What did you get out the mud??? Ft. Johnny O'Pours

[00:00:00] This podcast is powered by the plug. This podcast is powered by the plug. This podcast is powered by the plug. Wow. Wow, we've learned something new about it in my seat tonight. Alright. Now we know how to torture him. Yeah, he's a texture guy.

[00:01:37] He's squishing jello with his feet. He kills everybody. Trying to make wine? Listen here. You want to make wine? Listen here, this is not a threat, it's a promise. Everybody in the house is gone, right? I'm taking the whole household. For a squish.

[00:01:57] You said I ain't getting nothing out of the mud. Why do you think I wear socks with my flip flops? I can't do this. Cause you got ugly feet. Cause all the duds got it out of the mud. You said puddle of mud.

[00:02:05] Oh, and then we got on to it. And then there's a lot of things in the mud. I got pretty feet. You mentioned rappers pulling shit out of the dirt. They get it out of the mud. Okay, so what does that even mean?

[00:02:11] You started from the bottom now you're there. So it's just another way of saying this, you don't know what you're doing. You're not like us. You're not like us. You're not like us. So when you do that, do you dig up? Hopefully. You don't dig down.

[00:03:14] Wouldn't you suffocate if you dig down? So. You already underground. You start at in the mud level. Yes. Like a pig. Otherwise, like how did you get in a hole? I'm deep in the mud. Deep in the mud in a hole. In a mud hole. Dig up.

[00:03:27] You can stand in the hole, but it's deep enough to cause you some strife. Dig up, yell gnats. Dig up. This is like mud fighting. Puddle of mud. Without the boobies. Oh, okay. So that's another good question for you. You're not like us. You're not like us.

[00:03:37] You're not like us. You're not like us. You're not like us. You're not like us. You're not like us. You're not like us. You're not like us. Without the boobies. Oh, okay. So that's another good question for you. I see. Would you mud wrestle? Another man?

[00:03:50] Would you just whoop a chick's ass in mud wrestling? Almost sapien? Just put her in an ooma plonk? No. He would dip one toe in the mud and be like, ew. She wins. Forfeit. Whoa. Whoa. All of a sudden that means he's gay. Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.

[00:04:15] Now I know you're gay. This is fucking disrespectful right here. How the fuck did this turn into that? I don't know. Hey, listen here. We just ran with something. Don't mind us. Yeah. Spiral squad? All of that is hypothetical. Indeed. All of that is hypothetical. These are hypotheticals.

[00:04:28] And funny. Oh, fuck that. Me being gay is never a hypothetical. He said that's not even true. Oh, shit. So it's not hypothetical so it's real? No. I don't mean that either. This is a bitch. It's never a possibility. This universe will make sure you clarify.

[00:04:40] Make sure you clarify. It is not a possibility, right? I love you either way. That's because I, look, we can't go to the YMCA any more. I'm still being friends. We should be friends. This is about this, we're still friends man. We're still friends. What should we do?

[00:04:53] It's a thing of the past. You can't go to YMCA. It's not a thing of the past. You're supposed to go to YMCA. It's just a thing of the past. I love it. It's a thing of the past. It's not a thing of the past.

[00:05:01] It's a thing of the past. We still be friends. This is about this. We about to get canceled by the element of P again. Here we go We're still friends. I'm still cool about QRS W X Y Z CUP. No, they don't

[00:05:21] Strolling cup fan what's wrong with you? Yeah sure you were Good job. You them guy Welcome back to another episode Polly on the porch shit we were recording. Yeah

[00:05:36] Identifies as he they and them so I forgot to let y'all know where her we're here with a guest that nigga Johnny oh force from mixing in the hills welcome. Welcome, sir. Thank you. Thank you Those mixer killer Hills mixer mixing in the hills

[00:05:51] Per per per per all that in like Johnny Oh force. Oh Good stuff boys. Oh is the Irish Mr. Porz What did you make for us tonight? Tonight I did the American scoff law, which was my drink video that I released last night

[00:06:06] American scoff law he said all right if you watch his videos, you know what's in this already Because if you know you fucking know You know you now, you know then fuck you fuck you fuck you so how do you make this drink?

[00:06:23] The original recipe called for one and a quarter ounce of bourbon and you know me So we go with two ounces of bourbon half ounce of grenadine half ounce of lemon juice for dashes orange bitters shake that up

[00:06:33] It tastes like Hawaiian pun nice little shake like you got cerebral palsy Half ounce of dry vermouth almost forgot that try vermouth No, it definitely is good in it especially after like a little extra dash of that lemon juice

[00:06:50] Yes, I think that just balanced out the vermouth just a little bit more. Mm-hmm It's got a driver. Yeah vermouth vermouth vermouth I know there's been a handful of drinks that you know, I'm in juice. Is that the Just the secret. It's kind of most most cocktails

[00:07:09] I've seen have either some sort of lemon juice or lime juice and it's a secret that isn't true so sort of citrus in them especially when like you deal with the cocktail because you don't want like a whole lot of

[00:07:18] Other liquid to get in the way of like that the whiskey typically either, you know Like you wanted all that balance out balance out. That's just sounded wrong as fuck I'm missing something here get your mind out the gutter. I see

[00:07:35] Say it again, but the what like the great blunts don't even know what I just said how Well, at least we know we're recording now Say it again good got any pet peeves you like you like to wet the tip a little bit if there's a bunch of

[00:07:50] extra juice with the liquor That's a pet peeve of yours then it takes away from the flavor of the whiskey or whatever That's how she said you said With your gutter minds Said no, no, that's not what you said

[00:08:12] Mr. Gutter mind. I fuck if you were an evil super villain your name would be gutter mind I'm kind of okay with that Am I see gutter mind it's gas lighter cringe-worthy. That's funny Arathicus death kiss

[00:08:42] When's the last time you guys went and saw a movie in theaters Bob Marley, I said to win In 2024 like okay cool So I saw last year the Ghostbusters movie a few months ago. Okay, so this year I was not a fan this year

[00:09:00] Okay, the ice one. Do you see in a movie this year? I'm trying to think which one I saw last was in the movie theater. It's not a big deal And I obviously if you oh Aquaman 2 I say if you don't remember it probably wasn't that good so

[00:09:14] My thing is is like, you know at the movie at the end the movie, you know, sometimes motherfuckers clap Why so what movies that date can I ask question though? What movies have you been to where the audience has clapped at three right now?

