When Love Is at the Center with Josh Reeves

[00:00:00] Welcome, this is Josh Reeves with Mile Hi Church in Lakewood, Colorado. Thank you for tuning in to our podcast today for more information about our church. Please visit our website, MileHiChurch.org. We've been exploring a summer school for the soul as a loose theme this summer.

[00:00:21] And so I want to begin this morning by sharing a spiritual law, a spiritual principle with you and it goes like this. When Love Is at the Center, Love Centers Everything. When Love Is At The Center, Love Centers Everything.

[00:00:45] When Love Is At The Center, It gives us perspective. It reminds us of what we really value and what our top priorities are. It can nurture the most serious connection and cultivate the most carefree joy. When Love Is At The Center, Class Love Does What? Love Centers Everything.

[00:01:12] I grew up in a family that loved me very much. But there wasn't a lot of affection I would argue in our family, not a lot of words of affirmation, and not a lot of hugs, maybe at a holiday time.

[00:01:29] And this wasn't my family's problem, I was a part of this dysfunction and this problem too. And this was so difficult that even into my late 20s, if you were to ask me what my greatest fear was, it was honestly saying I love you to a family member.

[00:01:46] Not because I didn't love them, but because it was so unsaid, so repressed that there was a naive and delusional fear of rejection. There was also a fear that had been held onto so long that to say I love you would to beat a breakdown emotionally.

[00:02:04] I didn't feel I had the strength enough to do it. And so it was a divine synchronicity that when I was 14 years old, I was brought to the Hinton Beach Church of religious science,

[00:02:17] which is a part of our denomination in Southern California, which just happens to be the Church of positive words of affirmation and hugs. Right? That's the best word for us. Oh, that's the hugging church. It's hard for those of us who sometimes don't want to be hugged.

[00:02:35] And yes, it was warm and fuzzy to be at that church, but what they taught me in what I've learned, which has led me to be here with you today, is what it means to have love at the center of your life.

[00:02:47] What it means to put love at the center and have it center everything. And it gave me that courage to one day say to a family member, I love you.

[00:02:58] You know what happened? I love you too. See you later. Now we say it all the time. It's very easy to put love at the center,

[00:03:08] but I can tell you honestly there's still this part of me in her child, this associated self, whatever you want to call it, that is unsure of love and is apprehensive about sharing love.

[00:03:28] And I tried to fix him. I tried to review him, I tried to criticize him. I've tried to integrate him, but ultimately I've learned over time there's only one thing to do and that is to love him.

[00:03:42] The most transformational thing you can do in your everyday life is to put love at the center of how you care and act and treat yourself. To love yourself. You know how you are. You know how you respond sometimes with that criticism, that judgment,

[00:04:10] that unwillingness to give yourself compassion for something you wouldn't hesitate to give someone else compassion for. Get love back at the center and what you'll find is that you live your life better, that you re-embrace your wholeness and that you live with your true dignity.

[00:04:33] I love how the great Rom Doss put it. He said when we are kind and forgiving toward ourselves, we are more relaxed and happy and better able to be loving toward others. We have a couple, they were here at the A&M service Keith and Michelle,

[00:04:52] and Keith is this incredible human being Michelle as well, but Keith has a health challenge that has affected his memory. And so at times it's certainly frustrating for him, at times it's frustrating for his wife Michelle,

[00:05:06] and over and over what Keith doesn't forget is a little mantra he taught me. And the mantra goes like this, Keith be kind to Keith. Keith be kind to Keith. I love that. Can we embrace that for ourselves? Let's use it saying our name.

[00:05:26] Josh, be kind to Josh. Josh you forgot to do that thing you were supposed to do. Josh be kind to Josh. Josh, he said something you probably should enough. Josh be kind to Josh. It doesn't mean don't correct our behavior, don't apologize.

[00:05:40] It simply means forward yourself, the love you deserve, to live the life that you deserve, to practice that self-compassion and care. We're talking the spiritual law today of love is at the center, but I also want to teach a little spiritual arithmetic.

[00:05:59] And the spiritual arithmetic goes like this, when love is made part of the equation, love becomes the solution. When love becomes a part of the equation, love becomes the solution. Whatever problem you're facing if you add love, love will become the solution.

[00:06:25] For out, try it. Let's start it with ourselves to recognize that only love creates. Everything else stagnates. Only love creates. When fear is at the center, I retract. When anger is at the center, I am destructive. When apathy is at the center, I only stagnate.

