Sharing Our Stories - Brandi Jennings

[00:00:00] The views, thoughts, and opinions expressed in the following program belong solely to

[00:00:04] the host and guest and do not necessarily reflect those of this radio station, our parent

[00:00:09] company, advertisers, or affiliates.

[00:00:11] Welcome to Sharing Our Stories.

[00:00:12] We share stories of support for individuals in recovery from substance misuse and mental

[00:00:17] health-related issues.

[00:00:18] There are numerous pathways to recovery, and each week we welcome powerful leaders and

[00:00:22] role models who have struggled in drug and CEO of Tribe, is currently in Las Vegas. OK. Right? Isn't that, am I right? Yep.

[00:01:40] OK.

[00:01:40] He's always in Las Vegas because Tribe Recovery Homes

[00:01:43] is consistently expanding and just doing amazing things.

[00:01:47] Hi, Nani.

[00:01:48] Hi, Slim.

[00:01:49] How you been? increases. That's what happens during the holiday season. And we want to encourage people, if you need help, if you need somewhere to go, please call us, reach out to us. We're there to support you. We're there to help walk beside you. So reach out to tribe. I remember having some blackout alcohol days during the holidays, especially holidays that

[00:03:00] I spent by myself. Right. Because I don't have any family here in Colorado. Right. So

[00:03:05] I spend my holidays, if I don't have a you should know about, I would say the majority of sober living homes and programs here is if they can't help you, they want to put you in touch with somebody who can. Yes. So when you call somebody and you talk to them, you go, you know, I don't know if this is it. Or they say, you know what, this may not be the place for you. Ask them what else they know and where else they can send you

[00:04:22] or if they have connections for you.

[00:04:24] If they don't have anything for you,

[00:04:25] if they're like, I don't have any idea for you,

[00:04:27] that's probably not the place are here to share with us. Thank you for having me. Oh, it's our pleasure. This program is all yours. We open it up, open up the time for you. Want you to use it to tell everybody what you've been through and where you're at now. And you know, let's spread some hope that, you know, people do recover.

[00:05:42] We believe that by doing this program and sharing our stories that hopefully we can childhood. My mother left when I was three and I was basically abandoned for a large majority of my childhood by her. So I always had that in the back of my head. I did go through some abuse early on in my teenage years. But I never knew that I, I just knew

[00:07:02] I was different. I just said I didn't live with her. And it wasn't long before I was pregnant and I had kids very young. I was a great mom, you know, I was coaching T-ball, coaching, you know, like flag football, doing all the things in the stuff with the kids. I had four kids back to back.

[00:08:20] And I got married when I was 16.

[00:08:22] And although he and I are excellent friends today,

[00:08:26] you know, that 20 times stronger than it is now. And my kidney shut down immediately. I had never, I had never been a drinker. I had never used pot. I had never used anything to that point. I just wasn't exposed to any of that, probably from my dad sheltering me and then also from the fact that I

[00:09:40] was so busy being a parent. And it the gold hats down, they were high, you know? And so I was like, well, I could make some money with this. So I started, you know, before 9-11, of course, started flying to California, bringing drugs back in.

[00:11:04] My husband was what I would call, you know, a really addicted but functioning addict, right? he kept breaking into my places of residence. And it was a point where he was really connected there in the South and I was just a girl from Cali. And it was a small town, good old boy thing. And I'll never forget sitting in a sheriff's department and one of the newer women sheriffs came up to me and said,

[00:12:23] if you don't leave, he's going to kill you.

[00:12:25] Take your kids and go. was just a piece of crap and that I was a bad mother and how could I let this happen and all of the blame was focused on me. All of the guilt and the shame was on me which just provoked me to use more, right, to numb those feelings. And so I got to see my kids for the last time behind plexiglass and I'll never forget their little hands you know on mine and I just didn't know when I was going to get to see them again. And so I waited extradition for 60 days of course nobody came to get me there's probably

[00:15:02] never a check who knows.

[00:15:05] You know I could be bitter about that or I could just be like this is part of my solution was on, is slowly committing suicide. And I'll never forget sitting in jail. And I got out and I caught a charge for, we lived on an island, on Whidbey Island, right? And there's like two pharmacies, one on the north end and one on the south end at this time. And I was forging prescriptions, like it didn't take long for me

[00:16:21] to get caught forging these prescriptions.

