Home Is Where the _____ Is with Josh Reeves

[00:00:01] This is Josh Reeves and you're listening to the Mile Hi Church Podcast. Thanks for listening.

[00:00:05] Hey, December 23rd and 24th are our candlelight services. They are inspiring, revelatory,

[00:00:12] and give you a sense of hope for yourself and humanity. And I don't know about you,

[00:00:16] but I sure do need it. The 23rd and 24th, 1, 4, and 7, and the 7 p.m.s are streaming online.

[00:00:22] Hope you can join us. Good morning. As we move into the holiday

[00:00:29] season, I wanted to address the topic of home with us this morning. And in this message,

[00:00:39] you'll hear me refer to home as the place we grew up, but also as a name for God. And my goal is that

[00:00:48] you can get in touch with what home means to you and perhaps the opportunity to evolve or even reinvent

[00:00:57] that understanding. Hence the title of today's message, Home Is Where the ______ is.

[00:01:06] And I'll ask you, home is where fill in the ______ is. Heart, great. Great. Great answers. Home Is Where the

[00:01:20] Heart Is is the most popular. From the early African American tradition, we get the tales of Br'er Rabbit.

[00:01:30] And in the tales of Br'er Rabbit, there is the concept of the laughing place. The laughing place is that

[00:01:39] place where you can be free, where you can fully be yourself and let your hair down, where you can be

[00:01:47] the soul that you are. Maya Angelou said, the ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go

[00:01:59] as we are and not be questioned. For a lot of us, that sounds just like home to us. But for others,

[00:02:07] that sounds like the opposite of home to us. Because for many of us, home is not where the heart is.

[00:02:15] It's where the work is. It's where my issues were installed. It's where my neuroses were manufactured.

[00:02:27] It's where my idiosyncrasies developed. And every time I return home, I am reminded of their installation.

[00:02:38] No matter how much growth I think I've accomplished, coming home brings me down to earth.

[00:02:48] I think this is why Ram Dass famously said, if you think you're enlightened, go home for Thanksgiving.

[00:02:59] So Josh, you're a what? You're a spiritual practitioner, huh? And you believe that we're all

[00:03:05] one and that there's a divine good operating through everything. Look, look, everybody. Josh is a

[00:03:11] whack-titioner. Several of our whack-titioners will be available for prayer after service in front of

[00:03:18] the stage. Here's some rose-colored glasses for you. Sometimes our growth gets challenged in family.

[00:03:26] Even Jesus was performing miracles at the synagogue in his hometown one day. And a couple of people in

[00:03:35] the crowd go, hey, wait, isn't that Mary and Joseph's kid? Who the heck does he think he is?

[00:03:42] And the people buy into us and not even Jesus Christ is able to perform miracles that day. That's how

[00:03:49] challenging family and coming home can be for so many of us. For a lot of us, as much as we love our

[00:03:59] family members, there's a family consciousness that we struggle with. It might be that we've done our growth

[00:04:06] work and we're done with sometimes that family energy of talking about people, maybe even family members that

[00:04:12] aren't there gossiping. Talking more about othering and dislike for political candidates as opposed to the

[00:04:19] everyday issues that affect our lives. We feel disconnected, unseen, and like we're not able to be our true selves.

[00:04:31] And this sometimes again brings up those old wounds. Because for so many of us, home is not where the

[00:04:38] heart is and it's not where the work is. Home is where the hurt is. Home is where the hurt is. Mary Oliver,

[00:04:48] she explained the idea that we have three selves. The first self she defines as the child that I was.

[00:05:00] All of us are walking around with this child that we were. She shares of being a little girl and her

[00:05:10] father dropping her off at a skating rink and forgetting all about her. She was there all day for hours and

[00:05:19] hours and thank God she ran into a neighbor who called dad to come and pick her up. And she shared as her father

[00:05:27] walked into the skating rink that he looked beautiful and happy and free. I can see even now, she shares in

[00:05:35] memory, what an alleviation, what a lifting from burden he had felt in those few hours. It lay on him that freedom like an aura.

[00:05:44] Then I put on my coat and we got into the car and he sat back in the awful prison of himself.

[00:05:50] The old veils covered his eyes and he did not say another word.

[00:05:56] Frederick Buechner alludes to this idea of family and that one half of them that can love us

[00:06:02] unconditionally, but that other half intentionally or unintentionally that can sting us like a wasp.

