Pollyfeld

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[00:00:31] Woah This is a special Wednesday Doing it okay and okay Doing it and doing it and doing it so far Well I like to do it well Well done Not my steak Medium rare Fuck that, rare, you gotta go rare Well medium rare No Cause they always fuck it up and overcook it That's So you gotta tell them rare and then you get medium rare You gotta tell them blue and then you get rare Fair

[00:01:01] The steaks are rad Wow Fucking idiots Fucking Republicans Woah That was not a poll I know That was not a poll That was not a poll I'm just saying I'm just an asshole I'm just an asshole That worked

[00:01:15] Happy birthday sir

[00:01:48] Happy birthday In my Tennessee 139? No 756 No not your prestige level Your age Yeah 756 It's like those elves from Santa Claus He's got Benjamin Buttons Gandalf and shit You know what I mean? Wow he's seen some shit So he must have sat at the back of the back of the back of the bus Why you gotta go there? Why you gotta go there? Oh wow Black history mother's right around the corner You better watch your back nigga

[00:02:18] Watch your back nigga He was pushing the button Wow Wow Oh you sat in the back? I had to push it in my day Now you're pushing the button Now you're habitually line stepping alright? What we're trying to say is you're old as fuck But welcome to another year on the planet It's tight I'm not old as fuck He's a dick There's literally a nigga on our team called Great Grandfather Retire That's true Of all time Of all time Of all time Excuse me There's old and then there's JR

[00:02:54] There's the beginning of time and then there's well Love you JR We don't really know how old he actually is No He just keeps living Carbon dating puts him about Well his fossil syrup Triassic beauty Well it depends on how many cigarettes he's had that day too You know It kinda Kinda depends you know The carbon dating goes back in about 10-20 years He's alright He's still moving First novel that he ever typed on his typewriter The Lu The Quran

[00:03:23] Holy shit He wrote it He was relieved when the typewriter came out And then all I came He was writing everything in my hand He was writing everything in my hand Not off of writing Hieroglyphs? Ah I got this Cat dog Rain Square He's like you know how long it took me to chisel He's like you know how long it took me to chisel that lizard No I put my peen on some of them hieroglyphs Of course That's not a real mushroom

[00:03:53] Of course It's my mushroom tip Keene State University All the way back in Valadictorian and all that Fucking 9500 BCE Egypt and shit Do you know how hard it is to draw hands like this? No Nobody knows what you do with your hands Because they can't see you Well fuck him He's doing the whole Cleopatra dance Yeah the fucking Do you remember the time Michael Jackson shit Teddy?

[00:04:24] This guy Anyway welcome Welcome everybody Thanks for joining us So Are y'all gonna go back to McDonald's since they snitching? I went there today Oh yeah yeah The UC Health guy yeah Okay so apparently I didn't even know Are we uh We still supporting McDonald's? Since they snitching? McDonald's cameras We're eating the rich Better than the FBI Nigga McDonald's fucking Ice cream machine don't never work But yet they got fucking Facial recognition on their cameras Right How does that work, Clay?

[00:04:55] How does that happen? You can't even give me a fucking ice cream cone Ice cream And then look, look they said it was Burger King Burger King went on their uh We don't snitch Twitter page and Snapchat and all that Was like We don't snitch It wasn't that Savage What else snitch? We don't snitch Fucking savage And then dude, somebody yesterday got Mace That was like a state representative Uh huh With the last name of Mace Irony Shit's hilarious So I like that, you know

[00:05:24] Like dude, do stuff that like just inconveniences their day But let them live on But let's like keep doing it Yeah, like shoot them in the foot Take all the batteries out of all their modes That's still, okay When you shovel, put it all in his driveway Just take the pinky toe It'll be alright Oh, and it has to be ironic too Like, you take the CEO of Chick-fil-A And then just put a bunch of chickens in his house No, you fill it up with cows

[00:05:52] You eat more cows You don't hold the door open for them And in fact, you pull it closed behind you Every time they come to the door Or you shoot them in the back Whichever works I like that Whatever works However you feel that day Yeah You know how you solve a problem? I'm pretty sure a wise man said You got a .38 or revolve Mmm

[00:06:23] So He probably would have said It wasn't my fault It was AI's fault Because a lot of those claims were all like Went through some like AI algorithm or whatever And there was like some crazy denial rate on him Yeah, well you know what? He can't explain for himself now What is this? So yeah, the dude who shot him

[00:06:51] He had like a back surgery? Oh yeah, yeah Oh yeah, yeah, yeah And then his dick didn't work Oh so he It was like a personal grievance Yeah, yeah He's like I can't fuck anymore dog Well I mean Either you fix this or I'm fixing you right now So it's funny too Cause it's like He could have went after the doctor You know? Nah, that's right Yeah, right? So he's like alright, well who's ultimately at fault? The CEO Yep You know?

