Making the Kind Choice with Michelle Medrano

[00:00:01] This is Josh Reeves and you're listening to the Mile Hi Church Podcast, Kudos To You for

[00:00:05] focusing on your spiritual growth, speaking of spiritual growth have you had your moment

[00:00:09] up all today.

[00:00:11] Decker Kelpner wrote a great book called,

[00:00:14] and it's all about how A can heal us, a belief does and keep us dialed in.

[00:00:19] He's going to be at Mile Hi Church on November 1st, talking about it, you can join us in

[00:00:23] person, you can join us online, it's going to be fantastic.

[00:00:26] Check out Mile Hi Church.org

[00:00:30] As I said, we're talking about kindness today.

[00:00:33] I have titled this Making The Kind Choice.

[00:00:37] And the reason that I'm calling it that is that I do believe that kindness is a choice

[00:00:42] that we can make and that with all that we go through in our lives and all that comes up

[00:00:47] for us and all that's going on in the world, often it has to be something we have to

[00:00:52] tune ourselves into and choose it every day in every conversation in many moments.

[00:01:00] And I sent an intention for my message today.

[00:01:02] My intention today is to attempt to convince all of us to make the kind choice as often

[00:01:09] as possible and to offer some ways to do it.

[00:01:13] Now, as soon as I started working with that intention for the message, I came up with

[00:01:17] all sorts of ways to do it.

[00:01:18] But eventually, what started to get hold of me is for what purpose?

[00:01:24] For what purpose?

[00:01:27] What is the purpose in choosing kindness?

[00:01:30] Is it just a nice thing to do?

[00:01:34] Is it morally responsible?

[00:01:37] Is it important for our society to be at its best?

[00:01:41] You can say yes to some of those questions possibly.

[00:01:43] But I think there's a deeper purpose for which we might want to make the kind choice

[00:01:51] more often than not.

[00:01:53] And it has to do with our own spiritual awakening, our own invitation into the truth of

[00:02:02] who we are that at the core of who we are and the core of that which created us kindness,

[00:02:10] love, compassion are the core essential qualities of being that are calling to us all the time.

[00:02:20] And when we can access them and choose to unleash them into the world, we can build a better

[00:02:28] world for ourselves and for those yet to come.

[00:02:31] If we choose to but we must choose to.

[00:02:36] And there's lots of reasons that I found is I researched it that making the kind choice truly does make a difference.

[00:02:45] For many years, it just seemed like a good idea, a spiritual idea, as I said, a moral idea.

[00:02:52] But now we know through some really profound research, lots of studies show us that kindness really impacts us at a very deep level.

[00:03:02] Some of the studies I read were fascinating.

[00:03:04] My favorites were from Oxford University.

[00:03:07] At Oxford University what they did is they called in many students and many participants, citizens around the school to come in at various periods of time.

[00:03:16] And they would have them right where they were in their lives with regards to happiness and anxiety and just general well-being.

[00:03:25] They would give it a number.

[00:03:26] And then they would assign the participants to go out for seven days.

[00:03:31] I said six, seven, seven days and every day make a conscious choice to do something kind for themselves or another person and to keep track of what they did.

[00:03:45] And then after seven days they would bring them back in and they would ask them to rate their lives again.

[00:03:52] Well the researchers were shocked that just after seven days of making the kind choice, the ratings were very, very high in terms of happiness and well-being, joy even reduction of anxiety.

[00:04:09] So they went a little bit further.

[00:04:10] They even studied their brains.

[00:04:13] They decided to do some brain scans on them because their theory was can kindness actually change our physiology.

[00:04:19] And gosh darn they found out that it can and that it does.

[00:04:24] They said that being kind clearly boosts serotonin and dopamine neurotransmitters in the brain that give you feelings of satisfaction and well-being, causing your brain's pleasure rewards centers to light up.

[00:04:42] We're wired to be kind.

[00:04:45] We are wired to be kind.

[00:04:48] And so then they went on to report that people reported after these studies huge degrees of increased happiness.

[00:04:58] And it didn't matter whether they did acts of kindness towards people in their lives that they knew or acquaintances or even did random acts of kindness, just making that choice.