[00:09:32] It's the I know for a fact there was one and I cannot remember was it clapped worthy also. Yes I was confused. So I was like why the fuck are we clapping the last Star Wars that came out?

[00:09:43] Actors are gonna fucking here you so I think that might have been one of them was like a Star Wars that I saw But I think it was one through three one of those because I was younger and the last Marvel one of the Iron Man

[00:09:58] They they clapped at the end game course, yeah Yeah, so when I saw the Simpsons movie they clapped after that one. I do remember that see I don't get that Why I probably would have to those it was a good movie I mean, just decent, okay

[00:10:13] But you're gonna let the other people in the theater know that you're pleased with what you saw Everybody's clear. No, that's just gonna come out bow for you. That's what I'm saying Nobody there Like fucking Rick and Morty they're gonna all

[00:10:32] Form a line in front of the fucking stage You know these actors can't see or hear you they do do testers and like Screenings there. Yeah, but it's not in every theater and then you know They're not gonna come to some fucking boat on town

[00:10:47] Well, they're not coming to the a on a Thursday night to come fucking bow for the 10 o'clock show Our history of my theater is not the greatest So look that's one of the movies That's crazy cause that's one of the movies Again, yep agreed

[00:11:00] So my three movies are Apocalypto Good You know I have a very religious family so we went to see Did you clap when you saw that? Yes, I did Why? A couple times because it was good bro It was a fucking good movie

[00:11:16] And you just you just it's it's It doesn't fucking matter I've done shit with movies. I like a good movie. So you just show your appreciation for a good film They did it they did it weird

[00:11:28] I can understand if you're at like the screening of it and the fucking actors and everybody that fucking was involved Or somebody in the movie is there Yes, then yeah stand up and clap Whatever Okay, otherwise I get your logic

[00:11:41] Otherwise no throw your fucking rest of the popcorn on the floor spill your soda and walk out So if you have never done that I know where the sticky food comes from My sticky shoes If you have that mind state

[00:11:58] How do you feel about people shouting at the tv during like sports games? It's not like they can hear them or see them Now I feel attacked It's the exact same thing How do you feel? So I didn't make that correlation This is why we have this group

[00:12:16] Yes, this is why we have this group The only difference is That motherfucker's got a mic in his ear Directly from my tv To his fucking ear Especially if it's the Knicks, Giants Or the fucking What's the other bitch ass thing Is over there It's Yankees Fuck niggas

[00:12:38] So anyway, respectfully fuck the Yankees As a twins fan No that's a very good point I think How do you feel about that? I haven't thought about it like that Because I definitely cheer for my nuggets It's the exact same thing

[00:12:54] Jamal Murray is going to come to your house And say thanks for cheering for me If I'm at a bar You cheer loud as fuck I might go like When we miss If we make a huge play Game win or something

[00:13:10] Of course I'm going to be like yeah But why? Because it's a sporting event God damn it I yell at my kids It's a fucking movie It applies, it's the same thing It does not apply Is this a Broadway show? So you're going to pretend Am I pretending

[00:13:36] That when that layup That Brunson hit I didn't see you clap your hands and yell at the screen. Absolutely. You didn't. Let's go! That's not applause, that's not clapping. Okay, so I could definitely see him doing that. I told you. I told you. He did it.

[00:13:54] He did it. And I'm pretty sure I've done the same thing. We started this little segment here with So that's okay now? They have a direct fucking line to me. So I did it. I would say yes only because of the fact

[00:14:05] that it's like live sports quote unquote. Okay. You know, it's going on now. In the heat of the moment. In the moment, in the moment. Yeah, it's not something completely fictional or made up and shit. But it's real time, we're watching a movie.

[00:14:17] I'm clapping for this idea that some fucking loner came up with in his basement when he was writing a fucking screenplay or whatever. You know like? Damn, I hope you're not. I don't, I'm not judging anyway. You know what, I'd love to be a script writer.

[00:14:28] That's what I'm saying. Kudos to all that. I think that'd be great. I was making a funny, fuck off mate. You know what I'm saying? I'm glad you're... Listen. All I'm saying is that the only difference, you're right, but the only difference that I see

[00:14:44] that might like differentiate the two would be the fact that sports typically are live. So. Versus. Something about a movie. I feel you wouldn't do that if it was a recording. That's a good. But you didn't know what was happening? You know, I...

[00:15:00] That's actually a really good question. Hold on, who the fuck watches recorded sports? All right, first off. I like that. Hold on, hold on. Who has T-Mobile anymore? Fucking T-Mobile and sports, that? Who the fuck is watching recorded sports? For real though. If it's not your kids,

[00:15:15] if it's not your kids' games, who the fuck is watching a recorded game? For the sake of the argument, I had to Seinfeld it. If you're that into sports, more than likely you're betting on it. Oh yeah, that's true. You already know this.

[00:15:28] Oh my God, but why am I re-watching it if I'm betting on it? Why are you Tivoing sports? We never said, you said you were. Yeah, this thing is Tivoing sports. MIC Tivoing sports. Did you say you were? I'll kill you. The Haitian sensation Tivoing sports.

[00:15:39] Sports betting, you know when you're really down bad, or unless you're just like a genius, when your betting gets to obscure sports, if you're betting on like table tennis. Cornhole. Yeah, cornhole. Does that happen? What are you trying to say? You do, no, it's fine. Are you winning?

[00:15:58] He's betting on the Ocho, that's hilarious. Okay, so does it matter what raindrop reaches the bottom of the window first? Wow, is that a bet? Look at that thing. That is crazy. We're coming to a stage in the year where there's nothing to bet on. There's no sports.