[00:07:20] We coming for you nigga We coming for you nigga Dude From here on out And I do have that sample From here on out Those motherfuckers are gonna be guarded like the fucking vice president Which is hilarious Of the United States I kinda like it Like they've been too comfortable for too long Just fucking us over Why not have to look over your shoulder? You've been fucking us with no lube using toothpaste You wouldn't have to look over your shoulder like that if you were a good person

[00:07:50] Right, exactly We should just biological warfare their ass Just purposely get COVID Right on the CEO So hold on, hold on I heard that uh Orange soda If you put orange soda on a COVID test It'll pop As COVID? What? Looks like I'm not going to work tomorrow night I got some fancy at the crib

[00:08:20] What about if it's orange fango? I don't know about that one No, no So it's diet soda Diet soda pops Pregnancy tests Pregnant? Pregnant too What? Like false positives? Yeah Makes me wonder Yeah Never pay child support unless you see the DNA test It definitely does I did not know that Yeah, worse Anyway

[00:08:49] She don't wanna be saved Don't save her So that not father thing is really even more true on the Maury show Man I miss day time smoke to me dude None of these niggas I miss Jerry Springer I miss Jerry Springer Hell yeah You did that Diet Coke thing didn't you? Yo, Jerry Springer was the shit I literally missed that whole day time lineup Like Judge Judy's still around which is crazy There were more chair shots in Jerry Springer than the Attitude Era

[00:09:20] Jerry Then you had Ricky Lake Nah, Jerry always had the midges Steve Wilcox Yeah, Steve Wilcox Steve Wilcox was wild Man, Steve started getting too real That shit was like borderline Dr. Phil Yeah, it was worse I never watched it It got deep too much It was like Do you really wanna be on the street like this? Shut the fuck up Steve And put on some dykes on here bro What's wrong with you? What are you really doing with Steve?

[00:09:50] We have a fun show one time Can we get some You cheated on my sister with your sister You know what I'm saying? Like come on Some trashy stuff Your sister is my baby mama No, no, no, I don't like those ones This guy is browsing fucking Steve Wilcox fucking episodes Like their fucking Pornhub pages No, no No, no Yeah, this one's the one Hey man, don't put that on me We didn't have on demand back in the day Now I can sleep good

[00:10:19] We didn't have on demand like that back in the day No bullshit Stop lying I'm saying nowadays What you said about buttholes all night You better not look at me like that Wow You better make that You better make that clear You don't care who you're talking about Cause that's not me, nigga I wonder who talks about buttholes the most The leprechaun over here We are the same height

[00:10:49] What do you mean? You look like a leprechaun Magical and whimsical? It's all up You're right He said yeah, I'm whimsical as fuck You whimsical motherfucker Thank you A joy to have around Magical? You're right Fucking Lucky Charms ass Can thugs say whimsical? No What kind of thing? That's another thing that thugs can't do I'm gonna go have a whimsical din din din A whimsical din din Tommy

[00:11:17] He's got his little magic wand over here Can thugs say that they have the butterflies? No She gave me the butterflies, dog The what? You think thugs say tummy? No I got a tummy ache I got a tummy ache I got a run to the corner of someone very quick I got a tummy ache

[00:11:46] Hey, give me some ant acids That doesn't even sound right Some acid for ants Let me get some rub-a-tessy It actually was acid made by ants to be more specific Well, they probably would get rub-a-tessy You said you think thugs say tummy? What? Definitely not It's my tum-tum They're instantly out Like, hey baby, I need you to rub my tummy Then give me some bath bombs

[00:12:16] Thugs can't take bubble baths, yeah Also, I need a new loofah Lufas are fucking hot Yes, they are actually Lou Ferrigno? The Hulk The original Ray Ferrigno Hey, don't call me Hulk Don't call me Hulk He's so strong Why you keep lifting weights, nigga? You ain't playing that role no more Chill out

[00:12:45] Just gotta stay in shape They can try to stay brolic Yeah Why every time they see him, he goes Arrrgh Cause once you're a certain size bro If you don't work out That shit turns to flat Loose skin You end up melty looking Melt man With the power to Melt Action League Now Underrated

[00:13:17] Damn, there was a lot of those We can't even talk about that again Oh So Now that we're here And The diddler is in prison What do you think is gonna happen To all his like Assets? Like, are you drinking Ciroc anymore? Are we? I never really did No diddy, but what Why are you thinking about his assets? What? Assets?

[00:13:49] You said Yo Grow up The wicked witch of the east bro Grow up Grow up I don't have to tell you to grow up You're like 110 years old Whoa, whoa, whoa Chill out, chill out Chill out with the birthday jokes You've been here since suffrage Women's? Or You wanna cross one line?