[00:16:23] I'll never forget I went to jail for the first time

[00:16:27] and, well, for the second time, over and over and over again. I think at one point they came to me and it was either Island County or Mount Vernon and Skagit County and the captain came to me and she's like, I want you to look at these arrest photos and I want you to look at the progression. And it was horrible. It was like something from a poster, right? And I was just slowly killing myself

[00:17:42] and my father, you know.

[00:17:45] I'm sorry to cut you off.

[00:17:46] Go ahead.

[00:17:46] Did those posters, those pictures,

[00:17:47] did they stop you in any way?

[00:17:48] I mean, you said, calling him like I need to get out of here and him coming to trap houses and waiting outside for me for hours for me to come out of there, you know, and just, and it didn't matter. You know, my dad had this rule and he would pay for my cell phone as long as I would call him every day. And if he didn't hear from me after day two, he would shut my cell phone off and he, because

[00:19:02] he knew I had a habit and he knew that I'm gonna make my dad proud. One day. And so I went on to keep catching charges, right? I went to prison in Washington twice, maybe three times to party, and they would just let me out, right? They did have a thing called drug court there. But the deal was back then, if you,

[00:20:21] I didn't know what drug court was,

[00:20:23] I just knew it was for people who used drugs, right?

[00:20:25] And so the deal was if you didn't successfully keep,

[00:21:24] Because without a plan, without a solid plan, and knowing where we're going

[00:21:25] and knowing what our actions are gonna be,

[00:21:27] and without knowing that we are an addict,

[00:21:31] we are stuck with the committee between our head, right?

[00:21:35] And it's gonna tell us the same thing over and over again.

[00:21:37] Like you have to have this to feel better.

[00:21:39] You have to have this to function.

[00:21:41] And so, and before I knew it,

[00:21:45] I was like eight trap house, I was selling my drug to support this drug. We were kind of dry. And this guy showed up from another island and he's like, hey, every door that we go to, they're knocking on the door looking for you.

[00:23:01] It's the cops, like they are coming.

[00:23:03] And he's like, I'm like, well,

[00:23:05] I just got to wait here for some of my stuff.

[00:23:07] He's like, oh no, I got that.

[00:23:08] Do you have this? and they said Colfax. Yeah, it checks out. That's the one. Yeah, it checks out. So I went to, I'll never forget it, right? So, you know, I could always call my dad to help me, but I always believed in kind of supporting my own habit, but I didn't have a game here, right? I didn't have game, I didn't have people.

[00:24:20] And so, but I did know how to use

[00:24:23] an oxygen acetylene torch,

[00:24:25] and this is back when they were in 2007,

[00:24:27] when they were, you know, So that was August 27th of 2007. And that was my first clean date for 10 years. And so I'll never forget, I couldn't even go to court for three days because they couldn't, I was that sick. Like they wouldn't even let me go to court. And I remember like stumbling into court and looking at these papers and it said 24 to 48 years for habitual offender.

[00:25:41] I'm like, what the like, what is that?

[00:25:44] You know, they have't, you know, I was like, I don't, I don't want any part of that double sudden stuff. Like that would be life for me. And so, you know, I figured it was another drug court scam, you know, and so she said, no, I don't think you understand. Like I think I can get you into somewhere and they call it the last house on the block

[00:27:01] and you can get better there.

[00:27:05] And I, you know, I was real reluctant and I was like, you know, I was running the pod. You know what I mean? Like, I had all my. It's a picture I can't see, but I'm trying to put the cornrows on your head. I know, I just said you a picture. It's all right. It's all right. And so, yeah, they had that shot of me. Yes, when I graduated, it was like right there.

[00:28:21] And so, but I showed up and immediately, you know,

[00:28:24] they're like, take that out of your hair.