[00:05:08] People reported feeling happier.

[00:05:11] It improved their sense of social connection because they felt they were doing good in the world, making a difference in people's lives and felt a greater sense of belonging in the communities that they circled in.

[00:05:25] An automatic sense of belonging even if they didn't do the kindness for that particular group.

[00:05:30] They felt a greater sense of social connection and belonging overall.

[00:05:34] They felt a huge reduced stress and anxiety in their lives.

[00:05:40] That they theorized and they measured this also that when we're kind, we lower the cortisol levels in our bodies.

[00:05:49] Cortisol is a stress hormone and that when we're kind those literal chemicals go to a lower level and we have a greater feeling of freedom and joy.

[00:06:02] And lastly they just said there's an overall positive impact on mental health that people saw their symptoms of depression and

[00:06:12] feeling a sense of woe about their lives and themselves begin to fall away.

[00:06:19] And I would say in addition to that we have a sense of spiritual motivation about kindness that we're wired for kindness,

[00:06:28] well who wired us that way? How did that happen? We were created that way from that which created us into beingness,

[00:06:38] that the intricacy of our system is so profound that that which created us helped us to see and to sense and to feel when we're on the right track.

[00:06:52] When we're doing that which helps us feel grounded and happy and connected why not do more of it.

[00:07:02] But what happens is we do less of it sometimes because we can find ourselves challenged to be kind.

[00:07:09] There's certainly a lot of things out there that can keep us from being kind.

[00:07:14] Can cause us not to make that choice right? A lot of people, a lot of situations, a lot of things we judge as wrong or bad.

[00:07:23] People we judge as wrong or bad and then oftentimes in terms of getting things done,

[00:07:31] people see kindness as weakness. That if you're too kind and you're too nice, people will walk all over you.

[00:07:38] People will take advantage of you. You can't be too kind, you know, because then you might get into trouble.

[00:07:44] You might not get what you want. You might not make that deal. You might not be able to manipulate those people to do it the way you want them to do it.

[00:07:53] And yet, the spiritual motivation to say how can I approach everything and everyone with kindness?

[00:08:00] I think allows us to duplicate the nature of the divine in our lives and multiply our magnetism greatly.

[00:08:10] Because think about it, would I rather be doing business and living my life and having conversations and walking on this earth with people who even when they're upset with me can be kind about it

[00:08:22] or have conflict with me can be kind about it. People who can have kind conversations who don't always agree.

[00:08:28] Kindness isn't weakness. Kindness is an undergirding energy of truth that can allow us to still be the unique person we are.

[00:08:38] Have the unique perspectives we are, having choose the things we want to choose, knowing that our intention is always

[00:08:47] to be kind and loving and never to harm another person. To always be kind and have these conversations.

[00:08:54] Kindness isn't weak and merely mouth. Indeed, what if kind people are the strongest people on the planet?

[00:09:03] Yeah, I agree with that. And conversely, what if perpetually unkind people are the weakest people on the planet?

[00:09:14] Sometimes I think about people who are unkind and they're visibly outwardly unkind and I think,

[00:09:19] oh gosh, if they're being that out there, just think of how they're being towards themselves inside.

[00:09:25] That's very sad. I have great compassion for it. And so it causes me to want to be kinder to someone like that

[00:09:33] who's having a bad day, who's a grumpy bumpy, who's unhappy to say, wow, wow, it looks like you're having a really rough day today.

[00:09:42] Instead of, oh, I'm going to be bad, bad back at them if they're rude to me, I'm going to be rude to them.

[00:09:46] If they're unkind to me, I'm going to be unkind to them.

[00:09:49] There's a new, there's a different way. There's new possibilities when we start to consider and take on the mantle of

[00:09:56] I'm going to make the kind choice. I'm going to live a life that's kind.

[00:10:01] I'm going to choose it. And I'm not going to try to diminish anyone or keep anyone down or wish anyone ill will.