[00:16:14] Baseball. Damn, you should see the way he's looking at it. It's a sport, look here. That's the easiest sport to bet on. You bet on it, I know it is not. No, for real. You can bet on the Rockies and win a lot of money.

[00:16:28] No, it is not, listen, listen, listen. I don't bet just are they gonna win over, no, no, no, I'm betting player stats. Okay, you know what? I'm betting. Mathematically. Let's move on. That's all I'm saying. We don't have to get into, I'm saying mathematically.

[00:16:41] We're getting too far into this. I'm talking mathematically, it's too much. Too, too far. It's too much. Is there such thing as too far? It's never too far. In general? I'll bet on rock, paper, scissors if that nigga's got a fucking pool. I mean yeah, there's definitely things

[00:16:56] you can go too far with. So what obscure sports are you betting on? Why are we feeding into this? I've done cornhole. I'm just curious about sports. Actually, this is kind of interesting, let's keep going, I like this. I've bet on cornhole and the slap boxing shit.

[00:17:11] Wow, okay. Curly, curly? No. Badminton. I don't know curly enough to bet on it. I bet on curly. You know who's like a really good sweeper? Badminton, you said? Canada. Badminton. Great sweepers? Yeah, I would. Or the broom pushers? What's that one? Koda pushing a broom. Croquet? Yes.

[00:17:35] Croquet? Bet on croquet? Yes, I have, especially when we were in Jamaica. Yes, I have. So you just bet on like. That I could see. Could not, yes. Was that shit, was that shit. No, croquet. Was that shit big in Jamaica? Yes. So it's botchy.

[00:17:47] So do you bet on the most snobby? Because I feel like most people view that as some snobby. No, no, no, no. You bet on who everybody in the bar is hating on. Okay. If they dislike that team, that means that team's been busting everybody's ass.

[00:18:02] Fuck yeah, okay. Same with croquet. What's the other one, botchy ball? Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's another big one. Oh yeah, that one's crazy. They got some real wild names for the team.

[00:18:19] And there's like side bets and botchy ball. The team names are wild as fuck. What about a, is it shuffleboard? Shuffleboard? That's another good one. I mean that is a sport. Can you bet on that? I'm sure you can. I don't think I've seen anyone.

[00:18:32] I'm sure you could bet on bingo. You bet on bingo. You bet on bingo. You just have to find the right, there's bingo bets. Right sight, right shit, you know? Right. Just the wildest parlay, just every single sport that you could think of.

[00:18:44] Dude, there's a Mao Jiang betting table you can. Oh yeah, no that's huge. That was huge. Okay. Speed chess. They probably do video games. How did we get onto this? All the tournaments, yeah. The wildest one I've ever seen was people get like one picture

[00:19:00] and then they have to pull up on the globe wherever they think it is and then the people that are close, like geo taggers is what they're called. Oh. Like you get one specific picture and you have to get the,

[00:19:10] these people can guess down to like the fucking foot. Like it's wild. What? Yeah. It's super creepy. That is crazy. And this dude can, like he can see a picture and then he'll see like, oh it has like, he'll get the most faint Russian writing

[00:19:24] or like, you know, Portugal writing, you know whatever it is. Zimbabwe. And he can find it. He's like. On third and fourth street. He found it in like, you know he got like a 30 second, you know look at this photo and then you know,

[00:19:38] it gives you 30 seconds to find it and he just like, you know and this is in like, you know Madagascar on this street and it was like fucking 10 feet away. The latitude and longitude? Yeah, no he doesn't get any of that. Just the picture of the floor.

[00:19:54] No that's what he's given. Just one single picture. That's impressive. I'll have to find it and show you guys. Like. Get the fuck off of Google Earth. I can do that on Colfax. Like Jesus Christ, if you know what every fucking place on Earth looks like,

[00:20:07] get the fuck off of Google Earth. Or what if he's been there? Like in one of those acid journeys? Like do you like it teleport? No, he's been there. What if it's like a 70 year old dude. Like physically? Who's like been there, yeah. Well okay so,

[00:20:21] well the CIA used to do experiments where like they'd try to. The acid test? Yeah, try to do the whole fucking space time travel shit. MK Ultra. Yeah, which actually some of that shit is actually kinda true. It's pretty cool if you look into it.

[00:20:34] I got a book on the acid test. Yes, that's what I'm saying. Dude some of that shit is actually crazy as fuck anyway. I'm like no I like talking about that. That's what I was saying. We're not gonna get into that right now.

[00:20:43] But that's what I was kinda saying. Is like, was he actually go there? Or is he just kinda like. Well I used to take vacations on Google. I've been a lot of places. Well I mean my job, I'm on Google Maps all the time so.

[00:20:59] He's seen states he's never been in. Yeah no, no that's fair. How often do you go into street view? All the time. He has to. Actually I have to. No it's interesting for dispatch. I mean I can see it, you might as well right?

[00:21:10] Use all the tools available. Well I gotta see where. If you need to. And what you're talking about if I'm asking somebody like what are you next to. Crash boys, what am I sending. Hopefully it's up to date right? How am I dispatching this.

[00:21:21] When's the last time y'all sent one of those fucking. Google cars. Google globe cars out there take pictures of everybody flipping ya off. Every six minutes. That would be kinda scary. But I hope that's not true. I have goosebumps. No but you'd be surprised though

[00:21:38] there's a lot of places that you can't do a street view of. You know what I'm saying like even like main streets and shit like that. Like in Jamaica? In general. Oh I don't know man. What in Jamaica? Well it's in islands, that's understandable.

[00:21:54] You'd expect a little fucking hybrid Toyota fucking Prius. The four of the keys got a lot of. To have people four wheeling to every fucking village? No man. Actually did you say village? You need sherpa sometimes. Town, city. What's the difference between a village

[00:22:09] and a town or a city? You need sherpa density. What? Perfect. Perfect. We all just look at each other like what the fuck is going on. Cause I was talking to Landon. And then. Completely lost the treasure right there bro. Population densities and fucking sherpas.