[00:06:49] But when I add in love, a momentum gets created. Movement happens. When I add love to fear, I find courage. When I add love to anger, I find forgiveness and understanding in clearer boundaries. When I add love to feeling withdrawn or depressed or apathetic,

[00:07:13] I find my sincerity and my authenticity in the world again. Just add a little bit of love to how you treat yourself and you'll find yourself being more and more the person you know you are meant to be. When love is at the center, love,

[00:07:33] When love is at the center, love centers everything. Put things in perspective. Help us remember what we value and what our priorities are. Lead us to the most serious in-depth connections and cultivates a carefree joy.

[00:07:52] Nothing better than putting love at the center of your life and love belongs at the center of every one of our relationships. That's the key we know it to meaningful relationship is to put love at the center.

[00:08:08] If you were to ask me who my greatest spiritual teacher is these days, I'd have to answer Nancy June, my beautiful five-year-old daughter. My teacher. Just the other day we're at Jamba Juice. Sweetheart, do you have any plans today? Daddy only adults have plans.

[00:08:29] Nancy's very aware she's very intuitive. We may have an interaction that goes like this. Nancy, can you please get in the car and she'll say, Daddy, please stop being mean to me. I know I'm not being mean but I know what she means. She means daddy.

[00:08:50] There's a difference between getting the car. I've got to get somewhere and get in the car. I want you to come with me. A slight but important difference. Perhaps our children don't so much need to be the center of our attention,

[00:09:07] but perhaps what they desire more than anything is to see us being example of having love always at the center. Do we slip up sometimes all the time every day? Maslow's hierarchy of needs. I'm hungry. I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm not feeling emotionally safe.

[00:09:28] It's not about always being in love all the time. It's a how quick we get ourselves back there for ourselves, for our loved ones, for our kids. A little over a month ago, my family got to spend a few days in the mountains.

[00:09:44] It was beautiful there and we took a very special hike together. None of us verbalized it but our son who's 19 was about to move out and move in with roommates. It was kind of this thing. I think we all understood it to honor that our family was changing.

[00:10:01] How we were family-ing was about to change how that took place. So this is one of these beautiful beginnings I call them. An ending and a beginning mixed together. It was a beautiful hike. 2.5 miles. Little Nancy was a strong, as could be. It wasn't an easy hike.

[00:10:22] There was lots of mud and fallen trees. We had to crawl under or climb over. Our son was leading the way and we would have what I would call good family pace. Have you ever found that in your marriage or relationship

[00:10:35] as much as you fight you really just fight about one thing over and over again? You never thought about that. Our is this pacing. My wife likes to go slow. She likes to be like a turtle. I'm like a hero or gorilla. I like to go super fast.

[00:10:50] Her ideal first morning of vacation is sleeping in. Mine is waking up as soon as I can to take a seven mile run to see all the stuff in the city that I want to do that day.

[00:10:58] So I can produce some tension but we had great family pacing. My wife might say differently. And then we get to this beautiful lake and we have this picnic lunch and it's a soul capturing moment. It's one of those eternal moments that your soul takes a picture of

[00:11:15] and you know at some level in space and time and all of spirit. This moment will always exist where we shared and communion and joy and laughter and enjoyed our sandwiches. And then the way back happened. About 50 yards in, my daughter started complaining she realized

[00:11:35] she did not want to hike anymore. This got mom and dad grumpy and so we started at each other. Our son pleased with us. Please stop fighting which only pours gasoline on the fire because now we are fighting.

[00:11:48] There's a few things I want to get off my chest and for her too. And so way up beautiful and lovely way back. You know when you feel disappointed when something like that happens you can almost become alarmist is everything falling apart. What happened?

[00:12:07] It's so easy to catch ourselves when love isn't at the center. Now sometimes we say things that we need to clear up. Sometimes we need to talk about negative things that happen and make them better. Sometimes we just need to quiet down and get back to love.

[00:12:25] At some point that memory of that day will have to do with emphasis. Who cares about the way back? It was all about when we all had love at the center. And that's what I would say for you and in your lives is love at the center

[00:12:42] of your relationships and you do realize there's a big difference between loving the people you love and having love at the center of your relationship. Aniness nin said, Love never dies in natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source.

[00:13:01] It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds. It dies of weiriness of witherings of tarnishings. It's so easy and fortunately to catch ourselves in the role not of love but of victim in some of our relationships.