[00:10:09] Sometimes we've even used spiritual perspectives throughout our history to say, well, unkind people,

[00:10:15] it's okay. They're going to that other place eventually, right? Or if you're more spiritually inclined,

[00:10:25] karma is going to get them. I'll tell you that. They got bad karma coming the other way.

[00:10:33] Our founder and his tombs talks about this and I found this a very beautiful and interesting quote.

[00:10:37] He says, because homes and this teaching does not believe in hell. And we don't believe in that God,

[00:10:44] that exists in this universe, whatever send people to that place, homes would say that we've all been through heaven and hell.

[00:10:51] In every dimension and that any time we're in heaven, it's when we're in that place of divine connection and when we're in hell,

[00:10:58] we're in separation. To me, that's the difference between kindness brings me into oneness and unkindness takes me into separation.

[00:11:06] And that's where the hell exists. But here's how home says it, to believe in a just cause of law,

[00:11:13] to believe in a just law of cause and effect, carrying with an a punishment or a reward,

[00:11:21] is to believe in righteousness. To believe in eternal damnation for any soul is to believe in an infinite

[00:11:27] monstrosity, contradicting the integrity of the universe and repudiating any eternal loving kindness inherent in God.

[00:11:39] His belief absolutely and our belief is that God if it is anything is absolute love and kindness towards all beings.

[00:11:49] Yes, I saw the word, the face is pop up in your brains about it. Even them, even them, yes,

[00:11:57] even them. So how do we do this? Here are my suggestions for how to make the kind choice each day.

[00:12:07] The first one is kind to myself first. As I said, those people who are sometimes unkind and wondering what's going on inside them,

[00:12:15] people who are kind of themselves tend to be kinder to other people. They start out with kindness on board.

[00:12:23] Kindness to myself looks like everything from taking good care of myself, from honoring the needs that I have for quiet,

[00:12:31] for recreation, for water, for good food, for rest, for not working too hard, for not violating my own boundaries,

[00:12:40] for the ability to say no, when I mean no and to pursue the things that give me great joy in my life

[00:12:47] and to have time with people that I love and to allow myself to treat myself kindly in ways that matter in the world of form.

[00:12:57] It also has to do with self-talk and that critical voice that wants to get hold of us at times

[00:13:02] and wants to have its way with us and wants to remind us what an idiot we are, how stupid we are, why did we do that?

[00:13:09] And that wants us to kind of go over and over and over those moments when we weren't quite the best version of ourselves or didn't do something right.

[00:13:17] And so we have to be willing to talk back to that voice. I think about if someone were to be rude to me someplace,

[00:13:26] I would hope that I would be kind back to them and not be rude back to them as I've already said.

[00:13:33] Well, I think I have to do that with my own critical voice sometimes.

[00:13:36] I have to hear that critical voice and say, I hear you and that's just not the truth about me.

[00:13:42] I know it's true. I had a great opportunity for that recently and it was really a telling moment.

[00:13:49] First part of the month, my husband can and my mom and I had a chance to go to veil for a few days.

[00:13:57] And we were getting ready to go for this trip and we have these two dogs that when you pull out the suitcases become very anxious.

[00:14:09] I see you probably have pets who do that too, dogs and cats do that.

[00:14:14] So that particular day that we were going to be packing, they were going to the groomers and I had this great idea and I said to Ken,

[00:14:20] let's take the dogs to the groomers, not get the suitcases out, get our stuff together, take the dogs to the groomers,

[00:14:27] then we'll come back, put everything in the suitcase, pack up the cars and then when we go get the dogs and bring them home,

[00:14:33] they'll never know. He said, let's give it a shot. So we did just that, we came home, I went upstairs and packed all the clothes

[00:14:44] and I had gathered all my clothes and my closet and he'd gathered all his clothes in the bedroom and so I packed up all the clothes

[00:14:51] and we put them all in the car quickly and we loaded our bikes onto the bike trailer on the back of the car

[00:14:57] and then it was time to go get the dogs and we were so happy, we went and got the dogs and brought them home and said goodbye and just drove off

[00:15:04] and the house and pet sitters came and everything's fine with the dogs. We got up to veil and we unloaded everything

[00:15:10] and I went to go unpack the clothes and I'm opening the suitcase and I'm taking all the clothes out and then all of a sudden I'm like

[00:15:17] Ken's clothes are here but where am I? And I remembered I never went back in the closet to get my clothes.