[00:22:36] Who's cool on that loss? What? What about that? He ain't even. Somebody. You need a sherpa to get there man. Yay man, you need a sherpa man. You need a sherpa man. Ah that's funny. Alright so. I did grind your gears but nobody answered me.

[00:22:56] Oh yeah let's do that. Do you wanna. No we have some. Wait wait hold up. We have some topics for you. Yeah I was gonna say let's jump over to our guest who we've been kinda ignoring. He's been chiming in but like we haven't focused on him.

[00:23:09] We spiral it's okay. We do spiral. He's not new either. However this is like your episode which you haven't necessarily got yet necessarily so. No he totally didn't. You know what's cool. Has he? Did he? No it's really cool though. Oh yeah no that's right.

[00:23:23] No no the coolest part. Why is my hand towel crusted? The coolest part, wait for it. Oh yeah that was a while ago. That was before Johnny Fours though. That was before Johnny Fours. That was before Johnny Fours. Wait for it.

[00:23:32] You can say whatever the fuck you want. Anything you want. So there's that. This is true. Yeah we had an issue with a previous guest where he kept asking if it was okay. Oh what grinds your gears? Yeah. Oh I said my grinds my gears.

[00:23:51] I was like bro we don't have any rules. We gotta redo that one by the way. The grinds my gears is when ladies wanna come up I wouldn't even say ladies. It's in particular people who wanna share their political opinion with you. Oh.

[00:24:04] Like when they first meet you? No no I was working just the window at my work the other day just giving product out to people after they pay for it and she just thought I needed to know everything about there is to know about. A custody?

[00:24:16] Why Trump is the devil and why I should vote for Biden and why I shouldn't own an assault rifle. I'm like wow how do you know all this about me? That's crazy. How do you feel like this? So I feel you on that. Wow.

[00:24:27] But just to play devil's advocate what if they have the same view as you? Then do you chime in? Oh and then they walk up to you random and speak. At that point if it's at work too I mean I got a line of people behind you.

[00:24:40] Yeah that's like the last thing you wanna start talking. That's the last thing I want is like I have to keep the social interaction to like 45 seconds of people because it's at work. Here's your stuff. It's nice to see you. Okay what if it's just not busy

[00:24:50] or somebody you just see randomly in public. And they share my views? And they are saying everything that you agree with? It depends like how passionate I am. But I mean if I don't really know them that well and they're sharing their views.

[00:25:06] But it's everything that you agree with you're just gonna be like for so neat. I mean besides y'all man I'm more of an introvert I don't wanna talk with y'all about that. Talk with random people about that shit man. I don't blame ya. I'm Billy Bob Thornton.

[00:25:21] I can say the wrong thing and get slapped up or whatever you know. I don't blame ya. I'm on my fucking lunch break. You hate like me. I'm on my goddamn lunch break. Leave me the fuck alone. Pete Nessing. That much comes to my house. That's happened.

[00:25:32] I've been on my break in the back trying just to fucking chill. Hey man you working that dispensary. Can I get you to go in there and get me some fucking weed. I'll trade you this box of shrooms. You can go eat. A box of shrooms?

[00:25:43] Do you know what you should have done? I don't know if I really want those. You should have like all right yeah get the box. Go inside and just never come out. What's he gonna do? Call security. What's he gonna do? Call security.

[00:25:55] Is this a weirdo with a bag on his ass? Also order food and then get it at the door so he sees you and then just eat in front of him. Look what I did. While you're eating his box of mushrooms.

[00:26:06] While eating the box of mushrooms on top of it. Yes. Put the mushrooms in the food and eat it in front of him. Toss a mushroom up and catch it in your mouth. Look at this. Yeah. That's always fun. I don't think I've ever done that. No.

[00:26:27] We should. Yeah. Social experiment. Off to toss a mushroom up sometime. Portobello. Portabellos of course. Portabello chips? No, no not Portabello. Wait wait wait. Psellocybin. Wait. No not six minute abs. Shiitakes. Chips. Chips. Seven. I love chips. Seven little squirrels jumping on a branch. Eat them like chips?

[00:26:53] Saltine chips. Oh. Crackers or chips? You guys ever been in a rush or you have no gas in your car but you have to get to work so you plan on stopping at the gas station? Hey, hey hold on hold on. But then you run out of time?

[00:27:06] Let's make this clear. Let's make this clear. Dan does not know what it feels like to be without gas. Oh cause he's a terrorist. Who the fuck is Dan? Where did that come from? That's true. Who is Dan? Who the fuck is Dan? Is that old James?

[00:27:19] Did you say Dan? Who the fuck is Dan? You have no buddy named old James. No, you have not got a buddy named old James. Who the fuck? That guy is over there. The guy on the couch. So Landon how's it? Yeah maybe.

[00:27:29] Can I even finish my thought? I wasn't even. No, I know cause I remember when we talked about this. This was in a box whip session so. Like you're in a rush. You know you need gas. Three of the pumps are closed

[00:27:40] cause they don't got no more fuel. The only two left open. Landon just putting his ass to the fucking gas tank and letting it rip. Oh he's gonna fart in the tank. He does have that gas. He's got that gas all the time.

[00:27:52] Okay so unless it runs off of methane it ain't gonna work. He can't afford it. Yo shit will turn into liquid. That fuel in the tank might help though bro. Yo shit will turn into liquid at need. No keep going with the pet peeve

[00:28:06] cause I remember we had a session. Hey that's what y'all get for getting on me. So is it the change lady or the scratch ticket? She has exact change but it's all in quarters and nickels. But she wants like $30 worth of gas. That's happened to me.

[00:28:25] Counts it very slowly. She's like one, two, three. I've even had them do that at the dispensary. Hold on I've got some nickels. Oh no I can't. I want my $80 ounce and here's $60 of it in quarters. In quarters. No bullshit. And you have to count it all out.