[00:06:08] And the sting comes back every time we remember.

[00:06:16] Because for so many of us, home is where the hurt is.

[00:06:22] The second self that Mary Oliver speaks to, she calls our social self.

[00:06:28] I would call it our superficial self, our manufactured self. It's the self that leaves home and tries to

[00:06:37] make its way in the world. And we struggle to make this self. And it makes me wonder when we build

[00:06:47] this self, am I building this self to walk the path that my family set forth for me? Am I walking it to

[00:06:56] live God's calling in my life or am I living it to run away from home, to get away? Parker Palmer,

[00:07:04] the great Quaker teacher, he talks about sharing in high school when asked what he was going to do

[00:07:10] with his life, that he wanted to be a naval aviator and then an ad man. He had met a naval

[00:07:17] aviator. There was a friend of his father's and really admired him and he loved to play with words and he

[00:07:22] thought that his family would like this. So he set upon that path and it took decades of listening for

[00:07:29] the voice of God in his life to realize that his true vocation was teaching and spiritual leadership.

[00:07:38] He shares, our deepest calling is to grow into our own authentic selfhood, whether or not it conforms

[00:07:45] to some image of who we ought to be. As we do so, we will not only find the joy that every human being

[00:07:52] seeks, we will also find our path of authentic service in the world. I was very blessed to find

[00:08:01] my vocation at an early age. I came into the Church of Religious Science as a teenager and was on the

[00:08:08] ministerial path immediately. But looking back, I could admit to you that as much as I was answering

[00:08:15] God's calling in my life, I was just as much running away from home. I was becoming a minister to do two

[00:08:24] things. One, to escape my family and two, to affirm that I would never have one of my own. But it was

[00:08:34] interesting what happened. And again, it wasn't really escaping my family members. It was that

[00:08:40] consciousness of family. I wanted to do something so out of the box, and I sure the heck did. It sure surprised

[00:08:46] my family. And the greatest miracle that ever happened in my ministry, something that shocked me so grandly,

[00:08:55] is the day of my ministerial graduation, mom and dad came. Mom and dad came to my ministerial graduation. It was

[00:09:03] so weird to see these two worlds kind of coming together. And there was a wonderful minister, Nirvana

[00:09:10] Gail, who spoke, who they were so impressed with. And they started, my parents, when I started a church,

[00:09:15] they started showing up. Sometimes early on, no one would be there. And so the sermon would begin,

[00:09:22] Mom, today's sermon is, I hope it doesn't happen today, but to this day, my mom was the only person to

[00:09:31] ever correct a sermon right in the middle of it. I was sharing about that song, A Different Drum,

[00:09:38] Mom listened to it today, and how Sonny and Cher had sang it. And mom raises her hand. Didn't know

[00:09:44] that she wasn't supposed to do that. Yes, Mom, it was by the Stone Ponies, Josh. Linda Ronstand.

[00:09:50] Thank you, Mom. And continued on my way. And when I got the pulpit in Seal Beach, California,

[00:09:57] my family lived close by, and they would come every Sunday. And things were getting so busy that I would

[00:10:05] get to say hi and bye to them briefly, but the family would go and they would have lunch without

[00:10:10] me because I was working and talk about the sermon. My mom took the basics class with me.

[00:10:15] What a miracle. This thing that I had entered to escape from home is the very thing that took me back

[00:10:23] there. It's the very thing, in so many ways, I'd like to think healed my family, allowed us to become

[00:10:30] more open and affectionate towards one another. What a gift that was for me and for them. Ministers

[00:10:43] have a history of not having to have families, right? It's right there in the Catholic tradition,

[00:10:49] right? And in religious science, I said, I don't have to be celibate, do I? Okay.

[00:10:52] Okay. But, you know, it's so emotionally fulfilling. You get to connect with people and you get to work

[00:10:59] with kids. You get to do all this kind of stuff. So I will just work as a minister, connect with everybody

[00:11:03] and then go into my cave and watch Game of Thrones at night. It'll be great. And I won't have to do the

[00:11:09] family thing. Enter an incredible woman named April in my life. April I had been friends with since I was 17 years

[00:11:17] old. And I'll always remember the night she called me when she was 19 years old and she had found out

[00:11:23] she was pregnant and she was doing the courageous work of figuring out what to do. And she had a

[00:11:28] beautiful son named Gavin. And I'd always been interested in April. And I'm ashamed to say this,

