[55:52.080 --> 55:53.380] You know what I mean?
[55:53.380 --> 55:56.780] Like, because I am in recovery.
[55:56.780 --> 55:59.440] I have mental health, addiction.
[55:59.440 --> 56:02.020] I'm an entrepreneur and the things that I do,
[56:02.020 --> 56:03.120] you know what I mean?
[56:03.120 --> 56:05.480] Like, that's sponsors, that's people that you coach.
[56:05.480 --> 56:06.720] That's people, you know what I mean?
[56:06.720 --> 56:09.420] Even friends, you know what I mean?
[56:09.420 --> 56:12.180] If you even, you know, whatever relationship you're in,
[56:12.820 --> 56:14.380] make sure that you check that temperature
[56:14.380 --> 56:16.700] because it's not all about your time.
[56:16.700 --> 56:17.820] It's about their time,
[56:17.820 --> 56:20.100] because their time can bleed into your time.
[56:20.100 --> 56:22.180] And then both of y'all have no time for each other
[56:22.180 --> 56:24.100] because it just doesn't work no more.
[56:24.100 --> 56:24.940] You know what I mean?
[56:24.940 --> 56:26.300] And you got to be conscious of those things
[56:26.300 --> 56:28.100] because we're addicts, we perseverate.
[56:28.100 --> 56:28.940] Give me some more.
[56:28.940 --> 56:30.800] Like, you know, plane tickets.
[56:30.800 --> 56:32.020] Like, oh, I can go on a plane?
[56:32.020 --> 56:34.340] Okay, well, I'm going to go 70 million times.
[56:34.340 --> 56:37.700] Like, I'm like, preferred customer, triple platinum,
[56:37.700 --> 56:38.540] blah, blah, blah, blah.
[56:38.540 --> 56:40.580] And I've only been flying for like eight months.
[56:40.580 --> 56:42.100] You know, they're Mr. Hernandez and me.
[56:42.900 --> 56:43.740] Who are you?
[56:43.740 --> 56:44.580] What you mean?
[56:44.580 --> 56:45.420] How you doing my name?
[56:45.420 --> 56:46.540] You know what I mean?
[56:46.540 --> 56:48.540] But you know, with all that kind of said,
[56:48.540 --> 56:51.280] you know, like, man,
[56:52.620 --> 56:55.140] like I said, as soon as you started talking
[56:55.140 --> 56:56.180] for the listeners out there,
[56:56.180 --> 56:58.820] out in the West and the North and the East side,
[56:58.820 --> 57:02.980] close your eyes and think about what this lady's saying
[57:02.980 --> 57:05.380] downtown and think about where you at
[57:05.380 --> 57:10.380] if you're struggling because if you can picture her
[57:10.700 --> 57:12.500] walking across the victory line
[57:12.500 --> 57:14.660] and getting her life back, so can you.
[57:14.660 --> 57:15.700] Yes.
[57:15.700 --> 57:16.540] Yes.
[57:17.540 --> 57:18.780] It is possible.
[57:18.780 --> 57:22.660] In the end, you know, my daughter is my redemption story.
[57:22.660 --> 57:25.320] You know, me and my husband, for both of me and my husband,
[57:25.320 --> 57:27.760] we both come from broken families.
[57:28.860 --> 57:32.060] Generational curses were breaking with her.
[57:32.060 --> 57:32.940] We're both sober.
[57:32.940 --> 57:34.500] We get to do it from the beginning.
[57:34.500 --> 57:35.860] We get to do it right.
[57:35.860 --> 57:37.220] We get to raise her right.
[57:37.480 --> 57:41.340] Teach her right from the beginning
[57:41.340 --> 57:45.380] and make sure that she's living a different life.
[57:45.380 --> 57:49.380] You know, I'm still have to mend and build my relationship
[57:49.380 --> 57:54.380] with my other kids, but helping others is...
[57:55.940 --> 57:56.980] It's the best, right?
[57:56.980 --> 58:00.100] It's so fulfilling.
[58:00.100 --> 58:04.060] Yeah, you know, somebody got a second chance.
