Sharing Our Stories - Ozzie Cabral

[00:00:00] The views, thoughts and opinions expressed in the following program belong solely to the host and guest and do not necessarily reflect those of this radio station. Our parent company, advertisers or affiliates. Welcome to Sharing Our Stories. We share stories of support for individuals in recovery

[00:00:14] from substance misuse and mental health related issues. There are numerous pathways to recovery and each week we welcome powerful leaders and role models who have struggled in drug and or alcohol addiction have found a pathway to recovery and who thrive as positive community members

[00:00:28] with an ongoing vision of success. Join us as we share our experiences, strength and hope. When the world says give up, hope whispers, try it one more time. Malhi welcome back to the Merge Media Academy Studios 5280 podcast studio

[00:00:42] here for Sharing Our Stories brought to you by TRIVE Recovery Homes. My name is Slim along with Tomas Hernandez, Nani Aljaleel and our guest Osvaldo, Ozzie Cabral from Commerce City. And if you're checking in for the first time ever, welcome to Sharing Our Stories.

[00:01:00] This program is about addiction and recovery. Everybody in this room has dealt with addiction and is in recovery. Tomas runs TRIVE Recovery Homes which is a treatment center here in the Malhi to help people reentry from jail, rehabilitation, recovery, all the above.

[00:01:21] Yes. So what's cool about tonight's guest is actually we got the person that actually runs it. I'm the founder. This guy, this guy runs it. This guy here. This guy actually runs it. This guy that before this program started has been a complete knucklehead down the hallway.

[00:01:35] You put him in charge of helping people in their recovery. I put a man that drinks Commerce City water in charge. Oh yeah. And you know what? Honestly, having met you, Ozzie,

[00:01:43] I could say there's probably not a better person because I can see all the heart and love you have. Man, just a really genuinely good guy. And I met your friend Aubrey. He came in, you know, a couple months ago.

[00:01:54] Yeah. Your buddy, your friend and he spoke really highly about you. So Ozzie, we're really, we're honored to have you here as our guest. Why don't you normally I asked Tomas what happens at TRIVE Recovery Homes?

[00:02:08] But why don't I ask you, tell me what your opinion is of what goes on at TRIVE Recovery Homes? You can still ask Tomas. No, TRIVE Recovery is awesome. It's a family. It's, you know, people come out of

[00:02:21] jail, DOC. They come out of homelessness. They're just broken when they get there and they're looking for a family, a place to belong. They're looking for support. And we connect them with all of that. You know, we get them jobs. We get them

[00:02:37] medical care. We get them housing. We get them social assistance. We build a family around them and then we watch them just grow and, you know, turn into these productive members of the social system that, you know, we know they all want. So

[00:02:53] TRIVE is awesome. It's a heart. It's part of who you are now. Yeah. How long have you been there? Thanks to Tomas. I think three years. Three years. Yeah. Yeah. It's a blur. We've blown up so fast and we're just so connected.

[00:03:10] Um, to say that I could no longer say that I run it. I founded it. We are like a living cell. We all play a part. There's there's no way that one person can run TRIVE. There's no possible way

[00:03:26] the way it's become. It's like when people say that they want to create a community, like you can't just like go out in Aurora and just run Aurora. It's like saying Mayor Kaufman runs Aurora. Nothing possible. You know what I mean? It's like with our little

[00:03:43] sub community that we have, everybody plays an intricate part and everybody's equally important all the way down how we've created it to people like Jenna that run the housing to just the simple things that are done daily to the community service people. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:04:00] Or he's cooking to the community service people picking up and making sure it looks nice out in the front. You know, it's really a cool situation when you come there because it's the neighbor bumming cigarettes. Yeah. To him calling and making the tell us that somebody

[00:04:15] broke in the building again. It's the ma somebody broke in the blazing game, bro. We've had so many guests here that have been people that are employed with TRIVE Recovery and I think that says it right there is that what's so cool is you employ people

[00:04:29] that have been in addiction and are in recovery. And I do you have anybody who isn't like I'm sure there's a couple. Yeah. Who have not dealt with addiction in their life directly. Yeah. So, you

[00:04:41] know, but you have so many people that speak from experience. Well, there isn't anybody that I mean they're everybody has dealt with addiction on some level. Yeah. Nobody that hasn't like dealt with an addict or had a family member. Everybody's been touched on some way

[00:04:54] and not that type of touched. What he means is what he means is no I mean everybody you know when you work in this type of thing on an interview usually somebody's going to reveal their heart light to it.

[00:05:14] You know, somebody's usually lost a family member has a family member that's that's been been touched by addiction like you know just like our engineer and producer on the show Daniel talking with him the other morning about his family members. You know, that's somebody

[00:05:29] that's that's been touched by by addiction and really important about things that's happening. You know, our accountants you know we have we have our billers they've they don't have any addiction problems themselves but you know they work really hard because family members

[00:05:45] have been been touched by it like I mean yeah it's also at the same time we have some people that it have degrees that are equally important that we work with that are in the community that

[00:06:00] don't have that lived experience but are really important and really good at their job. So you do need like a lot of people have this this myth that it's just about lived experience

[00:06:11] people because we are a peer-to-peer model you really have to utilize the community on all levels because like what Ozzy just just spoke very eloquently and not so eloquently. That um yeah that that it takes it takes a village you know what I mean to really get

[00:06:32] this done everybody has their equal importance into this. And it's awesome to see tribe recovery homes is expanding my high it's been expanding into Las Vegas learn more about tribe recovery homes tribe recoveryhomes.com but what is your official title Ozzy? They call me clinical director I call

[00:06:51] myself director of clinical services okay yeah so today senior director of clinical services so now he's a national director senior director of clinical services yeah so what that means is he watches he's just recently he watches over Colorado and Nevada. Well today my high our guest is

[00:07:12] the senior director of clinical services from tribe recovery homes Ozzy Cabral Osvaldo Cabral and uh want to thank you for coming in and we want to turn this over to you my high uh our