[00:28:42] And count it on that glass. Hey at work. Times are rough nowadays. I mean I get it but there's a Coinstar that shit is still annoying. That shit takes fucking like 19%. Yes it does I knew you were gonna say that. Hold on, hold on. But I'm Jewish.

[00:28:55] Can I charge your fee? Shouldn't I be able to charge your fee for that? But I'm Jewish. Let me keep it plier. They have to count and separate all that change. Cash is king it don't matter. Hey listen, listen, listen.

[00:29:05] If you're not bringing it into the strip club. I make it hail. I don't wanna hear it. If you get it a hole in one. We should have had JR with the quarters. Shouldn't it be a nickel, right in the M or a quarter?

[00:29:22] Right in the butt hole. But we got it kicked out right away. It's gonna be done. Mike would've been like oh my hard work was for nothing. I mean have you ever seen someone throw change at a strip club? Me, I've done that.

[00:29:36] He said nigga I've done that. Oh you have. We were saying we should have had JR and thrown the quarters hole in one. Right in the hail. Right in the crack. It was sac and we had dollars. I had change on me. Sorry I'm throwing half dollars.

[00:29:50] If I'm throwing coins. You should've given that change to JR. He could have been in the corner with that crazy lip on his face. That'll murder somebody. That's hail. You know what I'm doing? I'm rolling up like grandpa and I'm shaking him in my hand like this.

[00:30:04] Get your soda out of there. You know what I'm saying? Like you got a Yahtzee hand? And I'm just rolling the bitches on the fucking stage like dice. If you're throwing coins at a strip club you've got really big problems. Nah nigga I got deep pockets.

[00:31:51] You gotta go to the right coin store. Those ones are currently broken. No no no if you got coins at a strip club you gotta have deep pockets all right? I mean unless they're the fucking coins from Pirates of the Caribbean. Thank you. We got it.

[00:32:02] Throwing gold to blue. My nigga you beat me to it. I'm throwing to blue. They ain't gonna say shit. Booty for booty is that what it's called? Booty for booty. You knock a motherfucking stripper out. The bastards would be like sorry just give me one man.

[00:32:15] The shit says. The shit says. The shit says. John Wick golden toads. The shit says Nicola Play. Wow. There's a mouth on the front of it. David Buster's. It's a dick checky cheese token. I'm dead. They all look the same. You gotta T-Roc your card though. That's hilarious.

[00:32:34] You gotta fucking DZ on it. Like oh where'd you get this one? This is rare. You're old as fuck. That might be worth some money actually. This nigga said DZ. Throw some Pokemon cards. Make it rain. This was a Charizard. You might wanna hang onto that.

[00:32:48] I'm using Blastoise. This is a first edition. That's at least worth a dance in the back. It's a first edition bitch. That's a Blastoise. Three stars. She just gives you a blow job right now. This is an ash catching Pikachu. I need a Blastoise for a blasty.

[00:33:04] I need a blasty. I need a Pikachu. She's like you got some more Pokemon cards? So you got some more of that Hydro Pump left? I got a Pokemon card. I got a U2 with your name on it. Wow. You just got like some guy going around

[00:33:25] like stealing all the Pokemon cards from like all the stores. And then going straight to strip clubs. Yeah, just straight to strip clubs. Get the lottery. I heard these were useful. Do you wanna hear what they're doing with these now?

[00:33:39] And like the strip clubs start to implement a rule. You have to show your receipt. Did you actually bought the Pokemon card? You have to prove you have these Pokemon cards legally. You gotta show the rip wrapper. Did you purchase these cards, sir?

[00:33:53] We need a day to purchase here. We need a day to purchase. Man, I got it. I got a Gyarados red. You just start giving him energy cards. They're just like. Trader, trader, trader. We already got 18 of those water energies. Get the fuck out.

[00:34:10] We haven't even seen the water works yet. I don't need no more of those. That's how you get into the club. That's what they use for payment at the club. Keep your thunder cards. Let me get six water energies and two of those white ones.

[00:34:20] Two of those ghost ones. Stupid. I need those ghost ones. That's entry. That's entry. You got no fifth cards. Psycho, I mean psychic. On the weekend it's all whites only. You have all white energy cards only. Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is really racist. It's only like 80.

[00:34:38] Because they're rare as fuck. 80 HP and above. 80 HP player, 80 HP. Did you say 80 HD? 80 HP. Wow. Wow. Maybe, probably. We might have. Most likely. Oh man. No. No. No. No. No I did not. That's hilarious. Okay that was good. That made me chuckle from the belly.

[00:35:09] Does anybody else not give a fudge about the finals right now? Correct. I mean now the Nuggets are out. Now the Nuggets and the Habs are out. Can I talk shit real quick? Please. Just real quick. I think all of us are trying to do. Yeah.

[00:35:22] So am I wrong for saying we should trade in PJ? No. Get rid of him. All right. Seven points. I agree. In game seven. I'm fine with him going. And if it's consistent like that too. Playoff PD sucks. He's consistently inconsistent. Michael Porter Jr. sucks in the playoffs.

[00:35:37] Regardless if he can shoot. He doesn't make the right choice. What else is he doing? And he also takes terrible shots. Just rebounds. If there are shots in the second quarter. If you're up by 20. Holy shit. If you're up by 20 and you're contested

[00:35:49] and you're shooting a fucking fade away three or some wild ass shot. Or a fade away two mid range. You shouldn't take that shot. And I'm not gonna lie. I've seen some instances where his ball handling skills. Have been suspect as well. Turnovers.

[00:36:02] I'm like what did you do with the ball just there? Yeah. Where did you throw it? We're scapegoating Murray. Where did you put it? Who had four turnovers in the second half. Yeah no. But he also had 35 fucking points. But regardless they should have slowed down.