[00:14:19] You wanna cross another one? The gun line The gun line Which suffrage? Hey man Which one's the longest? We're walking on thin ice, buddy Thin ice, pal Thin ice, pal Thin ice, pal Alright Listen here bucko Whoa there guy Excuse me buddy Hold your horses I beg your pardon Your first party For the love of Pete Come again? I will

[00:14:48] And your mother I'm sorry I must have misheard you And then again and your sister White people are so funny That's kinda what we're getting at Spit down your fucking throat Talk to me like that one more time Wow They apologize and then step to you I'm sorry Sorry Did you just say what I think you said? He didn't just say what I think he did Did he? Whoa, sorry

[00:15:18] Oh there bucko Hey there chach Chachy Listen here chief Chiefy Buckaroo I shit you not I know what you did to the chief You better shut the fuck up Did you just call me? Oh man Happy Thanksgiving Yeah like why change the Redskins but not Chiefs? Cause that's a

[00:15:47] That's a pride thing Well yeah they were upset that they changed in the first place I mean the Commanders is wild Better than the Washington football team But it was at first True That is true Sounds like a fucking college team I mean I always used to call them the Deadskins Cause this is my division The Foreskins Or that too They definitely missed an opportunity

[00:16:17] The Skins is already on there They're like you're fired Damn it It was close It was a good idea It was a real good idea It was a good try You gotta give me that It was a good try Have you guys ever spelled out foreskin? What kind of trap bullshit are you doing? I see your trickery here

[00:16:48] Fuck off, how about that? There's no trickery It was a legit question No Why would I need to? Just curious How do you spell it? F-O-R-E or F-O-U-R? It's not a number It's not a number Mine was a five skid Not four foes of skid Oh, woah

[00:17:17] Got some hang time Oh my Jesus So I went to a testicle Two testicles, dick And four What the fuck? Fores What is this skidding for? Ah, foreskin It's foreskin Ah Come on Or forward skin It's short for forward skin Alright, can we get off the dick jokes? What is this? Jesus Christ

[00:17:47] Did white jam come through? I said he's close How did we get here? Uh It was like birthday Uh Birthday foreskin Rosa Parks pushing the bus? You get some foreskin Rosa Parks wasn't pushing You get Rosa Parks out of foreskin I don't know That's what I'm asking Four How did we get it? Wow Yeah, that's disrespectful

[00:18:17] It's really close to black history, man That's what I just said I mean I Yeah, I got a buffer We're good There's still January Fuck I got, you know, a couple more months to be racist No I got to curb my mouth First off, I'm always racist Second off Trump is president again Let's make this clear Just so nobody gets confused I'm racist as fuck Wow

[00:18:49] Trump's back You know what it is No, no, no It's almost impossible to I'm entitled It's impossible to be racist if you hate Everybody in every race Everybody Just hate humans Yeah I'm, I'm Humanous That's humorous I'm against humans No bone Third leg It was a fucking peg leg

[00:19:17] Instantly back to dick jacks Peen, peen, peen You're fucking so right I wanna put my peen everywhere We're just fucking children That's all we are We're like, this podcast is important as fuck, alright? They're like, you just talk about peen all the time Woah, woah, woah, woah Let's get this straight, let's get this straight We never thought it was important necessarily That's a big pause on the talk about peen all the time, alright?

[00:19:45] Okay, can we change the subject? That's what I fucking said, how did we get here again? Okay, so there was this crazy freestyle that MIC showed me with Chess and uh, uh, uh, what's that fool's name? I don't know I'll give you another cut and another cut Rock, Tay Rock And bro, it's all, both of them, their whole freestyle is just wrestling references Dope Yeah, it was so It's like 10 minutes of straight fire and it's I did it first

[00:20:15] It's so crazy, like, reference, layup, hook That's what's up, I gotta hear that Punchline, like, yeah, the whole scheme set up line It was like It was insane It was, it was like a grab, throw off the ropes, and then slam every single time Yes Gold dust, stardust Yeah, it was pretty fun He said, uh, all the hearts and... Yes It was, it was fire Yeah, it was

[00:20:45] Have you guys seen anything, anything good lately that we can talk about? Like, music-wise? Is everything good in your lives? God Let's not go there, alright Life's in shambles, it's crumbling, no I'm just kidding I did wake up, so that's good Alright, that's nice Yeah, that's nice Another day above ground, I don't have to pay for a funeral, you know Yep Yep, alright That's, that's a fair point As soon as you die, you got another bill up your ass

[00:21:15] It does cost eight grand to die now Nah, it's like, at least... Don't kill me, I haven't been paid yet Oh shit You know what I'm saying? My life insurance ain't fully kicked in yet Wait till Friday Wait till Friday We're not AI to approve it Oh... I'm fucked Did you guys hear that? Oh, you had a breathing problem, nah, nah, next The AI shit... He's really gonna have a breathing problem pretty soon He won't breathe at all

[00:21:43] His job found out, like, it wasn't hiring enough people to keep up with its growth And the CEO started wondering why, and they were using that AI program shit And it was like turning down more than like, like 70% of the applicants So he was like, well just put my shit in there and then we'll see what happens And they fired his ass And like, like literally, he didn't get hired and he's the CEO of the fucking company They messed up the algorithm and it was only like black people names So it just got denied

[00:22:15] Deshaun, cancel No Cancel Jermaine Cancel He's like, my name's Tom Cancel No Tomas Black last name There's an accent over the O Cancel My name's Jorgen No Your name's Black Oh bro, and then there's these... Have you guys seen any of the delivery bots yet?