[00:11:35] but I was a 22 year old boy. I just crossed that off my list. That relationship's not going to happen

[00:11:41] now. Fast forward about seven years later, I get the pulpit there in Seal Beach. And April lives in

[00:11:49] Nevada has always wanted to live in California, moves to Long Beach, California, and the church

[00:11:53] needs a youth director. April, perfect fit. And over six years, we built the church from 60 people to

[00:12:01] several hundred. We had this little shoe box of a youth ministry. April somehow magically fit 60,

[00:12:06] 70 kids in there a week. And we were ministering together. I was caught, right? This thing, ministry,

[00:12:15] ministry that I had gotten to, to avoid marriage led me right into it. And then there was beautiful

[00:12:23] Gavin. I was working in San Diego before I came to Seal Beach and I was doing what all of us ministers

[00:12:30] love to do. After church, we drink beer and watch football. So I'm 28 years old and I'm two or three

[00:12:40] beers in and I'm outside and the sun is shining in my face. And I go, God, I guess I could be doing

[00:12:46] something more constructive with my free time. Enter this beautiful six-year-old boy, Gavin, who, yes,

[00:12:56] was April's son, but there was also this unique calling there. When he would cry or when he would laugh, I

[00:13:02] could feel the protective energy, the resistant energy of my heart being chipped away. And there was this

[00:13:11] calling, love this young man. And what I didn't realize at the time is what Gavin had for me is a

[00:13:19] knowledge of what family really is and is all about. One day, the church service is over in Seal Beach

[00:13:28] and I'm saying goodbye to people, but what I'm really thinking about are those beers in San Diego.

[00:13:34] Those were great times. Wishing to be right there. And here comes little Gavin. He's walking up and he is

[00:13:41] gotten a little trinket from youth church and he wants to give it to me. And it's this little

[00:13:46] statuette that says, the love of a family is life's greatest blessing. Something I didn't or couldn't

[00:13:55] believe at the time, but was taught to me that day. The love of a family is life's greatest blessing.

[00:14:04] I got to share the impact to Gavin that he's had on my life recently. I don't know if he heard it,

[00:14:10] but I hope he does. Palmer adds, we arrive in this world undivided, integral, whole, but sooner or later

[00:14:23] we erect a wall between our inner and outer lives, trying to protect what is within us or to deceive

[00:14:29] the people around us. Only when the pain of our dividedness becomes more than we can bear, do most

[00:14:35] of us embark on an inner journey toward living divided no more. One half of vocation and your way

[00:14:46] of being in the world is about moving on from home, but it's not complete until the other half of it

[00:14:53] takes place, which is it brings you back there or it helps you reinvent it with new meaning. So again,

[00:15:01] I'll invite you to consider what does home mean to you? And if you don't like the answer, maybe it's time

[00:15:10] to reinvent it because that home is where that child you were has to live. And that home is where

[00:15:21] that social self needs to come back to. And when it's a sacred place, when it becomes not a place,

[00:15:29] but a consciousness, it's then that life becomes, comes together and we can start to flow and thrive

[00:15:39] and deepen in our lives. Embracing home as a consciousness that is up to each of us, I have some wishes

[00:15:49] about home to share with you today. The first is that home is where the acceptance is.

[00:16:01] Home is where the acceptance is. Some of this might be hard for some of us to take. Home is where the

[00:16:10] acceptance is. It's up to us. In 2018, we had a little girl named Nancy June. She's six now and it's such a

[00:16:20] blessing in my life to be her dada. And what she has taught me is the meaning of acceptance.

[00:16:29] I have never felt so accepted in my life than by Nancy June. Anyone here a big sorry person that you

[00:16:40] say sorry all the time? You say sorry for being sorry, for saying I'm sorry. I'm on this people. Are you

[00:16:46] there? Are you here? Okay. Our support group starts 1130 in the community center. I'm one of those folks.

[00:16:53] And you know why I am that way? Because the child I was. Because the child I was. Because I was afraid

[00:17:02] that my presence could get in the way and things because I want to keep and maintain harmony. And

[00:17:06] the last thing I want to do is break harmony and receive someone's anger, much less to express anger

[00:17:11] and start a problem that I'm just so sorry. And so Nancy is the best person in my life when I say sorry

[00:17:18] and don't need to. She goes, dada, why are you saying you're sorry? Just give me a hug. And we move on.