[00:36:16] Past the ball. They took good shots. I'm still in the rush. You're up by 20. The only reason Yoking didn't have a triple double off of six is cause of the bad shots they were taking. But why are we taking shots where we're not open. Highlight row. Highlight row.

[00:36:33] I'm Michael Porter Jr. They were trying to. I'm trying to be the big three. They were trying to keep scoring is what they're trying to do. They were trying to big three and put points on the board. Why take bad shots when you're winning?

[00:36:42] They know that if they. Should have been driving home. Don't keep scoring. Or keep passing until there's a better shot. They are gonna, the Timberwolves are gonna keep scoring and that's the issue. But still hold onto the ball and take a better shot.

[00:36:54] Not a shot where you're being guarded by someone. That whole series I was yelling at them. Set the fucking play up. Set the play up. Slow down. Set the fucking play up. Set the fucking play up. Shoot it when you're open.

[00:37:06] And they kept thinking they could do that shit they were doing with the Lakers. And we were playing like shit even versus the Lakers. All our role players sucked. And then that rolled over into the Timberwolves. So already we were looking rough. Except for Swanson and Christian Brown.

[00:37:18] And then after that I was like, shit now we gotta play the Timberwolves. It's not looking good bro. And then we did so well in certain games. So that's where people were hating on. Michael Porter Jr. is a fucking joke. But also that's where some people

[00:37:30] were hating on Jamal Murray. Regardless, even if he scored a lot, he's a point guard right? Yeah. Hold on Paul. He's a point guard right? So if they were up by 20, why didn't he slow the game down and pass the ball more? He did. He did.

[00:37:48] There weren't bad shots I agree. So he did the give and go. So it's the coach too. So hold on listen. Here's my answer. He did the give and go pick and roll at the top of the key with Yoking. Yoking made the pass out to Jamal.

[00:38:02] They were double teaming him. He would kick it out. And then he missed. Wide open. Aaron Gordon who was making three's crazy. He missed. Michael Porter Jr. Big guys were missing shots. Had seven points. So that brings me to my point though. I was saying,

[00:38:19] so people were giving Jamal Murray shit about that. But at the same time, why wouldn't the coach tell them you need to slow down, pass the ball and take better shots? Why didn't Payton Swatson have any minutes in that game? That's a good question. All right well,

[00:38:41] you know and I hate to like break that up but we would continue with sports all night if we. We could end it there because that's kind of. I waited for a decent time. You know you guys finished up your thoughts. Yeah you finished up your thoughts.

[00:38:55] Lando, Lando. But I do want to move on. What do you want to talk about? So next up on the docket, I got two things. Right? Hit me. You say two things. Two things. Two chains. Two that thing. Two dang. Good C roll. Two dang. Dang. Johnny Dang?

[00:39:18] Two Asian. Hit him with that Joe Dirt. Hit him with that. Dang. Anyway. Yes. So you know with all due respect. You're about to be disrespectful now. Super disrespectful. But. Sample. That ain't worth two dogs getting it on. You know soup right? Like actual soup.

[00:39:43] Is it a meal? Yeah. Is it a meal? Hold on, no but not only that. The meal that never ends for people with cerebral palsy. What the fuck? Cause they have to keep getting it again. Falls off the spoon. Cause they can't get any juice.

[00:40:02] Michael J Fox is so mad at you right now Doug. That's crazy. But you know what's crazy? Larry David will tell you, you don't want to live by him. Like in an apartment complex or condo or whatever. Cause he was stomping the whole time.

[00:40:22] So wherever Michael J Fox is, you can't live near him. Oh my god. I'm sorry I started this. I'm sorry I started this. Hey you know what? I think I just solved everybody's problem with that. That has that issue. You just straw. For the soup?

[00:40:43] That motherfucker's flying everywhere. You just straw. That would still be difficult. But wouldn't you choke on it? That would still be difficult. How do you have to flash out? I mean they're gonna have to eat. I mean come on. What if this Campbell's chunky? Thank you.

[00:40:54] How thick is the soup? Yeah. How thick is the soup? A bowl of straw. What kind of straw you got? He said a bowl of straw. That's pretty smart. So where does stew come in? Can he eat stew? Jesus Christ. Probably if that paws meat.

[00:41:07] I may explain it. We did find out that cannibalism is legal in California. It's legal everywhere except for Idaho. Stew, get it? Yeah, get it anyway. All right. See? I would imagine, I mean just being honest, anything that's like unstable on a spoon

[00:41:25] or fork or anything would probably be difficult for somebody with that disability to eat. Yeah. If we're being honest. That's a bold faced lie. That's a bold faced lie. And is that funny? J-E-L-O-O. You'll fall asleep. Jello is the perfect thing to use as a.

[00:41:45] I did see that on Jurassic Park. That shit did not fall off of her spoon. Thank you. She slurped. She says it's thick. Now, thick. It's thick. By thick. Jello. Also Bill Cosby was holding on there. Sleepy. Eat what's the pudding bopping? Sleepy time.

[00:42:03] I knew that was coming, dude. The dinosaur's can see in the dinosaur. As soon as the thing says jello. You wonder why the Triceratops pooped so much. Oh no. Oh no. Oh. Are you saying Bill Cosby fucks Triceratops? What? Facing the butts. Facing the butts. Wow.

[00:42:22] He's fucking Triceratops. That was wild. You're saying he's a dino Leon Phelps, huh? Oh, okay. Jesus Christ. I was not expecting that. Bada. Oh, wow. And then I'm a successful doctor so I gave her the yield. Huh. We all knew once. We all knew once. Once.

[00:42:47] You can't just leave it at that. Bada. Oh my God. The old pudding pop. I mean, we love Jim Carrey and he, you know, climbs his way out of, you know, hippo ass or rhino ass or whatever it was. Kind of hot in these rhinos. Warm.

[00:43:07] He was a rhino. We're okay with Jim Carrey. He birthed himself. Yeah, he birthed himself out of a rhinoceros ass hole. That was fucking funny though. That was hilarious. As long as it's funny. That was hilarious. And comedic timing, yes.