[00:22:45] Nope They're like little four-wheeled... Oh yeah They have them at like, fast food restaurants and shit now I think If like, somewhere in the city, maybe, you know I hope it doesn't come to the... But, suburbs, yeah right The burbs Yeah He's like, I mean I understand those things have GPS and shit but... This is the sound of your aurora, baby Like... What's not? They ain't coming to six in chambers, homie They don't have that thing up on cinder blocks

[00:23:14] One eyeball missing Like, danger, danger J5 Help me It's kinda like a little red light pops up It's like... Me Just get shot Ouch, ouch, ouch All I know is pain Ouch Please, no It hurts What's up guys? Oh, stupid Yeah, AI can't come to the hood It's Allen Iverson

[00:23:44] AI's fucking up Ouch, ouch And that's the answer They like climb stairs Oh, this fool, Tesla is trippin'

[00:24:13] Tesla or... Um... Um... What's his name? Cybernik The... Um... That fool Uh... Yes, Elon Musk Mothballs, yeah This fool came out with another robot, right? And this one's even more human-like and shit He's like, this one's like... So there's not a 90% denial rate on health claims? Yes, there is That's why that guy got shot I know, so this one's better Like, he knows what it's doing

[00:24:44] No It's a robot, like, walking around With feelings The other one didn't have feelings? Not like this one, apparently So... This one had tears, dawg Yeah, is this one more... Is it more easily offended or less easily offended? Hopefully less Like, why would you piss off a robot that's... Cause I'm a dick I'm gonna say some stupid shit to it from time to time Landon, you gotta leave the robot slander Some robot slander?

[00:25:15] You robo-sexual I hope you glitch, you bitch If only you could feel what I'm feeling right now Do you have foreskin? Right back into dickville Oh, you're stupid Johnny Coxville Yeah, no, my robot would absolutely kill me Yeah, it'd fucking... Probably be the start of like the whole iRobot Upright V Yeah

[00:25:44] All because of this man Cause he kept roasting this fucking robot It's just my picture, I'm like He he he he he He he he he he And... Oh shit Oh shit And then the other one is just M-I-C putting peen in places No, it's just the word peen in general AI deduced that it... It was the word peen that was the downfall of modern society Of man in general That was the algorithm

[00:26:14] Destroy anyone that says peen Mike M-I-C keeps asking robots if their mouth vibrates What? I mean put these motherfuckers to work God damn it The ice They're like and prostitutes are just losing their jobs Quick question Does the robot come without teeth? Is it fully lubricated? Granny robot? Is it fully lubricated?

[00:26:42] Let me get the gummy robot No rubbish It's so stupid We go straight to robots giving head How did we get back here? I just came back here Does it... The new ones do? The throat bot 3000 Hey man, did you guys see one times one ain't one man? What?

[00:27:09] Yo, so your man Terrence Howard said that we all been doing math wrong Okay One times one ain't one? Yes, yes, yes He said how are you gonna multiply something and it is the same thing One one time But it's still two One One Or supposedly it's the one One One times one Is three main Like zero Like multiplying zero Like multiply... Why?

[00:27:38] If everything is zero, why? I feel... That's what blew my mind I mean... I mean... Math is made up Fuck, I mean... There's a reason why pie doesn't end Facts You know... It's the... Because they keep having it The fractals and the... Oh, because the good lord keeps making it Fibonacci spiral Fibonacci sequences

[00:28:06] No, it's because the good lord keeps making it That's why And we keep taking it All right there Jebediah He's still adding numbers on the whiteboard No, but I mean... I kind of see the point Because it's... It cancels what you're talking about Multiplication, multiplying You know what I'm saying? It kind of... Defeats the whole meaning of multiplying That was one plus one, two And then one times one Because it's one, one time

[00:28:35] Just because you say it like that But that's what it means Right, but just like Zero times one is zero Why is that even necessary? Two times one is two But why is the zero... So, two, one time Two But that's not... Three times one is three But that's not multiplying That's manipulating So, at that point And that is society You could just say that

[00:29:06] Multiplying any number by itself Is it self? It should be false? Or like... I don't know, what outcome are you looking for? You want it to be more or less? More You're looking for more, right? When you're multiplying Yeah It should be more Yeah, yeah, yeah Cutting something in half By definition Right, by definition You know what I'm saying? It's by definition So, if one times one Isn't one What do you think it should be? Three, man

[00:29:35] And why three? He said it was such confidence I think it is No, no, no Do one to the third power, man I mean, you know Now, divide it by two, man If one times one is anything What is it? Two It's these nuts My security is getting frustrated back there He's like, give me the mic

[00:30:05] Tired of y'all fucking around with this bullshit He said, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you You're cool cause it's your birthday And fuck you You're a big sigh back there He's like, I don't even know why I hang out with you guys Y'all ready? Y'all ready? Why am I securing you fucking idiots? Who am I protecting? Yeah, I'm protecting you guys

[00:31:07] That's what they taught you, man You gotta relearn your math, man You're wrong Terrence Howard says you're wrong He said, and I'm smarter than Neil deGrasse Tyson, man It's cause one times one is one He couldn't make it as more God damn The reason why Hey man, they weren't gonna play him for his money Alright? That's a hustle, alright? That's it, fuck nah