[00:13:22] And the role not of love but of prosecutor in our relationships. It's so easy to have blame or fear or apprehension at the center of our relationships even and perhaps even especially with the people we love the most. But there's a simple spiritual arithmetic that can help us.

[00:13:45] Whatever the problem may be, add love to the equation and love will be the solution. Jesus, the master teacher loves everybody. Thank you. Jesus sounds good. I'll do the best I can. Right? Sounds simple. Sounds pragmatic but the way Jesus teaches us to love everybody

[00:14:05] is the most complex and challenging philosophy that perhaps has ever existed. Jesus challenges his listeners. He says, if someone hits you on the cheek, what do you do? You offer up the other one. If someone takes your coat, offer them your shirt also. That sounds easy enough.

[00:14:27] Someone makes you walk a mile with them. Go to. And praying and meditating on this for years. I struggle with them because I'm a believer in good firm boundaries. Please don't hit me. Right? And yet I think the power of Jesus's teaching is to say,

[00:14:45] always keep love at the center. So that when someone steals from you, you can say, even though you've stolen from me, I will always love you. If someone hurts you, you can say, you have hurt me but nothing you can do can make me not love you.

[00:15:03] You can draw me off my plans and make me walk a mile with you and I will still love you. That's the power of that teaching and when we get to understanding, then we can build those boundaries up again that protect ourselves,

[00:15:16] the people we love and perhaps even the perpetrator who's doing something. But it all starts with that willingness to put love at the center. And your interactions with loved ones, especially this week. How can you add love? How can you add love?

[00:15:35] Maybe it's buying a book, your partner might admire, even though it's not the birthday. Maybe before you take your teens' car keys, you tell them how proud you are of them. Maybe before having a challenging conversation where you want to share some criticism,

[00:15:52] you can't count you with some praise and some acknowledgement to what the person in your relationship with means to you. It doesn't have to be a ton of love, you don't have to go way overboard with it just a little bit.

[00:16:08] And when people you love realize that love is at the center, it's easier for them to put love at the center too. When love is at the center, love centers everything. Put things in perspective. Reminds you of what you really value in what your true priorities were.

[00:16:28] Nurtures the most serious connections and cultivates the most carefree joy. Put love at the center of how you treat yourself. Put love at the center of your relationships. And put love at the center of your work, your labor, your everyday activity.

[00:16:52] Boredom is not a true experience of life. It's a sign of defective experience. It's that recognition that you have yet to use love as that motivator, that grand creator in your life. Even if you go to work and you manage all sorts of people we often think ourselves,

[00:17:10] how do I get these people to do and produce results for my company? But what if we said what if my job is to help build confidence in those people for themselves so that they can do great things for my company and beyond?

[00:17:25] Love changes the environment that we work in, that we have our being in. That nurtures and brings forth the greatest of creativity. I remember I was about six months into being the senior minister at the Ciel Beach Center for Spiritual Living.

[00:17:44] And we had this wonderful usher named Buzz. And Buzz had been a usher there for 25 plus years. And in his past life he was a London Bobby. So he lived in England as a police officer and did foot patrol.

[00:17:59] And that's just what he liked to do in the church. There was no getting coffee in there. Anyone have coffee in here today? Good job. There was no, you know if the church was crowded you were moving to that middle seat.

[00:18:12] And when the kids were gathering in the back to come up and share with they were going to share before the piece song. Buzz was there, shushing those children who should be seen and not heard.

[00:18:23] And so this was becoming more and more of a problem wanting to create a welcoming friendly environment. And so I had to pray long and hard about what to do with Buzz. How do you let someone go? Who's been serving as a volunteer for over 25 years.

[00:18:37] And out of a lot of prayer and perhaps necessity because I didn't want to do anything else. We decided we would give him an award. So we got up at church that day and brought Buzz up and honored his incredible service of over 25 years. His commitment, his dedication.

[00:18:56] And this is where he maybe stretched a little bit. His immense kindness. We honored how friendly he was. And this did something for Buzz. He just lit up. And it was a wonderful day.

[00:19:10] And after that, he still couldn't get coffee in but he did it with a smile. And you probably moved your seat but he did it with some love. And nearing the end of my sermon when I usually would start to hear those kids laughing

[00:19:23] I would hear the laugh of an old man with them as well. Buzz died a couple months later suddenly and I'll always give thanks for what he taught me. Sometimes just a little bit of love can change an environment that nurtures ourselves and others to become their best.