[58:04.060 --> 58:05.540] Sometimes you can do it monetarily.
[58:05.540 --> 58:07.140] Sometimes you can do it.
[58:07.540 --> 58:09.180] Just with some help and tell that person,
[58:09.180 --> 58:11.620] like, yo, I'm just helping you because I can.
[58:11.620 --> 58:12.500] You know what I mean?
[58:12.500 --> 58:14.020] Or I'm just sitting here and listening to you
[58:14.020 --> 58:15.420] because I can, you know?
[58:16.980 --> 58:18.420] And I don't know how many times I've been yelled at
[58:18.420 --> 58:20.460] by people that I'm coaching.
[58:20.460 --> 58:21.300] Man.
[58:21.300 --> 58:24.100] Like, I just become the Emily number one.
[58:24.100 --> 58:26.860] I'm like, okay, all right, get it out.
[58:26.860 --> 58:28.540] Let's figure it out.
[58:28.540 --> 58:29.780] You know what I mean?
[58:29.780 --> 58:31.300] And it's...
[58:31.300 --> 58:33.860] But like, that's the key to the frustration
[58:33.860 --> 58:35.940] because really, who are you yelling at?
[58:37.180 --> 58:40.460] Are you yelling at me or are you yelling at yourself?
[58:40.460 --> 58:41.540] You know what I mean?
[58:41.540 --> 58:42.620] And why are you yelling?
[58:42.620 --> 58:44.140] And let's figure out what you need.
[58:44.140 --> 58:46.900] What's the need besides the money part,
[58:46.900 --> 58:48.540] you know, relationships and all that stuff.
[58:48.540 --> 58:50.780] What is your needs right now?
[58:50.780 --> 58:51.620] You know what I mean?
[58:51.620 --> 58:52.500] So listeners, think about that.
[58:52.500 --> 58:54.020] If you're struggling right now,
[58:54.020 --> 58:57.820] what is your actual needs that separate all family,
[58:57.820 --> 59:00.900] all relationships besides the one that you have
[59:00.900 --> 59:03.860] with whatever spiritual path or you don't have?
[59:03.860 --> 59:05.340] What are your needs right now?
[59:06.180 --> 59:07.780] What's gonna make you feel all right?
[59:07.780 --> 59:09.780] And if you don't have an answer for that,
[59:09.780 --> 59:12.140] that is the perfect answer to find a coach.
[59:13.220 --> 59:14.060] Exactly.
[59:14.060 --> 59:15.500] If you don't have that answer,
[59:15.500 --> 59:18.540] if you're sitting there and you don't have that answer,
[59:18.540 --> 59:19.780] you need to find help.
[59:21.100 --> 59:22.860] Cause I'm gonna hold myself accountable.
[59:22.860 --> 59:24.900] Cause the other day and family and friends asking me,
[59:24.900 --> 59:25.740] are you okay?
[59:25.740 --> 59:27.340] And I don't have that answer.
[59:28.420 --> 59:30.780] I needed to go check back in with my people
[59:32.220 --> 59:33.460] and start doing the work again.
[59:33.460 --> 59:38.260] Even with 10 years in four days, seven months,
[59:38.260 --> 59:41.500] clean and sober, it still happens.
[59:41.500 --> 59:46.500] I have no ideology of anything just for the day of using
[59:47.380 --> 59:49.100] cause I can't stand myself.
[59:49.100 --> 59:50.340] But that's not to say tomorrow,
[59:50.340 --> 59:51.300] that's not to say the next day,
[59:51.300 --> 59:52.980] that's not to say whatever.
[59:52.980 --> 59:55.500] But if you don't have that answer right now,
[59:55.500 --> 59:57.220] hear that multiple times,
[59:57.220 --> 59:59.780] I'm saying that it's time to find help.
[59:59.780 --> 01:00:03.220] And if you can't find a coach with P2P,
[01:00:03] Tribe, Second Chance Center, Encore,
[01:00:07] you know what I mean?
[01:00:08] All kinds of different places that we have out there.
