We often think of “no” as a denial, but properly understood, it is a key to creating and maintaining what our hearts want to say yes to. If we can learn to say no, we can protect and create more time for what matters most and learn to be at peace in our daily lives. Learn how to articulate what you are ready to say no to, so you can make more room to say yes to the best of life.
[00:00:00] Welcome to our Mile Hi Church Podcast. This is Michelle Madrono and so happy that you're here.
[00:00:06] Have you ever heard of the Enneagram? It's one of those personality type systems where you learn
[00:00:12] about yourself, and I'm getting certified in teaching it and doing a workshop at Mile Hi Church
[00:00:16] Friday night, June 7th from 6 to 9 p.m. And then all day Saturday, June 8th,
[00:00:22] and you can come to one or both of those, go to MileHiChurch.org to get registered
[00:00:26] and learn all about yourself through the eyes of the Enneagram.
[00:00:30] Good morning everybody. How many of you this morning are feeling awesome?
[00:00:34] Woo! Let's hear it from you. How many of you
[00:00:38] are feeling kind of sort of okay? Okay, you're here too.
[00:00:42] It's amazing the short distance between awesome and meh.
[00:00:46] How many of you are not feeling quite
[00:00:52] enough this morning? Perhaps a little
[00:00:58] unworthy or self-rejecting? How many of you are hurting
[00:01:04] in the place of sadness or disconnection from your spirit
[00:01:08] or what matters most to you? What I want you to know this morning
[00:01:16] is that you're okay.
[00:01:20] You're okay, you're okay,
[00:01:24] you're okay. Feeling good
[00:01:28] doesn't just mean feeling positive. It means feeling your feelings well.
[00:01:35] Balance isn't so much to me grace under pressure.
[00:01:39] It's the ability to accept myself as I am.
[00:01:43] The great Carl Rogers said, when I accept myself
[00:01:49] as I am then I can change the curious paradox.
[00:01:53] When we can accept ourselves as we are,
[00:01:57] we are, we come back into the present moment.
[00:02:03] We allow spirit into our heart again.
[00:02:07] We stop fighting how we feel and we allow ourselves to feel it.
[00:02:13] And there is at that very moment a spiritual vortex that opens.
[00:02:17] A divine possibility where we're reconnected with the greatest tool
[00:02:21] that God could have given any one of us. The power to make a new choice.
[00:02:25] The power to choose.
[00:02:32] Choice when you really think about it is a dangerous thing.
[00:02:37] There's a fragility to choice.
[00:02:41] I can make a choice right now to say something that would cost me my job.
[00:02:47] You can make a choice to ruin a relationship,
[00:02:53] to hurt yourself or someone you love.
[00:02:56] Choice is a very fragile thing.
[00:02:58] But for the danger of choice, there's also the great power of choice.
[00:03:03] That right here in this very moment you can make a choice that could change your life forever.
[00:03:09] That that power of choice is so incredibly creative
[00:03:13] that a choice you make today can set your life
[00:03:18] into such a motion that it can manifest and co-create
[00:03:24] just what your heart is seeking to embody and experience.
[00:03:29] That's how powerful choice is.
[00:03:32] And may be a choice that you need to make today
[00:03:36] to choose love over fear, to choose your sobriety,
[00:03:42] to choose loving yourself over rejecting yourself.
[00:03:44] It may be a choice you need to make today and every day again.
[00:03:48] But the power of that one choice and the ability in each of us
[00:03:53] to choose our way is God's greatest gift.
[00:03:59] The message today is the affirmative no, no as affirmation.
[00:04:04] But before I get into that, I want to talk a little bit about the clarity of yes.
[00:04:10] The clarity of yes.
[00:04:12] There's two ways that we can live our life.
[00:04:16] One way is living a life where we are learning what we want.
[00:04:21] The other way is living your life getting what you want.
[00:04:25] I prefer the latter.
[00:04:28] Living life to learn what you want is about trial and error.
[00:04:32] It's about yum and yuck, and we all need it sometimes.
[00:04:39] But I much prefer living a life where I know what I want
[00:04:44] and I choose what I want.