[00:07:24] guest this morning Ozzy Cabral from Commerce City. All right yeah Lino Cime hello everyone thanks for having me here um just to wrap that up I just want to say you know I really loved what

[00:07:37] Tommas said that the tribe is an organism because it is you know and uh it's uh this this um gorilla that has a heartbeat of its own it's got a higher power of its own and

[00:07:49] we're all just there for the ride which is awesome. But so I don't know I just start telling my story is that what you want? Yeah start from the beginning. Start wherever you feel. Well it

[00:07:59] all started when I was three my father wouldn't take me to the circus. There's a deprived child. It's always that's the spot you know. The infatuation with animals began with spiders no not really no um you know I yeah I don't know this has been a crazy journey

[00:08:19] you know and it's been an awesome journey and it's uh you know I got clean July 13th of 2000 so um I got 23 years and I still feel very young in my recovery I still do everything that I did

[00:08:33] when I first got clean you know um and uh I'm really thankful for that. I don't ever want to feel like I got this thing because I really don't I'm still pretty sick you know you can talk to

[00:08:43] people that know me and that I got a lot of issues but I think um you know for me I was this kid who just pretty similar to a lot of stories. I just didn't I didn't feel like I belonged

[00:08:58] you know as this young kid and I went through some trauma as a kid um and I had a dad who who drank a lot you know my sister is gonna get mad at me because I said that because she's

[00:09:14] very very defensive my father but I had a dad who drank a lot and a dad who liked to take it out on me um and I went through a lot of stuff with that you know

[00:09:29] and I think uh I just was different than his other kids you know and uh so coming out of a trauma you know I'm something that a lot of men don't talk about but I'm a survivor of child sex abuse

[00:09:44] so I was abused between the ages of five and nine and I think coming out of that I felt like a big part of me was taken away it was like this this manhood was robbed from me you know and I really

[00:09:54] didn't know I just didn't belong you know and I hated at nine I hated myself you know and um so it was real easy to start smoking some weed at 11 you know and I remember getting high

[00:10:10] and thinking holy crap man I love this stuff you know um because it changed and I laughed and um I smiled and um you know and and um I had made some friends that way and from 11 you know there was

[00:10:25] this this girl who lived across the street from me across street two houses down from my mom's house and um she was my age so uh we were 12 and she looked like she was about 14 15 and so there

[00:10:37] was a guy that was 16 and she was telling him that she was 6 15 and he started dating he started giving her coke and um you know and then she would give it to me and we would uh we just

[00:10:49] started using a lot of coke at 12 you know at that time I was just snorting it um but we were using a lot of coke and then he found out her age and we were about 13 years old then and um

[00:11:01] and so he like freaked out left and so here we were these kids who were smoking weed and doing a lot of coke and um and so we uh we went looking for um some coke and we found a math you

[00:11:15] know and that was at 13 and so we started using that and um well and backing up a little bit I had family members who um did um who were manufacturing up in Kelly and you know um I kind of carried

[00:11:32] a little bit of stuff here and there between family members um when I was just growing up you know I didn't know what I was doing but I did it and uh so I was kind of already introduced into that

[00:11:44] kind of lifestyle and so at 12 13 started using um math and then um I had a cousin this is part of the reason that I like to tell my story is I get to tell I get to talk about people who

[00:12:01] that I ran into growing up and that kind of saved this little kid who was just trying to live and there's a lot of people who are gone or passed away and um I get to say their name and say this

[00:12:11] this person played a big part in my life and um helped me get through a lot of stuff you know and so um I had a cousin and he was like a brother to me and we would go to California and stay there

[00:12:22] he'd come to Denver and stay and he was one of us he was an addict and and uh he struggled with crack um he came down when I was 15 years old to live with us trying to get clean

[00:12:34] and you know I was I was already messed up math coke and uh he asked me if I knew where to get some stuff and we went and got it and next you know we were rocking things up and off I was

[00:12:48] at 15 years old full-blown crack head and um man that was one thing that destroyed me at that age you know and uh so I hit the streets I left my parents house because I was mad at my dad I was

[00:12:59] mad at the world and at that time my dad kind of started slowing down and not drinking you know and so but by that time I had all these resentments and it was just too late you know

[00:13:08] and and uh I hit the streets and um I started you know sleeping in parks and um you know homeless and I started staying at this lady her name is Shirley may she rest in peace she was

[00:13:20] this big obese lady she sat on this couch and um she'd wake up in the morning she had this little garden hose and she put it in her mouth and she'd go into convulsions like clockwork every day she

[00:13:32] go into convulsions she'd take it out and she'd start drinking beer peppermint schnapps and seagram seven all day long you know she was like this old uh uh prostitute who you know

[00:13:43] went to prison for the mysterious murder of a john and blah blah blah it was a crash pad for kids like me you know and so it was up in commerce and um and so I started hanging out there and

[00:13:55] it was a messed up place it was a messed up place um and you know she loved me enough to laugh with me give me a place to stay and and um you know at some point they started

[00:14:08] manufacturing lsd and uh and so me and at that time I met a friend um I tried to jump him for his weed but it didn't go very well but we became friends you know and um and that's the way

[00:14:23] it is you know I mean I'm not a fighter and I fought a lot and I've got my ass kicked a lot and sometimes I've won you know whatever but uh um so him and I started living over at Shirley's

[00:14:34] and um he started dating her daughter and stuff and they were manufacturing lsd and and so here I was all cracked out my cousin was couldn't you know he had to go back

[00:14:45] to California it just you know didn't work for him here and um and I remember like a year and a half of my life like wishing the walls would just stop breathing you know and melting because I was tripping

[00:14:58] so much and I was so whacked out on crack and and um and I just wanted it to friggin stop I think that's the first time I was I wanted something different you know started turning 16 and um

[00:15:11] at 17 I thought you know what I gotta get clean I gotta do something different and I told myself I wouldn't drink because my dad you know and um so at 17 I said I was this long-haired kid you