[00:15:30] That was a little bit shocking!

[00:15:34] Since I had a t-shirt and shirts and sparkly tennis shoes on and I had a speaking gig up in veil also,

[00:15:43] yeah, no clothes, no minister clothes at all and here's the moment.

[00:15:51] I know that years ago, if and when that would have happened to me, I would have been full of self-criticism.

[00:15:57] My critical voice would have had a field day. You're an idiot, what were you thinking? You're getting

[00:16:03] all you're getting forgetful, it's wrong with you, whatever it might be and I remember standing over the clothes

[00:16:09] and just laughing at myself, what do you gonna do? I mean, gosh, I just made a mistake and when Ken came in

[00:16:18] I went to him with a big smile so you'll never believe what I did and any of my girlfriends that I told about this

[00:16:24] after it happened said, shopping! So the choices where Ken could drive all the way back to Denver and get my clothes or

[00:16:33] shopping! Guess what, when we did shopping! So there were some new clothes not a whole bunch but just enough to

[00:16:41] make me look professional for the talk and to have a few other casual things to wear. But I felt grateful and proud that

[00:16:48] I could be kind to myself in that moment where I made such a big professional mistake and that's

[00:16:55] an indication I think. The more we can automatically feel that kindness coming out of us,

[00:17:01] the more we know we've become embodied in kindness and allowed kindness to have its way inside of us.

[00:17:10] So the critical voice, we have to make the choice, the kind choice every day with ourselves not to let the

[00:17:17] critical voice win. And then we're poised to go out into the world and be kinder to others. The next one

[00:17:26] is also something that occurred for me in Vale and it's called Daily All. Now I know that we've got

[00:17:33] DACA or Kelter and expert in all coming here on November 1st. And I'm looking forward to seeing him,

[00:17:39] I got a chance to interview him. He's an amazing man and he's done all sorts of wonderful work and

[00:17:45] studies about All. And what I discovered after talking with him and having an experience of All

[00:17:52] was profound is how much All and kindness are connected. How much All and kindness are connected.

[00:18:01] So you want to get a ticket to come here, DACA of course on November 1st if you haven't got your

[00:18:06] tickets yet please do. What happened from me was on this trip to Vale when we went bike riding

[00:18:12] Ken said there is a trail that goes along the river in Vale and I said great let's go right

[00:18:18] so we went down and we got on that trail and it was a Saturday and there were lots of people

[00:18:25] but this trail that runs along the river I can't even begin to speak to how beautiful it was for me.

[00:18:34] The rivers there and I could hear the river and I could see the trees and there were flowers

[00:18:39] and bloom everywhere and I was just I loved to ride my bike to begin with riding my bike gives me

[00:18:46] but riding my bike on a trail like that it was almost overwhelming. I was so overwhelmed with it

[00:18:53] that I was crying behind my sunglasses with joy and I could barely see it times I had to keep

[00:19:00] wiping my eyes and I was just so touched by how beautiful it was and there were people strolling along

[00:19:09] and kids strolling along and the happier I got and the more I fell into awe the more I talked

[00:19:15] to every single one of them which is what I used to do as a child apparently so I guess it came back

[00:19:21] and I was talking to isn't there's beautiful and oh it's so good to see you and how are you and

[00:19:27] I'm on your way I'm just having such a great day and some of the people were like yeah oh I'm glad it's

[00:19:34] good you have fun have a great ride and I was like ah stupid Taurus I could tell some of them had

[00:19:41] ear pods in and they weren't there weren't having any of it there was a point when we went past

[00:19:47] a soccer field and there were kids out playing soccer and as a big fan of Ted Lasso I screamed

[00:19:53] out football his life and I know the kids were like who the heck was that? I was just high as a

[00:20:06] kite on life and awe and it was a spectacular ride that I will remember for the rest of my life

[00:20:14] and that's what I noticed the more I fell into awe the more my natural compulsion was just to be