[00:04:47] Any Larry David fans here?
[00:04:51] I'm a creator of my favorite comedy show,
[00:04:54] Curb Your Enthusiasm and co-creator of the show, Seinfeld.
[00:04:59] He in his early career was a writer for Saturday Night Live
[00:05:02] and he would write all of these sketches
[00:05:04] and none of them would get put on the show.
[00:05:06] So he was already frustrated and then one week
[00:05:08] one of his sketches was chosen.
[00:05:10] It went through all the way through the Saturday rehearsal
[00:05:12] and it was cut just before things went to air.
[00:05:15] Larry was infuriated and he decided to give his boss a piece of his mind.
[00:05:20] I quit, he said. This is all a bunch of you know what?
[00:05:23] And he stormed off the set.
[00:05:26] When he woke up Sunday morning,
[00:05:28] he remembered how much money he was making.
[00:05:31] And so he did what any courageous person would do
[00:05:34] as he showed up to work Monday morning not saying a word.
[00:05:41] Clarity of yes.
[00:05:43] Clarity of yes.
[00:05:45] The clearer your yes, the clearer your consciousness.
[00:05:50] The clearer your yes, the clearer your purpose.
[00:05:54] The clearer your yes, the clearer your choices.
[00:06:00] I invite you to consider this morning
[00:06:03] I'm asking you to remind yourself of what your big yeses are.
[00:06:09] What are your total yeses?
[00:06:12] Those things when you think about them
[00:06:14] or put your heart in them immediately resonate
[00:06:17] and affirm themselves in you.
[00:06:20] What they are for you?
[00:06:22] Love and abundance.
[00:06:24] Quality time with family.
[00:06:26] Creative time in solitude.
[00:06:29] Pay attention to what those total yeses are for you.
[00:06:34] If you want to do something more pragmatic
[00:06:36] so we don't fool ourselves with superficial spirituality,
[00:06:40] ask yourself looking back on this last week
[00:06:44] what did you spend your time saying yes to the most?
[00:06:49] What did you spend your time most saying yes to?
[00:06:51] I said yes to some good things.
[00:06:53] I said yes to Mile High Church, I like being here.
[00:06:56] It's different here and I like it here.
[00:06:59] I said yes to quality time with my family, I love that.
[00:07:02] I said yes to writing and self-care, I did that.
[00:07:05] But I also said yes to some things
[00:07:07] that I'm not all that proud of.
[00:07:09] I said yes a lot to arguing with people in my mind
[00:07:13] on the roundabout.
[00:07:15] Anyone ever do that? Very productive.
[00:07:18] I said yes to honking my horn a few more times than I should.
[00:07:23] It's all well and good until you realize it's a mile higher.
[00:07:26] Like sorry Mary Kay.
[00:07:28] Hey Reverend Josh.
[00:07:31] I said yes to not working from home but working from bed.
[00:07:38] Anyone ever do that?
[00:07:40] Here's our agenda sweetheart, come on in.
[00:07:44] Procrastinating thinking about work instead of thinking about rest.
[00:07:50] If you notice that you're saying yes to things that you really don't want,
[00:07:55] it's a sign to clarify your yes.
[00:07:59] The clearer your yes, the clearer your consciousness,
[00:08:02] the clearer your choices.
[00:08:04] Ernest Holmes and Willis Keneer wrote a great book
[00:08:08] called A New Design for Living
[00:08:10] and all the quotes I'm sharing are from it today.
[00:08:13] They share, no one can tell you
[00:08:15] what your new design for living should be
[00:08:18] nor should anyone attempt to.
[00:08:20] This is for you to plan.
[00:08:22] You are your own architect,
[00:08:24] but some of the plans you have drawn in the past
[00:08:26] may have resulted in some structures of experience
[00:08:29] which have not been altogether good.
[00:08:31] It's a nice way of putting it, gentle.
[00:08:34] You are not going to be supplied with a new set of blueprints.
[00:08:37] Rather, you are going to find out how to be a better architect.
[00:08:42] Your life does not exist for you to endure.