[00:15:21] know listened to slayer suicidal tendencies and minor threat and all of them and and um so I thought I'm gonna go to California and live with my aunt who is like a mom to me she was

[00:15:32] my cousin's mom I said I'm gonna like live there and I'm gonna see if there's anything different you know like I said I was sleeping in parks and and all that and and uh I moved to

[00:15:41] California and uh I remember I dropped some acid jumped on the um um Greyhound and listened to Zeppelins going to California all the way there you know it got there and and um same stuff

[00:15:58] you know I started hanging out with the people yeah I didn't think that like drinking at that time was using and so I thought well told myself I'd never drink but I'm gonna start drinking you

[00:16:08] know because it's just alcohol and whatever and so I started drinking and that led to everything else and then you know um up in uh LA and LA I used to go down there a lot I found um heroin

[00:16:21] and um and I started using you know I started using some H and back then we used to call it Huron because once you tried it you're from Huron you know and so we say Huron or H you know

[00:16:35] and Nani knows that but anyway so I started using out there and that was crazy man you know um LA for a kid hitchhiking up and down the coast was a scary thing man I you know jumping into cars

[00:16:50] and going through a lot of experiences there you know um I got picked up by a van full of skins once and they beat the crap out of me and they threw me behind a dumpster at this gas station

[00:17:02] leaving me for dead and you know I had a lot of experiences like that hitchhiking and uh but that never stopped me you know I still had to get down to the LA I still

[00:17:11] had to go do what I needed to do and stay high you know and and um I came home one day to my aunt's house in Oxnard and she said uh she said I'm leaving all her s*** was packed all

[00:17:24] her stuff was packed and she said I'm leaving and uh she said you're not even my kid I can't handle you I can't handle my own kid you guys are messed up I'm out of here you know and so she moved

[00:17:37] down to the Paris about three and a half hours you know I was one and a half about one and a half hours north of LA she moved one and a half hour south but cutting through LA you know it

[00:17:47] adds a couple hours there so she she moved a long way and um I was on the street again and um you know I couldn't live with my cousin was married at the time and he had two kids

[00:17:58] couldn't live with him because his wife hated me she thought I was the problem you know all that stuff and I ended up on the streets and there was a beach out there if any you know listener

[00:18:06] knows it with Port Winimi beach and um I used to go there you know and I used to crash on that beach you know I used to live there basically and sleep on that beach and uh and uh cry and and wonder what

[00:18:20] the hell I was gonna do and um you know when I got into a fellowship they told me in my second step that I had to come to believe in a power greater than myself and um my first higher

[00:18:31] power was the ocean because I remember sitting there and I'm telling you it gets dark on that beach and you meet some crazy people there and it was it was pretty scary um and regardless

[00:18:44] there was still this comfort I would listen to the ocean and that ocean carried my grandmother's voice and and um I would listen to the ocean and and I just felt comforted you know like I knew

[00:18:56] somewhere something was going to be okay because of that thing and so when I had to pick higher power I was like well I'm not gonna do this white male Christian deity you know male centric um

[00:19:08] god I'm not you know I don't know my native roots too well you know because I've been running from all that and so I said I'm gonna I'm gonna talk to the ocean and my my reasons were it's bigger

[00:19:21] than me it feeds me because I like a lot of seafood and fish and uh it could kill me you know those three things were my first beginnings of my belief you know it's bigger than me it

[00:19:31] it feeds me it could kill me and so I just started talking to the and praying to this this ocean and so that's you know coming on to the road to recovery you know um so I stayed there and

[00:19:43] I was enrolled in school never really went and then um there was an English teacher there I can't remember her name and I wish I did she was a beautiful beautiful lady dying of

[00:19:54] throat cancer and she could barely talk she was still teaching she lived in Ventura and she um you know I would only go to her class and then I ditched the rest of the time and she said

[00:20:04] she said you know if you come to my house and do some yard work I'll pay you and at first I thought she's kind of crazy because what Mexican does yard work right?

[00:20:16] Who does yard work and they're brown I don't get it so um so I said yeah okay so I would hitchhike I would get over to Ventura which is where she lives and I would do some yard work and we

[00:20:27] would sit in her backyard and she would talk to me about um you know Charles Bacowski and Burroughs and you know and all of these poets and music and all of these literature and and yeah I was

[00:20:43] fascinated by that stuff and and she gave me something valuable you know I'm still you know I used to write a lot of slam poetry and poetry and perform it but I don't anymore you know and

[00:20:58] so I used to do all that crap and and um you know I love that stuff and she gave me enough money to get a Greyhound ticket to come back to to Commerce City and so I bought a ticket jumped

[00:21:08] on the train or the bus you know back then it was all Greyhound we didn't fly anywhere you know and so um got back here Shirley had died of you know mysterious circumstances or whatever and

[00:21:21] and I got here and um you know I I picked up in the same place it's like wherever you go there you are right that's what we hear all the time you know and this time is going to be different

[00:21:34] is not the way it was and so I think I was uh 21 20 years old and I thought all right we were drunk one day me and a friend and um and I was like you know what man let's just let's just join the army

[00:21:51] you know let's just join the army and get clean and uh and uh he's he's right now at the time of when I cuss so he can edit it out I get it's all good so um yeah I know I'm sorry but anyway

[00:22:05] so um so I said let's we were drunk and I said let's join the army so I said let's join the army you know in the next morning I went to the recruiter's office and he

[00:22:17] didn't show up and I joined the army man I joined the army I was uh you know uh was a medic in the army and um I was like holy crap you know I'm gonna do something and uh always something with drugs

[00:22:30] yeah and so it's yeah exactly it's so you know the crazy thing is I was going into the military to try and get clean and get my life together and the barracks were um it was all one big party

[00:22:41] man you know everybody was there first time away from home women are you know first time away from home having fun I mean it was all nuts everybody was drinking and so of course I started um

[00:22:52] drinking really heavily I started um using coke again I started using meth again in the army yeah heroin here and there but I was like you know I got to stay away from that you know and