[00:31:36] You can get Don Cheetos cheap ass And he'll do this shit for cheaper The reason why one times one equals one is because It's one We're in a simulation The white man said so And a computer can't understand anything other than that Oh shit Short circuit We live in a simulation And it just, that's what makes sense to a computer Am I a zero or a one? Oh, okay, so like Y2K He said that so quick

[00:32:05] He said that so quick Yeah, he did You're a fucking zero That's what you is One times one equals three motherfuckers One times one equals zero I didn't see it Yes he did He just said it was Terrence Howard said it, man It was Terrence Nah, he was like, it's one point something God, I hope this hour is up We're really stretching it right now We can do a short installment, that's alright

[00:32:33] Nah, fuck that, this Terrence Howard shit is funny as fuck Hey, we're absorbing another galaxy into our galaxy That's actually happening Yeah, but it's gonna take like a billion years Eight billion years, but it's happening No, cause we're in a dome What? Oh, there you go Biodome Truman Show We're in a dome alright Viva Los Biodome I still think it's like South Park And we're all just on a preserved planet On planet Blybdeck

[00:33:05] Yeah, she's just It's on Blybdorp Nah, it's test tube number 4558 You're a test tube baby Fuck you nigga My fault And then you wonder why you get threatened I don't wonder Actually you do ask why sometimes

[00:33:34] Yeah, nigga You do ask why sometimes What did I do to deserve this? You're right How's way? And then they'll be like But they're not wrong Yeah, yeah No, you're right For sure That's completely valid At the same time You're not gonna say it out loud Cause I ain't got no feelings Cause thugs ain't got no feelings

[00:34:04] Exactly I'ma tuck it down way into my tum tum He's gonna tuck it in his belt That's what he's doing His temi Trying to go night night nigga Can thugs say schnookums? Definitely not What the fuck? They can't even say snickerdoodle They're like man and I love those cookies Hey, can I get that That cookie that's like Cinnamon and sugar And then I say it Let me get that snickers cookie

[00:34:34] Yeah, yeah That's it right there Oh, snickerdoodle We talked about cookies Nah Nah, man I'll get the Boklet Bim We talked about cookies before Let me get that sugar shit cookie over there God damn it Let me get that sugar cinnamon one There you go Looked like a cinnamon roll as shit Let me get that one It's delicious Wow I'm about to call no other man delicious It's adequate

[00:35:03] No, I was saying the cookie is delicious I didn't What if the cookie was adequate? Oh The company is just adequate cookies The company is just adequate cookies Then it shall be ate again I don't know why we're not just selling through the roof right now The commercial is just like, it's alright They're cool Their sales team is like, well, our profits are just alright

[00:35:31] Sales are adequate Sales are adequate Just enough to pay the bills and get by We're paying everybody We can't give anybody bonuses Unless we have an increase in sales But you guys get a pizza party That's free Because we make the pizza here Like Papa Murphy's We'll get you some adequate pizza Adequate pizza From the makers of adequate cookies That'd be a funny commercial

[00:36:01] Would you eat adequate cookies? No, that's what I'm saying Chips Ahoy? They're just... Shots fired Whoa, hey Nabisco No, townhouse nigga Dude, you got Keebler jumping for joy right now Those little elves are so happy That's his peoples That's his peoples Yeah By the way, you didn't leave the lavaton, did you? Yeah, it did Wow I thought I saw a tree on fire

[00:36:36] We're revolting It's time to eat the rich Yes it is CEO should be scared Not Burger King though Cause they don't snitch I don't know about Wendy though Wendy look like she's snitching Oh, that's a teller It is I know the squealers when I see them Wendy snitching? Oh man She was on the manifesto to Diddy's Island Wow! Whoa!

[00:37:07] That was like three layers right there That's crazy Shit But I'm the bad guy Say goodnight to the bad guy Anybody got any gripes of their gears? I just thought the Spelling Spelling your name while you're eating pussy And then we just thought it outlandish names I thought that was funny as well

[00:37:37] Gotta do it in cursive John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt What? Oh my gosh Start singing supercalifragilisticexpialidocious What's up nigga Gotta start dotting the eyes Hmm

[00:38:08] Tongue punch Tongue punch I got two eyes in my name Fucking tongue Hey She's like did you do something different this time? Yeah I did it in cursive In lowercase j's Did you feel my z? You feel my z? That shit was crazy I was crossing the t's and dotting those i's right? That G yo, that G got some emphasis on it too Your name's like Juergen Von Struzenfelsen

[00:38:38] No no no My name is Krutara Habib Muhammad Jr. Oh, baby, everyone's got the coochie eating game on lock And we wonder why they hate us You said I don't wonder I don't know I don't guess at all It's not a hate, it's a strong dislike They're like no we fucking hate you

[00:39:09] No we hate you guys Actually you guys are funny but everybody else sucks Fuck Oh, thanks man What's up? We just get a personal invite Don't say it Jesus Christ Why are we getting back there every time? Why do we do that? You almost said it Washington Foreskins Uh huh We do not want those tickets Do not send those tickets