[00:08:47] Your life exists for you to create, to invent,
[00:08:51] to live in the fullness of your being.
[00:08:54] The clarity of your yes will help get you there.
[00:08:58] I'm going to go a little workshoppy here.
[00:09:01] I'm going to invite you to consider three total yeses.
[00:09:06] You want to say yes to this upcoming week?
[00:09:09] What are three yeses?
[00:09:11] I'm going to invite you to think about it while I show you
[00:09:14] three things you want to say yes to.
[00:09:17] It could be love and peace,
[00:09:19] it could be something as simple as I'm going to watch Game of Thrones.
[00:09:22] What are your three big yeses this week?
[00:09:25] I want to say yes to more rest.
[00:09:28] That's my new affirmation that I am making friends with rest.
[00:09:34] I want to be so excited to go to bed at night.
[00:09:37] I want to feel like that blanket is a sanctuary
[00:09:40] and I just want to sleep like a Disney character.
[00:09:43] I'm going to feel that good about resting at night.
[00:09:47] I want to say yes to receiving love.
[00:09:53] Some of you may relate to this.
[00:09:55] I know I'm loved, but when it comes to receiving it,
[00:09:59] there's part of myself image that remains kind of damaged
[00:10:03] and wounded.
[00:10:04] So even though you're giving me a hug or saying I'm going
[00:10:07] to sleep like a Disney character,
[00:10:09] I'm going to be so excited to go to bed.
[00:10:12] I want to feel like that blanket is damaged and wounded.
[00:10:15] So even though you're giving me a hug or saying a compliment,
[00:10:18] I got this kind of spiritual gag reflex that can't help
[00:10:21] but reject it, but say no to it.
[00:10:24] So I want to do that hard work of being more receptive
[00:10:29] to receiving love in my heart and to feeling it in my life.
[00:10:35] Lastly, I want to say yes to creative work.
[00:10:38] It's a great opportunity to be able to feel the presence
[00:10:41] of God.
[00:10:42] Whether I'm writing this talk, then I'm delivering to you now
[00:10:45] or working on a book or writing about an experience
[00:10:48] with a family member, I get to experience this part of me
[00:10:51] that's smarter than I am and I get to feel good about myself
[00:10:54] for a couple minutes and express.
[00:10:56] I love that creative work.
[00:10:59] I invite you to take them home.
[00:11:01] You can even turn to someone next to you, behind you,
[00:11:03] in front of you and let them know one thing
[00:11:05] that you're saying yes to this week.
[00:11:07] Just one thing, great?
[00:11:20] You don't have to tell them your life story,
[00:11:22] just tell them the thing you're saying this week.
[00:11:24] I kid, I kid.
[00:11:29] And I'd love to hear from a couple of you.
[00:11:32] Anyone want to share that one thing that you're saying
[00:11:34] yes to this week?
[00:11:35] I know I asked you three but you only get to share what.
[00:11:37] Did you know?
[00:11:41] Yeah.
[00:11:42] I commit to saying yes to more creative space in my life.
[00:11:47] Awesome, excellent.
[00:11:48] Thank you for that.
[00:11:49] Yes, hi.
[00:11:54] Yes to peace and acceptance of my sweetheart
[00:11:58] and making our lives better.
[00:12:00] I love it.
[00:12:01] Thank you so much.
[00:12:02] Yes, sir.
[00:12:03] I'll just repeat it.
[00:12:04] Go ahead.
[00:12:05] Yes to meditation.
[00:12:06] Yes to meditation.
[00:12:07] All right.
[00:12:08] Ray.
[00:12:09] Not only to holding my mind open to the thoughts with God
[00:12:13] but listening.
[00:12:14] Listening.
[00:12:16] To truly listen, Sakeesh Henderson said,
[00:12:18] is to risk being transformed forever.
[00:12:21] Good luck.
[00:12:23] Yes, sir.
[00:12:24] Say yes to spend more time with my mom who's in from Ireland.
[00:12:28] Beautiful, wonderful area.
[00:12:30] Welcome, welcome.
[00:12:31] All right.
[00:12:34] One more, one more aisle.
[00:12:36] I'm not quite Bob Barker.