[00:23:03] um and then you know the only person that would write me up here in Commerce City was this lady and uh she would write me and uh you know I'd write her back and uh and my first duty station was

[00:23:16] Colorado Springs for Carson and I was like damn it man I was trying to get the hell out of Colorado and they send me back after boot camp and AIT and you know and they sent me back to

[00:23:25] Colorado Colorado Springs so every weekend I was down here in Commerce City and this girl she was a squatter at the time you know because everybody I knew was just like me you know so she

[00:23:34] was they were living at this house and they were squatting at this house and so we'd go down there one big party and um um she got prayed we ended up getting her pregnant and so I was like I got

[00:23:47] to at least try and make a honest you know woman out of her I guess I don't know out of me you know honest man out of me whatever so we got married we had our first kid um in Fort Carson

[00:24:01] at Evans Hospital and then I was sent to um uh Fort Lewis um Washington and so my second daughter was born out there and out there you know um you know the interesting thing is one day up

[00:24:17] there in in Washington she wanted to come I was just drinking and she we'd been there for about a year and a half and um she wanted to come and see her mom because she was kind of like you know

[00:24:29] she was kind of a kid that that her parents really left her and just rented this trailer and this and this in Tomford trailer park if anybody knows where that is you know yeah and commerce up

[00:24:39] there and just kind of left her yeah you know and um because the mom had a boyfriend that didn't want kids the dad was too caught up with his new family and so her and her brother

[00:24:48] were just there and um anyways when she so she her mom wanted to come back in her life and she uh jumped on a plane uh to come you know it's terrible about me I was thinking about

[00:24:59] like why did I think of that yeah it's crazy but she wanted to come see her mom so she jumped on a plane to come I dropped her off at the Seattle SeaTac airport and um I went directly after

[00:25:12] I dropped her off I went straight to go pick up a hooker you know um I mean at that point not for sex not that not that I'm above that you know I just did that because I knew she knew where the dope

[00:25:25] was you know what I mean everything else comes later but you know um so I just and I had not planned to use I just planned to stay drinking you know what I mean and that really shows out

[00:25:35] this disease you know I always say this disease is real it's got a heartbeat of its own it's alive and well and it reasserts itself in this process all the time you know I'm just you know

[00:25:45] I tend to think that I have all that I'm the one making decisions this thing is in control and anything that you know the any little thing crumbs that I give the appetite it's going to grow and

[00:25:56] be a monster and show up one day you know what I mean and so for me you know I can't smoke weed I can't you know just drink I can't like feed it any little crumbs because it will show up

[00:26:09] and it'll keep me sick and I've learned that through this process you know I've bumped my head a lot and it's always whatever crumbs I'm throwing to the disease of addiction you know um because this

[00:26:17] thing is real like I said it's got a heartbeat of its own so I was off and running again you know and then she came back and I was like damn you know strung out again and um and then we

[00:26:30] you know we stayed up there and then um things started going bad and and then I got out to the military came back to commerce city and started hanging out with some people who were

[00:26:40] manufacturing and you know that's uh that's one fix I wish I would have never fed you know um because that was crazy and so this was in the the you know mid to late 90s and so back

[00:26:56] then it wasn't like it is today and it was just it was crazy and I got caught up in all these big rings and um you know people were dying all the time because everybody was using you know heroin

[00:27:08] crack meth and people were dying people were going to prison and uh you know I was um my wife had left me and uh I was in this trailer park on 13th and sable you know and um we were he had been

[00:27:23] living there my wife left me and she took the kids and and I was manufacturing there in there just a little bit enough to like sell and stay high off of whatever and I convinced her to come back

[00:27:34] you know I said I'm come back I'm gonna get clean I'm really gonna do it this time and and so she she said okay I'll come back tomorrow that night I took everything out that I had

[00:27:45] and I took it to the slab that we had on in the baker district and put everything there and then I just had enough a little baggy enough to get high the next morning you know and

[00:27:54] and uh she came back and that morning um I realized I was like I can't get clean and she's here and there's an I just can't get clean so I thought in my mind and I hear this a lot

[00:28:06] from people I thought I just got to get her away from me because I'm going to destroy her life in mine so I'm sitting there and we're in the kitchen in that the the trailer and I'm just

[00:28:15] like you effin you know or you be I can't stand you you should never came back get the hell out and I was just degrading her because I wanted her to leave you know and I'm filing for

[00:28:26] divorce and when that was happening I heard the knock on the door you know and my ex-wife looked and she started screaming my kid my middle daughter was jumping on the couch in the living room

[00:28:37] you know it's the trailer my other daughter's sleeping in in the room and next you know the door bus opened and um I ran over to where my daughter was and I jumped on top of her and

[00:28:49] I didn't know if it was the cops if it was people looking for me if it was people I was running with like I didn't know what was going on and I jumped on I saw from the the side of my eye that um my

[00:29:00] ex-wife and my daughter were thrown to the ground and I jumped on top of my kid and I started kissing her on the cheek and telling her I'm sorry and I started crying because I thought we were

[00:29:08] gonna die and and then you heard all the guns and they said you know turn around turn around turn around and and I had my daughter I turned around she was five years old and she woke

[00:29:18] up and it was all the ninja turtles you know and they had guns to our heads and and uh my daughter started shaking uncontrollably I've never felt a kid with that much fear in their

[00:29:30] bone you know and um and they snatched her and I just thought what the hell am I doing you know and they snatched her from my arms and um and they arrested us you know and um

[00:29:44] and I just thought I got it I got to do something different you know and and so as they're arrested I said as they're taking me away you know I just like got done talking all

[00:29:52] this crap to my ex-wife and as they're taking me away I'm like I love you bailed me out and she was just like you know f you go to hell you know and uh and so the good thing is they

[00:30:07] they hit a day too late you know what I mean they just found a little bit of dope their aunt they destroyed everything and uh so she left that was it and uh I was back on the streets nobody

[00:30:17] would allow me in their house my parents wanted nothing to do with me my sister wanted nothing to do with me my siblings wanted nothing to do with me you know I remember my sister would