[00:28:25] Like, you're not, you know what? I can be out of the state. Like I have, you know, like I've got a plan and, but I've got track shoes. Yeah. Right. Right. And I was like, Oh my gosh. And so, but I saw what was going on in the house and the feeling that was going on in that house. I was curious. And so I stayed a little a decision and I had enough clean time behind me to where I Finally decided, you know, are you gonna live or are you in fact regardless of the outliers regardless of your children? You're you know your husband that's not really your husband at this point because you're like what the hell, you know

[00:31:01] Your your mother your father whatever, you know, are you going to live or you're going to die and I had done enough

[00:32:03] things are not your fault, but this is your responsibility. And there's one thing I know how to do, and that is be responsible, right?

[00:32:07] Especially when somebody has faith in me.

[00:32:10] And that was the thing, you know, my dad always had faith in me, but it was, it

[00:32:15] was the kind of faith that you just know your dad has to have in you.

[00:32:18] Right?

[00:32:18] Because I grew up with that.

[00:32:19] And that's why like my idea of an higher power in the fellowship, right?

[00:32:24] We, it can be anything.

[00:32:25] It's very, it's very easy for me to believe in a higher power that believes started combining that like I said with the behavioral modification and you know like we get in there and the only thing you could say is okay for 30 days like I always have some something to say you know what I mean I always have a justification a rationalization something right that I can throw back at you and you know when I started working the steps and going to meetings and

[00:33:42] especially being of service so service really saved my life forever, right? And so I've known a lot of these people for a long time, right? And so we're family. And so I eventually ended up getting my own place, you know? And I'll never forget, like, my first apartment.

[00:35:02] It was like bed bug infested.

[00:35:05] And I mean, but I was so proud of that apartment.

[00:35:07] I was so happy company, BFab. And so that was Brandi's Fabrication or Brandi's Fabulous, whatever you wanna say. So I was doing handrails and stairs

[00:36:25] and it was growing months of that. And I was like, well, I'm Brandy J. Like, they don't know, like, I'm still gonna work. Like, you know, cuz I'm gonna do this. Like, I do all the things and stuff. I've got this. And about a week into it, you know, I was like, I can't, I cannot, you know, like go to a job site every day. because it's not non-violent and so I kind of knew how the system worked there by then and I said my goodbyes and there was a convention going on at the time, my home group members, about 10 of them were going out there

[00:39:00] because one of them was the speaker for that convention

[00:39:03] and so I tried to plan it around

[00:39:05] where I could go to the convention,

[00:39:06] get filled up with some recovery and then go to a prison So this was on a Monday, so Tuesday, I went to another court date and they gave me two weeks of ankle monitor for a paraphernalia charge that I could serve in Colorado. And I was like, nobody's ever given me an ankle monitor before, like this is cool. I was never trusted with an ankle monitor.

[00:40:20] And telling me I can go back home.

[00:40:21] And telling me I can go back home, right?

[00:40:23] And I'm like, but you know, that was,

[00:40:25] it was overshadowed by this one had sent me to prison twice before. And I'm like, holy hell, this is going down. Well, the DA came up to me before, and the thing I wanna stress is that before I went, this same person who was a MOU coordinator had become one of my best friends. And she suggested that I make a Faces of Recovery booklet

[00:41:43] to where I had, from my mugshot to where I was today,

[00:41:46] with photographs and letters from my employer and it was GGMM, God Guide My Mouth, you know? And so I use that all the time. It's a very versatile prayer that you could say. Really versatile, I love that. It's very versatile. And so I went in there and my dad is by my side, my significant other is by my side,

[00:43:01] and the judge says,

[00:43:03] aren't you the girl that nodded off my courtroom last time?

[00:43:05] And I'm like, and the DA was like, wow. And by now I knew what drug court was, right? I would have never succeeded, but back then, but I made the right decision. But I was like, so I wouldn't leave the courtroom, right? So I'm like, my dad's like trying to drag me on, I'm like, but yes, your honor, but you do realize, you know, he's like, you're free to go.

[00:44:20] And I'm like, okay, but your honor,

[00:44:21] but you do realize I live in Colorado.

[00:44:23] And he's like, you're free to go.

[00:44:25] And I'm like, okay, but there's a convention

[00:44:27] I want to go to in I know this is you. And she said, can you please not tell my dad that I called you? And I said, I don't operate in dishonesty today and I won't, but I will come fight for you. I said, I'll come fight for visitation.