[00:43:20] But I don't know if we were okay with that though. My parents were kind of mad. Hold on. Yeah, mine were kind of mad. Did you laugh? Oh yeah. Absolutely. I laughed my dick off. I was a little kid then.

[00:43:31] When I found out that the evil was Einhorn, I'm rolling balls. Dude, that shit was funny. That shit funny. She has the worst case of hemorrhoids you've ever seen. And then every SWAT member, every cop, there was like girl cops there doing the pfft, pfft, pfft.

[00:43:53] You said Finkle is Jenner? Finkle. Whoa. Oh, that's not what he said? You said it. You said it. Oh, you're talking out loud. Okay, so your brain is connected to your mouth. And sometimes what you think comes out. The filter thing we were talking about.

[00:44:13] You said that out loud. Oh fuck. You said that out loud. Jenner, huh? Bleep it. Yeah. Please bleep it. No. Bleep it. Get the fucking software, bleep it. No, he's not gonna, no, he's not gonna. He's gonna leave it, not gonna bleep it. Just bleep it.

[00:44:35] Just bleep it. Just bleep it. Oh yeah, yeah. That's a good one too. Yeah. Oh man. It'll be left. Leave it in the beaver? I got the wrong movie. Wrong movie? Wow. Leave it in the beaver? Instead of leave it to beaver, leave it in the beaver?

[00:44:55] We should copyright that right now. There's gotta be sequels because you have kids if you leave it in the beaver. Pull out game week. You're not pulling out at all. You're leaving it in the beaver. Well, if it's still in the beaver, how could the kid come out?

[00:45:08] Orgy by the desert? Yeah, you gotta pull it out eventually. You gotta sleep. You're gonna touch skull. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Natural beaver down. I got another one. Orgy. Ha ha ha! Wow. Ha ha ha! Oatmeal creampie. Oh wow! We weren't ready for that one.

[00:45:31] You can do the orgy by the desert. Holy shit. Glazed donuts. Wow. Where do we go from here? That's always the question. We went pretty far just off of that one little point that I made about soup. We got all. Kenny Banya, man. We got all this way.

[00:45:53] Kenny Banya. How did we get a portal from soup? Portal, okay, so boba straws and... Boba straws and something's gotta be the title of this one. You don't know titles. Anyway. Shaken, not spurred. Boba straws and shaken. Sean Connery. Marketing boba straws. Don't go chasing.

[00:46:18] I still think he should play Satan. Episode titles. Satan. Sean Connery as Satan. Sinister Satan. I only sheep in thousand thread counts. Sean Connery's about to get knocked the fuck out. Sean Connery can fight. He's dead! Shit.

[00:46:35] What, you're gonna come dig me up and knock me up again? He said dig up. I like this shit. Dig up. Dig up. I'll dig up and kick your ass. Dig up for Connery. Dig up for Sean. Instead of big ups, we'll say dig ups. Dig ups.

[00:46:53] Dig ups for Sean Connery. I'll break his fucking hip again. That was fucking good catch. God bless the dead. I liked that, that was full circle there. Dig ups. Dig ups, God damn it. I dig up. Are you gonna come and dig me up?

[00:47:06] It's not Connery, he said dig up. He can die every day, B. Okay so if you were to dig from one side of the planet to the other. No. Is it possible because then at one point you're digging up.

[00:47:20] At the halfway point I think you would be digging up. The gravity goes up so it spits the dirt out of the hole you've been digging. So everything you're digging is going upward? It goes downwards. So at one point when you're close up to the core

[00:47:31] you just gotta give it a nice little fling and it'll just go all the way. All the way out of the hole. You're in King Kong World. Remember when he jumped and then it flipped and then they fell and then he almost crashed?

[00:47:41] I do remember that and the Doctor Strange came out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh my God. It's not molten hot mac mac. And then like unicorns were flying around. Do you remember that? Yeah I do. I was there. There were like little elves doing like sort of PCP.

[00:47:58] Oh wait that was me. That was me doing the PCP sorry. Oh shit. Bleep it. That's hilarious. So you've heard of Montezuma's Revenge? Yeah, Don't Drink the Water in Mexico. So when I was like in my Jewish days that's what I called my peen.

[00:48:15] You said my Jewish days? Cause you're not gonna shit right for a week. Because you can only plug them in the butt? You get it. Or oral. You got a lot of head. Cause you're still a virgin then right? Cause yeah.

[00:48:29] So the Jews and the Amish have a lot in common. Yes. So it feels like back to the sand. Including the beards. Do you guys have professional bed jumpers too? No we're not Utah. We're not Utah. That's where you're fucking up. Bed jumpers.

[00:48:44] There's a lot of motion in the ocean. We found the loopholes. That's why Jewish wives are always so angry. They're also disgusting. Filthy, filthy. Well yeah. We're gonna get canceled. I'm gonna sit up and throw up. They're gonna come for us like they did Kyrie.

[00:48:59] Danty, Danty, Danty boys. Apologize. They're gonna tunnel up. Apologize to those people. Plus it's like a reverse. They're gonna dig up and kick some ass. It's like a reverse dowry. So they know if they marry into a good Jewish boys family they're gonna get paid. Well.

[00:49:14] They're not tunneling this shit. I'm just making a point. No. This is a known unknown or an unknown known. Either way I read you. You know what I mean? This is like an unspoken spoken. Like three six mafia. Singing hello. No they're the most known. Stupid.

[00:49:35] Is it me you're looking for? Is it me you're looking for? Could you imagine DJ Paul says about. Project Pat. Juicy Jack, is it me you're looking for? Project Petto. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yes. Anything and anything. Hold on, hold on. Fill in the blank. I had a good one.

[00:49:53] Arnold Schwarzenegger singing. Whip that trick. That'd be hilarious too. No, no. It was so good. Whip that trick. Whip that trick. Whip that trick. Whip that trick. Whip that trick. Arnold Schwarzenegger singing. I feel like it'd be hilarious if Arnold. I am your neighbor.