[00:30:24] say one time she said I hope you overdose and die I just want you to die so that we can then grieve and move on because we're stuck you know she told me that and it was just like damn

[00:30:37] you know I didn't understand it then you know but she said I just want you to die so we can grieve and move on we can't move on with you like this you know and um so so I was back out

[00:30:49] there on the streets and then um um my ex-wife had gotten this place on 13th and Xania you know and so you went from one side to the other you know and so um I said okay I'm gonna get clean

[00:31:03] this time I promise I am you know and she said okay I got a month left on my lease if you can get clean I will renew the lease if you can't I'm moving so I couldn't get clean

[00:31:13] I moved in and I could not get clean I really wanted to but I couldn't there was no other other way there was no other option but to use and so she left and I stayed squatting in that place

[00:31:24] I mean I was just I wasn't even squatting I was just living in this um you know I think I had like two pairs of pants two shirts and like two blankets you know and um I was in that apartment

[00:31:37] knew and that one day they're gonna you know rent it out I'd sneak in and out through the window and um there was a point where the desire to live just for a fraction of a you know half an

[00:31:53] inch outweighed the desire to die because I wanted to die I wanted to die and I told myself that well let me back up so my cousin ultimately could not get clean and um and he really tried

[00:32:10] and uh he couldn't get a job because of all of his felonies all of his prison stuff you know nobody would give him a chance and he couldn't get clean and he walked into his house in California

[00:32:20] and he put a gun to his head and he blew his brains out in front of his wife and his three kids and um and you know I ran over there and uh you know there's his mom was the first on site and she

[00:32:33] was trying to put his brains back in I can't imagine a mother going through that and and I ran out of California I said I'm never ever seven foot in this town again I hate this place because of

[00:32:44] that because of the homelessness because of all the crap that I went through hitchhiking and the people and you know and I just said I will never ever go to California again you know and and I left

[00:32:54] in that time ended up here but then so fast forward I'm in this apartment on 13th and Exania and I'm like I don't know if there's anything out there um I need to do something different you know because

[00:33:06] I knew that my cousin got out that way and I was gonna I planned my suicide you know I hear people saying you know I wanted to kill myself or I was going to kill myself I couldn't do it

[00:33:16] for me that's where I was I wanted to die and I was ready to put myself to death you know and so I called this place it was a TC called Synergy and um they said yeah you gotta come in we're calling

[00:33:31] your probation and they felt very I don't know like like they were coming at me and I just didn't feel it you know so I called this other place Stout Street Foundation and they said you know

[00:33:40] come on in man we'll help you and I went in and they said no arsons you know and I said well I have an arsonist I'm an arsonist you know I love fire I love watching burn down you know 25 13 and um so

[00:33:57] so um I said I pled my case because I said I'm gonna die I'm gonna friggin die and they let me in they said we'll give you a chance you know and every day I'd go to the counselor and I'd say

[00:34:10] Cheryl when am I going to jail and she said Osvaldo see because you can have nicknames you know they should say Osvaldo see get back into group you're not going to jail and I did that every day for

[00:34:20] about a week and then she called me into her office and it was her and Doc Wilson the the clinician that was there and they sat me down and they said Osvaldo see today here go into

[00:34:31] jail the bounty hunters have circled the building and they're here for you and I was like damn it so I went to um to jail I stayed there for a bit I got out I went back to Stout Street

[00:34:41] and at a month when I was there at that time when you hit your 30 days they would take you to go get fingerprinted to see what came out when between the time I got out of jail

[00:34:50] and stayed there and finished my 30 days we went to get fingerprinted and five other warrants hit you know and so I went back to jail and I stayed there for a minute and then um I got out

[00:35:01] and I went back to Stout Street and then two weeks later there was another warrant out and I went back to jail and then that time it was it was the old Brighton County jail and

[00:35:11] I was sitting there for bid and then I got out I think it was three months that time and then I got out and as I was getting out one of the guys I got high with was getting out too you

[00:35:19] know getting processed out and he's like I know we get some dope and da da da and and I was like holy crap man and even though I had some time clean at that time I didn't have the strength to say no so

[00:35:28] we got out and I started walking down the street down Main Street with him um and and I got real scared and I said uh because he said it's right down the street and I said you know what man you should

[00:35:38] go see if um it's okay that I'm with you and uh he said all right hold on and and as soon as he got like three houses into that block I turned around and I ran and ran and ran to that safe

[00:35:50] way that was over by the old jail and I called my sister and I said come pick me up come pick me up and take me back to Stout Street I got I can't you know and I sat there sitting behind underneath

[00:36:00] those pay phones she came and picked me up and uh took me back to Commerce City and uh I knew that you know that this thing was way bigger than me you know so went through that talked about all

[00:36:10] the abuse talked about you know childhood trauma talked about all that because I knew it was like I gotta just throw myself into this recovery to get because I just gotta do it you know

[00:36:20] and so I did and then later you know you had to go to I got a divorce blah blah and then later um had to uh go to meetings you know you didn't really need to go to meetings but they wanted you

[00:36:32] too and I went and uh I connected man and uh well I didn't at first I was like nah this ain't for me and I left and then I was gonna get high you know because what I've learned is the

[00:36:43] disease of addiction you know as an addict I'll use anything to change my chemical structure people places things sex gambling whatever you know whatever I can get high off I'm going to and at that point I was doing some crazy stuff and some shady stuff and I was

[00:36:56] and you know at some point I'm gonna throw myself in all these behaviors and then life's gonna get unmanageable and then why not use that's the thing that brought me the greatest

[00:37:04] relief so I will go back to using you know um and so you know I threw my I started getting sick and then I ran back to the fellowship that I'm in and I got a sponsor I started working

[00:37:17] steps and the quality of my recovery just changed and increased dramatically and I stayed there and then I was about three years in and my grandmother who was you know I haven't talked

[00:37:27] about her much but she was this old native woman you know and she was this beautiful just native woman and um she would always tell me you're gonna do it you're gonna make it