[00:45:40] And so I called an attorney

[00:45:41] because I was feeling pretty good about courtrooms

[00:45:42] at that time.

[00:45:43] And so I called an attorney and I said,

[00:45:46] I just want some supervised visitation with my daughter. And so I was able to be guided and surrounded by people that love me and watched me walk through this. I get to the airport and my ex-husband texts me. He says, we need to talk. And I'm like, okay, meet me somewhere public. And so we sat down and he talked and he said, you know, I haven't been completely honest. Like I've been going out on the oil rigs working, leaving the kids at home for like

[00:47:02] 30 days at a time.

[00:47:03] You know, you need to take Cassie.

[00:47:07] Michael's not ready yet, but I was like, Cassie, where did you get this? And she says, I don't know, Mama, it's been here since I got here. Since we moved in, it was in the closet. And I was like, man, I'm in the middle of the boat. I work steps, I go to meetings, I have a sponsor who has a sponsor who has a sponsor, I'm of service, I have sponsors and I know what I would tell somebody else to do, to talk to somebody who's been through that before and that happening and there were a lot of changes going on in my life. So from that moment on, I made it my mission to make sure that my father was okay. And you know, I will never regret that decision.

[00:51:01] It was an honor to be able to take care of the man

[00:51:03] that took care of me for so long.

[00:51:06] And I took care of him to the best of my ability. And so I relapsed and I fell hard again and I fell quickly and I ended up with three more distribution manufacturing charges within a very short period. And people that use with me at that time will tell me, the only thing that you talked about when you were using was like, you guys don't have to live this way anymore. There's a fellowship that can help you as I was using.

[00:52:24] I knew where I needed to go, but I didn't know how to get back there.

[00:52:27] The guilt and the of this stuff. And then finally, I had this clarity, the kind of the same clarity that I experienced before. And I was like, I know what I need to do. And I ended up going through TC there

[00:53:41] and I was finally able to go to meetings behind the walls,

[00:53:45] which is where I had taken While some of them were valid, they all melted away. The gratitude took over. The one thing I can tell you is that I do my recovery today, just like I did it before.

[00:55:00] I take the stuff that doesn't work and I threw it away.

[00:55:03] I take the stuff that does work people I surround in myself, right? But this relationship that I have with women in my life like Nani today, like we are like this squad that can't be broken up, all of us, you know, and, and, you know, we share our highs, we share our lows, we share our experience, strength and hope, and we walk through this with as much grace as we can, you know, but in an authentic way.

[00:56:24] And I can tell you that, you know, we say an to point out that there's things that I don't have in my life today. You know, my kids are all pissed at me. They're not talking to me. And that came from, you know, like some of the craziness that happened when, you know, I used again, right? And they were very disappointed. They had never seen me fail from the time I got them back.

[00:57:42] You know, everything was just, you know, butterflies and unicorns and, you know? Selfishly, I want my relationship with them, but if this is the best I get today, I'm gonna be okay with that because today I'm going to live, right? And then I do have my grandkids in my life. I have four or five of my grandkids in my life, and I get to go see them play football all the time and like take them out for ice cream and spend time with them. So if that's the best I get, cool,

[00:59:00] but I very highly doubt it is

[00:59:02] because I know how this works, right?

[00:59:03] And so, yeah, I mean, when I hear you say, I'm gonna live today, what I hear you say is I'm gonna love myself and I'm gonna choose my recovery the way that I wanna do it today. That's what I hear you say. Right. And I love that. Absolutely, right. Yeah. And that, you know, sometimes we had to be selfish for the recovery. Selfish.

[01:00:20] You know, I've had to let go of things that didn't work

[01:00:21] and people that didn't work, right?

[01:00:23] Even in the fellowship, like even with the people

[01:00:26] who are around myself, like everybody's like me Please share this program and subscribe to our program and join us again This airs every Sunday morning 7 a.m. On jamming 101 5 and flow 107 point one and we're just here to tell you that yes, we do recover and That you don't have to suffer in your addiction So thank you for being a part of the program to our guest brandy Jennings. Thank you for being our guest

[01:01:45] We got a big group hug coming right after this