[01:00:11] You could go basically into the library downtown Denver
[01:00:15] and find a coach.
[01:00:17] Right there, downtown Denver,
[01:00:19] that's the beginning of the coaching.
[01:00:21] That's when Quika started that whole movement
[01:00:22] out down there.
[01:00:24] You know what I mean?
[01:00:24] All those types of things.
[01:00:26] You know, you can walk into pre-trial,
[01:00:28] they have coaches.
[01:00:29] You can walk into the aid center downtown Denver,
[01:00:31] they got coaches.
[01:00:33] You can see what the mayor of Denver just did.
[01:00:36] They got yellow jackets on walking around downtown.
[01:00:39] If you need help, look at that yellow jacket
[01:00:44] and go, I'm not gonna start a joke yet.
[01:00:47] But look at that yellow jacket
[01:00:48] and walk up to that professional
[01:00:50] or that person that volunteer
[01:00:51] and ask them, yo, I need some help.
[01:00:54] But the biggest thing is also you got 12 steps.
[01:00:57] You can Google that quickly and get to a meeting.
[01:01:00] Get to any meeting, A-A-C-A, you know, any A.
[01:01:06] We'll keep you away from the D-A, the D-A, can D-O-A.
[01:01:10] You know what I mean?
[01:01:12] Yes, yep.
[01:01:13] Amen.
[01:01:14] Stay away.
[01:01:17] Maha, our guest has been Rainbow Griego from Denver.
[01:01:21] We're running out of time,
[01:01:22] but real quick, anything you wanna say
[01:01:24] to somebody struggling in addiction right now?
[01:01:27] The first step is to loving yourself enough
[01:01:31] to say that you need help.
[01:01:33] Amen.
[01:01:35] Loving yourself enough to say you need help.
[01:01:37] And that's not easy, but that's what you gotta do.
[01:01:42] That's right.
[01:01:44] Thank you so much, Rainbow.
[01:01:45] Congratulations on your addiction.
[01:01:47] Oh, it's a pleasure to have you.
[01:01:49] Congratulations on being a mom again.
[01:01:52] Wow.
[01:01:53] Lord.
[01:01:53] And congratulations that,
[01:01:56] without that hard work on your recovery,
[01:01:57] that wouldn't be happening.
[01:01:59] No.
[01:02:00] So, the baby's lucky.
[01:02:03] The baby's lucky like I was.
[01:02:04] I never got to see my dad in that mix.
[01:02:07] My dad got clean and sober when I was two years old.
[01:02:11] I have no idea what that man looked like in those days.
[01:02:14] Today.
[01:02:15] That's a good thing.
[01:02:16] You know what I mean?
[01:02:17] That's how your baby will grow.
[01:02:18] I'm so thankful for that.
[01:02:19] That's-
[01:02:20] It's wonderful.
[01:02:21] A blessing.
[01:02:23] Thank you to Rainbow for being our guest.
[01:02:24] Yes.
[01:02:25] We want a quick thank you to Caring for Denver
[01:02:28] and the work they do in the Mile High
[01:02:29] to help people with addiction and recovery.
[01:02:33] Once again, this program is brought to you in part
[01:02:36] by Tribe Recovery Homes.
[01:02:37] If you want to reach out to anybody here at this table,
[01:02:40] please give us a call,
[01:02:41] 720-60-Tribe at 720-608-7423,
[01:02:46] or you can go online to triberecoveryhomes.com.
[01:02:50] Once again, thank you, Rainbow.
[01:02:51] And you can put your application in there.
[01:02:54] Rainbow can put her application in there.
[01:02:56] Yes.
[01:02:57] All right.
[01:02:57] Rainbow will be working for Tribe Recovery Homes.
[01:02:59] That's right.
[01:03:00] That's right.
[01:03:01] We'll be back-
[01:03:02] Pressure, pressure.
[01:03:03] Next week.
[01:03:04] Thank you so much for joining us right here
[01:03:07] for sharing our stories.
Transcription results written to '/home/forge/transcribe2.sonicengage.com/releases/20240202210301' directory