[00:37:36] you know everywhere wherever I was she was always just saying you know you're gonna be okay you know and um and I thought you know when I'm gonna go see her and I'm gonna record her

[00:37:45] story her life story because she she had an amazing life story this lady out of poverty you know in small village in in Mexico and you know no running water and just this village you know

[00:37:56] she was a medicine woman for a village and so um it was like September October and then her birthday was in March so I thought you know what I'll just go on her birthday it was back

[00:38:08] to California because that's where she was living and I was like damn it you know I gotta go back here and uh face a lot of these demons and so January she had had a heart attack in end of December

[00:38:19] she was in the hospital she was gonna make it everything was fine and me and my dad because I got a good relationship with my dad after that you know I got a great relationship with my dad

[00:38:27] and so um I said let's just go see her now you know and so me my dad my older brother and my uncle who just passed away a couple weeks ago um we said let's go you know we drove down to

[00:38:40] California we got to the hotel which was about a mile away from the the hospital and um you know my dad and I go into the hotel and my brother my uncle go get something to eat and as my dad's

[00:38:52] going in to take shower he's gonna shower and then we're gonna go to the hospital I get a call from one of my cousins and she said come quick come quick you know and I

[00:39:01] was like holy shit so I banged on the door me my dad take off running we're watching the hospital and we're running we're running we're running I'm calling my brother to pick us up calling calling

[00:39:10] nobody's answering nobody's answering and then my mom calls as we're running and I'm out of breath I said hello and she said does your dad know and I said no what and uh she said uh that your

[00:39:19] grandma died and uh and I dropped the phone and we kept running and my brother uh or my yeah my brother the truck pulled up and we jumped in and we were silent we went in there and um

[00:39:32] we got there to where she was at and uh and I climbed in bed with her and I held her body and I kissed her and we sang to her like we do and I just laid there with their hugging her

[00:39:45] until they took the body and I told her you know thank you thank you for always believing in me and uh she never saw me clean you know because I started 11 so I learned from that experience

[00:39:58] to like always live in the blessings that we have and in the relationships that we have because you just never know you know and so I try and honor my relation I don't do that perfectly and I try

[00:40:08] you know and uh so I made a promise to her and my cousin who's buried out there who you know I I uh I loved a lot and I made a promise and that every year I go to California and I sit

[00:40:19] and my grandmother's grave then I drive from Oxnard and then I drive down to Paris and I sit with him every year I've been doing that for 23 years and um I'm going back

[00:40:28] I gotta go back uh December uh second is my uncle's birthday his dad and so I usually go around March but I haven't gone this year it's just been a crazy year and so um but I gotta go before the

[00:40:39] end of the year so I'm gonna go the first week of December to sit in their graves and honor them and thank them you know and so with my grandmother I got back into you know our native

[00:40:48] teachings and practices and um and I try and honor her in that way you know which gave me a spirituality that I never imagined you know and so um so then you know I went to school I got you

[00:41:01] know a degree I went back to school I got another degree I got a uh you know grad school I started doing you know working it in the field I'm still going to my meetings and fellowship and doing

[00:41:13] everything I needed to do to stay clean and trying to live this you know um life you know and and not use and I haven't you know I've never picked up since then you know and and uh um

[00:41:26] you know when things just happen and it's not me you know it's it's recovery and it's the fellowship that I'm in and I just gotta say that because I will jack things up I will destroy things man

[00:41:36] I mean my first few years in recovery were a nightmare you know of just me acting out in some crazy ways and just doing whatever just to like you know feel crazy because that's at the core

[00:41:50] I'm a I'm nuts you know and and I need to surround myself with nut jobs like this guy you know seriously you know and so um so then you know recovery just happened and it's never been me it's always

[00:42:02] been the people around me you know Tomas gave me an amazing opportunity you know I couldn't do this you know without him without Nani without anybody and so it's always the people around me

[00:42:14] the spiritual principles that we live in you know not to say that we have to like float on air and do this thing perfectly because I like to screw up you know and I do

[00:42:22] you know like to act out in certain behaviors and act stupid and you know whatever but um you know what I try you know and and that's all we can do and and uh you know in life

[00:42:32] just happened you know I got a really amazing girlfriend right now you know and and she's awesome and she works a program and um you know I got my kids I got you know I live with some relatives

[00:42:45] some animals you know I started an on-profit it's small because you know it doesn't go anywhere I don't have time for it but I will one day you know and um yeah and so you know

[00:42:55] I don't know that's my and I'm here today you know and and um that's not me you know that's the power of recovery because you know as a um I was just this broken kid who tried to like figure out

[00:43:11] how to live that's it you know and and sometimes I don't like telling my story because I used to say things up in meetings and then I would think you know um some people would be like well I

[00:43:23] never experienced that or whatever you know and and it's like it doesn't matter you know I don't have to there's a there's a line in in our literature that says um that we all have the shared experience so

[00:43:33] it's like I may not have experienced the same thing that Nani did or the Tamas did or that you did yet when I listened to you guys I can understand why you did that you know that stuff uh 1459

[00:43:43] and um I can understand why you do that stuff right because I understand the thought process you know so we have this this experience and um my life is surrounded by nothing but addicts

[00:43:56] you know um and that's the way I like it you know addicts in recovery and and my whole life is about service you know I do service work with you know um I mean I don't even think

[00:44:07] Tamas knows this because I try and hide it from him because I'm always worried about I work uh 1426 and so I I have a part-time job at Denver Public Schools and I write curriculum for

[00:44:19] the native kids you know after work I write curriculum I didn't tell him one time he goes down to Mexico City like the mafia kills therapists down there yeah they did he's down there with his dad

[00:44:31] his dad's over there drinking tequila and he's over at a damn therapy place trying after oh they killed them all so I'm filling in like get out of there yeah try and get out of there you know

[00:44:42] what I mean but I'm never going to stop you from doing it but you know what to comment on it makes sense you know from where your grandma instilled that to you you were the first person