[00:12:39] To say yes to finishing the video of my game for Hasbro.
[00:12:43] Wonderful, wonderful.
[00:12:45] Good, good specificity.
[00:12:47] Anybody else I'm walking through?
[00:12:54] Short pause.
[00:12:56] So we've identified a total yes.
[00:13:04] What are your big yeses?
[00:13:06] And I want to tell you right now, I mean this in the nicest way,
[00:13:09] it's not enough.
[00:13:11] It's not enough just to choose the big thing that you want to have happen in your life.
[00:13:16] It's a start but it's not enough.
[00:13:19] What we need to do then is to identify all of those little yeses.
[00:13:25] All of those little choices that can help nurture the big yes to happen.
[00:13:31] Those big dreams and goals that we have are all supported by a million or more little choices.
[00:13:40] It sounds like they're going to take forever, but you actually make hundreds of yeses a day.
[00:13:47] And the clarity of yes is about aligning our little yeses with the big yes that we want to create.
[00:13:54] So I invite you to think for a moment about what little yeses you can make to make your big yes happen.
[00:14:01] When it comes to rest, I want to say yes to getting into bed before 11 at night.
[00:14:07] I want to say yes to practicing more rest on the weekends in the middle of the day.
[00:14:12] I want to say yes to saying affirmations and prayers going to bed
[00:14:18] and not just worried about the workflow.
[00:14:21] When it comes to saying yes to receiving love, I say a daily affirmation in the morning.
[00:14:27] I'm focused on my spiritual growth. It goes like this.
[00:14:29] I am deeply loving and profoundly loved.
[00:14:33] I am deeply loving and profoundly loved.
[00:14:37] At the end of the day, I'll take my journal out and I'm going to ask myself how did I receive love today?
[00:14:44] How did I receive love today?
[00:14:46] When it comes to creative work, I'm going to say yes to two hours on Monday morning
[00:14:51] and two hours on Friday morning and all those little spaces I can get in between.
[00:14:56] What are all those little yeses you can make to support your big yes in taking place?
[00:15:04] One other thing about the clarity of yes is realize that those big yeses you are seeking to create this week
[00:15:13] even if they don't happen, even if you don't meet the man of your dreams
[00:15:17] or even if your marriage still feels like it's a wreck
[00:15:21] or even if you're still rejecting of that love that's coming towards you,
[00:15:26] those little choices you may look back that you made this upcoming week
[00:15:30] could have been the thing that shifted and motivated that greater good to come about at a future time.
[00:15:37] Those little choices are as important and as precious as the big ones.
[00:15:43] Again, from Holmes and Keneer to realize that an infinite artist, the divine creator,
[00:15:50] the cosmic reality is back of and in and through all of our acts
[00:15:55] is to realize the truth which enables us to enter with joy and enthusiasm into the day in which we live.
[00:16:03] Your life is not meant for you to endure but to invent and to create with an infinite spirit
[00:16:11] as important as balance is, accepting yourself as you are to beginning the creative process.
[00:16:22] As important as the clarity of yes is to articulating what it is that you want
[00:16:29] and choosing it with all your choices throughout the day.
[00:16:32] There is something else, something else that I'm calling today the affirmative no.
[00:16:38] No as affirmation and if you hear anything out of this message, hopefully you get a couple things
[00:16:45] but the one I really want you to hear is this.
[00:16:48] Don't use your no to negate but to create.
[00:16:53] Don't use your no to negate but to create.
[00:17:00] In this game of life our goals are the goal and our yeses are like our offense.
[00:17:08] All of those little choices and big choices we make, they create this momentum
[00:17:12] and there's all these aspects of spirit and life moving us creatively to achieve our goals.
[00:17:19] When our no is used to negate it's like playing against ourselves.
[00:17:24] Our no's get in the way of our yeses and set us back
[00:17:29] and when you use your no's affirmatively they come to protect your yeses.
[00:17:34] Your yeses are your offense, your no's are your defense
[00:17:39] and as any great sports teacher will tell us defense wins what?
[00:17:43] Championships.