[00:19:42] Tick-knot-hong, the great Buddhist monk and teacher. He put it in a beautiful piece he called Don't Blaine the Letters. It goes like this. When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well.

[00:20:00] It may need fertilizer or a more water or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well like the lettuce.

[00:20:16] Blaming has no positive effect at all. Nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand and you show that you understand, you can love and the situation will change.

[00:20:34] The production team encouraged me to put lettuce prey right here at that time. But it's not that time now. Summer school for the soul, some homework today. Are you willing to accept a little bit of homework? Tell me what it is first. Sometime today, not right now.

[00:20:58] But sometime a little later today, take out a piece of paper and a pen or get on your computer. You will be engaged in this week. They could be big, unique things. They could be everyday things.

[00:21:11] And consciously choose how you are going to add love to those activities. Consciously choose how you are going to add love. I am going to be cooking dinner this week. I am going to add love by cooking one of my mom's favorite recipes.

[00:21:27] And when I cook it, just use to do it. I am going to add love to cooking. I am going to put all my beetle CDs and listen to their whole catalog chronologically. If I run out, I am going to win. Just fill it up. Music.

[00:21:51] And the staff meeting I have this week, I am going to go ahead and pause and before we begin. Let's go around by just saying something we admire about the person on our left. You may have three activities you choose. Five, ten. It is totally up to you.

[00:22:07] But consciously choose how you are going to add love to the activities that you are engaged in. And you will unleash the creative medium into your life. See, again, love isn't just sweet. Love is how we set the creative process into motion. Only love creates anything else stagnates.

[00:22:30] And when we add love, we create that environment for creativity for the best to come forward. If you keep doing that week after week, identifying those activities and consciously bringing love to them, you will start unconsciously or subjectively doing it in everything that you do. Here's this opportunity.

[00:22:50] When I see the grocery teller, to acknowledge how kind they are to others. Here's this opportunity. When having my morning coffee to get thanks for being alive. Here's this opportunity.

[00:23:03] When I'm going to go have lunch with a friend to buy them a book or write them a note that lets them know the affection that I have for them. This begins to come automatically and that what that means is you are unlocking that mechanism of love.

[00:23:17] To bring your life not just forward, but to wear in your heart you want it to be and to wear you want to go. To close with some words on love from our founder Ernest Holmes. And then let us pray.

[00:23:34] He shares, love is the grandest healing and drawing power on earth. It is the very reason for our being and that explains why it is that people should have something or someone to love. The life that is not loved has not lived. It is still dead.

[00:23:52] Love is the soul impulse for creation and the one who does not have love as the greatest incentive in their life has never developed the real creative instinct. No one can swing out into the universal without love for the whole universe is based upon it.

[00:24:09] So just inviting any of our prayer practitioners who wish to stand and join me and please know these individuals for those of us who are feeling a lack of stability today because of events in the country or in our life.

[00:24:23] These folks are here to affirm a divine truth about your being, about your loved ones being, about your country, about your world. And so I just invite us to ask ourselves today where am I most called to put love at the center in my life?

[00:24:41] Could be in a relationship with a particular person? It could be in a time of day when we are most challenged to support ourselves. It may be in a work project or in a trip we're about to take.

[00:24:55] Where am I called to put love at the center of my life? And as we do this consciously, with awareness, the power of love reveals itself and begins to rub off but begins to come forward.

[00:25:09] It begins to grow and be nurtured and create such a momentum in every aspect of our lives. That we couldn't believe we missed it before.

[00:25:20] We begin to see that that love was there all along calling us forward to find that courage and our own thought, and in our own heart to bring forth the beauty that true.

[00:25:33] And the spiritual power that each of us is created with and therefore we are creative with.

[00:25:40] I know that the byproduct of putting love at the center is that it centers everything, and that it results in healing, in forgiveness, in self-compassion, in prosperity, in wellbeing, and in reconnecting anything that may have the illusion of being disconnected.

[00:25:58] Because we know the truth is that love never lets go. Holding everything without touching anything, it inspires us to be the best who we are, to live the best life we can and to be an inspiration for others to do the same.

[00:26:15] We give thanks for it. It's birthing and it's bringing forth from our heart into our everyday life. And we let it be. And so it is.

[00:26:27] Thanks for listening to the Mile High Church podcast. This podcast is made possible by the generous contributions from listeners like you, to make a donation. Please visit MilehighChurch.org.