[00:44:51] that I ever seen of my own race get clean and I said I wanted that and we're here yeah it's crazy and we're here you know we recreated a community offer I remember sitting at coffee shop

[00:45:09] you go I go how much would it cost you go 150 no 110 give me 80 give me 90 I don't know you know what I mean you know we had that conversation like and and I found it and you're here and

[00:45:26] you know our ancestors found that money yeah you know and they keep finding money for us you know like everybody that's listening we are not some textbook college made organization it's all heart and it's all

[00:45:44] recovery it's a love for people in yeah in addiction to get clean like we will outwork anybody out there yeah because we care one of the things you said that's it that's me

[00:45:57] Ozzy one of the things you said about yourself is you were like I'm crazy but man all the I've been sober now for seven years as of September 11th and all of the best people that I have met

[00:46:10] in the last 10 years have all been people that were in addiction right they're the most real down to earth open honest loving with experiences shared experiences and experiences that I

[00:46:25] that I would never think of in my life and people who sometimes I'll sit there and listen to somebody talking to me like 20 years ago I would have thought you were the most terrible racist sexist

[00:46:38] homophobic human being in the world you know not talking about you just guess that we've had and um and they still are no and they've they've they've made such huge changes that now I would say

[00:46:50] you're one of the most wonderful amazing loving caring open-minded people in the world where they used to be the exact opposite and they're all people that have been in addiction yeah who have just made the most tremendous amazing changes and they might be crazy but

[00:47:06] they're they're crazy awesome yeah you know and you fall into that category too recovery man nothing like it thank god you know for real it's you know it's a crash course

[00:47:19] you know god our gods you know what what they're doing yeah I wouldn't trade it for the world even the embarrassment yeah the worst embarrassment makes me me the mistakes that I got ahead that

[00:47:33] I gotta pay for is gonna make me even me even more you know there's a thing that I always say I was telling Julia was feeling feeling bad out in Vegas the other day and I was like you know this how I

[00:47:46] tell you I have this thing about humans fly you get up on a cliff you have a cape you have no superpowers there's nothing whatsoever that's gonna gonna help you up there but you jump off

[00:47:59] that cliff anyway and you're gonna hit dead smack on the ground and bust your face open and that's how humans fly but when you when you're flying and soaring through that air and you got your arms up whether you're flapping them and you're doing whatever

[00:48:18] things that you're gathering you're learning through soaring through that that air on your way down to that ground that's where it counts man that's where it matters because you're always gonna hit that ground that's just life you're gonna hit the ground you're gonna hit the ground no matter

[00:48:36] you just gotta have the courage to get up on that cliff and do it again you're gonna have to cliff and do it again but I would rather hold what do we have almost 60 employees now yeah 60 employees hands and we're up on that cliff

[00:48:51] jumping off that cliff together yeah crazy as hell laughing it's awesome saying the most inappropriate jokes yeah on earth yeah it's awesome it's good stuff and eating chicken yeah I love that except nani she doesn't eat the chicken oh yeah she doesn't eat chicken the

[00:49:11] tray she doesn't get jumped in yeah that's right neither one of those okay now man but you know recovery has been really good to me and um I've had a lot of fun in recovery I've learned to you

[00:49:24] know travel do things and uh things I would never imagine you know I mean I hear people at meetings say you know my what is that my my best day high is not as good as my worst day clean or whatever

[00:49:36] that's some crap man I've had some great times high as hell but uh but recovery that I would never trade it for any of that you know what I mean you wouldn't ever I wouldn't be here

[00:49:47] I still won't I know that at 23 years I know that I'm not above a relapse man I can I can get high anytime you know because my my addiction is Tommy that I'll look I'll use people places

[00:49:58] things whatever to change this chemical structure you know I think Aubrey texted me needed some gas money I'll be knows what he can do for that gas money remember Aubrey Mahi just tuning in Aubrey is a previous guest and a best friend of Ozzie

[00:50:19] um and um I want to thank Aubrey for for when he came in to speak also amazing story so what does your day-to-day job consist of as the senior director of clinical services

[00:50:30] man that's a big task there you know um it mainly consists of not being able to get to my personal job duties yeah um you know I don't know I got a great team and they help you know support in any way we just

[00:50:48] we got a lot to do and um you know a lot of uh discussions with the clinicians with the navigators a lot of discussions with the the participants always in there with them talking to them

[00:51:01] you know working a lot of state rags audits Medicaid claims just trying to make sure that we um that we're surviving you know so I'm just part of the team and that title is you know whatever

[00:51:16] it's a cool title though it's a cool title and I'm just part of the team so that's it you know Nani'll tell you what happens when somebody first comes through the door somebody's

[00:51:24] coming through the door and they want to get clean and they're looking at you guys for help what would they expect when they come see you guys um well they're gonna expect they'll expect a friendly face they'll expect you know us uh they'll expect a UA

[00:51:40] and a search so don't try it but um now you know they can expect that we're gonna try the best to help them yeah that's it yeah I get a cup of coffee or go see Marie yeah I miss you want

[00:51:54] get you something to eat yeah you want to lay down on one of the couches kind of get it together um yeah you know just kind of go outside smoke a cigarette somebody's got a vape there or something

[00:52:04] yeah you know just kind of get a feel of the place you know we're right downtown right in front of Alma Park you know we don't have we're not built on pink clouds with moons and canoes and

[00:52:16] rainbows and all that stuff we're we're screaming gorilla out in the front of the yeah right by the ICP we're right next to the oldest and coolest uh community center you know

[00:52:28] Chicano born community center in Denver Denver in a city parish man it's cool over there we really you know we know the neighborhood our neighbors love us we love them even the people that live

[00:52:40] on the streets they know us they love us we love them right back we we watch out for each other it's really it's if you think about it you know like I could literally be in tears of joy

[00:52:51] is sitting outside because I mean I drew this company on a bar napkin looking at seriously looking outside a window at Colfax and I just didn't want to create something some cheesy treatment center man like everybody gets some cheesy I'm going to do this thing