[00:17:47] When your no works against your yeses you negate
[00:17:52] but when your no's support your yeses you create.
[00:17:59] If you're ever wanting to leave something behind
[00:18:03] use the affirmative no and not the negating no.
[00:18:07] Don't break up with your boyfriend because he doesn't cut his toenails.
[00:18:11] Break up with your boyfriend because you are committed
[00:18:14] your yes is so big to having a worthwhile relationship
[00:18:18] where each of you is committed to your personal growth.
[00:18:21] Break up easy.
[00:18:25] Don't quit your job because it is a toxic working environment.
[00:18:30] Quit your job because you are saying yes to an environment
[00:18:33] that utilizes your skills, that honors your dignity
[00:18:37] and that supports you the way that you want to be supported.
[00:18:41] That's the power that the affirmative no can bring to us.
[00:18:46] Going back to our list of things that we want to say yes to
[00:18:50] and the little yeses we want to utilize to achieve that
[00:18:54] we can now consider what are the no's that I need to say?
[00:18:59] The affirmative no's I need to utilize to help build that momentum
[00:19:03] so I can achieve my goal.
[00:19:06] Think about what it might be for you.
[00:19:09] When it comes to getting more rest I need to say no to that which keeps me up.
[00:19:14] I need to say no to coffee after 1 p.m.
[00:19:17] I need to say no to my phone by 10 p.m.
[00:19:21] I need to say no to working from bed
[00:19:24] even if that means I say yes to giving myself five minutes
[00:19:27] in the morning to worry about anything that I might be forgetting.
[00:19:31] When it comes to receiving love
[00:19:35] I need to say no to self-rejection.
[00:19:40] I need to say no to that part of myself that forgets my wholeness.
[00:19:45] It's okay.
[00:19:46] I just have to say, oh, I forgot my wholeness for a minute.
[00:19:49] Now I remember.
[00:19:51] Now I remember.
[00:19:53] I would encourage this for all of us as well
[00:19:55] is that we need to say no to any criticism about who we are.
[00:20:02] There are all sorts of people in life that have the right
[00:20:06] or we allow the right to criticize what we do.
[00:20:09] That's totally fine even if annoying.
[00:20:12] But never accept criticism about who you are
[00:20:16] because they don't know who you are.
[00:20:19] If someone doesn't know who you are and wants to make a claim about it
[00:20:22] they're lost in themselves.
[00:20:26] Don't ever let anyone insinuate that you're not enough,
[00:20:31] that you're not whole, that you don't shine
[00:20:35] because you are enough.
[00:20:37] You are whole.
[00:20:39] You do shine.
[00:20:41] And remembering that allows us to restore that sense of wholeness
[00:20:45] so that we can be open to the love
[00:20:47] and not waste any time on anybody else's story
[00:20:51] about who we are when it's really a story about where they are
[00:20:57] and their story about themselves.
[00:21:01] And when it comes to creative work
[00:21:03] I need to say no to people pleasing.
[00:21:06] Answering the phone during that creative time
[00:21:09] worried that someone may need me on an email.
[00:21:11] I left something Greg McCown said,
[00:21:15] he wrote a great book called Essentialism.
[00:21:17] He said if you don't prioritize your life
[00:21:19] someone else will.
[00:21:24] Our yeses are our offense.
[00:21:26] Our noes are our defense.
[00:21:29] One more example of how to use the affirmative no in your life
[00:21:34] it's okay to tell God what your boundaries are.
[00:21:40] It's okay to tell the universe what your boundaries are.
[00:21:45] I know it sounds strange, you can't say no to God
[00:21:49] we shouldn't waste our time telling God what we don't want
[00:21:52] to create that.
[00:21:54] However as we know any high functioning relationship in our life
[00:21:58] has boundaries, guidelines of mutual respect
[00:22:02] areas we're willing to go and areas we're not willing to go
[00:22:05] and we get to have those with the divine spirit as well.