[00:20:24] happy and nice to people even the people who weren't very happy that I was talking to them

[00:20:31] see sometimes we do that I'll be nice to you and you be nice to me I'll be kind of you and you

[00:20:37] be kind if you're not kind of me then fine I'm withdrawing my kindness I didn't even feel any of that

[00:20:42] I was just like if they seem to be unhappy I just sent them a little blessing hope you're listening

[00:20:51] to something fantastic that you're really enjoying on your ear pods I'm hot ah we when we seek

[00:21:03] things out and we all know what that might be for some of us we can have some pretty awesome

[00:21:09] spiritual practices we can lead ourselves into that inner place of the most high for some of us it's

[00:21:16] being in nature finding and taking walks or sitting out on our lab rent here or a lab

[00:21:22] and somewhere it's up at the mother cabrini shrine right reverence of mirror up there where

[00:21:27] it's so beautiful up in the mountains by a lake there's a starbucks over on slones lake and I

[00:21:33] love to just sit there and look at the lake in the city we can find it anywhere in conversations

[00:21:41] in hobbies and things that we love to do in the art that we can create in the muse we can find

[00:21:48] out when we choose awe every day we feed our ability to be kind naturally effortlessly

[00:21:57] and it's not transactional it doesn't matter whether anyone else is kind to us we're just kind

[00:22:04] of them daily awe is an act of making the kind choice and the last one I call transcendent

[00:22:16] kindness it's similar to what we've been talking about and what I experienced when I was in awe

[00:22:22] meaning that I didn't care what other people were doing or saying or how they were feeling

[00:22:27] I was transcendent of the world of form at that point and willing to be kind no matter what

[00:22:35] and I think we need to make the choice to practice transcendent kindness more often

[00:22:42] I feel and I maybe wrong about this but I feel like it's more easy than ever in our history

[00:22:49] to dig a trench deep into our beliefs and ideas and ideals about things fall into that trench

[00:22:57] and then go to war with other people who are in other trenches that are not ours

[00:23:02] and that is not kindness that's war and I'm not talking about war where countries are

[00:23:08] fighting with each other those wars are the manifestation of individual people continuing to

[00:23:17] take trenches and be at war with each other as we have done throughout human history

[00:23:24] and at some point through some people it has to stop it must cease to exist we must stop

[00:23:35] digging the trenches we must stop going to war and we're going to war over things sometimes

[00:23:42] that don't even matter it's good news bad news isn't it on social media platforms we can

[00:23:47] be more connected to people than ever before but we can also judge people more than ever before

[00:23:53] I watch on next doors people get into their trenches about what the right color of your

[00:23:58] grass should really be we go to war over things like that and of course when a political season

[00:24:04] like this is happening we go to war over who should be the next president of the United States

[00:24:10] we go to war over it we say unkind things to each other on social media we post things that are

[00:24:15] unkind and rude we perpetuate the war amongst us and then we cry about the wars going on in

[00:24:24] other parts of the world we can't do that we are a part of the war to whatever degree we've dug

[00:24:30] on dug our trench and I get it we feel the stakes are high the stakes are high they're always

[00:24:38] high of course they are and we can disagree and we can talk to each other and we can share and share

[00:24:47] ideas but if we go to war and we don't do it from a place of kindness I think at the end of our

[00:24:55] election or the end of our life we will regret it because it's not who we are it is in no way

[00:25:05] who we are at the core of us and the reason it feels so bad and so toxic is because it's not

[00:25:15] who we are and so we have to find ways to stand with each other and allow each other to have

[00:25:23] unique perspectives and unique views and unique ideas about everything including politics and

[00:25:29] religion and music and glass and everything everything to really stand together in kindness I borrowed

[00:25:38] something from Reverend Jackie she's very gracious to let me borrow it that's based from the notion

[00:25:44] of the beautiful teacher Jesus who told us and I just will remind us of what we all know he said

[00:25:51] love your neighbor period he said as yourself yes but love your neighbor as yourself kindness

[00:25:59] and he said love your enemy if you've dug a trench I ask you to consider how can I love my