[00:53:12] like nah man I want to I want to create something that everybody could be part of like I screw attack I don't care about a role I just I'm just happy doing my part

[00:53:31] doing my part I don't want to be a clinician I'd be just most terrible yeah yeah yeah get it together yeah doing good I just wanted to say I think Ozzy something that you pointed out that I really

[00:53:45] love that you've said that I've heard other long people in long-term recovery say is that you do the same thing now that you did when you first started an early recovery and I think

[00:53:54] that's huge right huge yeah and I love that you mentioned that yeah the biggest thing that you do is got to people are accountable right like I remember when you said I don't we got

[00:54:03] him on on staff because I don't know if I'm your guy you're looking around I don't know if I'm your guy go no you're the exact guy because you know even with employees and stuff he holds everybody

[00:54:13] accountable because at the level that we're at it's just like I even had my mother say the same thing your sister said because sometimes we're at that point maybe you just die so we

[00:54:26] could get over this pain yeah and when you come to tribe we're the last house on the block we literally over the last house on the block yeah they shut down and last house on the block

[00:54:35] moved over to our building in the back we literally are the last house on the block you know what I mean so it's uh it's really that simple fact is when you came up came aboard we have to have somebody

[00:54:48] on the clinical side that says hey I'm not gonna put up with it this is who you are looking this mirror what are you gonna do yeah what are you gonna do now like there's there's nothing

[00:55:01] left there's nothing you can have some coffee you can have a cigarette you can think about it for a second but if you walk down that road there's jails institution and death left that's it clean let's

[00:55:13] get you clean yeah you know I'll end really quick with uh the my first friend clean we got a job together you know and we were 18 19 months clean or whatever we got a job together right before that

[00:55:26] he started getting high and I know what dope looks like you know I know what it looks like in your face and I always say I get this urge to like lick somebody's face when they're on opiates you know

[00:55:34] I just get this urge you know and um I knew that he was getting high and I didn't want to like I didn't know how to address him you know and how to say dude I know what you're doing and it was

[00:55:46] all the excuses I'm just sick da da da we were working at the same place together and I showed up at work one day and he was on the front of the door and he was blue and he had overdosed and he was

[00:56:00] a shade of blue that I'd never seen before I'd seen a lot of people overdosing and and uh so I don't I don't know how long he was there I don't know any of that then I told myself at that

[00:56:10] moment I will never again be a part of somebody else's relapse I don't ever want to feel like that again like I should have said something and so I do say stuff I do hold people accountable

[00:56:22] and you know and then I I self doubt myself I'm an I'm an a-hole and you know they don't like me da da da because I'm human right and I just don't I always want to be honest and um real with

[00:56:33] people because I don't ever want to be a part of somebody's demise anymore you know I've done that too much in the past for my own selfishness seeing that changed you know and it was it was

[00:56:45] something that changed me for good and so you know I just want you know I try and just address everybody and just be honest with them and hold them you know accountable as I want to be held

[00:56:58] accountable and you know and it sucks sometimes because I am human and I don't want to do it and I don't ever want to feel like that again but that's that common balance of spirituality

[00:57:06] you are that balance you're the boss you're the heart you're the brain I've never seen anybody put programming together like you you know you took me and Dan's simple housing situation so we're living

[00:57:21] and took it to another level that could even dream and accountability with recovery your manner recovery you know so I mean that's a lot that I'm saying everybody on on the air and he's all

[00:57:31] that I'm not just trying to promote a company I'm promoting I'm talking about a true realistic value of a man here that's and that's something in that if you were listening to the story please go on

[00:57:43] YouTube and rewind and listen or listen it again and again because he helped me get clean like I seen him walk in with get multiple years with his kids I was in Stout Street too with barely

[00:57:58] even hours clean on what they called the Christopher Conway night Christopher night my head shaved and I saw him go get his coin and I thought it was staged I'm seriously I thought it

[00:58:12] was staged I had no idea that somebody could get multiple degrees and have their kids back and not look all strung out and talk like a regular human being and have an education and

[00:58:26] and being a place like that and then come from from where we're at and still have his head shaved you know but I mean it was it was just it was there like you know I literally followed you all

[00:58:42] over the place because I was just that inspired you know you and Nathan Badiah followed you guys everywhere because I got kicked out of that place that was the two people that you know I did

[00:58:57] yeah you know I mean and that's those are the two Hispanic gentlemen that I watched everywhere everywhere because that was the only two people that I seen of my own yeah Latin descent that

[00:59:10] that that kept it together so until I could figure it out I needed to go where they're at and then I found Richard Tapia and then I found more people I found more people and I found more

[00:59:21] people here you know and it was and now we're here and what's cool is like I'm doing the same thing that you know I got people that come up to me and I have no idea that I'm helping them yeah

[00:59:32] none it's true now I got that responsibility to myself and now Slim's got it no idea how many people look up to you on a daily basis I'm just glad we're all here I'm glad we're all here.

[00:59:45] Hi this is Sharon our stories this is a program about addiction and recovery it is brought to you by Tribe Recovery Homes you can check them out at triberecoveryhomes.com you can also give them a call at 720 60 tribe that's

[00:59:57] 720 608 7 4 2 8 if you're looking for a pathway to your recovery it all starts with a phone call it just starts with wanting it really more than the phone call it starts with you want it

[01:00:08] make a phone call and we'll help you get it we want to give special thanks to caring for Denver there are so many resources available to help with addiction and substance misuse recovery and caring for Denver is the organization that helps our recovery community stay connected

[01:00:21] to better assist our Denver community. For a list of mile-high resources and ways that you can find that pathway to your recovery text SOS to 303 597 1015 that's SOS to 303 597 1015 and we have got resources available to you right now want to thank you for tuning in to us this is

[01:00:44] sharing our stories our guest has been Ozzy Cabral Osvaldo Cabral from Commerce City he is the senior director of clinical services at Tribe Recovery Homes and thank you for your time. And that means see you again later I love it.

[01:01:00] Mow hi there's a lot of love in this room it's the sharing our stories family and we'll see you again next week.