[00:22:10] I was talking with a good friend who's
[00:22:12] nearing graduating ministerial school
[00:22:14] we're going to have a great graduation here next week
[00:22:16] Sunday evening by the way for our wonderful graduates
[00:22:20] and this individual had recently said no to a church
[00:22:23] that wanted to hire them
[00:22:25] and it felt a little incongruent for her because
[00:22:28] I said yes to ministry doesn't that mean I say yes to God
[00:22:31] and yes to wherever God puts me?
[00:22:33] And the very clear answer to that is no it doesn't.
[00:22:37] No it doesn't.
[00:22:38] And we agreed that she would write a letter
[00:22:41] telling God what her boundaries were.
[00:22:43] I want to serve as a minister but Colorado or west
[00:22:47] I want this amount as starting pay.
[00:22:50] I want to make sure that I have space for creative time
[00:22:54] to continue to nurture myself growth and being.
[00:22:57] Can you feel the power of that?
[00:22:59] That clarity of knowing what your boundaries are
[00:23:02] and life might push them.
[00:23:04] The universe may test you a little bit
[00:23:07] but that's okay because we're called to grow
[00:23:10] and knowing what you want is also knowing
[00:23:13] the guidelines in which you want to live your life
[00:23:16] and continue to give you peace of mind
[00:23:19] but continue to give you creative time
[00:23:21] and that allow you to meet your own needs
[00:23:25] so that you can help meet the needs
[00:23:27] of all of those around you.
[00:23:30] Balance.
[00:23:32] Accept yourself as you are
[00:23:35] and you open up the vortex
[00:23:37] of the greatest spiritual creativity there is
[00:23:40] even when you're feeling like you know what
[00:23:45] the clarity of your yes
[00:23:48] and the clarity about who you are and what you want
[00:23:51] and your commitment yourself to yourself to realize
[00:23:54] that the only thing between you and your higher good
[00:23:57] are the choices that are going to get you there.
[00:24:01] And lastly, that affirmative no
[00:24:04] that allows you to fully align your yeses
[00:24:07] and your no's towards co-creating that life
[00:24:10] that you want to live with spirit.
[00:24:12] A recipe for living a great life.
[00:24:16] And as we move into an affirmative prayer today
[00:24:19] I invite any of our wonderful spiritual practitioner
[00:24:23] prayer partners to stand and join me
[00:24:25] some final words from Holmes and Keneer
[00:24:28] we should develop the practice of communing daily
[00:24:31] with the spirit that resides within us
[00:24:34] and such communion should be based on a deep inward sense
[00:24:37] of belonging to life, of being a part of it
[00:24:40] of trusting it and having confidence in it
[00:24:43] and of knowing that as we do
[00:24:46] we are sure certain in such degree as we make the present
[00:24:49] a time of joy, of happiness, of peace
[00:24:53] and of goodwill toward others.
[00:24:56] And being held in this sanctuary of prayer
[00:24:59] by our incredible practitioners for those in the room today
[00:25:02] I invite you to give yourself the gift
[00:25:04] of an affirmative prayer with them after service
[00:25:07] they'll be right here in front of the stage
[00:25:09] tell them what you're saying yes to
[00:25:11] tell them the courageous thing you're willing to start saying no to
[00:25:14] and receive a prayer that affirms the truth of who you are
[00:25:18] and yet I as well affirm for each and every one of us
[00:25:22] who chooses to join in the consciousness of prayer
[00:25:25] a divine yes
[00:25:27] a renewal or for some of us a reinvention
[00:25:30] of that divine presence in each of us that says
[00:25:33] yay, yes to life
[00:25:35] yes to choice
[00:25:38] yes to saying no to that which no longer serves my being
[00:25:42] or my becoming
[00:25:44] receiving and identifying that divine yes
[00:25:49] we apply it to all of the areas of our lives
[00:25:52] with conscious choosing
[00:25:54] receiving that the byproduct of this is greater healing
[00:25:58] greater understanding
[00:26:00] greater connection and more love
[00:26:03] if this isn't nice I don't know what is
[00:26:07] to be aware of that divine spirit
[00:26:10] we let it embrace our hearts
[00:26:13] anchor us
[00:26:15] while at the same time moving us forward
[00:26:18] with divine good and divine grace
[00:26:21] and so it is