[00:26:05] name this week and what Reverend Jackie shared from Barbara Brown Taylor from the wisdom of the

[00:26:12] desert father and mothers the hardest spiritual work in the world is to love the neighbor as the

[00:26:17] self to encounter another human being not as someone you can use change fix help save in role

[00:26:26] convince or control take a deep breath but simply as someone who can spring you from the

[00:26:35] prison of yourself if you will allow it and so that's what we're up against and understanding

[00:26:42] that when we are trying to do any of those things we are not always necessarily being kind

[00:26:47] that's not always the kind choice and we make the kind choice this week I'm inviting us

[00:26:55] to take on the task of the Oxford study seven days starting today make a note some point in your

[00:27:02] life today how am I doing with regards to happiness anxiety and general well-being on a scale

[00:27:09] from one to ten with one being not too well intending fantastic practice seven days of intentional

[00:27:16] kindness of making the choice kindness for yourself kindness for other people and then next Sunday

[00:27:23] take another poll of yourself see if it makes a difference I think all those folks in the study

[00:27:30] suggest that it really truly made a difference in their lives and I am suspecting that it can make

[00:27:36] a great difference in ours and I'd like to close with a reading from our founder Ernest Holmes

[00:27:42] my favorite reading he has on kindness he says let let us therefore light the candle of love

[00:27:49] human kindness forgiveness and understanding in our own soul and let it shine brightly let us not

[00:27:57] peer into the darkness troubled and concerned because it is so for boating and unknown

[00:28:03] rather let us remain steadfast in the radiance of that spiritual light of truth within ourselves

[00:28:11] let us stand guard so that the winds of malice cross purposes ignorance or misunderstanding will not

[00:28:19] blow out the light let us so live each day that the light from our candle of spiritual knowledge will

[00:28:27] forever be clear and understood not only by ourselves but by all with whom we come in contact

[00:28:36] when we're making the kind choice wherever we go even if we don't say anything it's felt

[00:28:43] it makes a difference let us pray together I invite our practitioner prayer partners to stand

[00:28:49] with me and prayer and know that after our service if you would love some prayer support for making

[00:28:58] the kind choice or for anything else in your life feel free to come forward and allow these beautiful

[00:29:03] souls down front to support you and prayer and in this moment we allow ourselves to fall into that

[00:29:10] inner place of the most high to remember and recall that deep inside us as us through us in us

[00:29:19] as everywhere in this universe is reflected the kind hardiness of the universal presence

[00:29:25] the no matter who we are what we've done where we've been a moment we were kind the moments we

[00:29:31] weren't the moments we felt good about what we did and the moments we didn't all through it that

[00:29:37] unconditioned presence has welcomed us graciously into the heart of love because that is what it is

[00:29:45] and that is what we are we may have moments where we forget ourselves we forget this truth about us

[00:29:52] this moment is not one of those moments indeed this moment is a moment where that divine

[00:29:58] presence is activated in us and as us through these words and through this intention that we share

[00:30:04] together in this prayer for we are united in oneness and therefore as I speak this prayer I accept

[00:30:12] an affirm and see and call forth that divine kindness that God is as us I accept that it

[00:30:22] is unlocked and unleashed and awakened in a way that it never has been before and that we are

[00:30:28] guided and allowed to feel within ourselves the options for us around making kind choices and

[00:30:36] of relationship in every activity in every moment that we are kind to ourselves that we can

[00:30:45] feel the awe and wonder and see it so clearly of this beautiful universe and world and that we

[00:30:52] practice transcendent kindness this day kindness that rises above differences, apparent

[00:31:04] over and over and over again and we are blessed to be making these choices for these choices

[00:31:15] bless us and our entire system our immune system our brains our emotional bodies our physical

[00:31:22] bodies our lives and benefits all those whom we share this life with what a joy I'm so grateful

[00:31:31] to see this, to affirm this, to proclaim this and to accept this as the truth of us right here

[00:31:38] and right now and in great love and gratitude I simply release this prayer into that law that

[00:31:45] makes it so I let it go I let it be it is done and so it is on it. Thanks for listening to the

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