[00:39:38] Please What sport is that? Don't even do it Just Olympics? It's spelunking The hang time really messed up my shot Oh Just kind of dribbled I was really dehydrated out there I wasn't playing at my best I wasn't focused My mind was on other things I didn't pull back enough

[00:40:08] I was really dragging skin Oh The rub wasn't clean enough Oh my god I was really dragging skin man What about there? Is that a dragon ass? Really dragging skin man Got a little dry at the end there Ah Dragon skin back there I don't know what happened Let's see what you know We'll see what the judges think Alright

[00:40:38] We gotta be done Dragon skin is diabolical though Yeah it is Is that armor that they used to use back in the day? Dragon skin? Nobody heard that? So if you're ever gonna buy a dog Don't buy a black panther

[00:41:08] The new king Somebody did it? Well that's not a dog Did she? Hey, she should see if she can connect to her AirPods And play music And then put her ear up to the dog She can probably have the beep sound through the headphones Yeah You know what? This dog just eats everything So between your youngest and this dog

[00:41:37] Can you insure like remotes and keys and that kind of stuff? I need to I need to put an insurance claim in the hole I can guarantee you it wouldn't be worth it You might as well just pay for that shit You should get bulk key fobs is what you should get Oh my god, dude Yo, young man put a whole set of keys down the fucking drain Oh, we know Houdini'd Straight Houdini'd the shit Watch me make these keys disappear

[00:42:07] Bye bye What cha cha cha My dad ain't going nowhere Where you going? Nowhere Jesus Christ Have kids they say They'll be wonderful they say I never said that If you want to have no free time and be broke, have kids That's great advertising

[00:42:37] I know I wish I would have known that Fuck I would have been abstinent I mean I wasn't that bad I wasn't that bad growing up Why the fuck you looking at me like that for? I don't believe you Yeah, that's bullshit I'm gonna be honest I was a fucking angel No he wasn't You used to brag about being such a player I don't know That had nothing to do with behavior It has nothing to do with behavior

[00:43:06] If it walks like duck Nah nigga, that has nothing to do with And talks like duck It's a panther Alright, get out of here And quacks like duck I don't know what the fuck you're talking about If it walk like duck and talk like ducks It's Aflac alright Ain't no duck around here What's the time?

[00:43:37] Okay Yeah I'm right Time to talk about something What are we talking about? Same thing you talking about What are we talking about? What am I talking about? You know we just talking But if you had a shoe We wouldn't be talking We'd be walking Especially if it fit Every time You guys got any random shout outs?

[00:44:08] Or things that are I guess Yeah, the unordinary bucket list Items Or things Hmm Let me see my holodex Well I'd like to give a random shout out to Doc Ellis

[00:44:38] The dude that pitched Is either a no hitter or a perfect game On acid Wow Back in 1979 Shouts to Doc Ellis Was he Playing with other people? He's just by himself He's like I threw a no hitter dog 300 balls behind him I wanna give a shout out to LT Was he playing with other people? I wanna give a shout out to LT then

[00:45:07] Never playing sober Ever That's wild That's why he's so good Going wild all night That's so good Sending the other team hookers So they can be tired That is a That is a player That's an idol That's somebody to look up to That's crazy That's crazy That's a crazy mind fuck You're playing A team And the opposite players

[00:45:34] Since Yachting is a busload of hoes The night before the fucking game That's crazy The Giants were tight back then though No, LT was tight back then Yeah It was just the Giants He was so great Yeah, he was the team You can't tell him to go out there and You can't say break a leg You can't say that then

[00:46:04] Cause he might do it Cause they'll break a leg He just might do it Who? Which one? Joe Theisman? You got it coach Brett Park will be getting him Got you Theisman? Even though it's not spelled like thigh Cause he broke his thighs man Never thought about that Joe Theisman Sports Do you guys give a shit about this In-game tournament thing? No Can't say I do Like we're 25 games in

[00:46:33] And you're talking about getting trophies and stuff already? It's not even a trophy It's a check It's a trophy It's a trophy You get a little trophy It looks like the It's a good job You're still a winner The free throw line Oh yeah, it's that little cup shit See they caught up? Look, told you there's plenty of time Anyway There's always time That was pretty good What movie? What movie? Hello I'm Kevin McAllister

[00:47:04] Close The fun Kind of the same voice but scarier I don't know The mask Oh Oh my god Oh when he's about to kiss Kevin Deer There's always time Time There's always Yeah Put the mask up and then There's always I can't even It was uh That's more like an old guy Yeah it was There's always time There's always time Billy? Hey

[00:47:34] Get over here Timmy That's some fucking diabolical It's better to be one of those kinds of old guys than the You guys wanna come down to my basement for some far out trickles? That's a terrible kind of old man to be That's the creepy thing Yeah I'd rather be the Hey kids how you doing today? I'm out running that motherfucker all day

[00:48:03] I'm just gonna be in the nursing home Blasting old shit Just cheeking your meds so you can get fucked up Don't kill it Or you'd be like Branly You take him so fast the nurse is like Oh I must have forgot to put some in there You're like drooling on your soul With his disappearing steak act in Vegas Wow I'm still impressed