[00:50:10] Anything from my green day. It's not a full white swap. Haven't you people ever heard of. Pills in the god damn door. No. No. Trying to fix up the rounds of the lonely man. What the fuck? That's just fucking ridiculous.

[00:50:33] I don't know if we just talked about this or we recorded it, but I gotta say it anyways. Trick Daddy. Rapping, living on a prayer. Oh my God. Cause you know Trick Little Kids. That'd be ridiculous. Ridiculous. Could you listen to that?

[00:50:59] What about Gilbert Godfrey rapping ambitions as a writer? You can't deny it. That'd be fucking annoying. Turn that off. You can't deny it. I'm a straight writer. You don't wanna fuck with me. Bring that fat big guy back here. I have a headache now.

[00:51:23] You don't like Gilbert Godfrey singing ambitions? Okay so since you have a headache, let's make it mellow. How about Bob Ross doing something from Little John and the Eastside Boys? What about Bob Ross doing Bia Bia? It's not even the same song. Bia Bia.

[00:51:44] That's about a woman named Bia. Like a, like a, Bia Bia. It's like him trying to talk his girl down off the ledge, Bia. Why are you acting like a hoe? Like a hoe. Okay so I wanna hear Johnny Cash's Andale, Andale, Mama EI, EI. That'd be good.

[00:52:02] That'd be sick. That'd be good. That's actually a good song. Uh oh. Uh oh. Andale. Yeah. That'd be kinda sick bro. Mama EI. That's kinda tight. I hurt myself today. Uh oh. To see if I still feel. That's about to be a banger.

[00:52:22] It's like a fucking 36 minute long song just because he sings so slow. In order to sing all the rap lyrics too. It's chuffed and screwed. No, no I got you. That's a four day song. I got you, I got you, I got you. Two, three, four, five.

[00:52:39] Barry Matalow rapping Rappers Delight. That's still the same shit almost. Nah nigga. Andale. Hey. Mama EI, EI. That nigga Rappers Delight. A hip. I got one. And it's recent too. Luther Vandross. Skinny or fat, Skinny or Fat Luther. You have to specify beforehand. Skinny or Fat Luther.

[00:53:08] If this world were mine, Luther Vandross. So Skinny Vandross, that's a shitty song already. Okay, now I'm forgetting it. No, Luther Vandross rapping They Not Like Us. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. It's still a banger. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's the summer banger of 2024. Nah, nah.

[00:53:35] And it's a diss record bro. Barry White doing They Not Like Us. That would be fire. That deep ass voice. You know what's crazy about that song though? They don't do it nothing like us baby. It's gonna last forever, not just because it's a rap beef

[00:53:49] between like two popular artists. It's a summer fucking banger. It's also like a pump up song. There's gonna be niggas walking out to football songs. Shoot around, basketball. UFC and boxing and shit. Tennis, boxing. They not like us? Kickboxing. They not like us? They not like us?

[00:54:05] Yo, this shit. That's disrespectful at this point. Your man is cooked. You know what's crazy I heard? He sold everything and is about to move out of the country. I don't know if that's a fact. He's almost completely out of America. I don't know if that's a fact.

[00:54:18] That's a fact. But how do you get this that bad that you move out of the country? And his kids. He sold almost all of his houses and properties, kid and baby moms and all that. They're all leaving. That's rough. His son is going back to Canada.

[00:54:31] That's how bad he lost. Sucks to suck. Yeah. Yeah. The daughter that we just found out he has. They not like us. They not like us. That's rough. I wouldn't be moving. He's going back, she's going back. He's not like us.

[00:54:45] Yo, you know this nigga fucking Metro Boomin. No, I don't know. Is playing me. Beep, beep, how juicy. Oh, that was the segment. I'm glad you did that. For his motherfucking walkout. Beep, beep, how juicy. Okay, so. Back to the soup.

[00:55:03] What was it that you had about the soup you were gonna add to it? Freeze that shit. Exactly. So you want him to lick on it or like suck on it and then suck on the soup? Turn that shit into a fucking smoothie. Motherfucker. Oh my god.

[00:55:21] Just drink a V8. I mean, yeah, that's what you might as well drink a V8. Still a straw thing if it's the, you know. Hey, but it's thicker. So first off, you're gonna put liquid into a blender. It's not gonna go everywhere. No, you freeze it, jackass.

[00:55:33] It's not gonna go everywhere. It's not gonna go everywhere. And you're putting liquid into a blender. I can understand if it's Campbell's Chunky. But with fingers. Why are we getting the fingers? I'm method man, old. He got it, he got it. He got it. He got it.

[00:55:52] I'm telling you, freeze that shit. It's a soup lick. So it got even darker than that. He just kinda hit you with it. But if it was just like a fucking- That was shitty comedic timing. Like an evil employee at like an old folks home.

[00:56:08] And every time they have soup, they just give him forks. And he was like, you gotta freeze that shit. And then I said, if you're giving me frozen tomato soup, pull the plug. At that point, why am I living? Time for my frozen tomato soup.

[00:56:32] Tomato soup popsicle thing. Oh no. That's awful. That's when you know it's time to go. Unless you make it in one of those little popsicle holders that had the straw attached to it. Like the push pops? So when it melted- With the Mickey Mouse. You could drink that.

[00:56:47] That's terrible. You know what I'm talking about now. There was some ice, some popsicle molds that you could buy back in the day. And I remember because we had some and it was just like a popsicle stick. But like the popsicle stick had like a catcher,

[00:57:06] a holder at the top or whatever. But there was like an opening, like a little straw so that when the popsicle melt, you could drink the juice before it got on your hand. What kind of suburb white people's shit is that? And you know what?

[00:57:21] And I get that. It's hotter pop. You're just picturing a cerebral palsy where somebody's trying to pop that little thing up to their mouth. That's terrible. Oh, that was good. That was good security. That was good. Michael J. Fox is shaking in his grave. That made me laugh.