[00:48:32] Yo my man inhaled it Definitely not Could've cooked a much better meal at the house for how much we spent to that Well you know Terrible restaurant People wanna go please Nah you didn't bring me a steak at all So paid bills Seabour Yo you seen uh They're doing a live action Moana Live action? Yeah

[00:48:58] Is there any actual islanders in it? Have you seen like the previews yet? Played by all Irish people There's a bunch of motherfuckers with tans and makeup all around in it God I don't know if you wanna qualify him They're doing a live action Naruto with actual Asians in it so that's cool Real Asians? There's actual Japanese people in it Where did they find all that? Not like the shitty ass Dragon Ball Z movie that they dropped Yeah

[00:49:27] With a bunch of white guys Ha Fucking shit Fuck Like Ling Wu Kong is not a white dude from New Jersey Don't Don't ever watch the Dragon Ball Z movie Don't do it Report makes you guys You're good Oh my god I mean there's no way they could make that That movie's like The Ring If you watch it you'll die in four days Joke's on you Oh that was dark

[00:49:55] You know if you don't wanna pay your bills you can just die Kill yourself I mean watch the movie Wow Watch the movie then Done I'm gonna be off killing myself now Ten minutes into that movie A spirit bomb live action That's corny dog It's fucking ridiculous There's like one person that really liked it and they left a review Like five star

[00:50:23] And then everybody else hated it so much Shit They killed themselves before they could rate it Dog shit And so the movie just got like a five star review That's the lore Oh wait It's one review though It's only got one review and it's five stars What? Jesus Christ I wanna be the very best

[00:50:49] No one ever was Done Done Done Actually Pokemon That's how we're rounding out this episode The Pikachu detective was pretty good Favorite Pokemon card In real life? He said card Yeah I'm like hold on I don't know how to answer that Not anime fucking Pokemon nigga Pro Ninja

[00:51:19] That's a Pokemon? Yeah That's a sick ass Pokemon It's a fucking ninja With a pro? And a frog I only know all the ones from like the red and the blue Oh like back in the day? Yeah None of them motherfuckers The red Gyarados The shiny Gyarados Yeah I liked Articuno Hey Or Ninetales The frost Pokemon Ninetales was dope Abracadabra B

[00:51:50] Abracadabra dude And Alakazam Yeah that was the final evolution right? Yeah I think so Abracadabra Alakazam Yeah those niggas was just like Fucking Pidgey And Beedrill Yeah For sure Beedrill was definitely the weirdest looking one Giant I got a holographic Beedrill 25 cents

[00:52:19] 25 cents It's got three peens on it Yeah right I'm not taking less than 725 Seriously I know what this is And I know what I have And I know what it's worth It's our first edition Best Pokemon card ever Fuck out of here little shit For some reason it's the Charizard Holographic Ashes Pikachu I had some pretty tight Japanese ones actually

[00:52:46] Is that not like animal cruelty though? To just have them in like a ball and you only let them out to fight? Only if they're classified as animals Which they're not What are they? How do they allow How are they allowing a fucking A show with Animal fighting But you can't fight dogs Or any other animal in real life? Michael Vixen I'm not sure my thing is pissed I'm not sure my thing is pissed I'm not sure my thing is pissed What if they're in jail for this shit? These things make movies out of this shit?

[00:53:16] It's bullshit They got dogs fighting all the time What if his defense was They're like this is a cartoon He was like your honor Have you ever played Pokemon? Okay I see You got a point So you play Pokemon Go I assume Nigga I play Pokemon for real You're still in balls at me

[00:53:45] Pitbull I choose you Can you just sit there chewing on a jerky stick? Get in Oh fuck Oh my god Shit You know them strange ass niggas Be calling them Them dogs with different nicknames Than the original name and shit Fluffy go What the fuck?

[00:54:14] Unless you're changing into a cool ass name One time I caught Lugia And I named it Smaug But that's fucking tight A Lugia Why didn't you give it Give that name to Ho-Ho Ooh I never caught that one I've never caught any other legendary birdies Shhh You ain't a real master You should've gave it a first name And it should've been Haka Tua No Haka Lugia Oh

[00:54:44] Haka Lugia Evolution is Haktua Wow No Now Lugia would be Haktua Just throw a Pokemon ball at her forehead Pshhh Get in bitch That's how you really kidnap a motherfucker Get in bitch That's how you really kidnap a motherfucker Get in bitch Get in my balls Get in my balls Get in my ball bitch Don't ask questions You too Ho

[00:55:15] Get over here You're gonna fight now Yeah Try to move here You throw a ball at another bitch who pops out And then you start fighting You can pull a health card out of your back pocket It's called Ho-K-Mon Ho-K-Mon Ho-K-Mon Oh my god This is obviously a hypothetical situation Or it could be Pro-K-Mon for prostitute

[00:55:44] No no no Cause then you might catch something And you'll have to go to the Pro-K Center Go get that cleared up Pro-K You're gonna have to see Nurse Jenny and shit Clean this up right now I don't know I got this burning sensation I need this gone now Oh All you hear is Do-do-do-do-do Back out the door to fuck some ho

[00:56:13] Yeah give my dick back Is she gonna fight? It's gonna be a game day decision She's like be sure to take three of these pills Every day And you look in your pack There's like twenty-one pills Whoa Whoa I caught some shit Damn it's not a big one Oh this is really scary I gotta stop rummaging around in those bushes You're lucky you got here just in time Thank god

[00:56:44] What did it almost fall off? Did it almost fall off? It almost fainted Oh finger Yeah He needs to be revived Oh Mouth to mouth usually works Hawk Tua Special Should we get Hawk Tua on I1? Hawk Tua on I1 Please Stat Can I make that BJ's in the Pro-K Center? Can I make that Hawk Tua a combo?

[00:57:14] Throw another ball in And then throw the box out Can we extra slippy slide it? Oh my god Alright we got We got a double Hawk Tua Special Extra Sauce Do you like our special sauce? Woo shit I don't know too much about Pokemon I'm like what happens when you train them? What kind of train?

[00:57:45] I don't think I want your leftovers Fuck that, keep your shit What if you're a gym trainer in the Hokie-On world? Not that kind of train Oh soft train, oh I got it It's not a full train, it's a soft train Okay Call me Thomas I think I can Oh my goodness What the fuck How did we get here? We should've turned it off

[00:58:15] Fuckin' shit Okay So, in this world Sorry? The most sought after Pokemon would probably be Lickitung Lickitung Lickitung Get in Wubble now You used to be 40 HP but not in Pro-K. Alright Lickitung Have you ever tossed a salad? Oh my god Tongue

[00:58:44] Bulbasaur's got the salad You ever been licked by a lickitung? You ever been licked by a lickitung? Swallows You ever been licked by a lickitung? I was gonna say dude for a second you sounded like Robert Downey Jr. on fuckin' Drop of Thunder I'm the dude playing the dude, broke the scars like you're the dude That's how we sound son That's how we sound What you mean son?

[00:59:15] Like oh yeah he's from fuckin' Australia or some shit They gave the only other black part to Crocodile Dundee Yeah Oh my god that movie's great You watch that he's a personal treasure He's a national treasure Oh man Maybe I'll cook something up there I still think putting farts in certain movie scenes Or putting the Seinfeld

[00:59:47] After like something crazy Like in Batman Returns where she's like It's not like you can just kill me And he's like actually It's a lot like that He pushes her out the window Oh That would work So funny Oh Joe Pesci in Casino He's getting beat by the fuckin' bats

[01:00:27] It's hard to beat the fart scene with Inglourious Bastards though Are you hiding enemies? I'm telling you it has to be that high pitch squeaking Just a Pwing Oh my god Is that a fighter jet? Was that a whisper? Did you just hiss at me?

[01:00:55] It has to be It has to be Oh my god Some good ass ones No you didn't Or did we go over uh Fucked up scenes in Disney movies? I mean pretty much the beginning of every single fucking Disney movie Bro, but one that stands out to me is In Angels in the Outfield When his dad visits him Just to tell him that he's like Doesn't give a fuck about him

[01:01:25] And he's like But dad when are you coming back? When the Angels win the pennant Yeah He's like listen You and your moms You ain't cutting it Alright I'm out I'm out And then he just farts I'm gonna go I'm gonna go start a new family Smell you later He gets on his motorcycle Vroom vroom Vroom He said when the Angels win the pennant And then he farted

[01:01:55] He sounds like I'll show you dad Get we outta here I'm gonna go break my arm Or no that's rookie of the year He's gonna break my arm Great movie Right after he breaks his arm Yeah Or nah little Giants When he's like run to your dad Oh wait that's not your dad That's somebody else He runs the whole fucking way there Dad

[01:02:26] Is dad stiff arms You're not my dad You're not my son This ain't my kid It's the wrong field Fuck Field 2 Shit Oh shit Oh shit Okay private pile Shoots himself Only stairs and queers come from Texas

[01:02:55] You don't got no horns PFFFT HAHAHAHAHAHA Oh no no no Major pain my nigga Any fart in that movie are hilarious Any There's no porn Any fucking fart my nigga Oh my god That's a great timing moment You want me gone boy Sir Do you like to beat women Yes sir

[01:03:24] No No Pffft A little bit louder now Did you know what else I heard?

[01:03:51] Want me to tell you the story about the little engine that could again? He's like fear for us no No no no No no no No no no no And we're talking about fart We're fucking kids We're fucking kids What's wrong with y'all? Hey Y'all fucking did it He's out here giving us sage advice It's alright we don't want to waste it all

[01:04:21] We could cut it You know Done it again We're in an hour It's alright Methuselah We can call it a night if you're sleepy You little tie tie? I thought it was Jebediah You wanna go seep seep? We could call it the Washington foreskins You better shut the fuck up Is that a word? It is We're cinemas What's the synonym of a cinnamon eminem? Huh? What's the synonym of a cinnamon eminem? Fuck, three nights in a row

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