[00:17:28] One of the biggest mistakes we make with home is we try to integrate that social self in there.

[00:17:35] And by definition, we try to make our social selves perfect. Right? And when you're trying to be that

[00:17:43] perfect person at home, oh boy, are you going to fall on your face. Right? Home is that place where,

[00:17:51] not where we get to practice our flaws, but where we get to be aware of them. Where we get to love and

[00:17:58] allow ourselves to be loved anyways, because we're accepted as we are. Fred Rogers said,

[00:18:06] the greatest illusion any of us need to give up is the image of ourselves as a perfect person.

[00:18:13] And family and home is created through that vessel of acceptance, which says, I accept you just as you

[00:18:22] are. Just as you are. There's a famous quote from Ronald Reagan who wrote a letter to his son, Michael

[00:18:33] Reagan had had a disastrous first marriage and then a wonderful marriage with Nancy. And this was his

[00:18:39] message to his son. There is no greater happiness for a man than approaching a door at the end of a

[00:18:45] day, knowing someone on the other side of that door is waiting for the sound of his footsteps.

[00:18:51] In order to have those footsteps anticipated by the people on the other side of the door,

[00:18:57] we have to accept them. And in order to anticipate that acceptance, we have to accept ourselves as

[00:19:06] we're walking up those stairs. Home is where the acceptance is. What does it mean to be a consciousness

[00:19:13] of home? It means to be a consciousness of acceptingness for whoever we interact with.

[00:19:21] Home is where the acceptance is. And I also wish for you that home is where the healing is.

[00:19:30] Home is where the healing is. What is that leap to move from that place of home is where the wounding

[00:19:39] and the woundedness is to home is where the healing is. It takes some of the hardest work you will ever

[00:19:48] do in your life. But what it means is I release every person of my biological and chosen family

[00:19:54] from my grievance. I set you free from my grievance and my judgment and I celebrate the blessing you are

[00:20:03] in my life. As difficult as that is, I have learned in my experience that that is the only way

[00:20:11] to lay a foundation for true, meaningful healing. I release you from my grievance and I honor the

[00:20:21] blessing you are in my life. I had all sorts of judgments about my parents, not as individuals,

[00:20:30] but as the parents that I thought they should have been and should have showed up this way and da-da-da-da.

[00:20:34] That all went away when I set them free just for a moment from being mom and dad and saw for the

[00:20:40] first time Mike and Lori. And when I saw Mike and Lori, I fell in love. I was able to understand so

[00:20:49] much more about why they were the way they were, did the things they did, etc., etc. And I was

[00:20:55] endlessly fascinated with them. And the curious paradox is, is when I released them just from that role

[00:21:01] as being mom and dad, I started to feel all that love and affection that I'd been doing so much work

[00:21:09] to weed out or to be afraid of in my life. There's a book I love, it's called Gilead by Marilyn

[00:21:18] Robinson, and it doesn't take much to explain why I love it. It's about an old dying pastor who has a

[00:21:25] little son. And he's remarking, he's journaling, he's thinking about how his time on earth is short,

[00:21:34] and he's thinking about this blessing of being a parent. And at one point he says,

[00:21:40] I'd never have believed I'd see a wife of mine doting a child of mine. It still amazes me every time

[00:21:47] I think of it. I'm writing this in part to tell you that if you ever wonder what you've done in your

[00:21:53] life, and everyone does wonder sooner or later, you have been God's grace to me. A miracle, something

[00:22:00] more than a miracle. You may not remember me very well at all, and it may seem to you to be no great

[00:22:06] thing to have been the good child of an old man in a shabby little town you will no doubt leave behind.

[00:22:12] If only I had the words to tell you. The irony of that statement being, yes, you do have the words,

[00:22:20] and so do you. You have those words available to share with your family of choice, your family of origin,

[00:22:32] whether it's writing, speaking them out loud, or just being with the presence of passed on loved ones

[00:22:41] in the sanctuary of your own soul and place. We have that ability to share and give thanks for the

[00:22:48] blessing that our family has been in our lives, putting the rest aside. And then we assume home

[00:22:56] as that consciousness of healing. Home is where the acceptance is. Home is where the healing is.

[00:23:04] And lastly, home is where the soul is. Home is where the soul is.

[00:23:13] Oliver speaks to three selves. The child we were, the social self. The last she refers to as that part

[00:23:22] of us that longs for the eternal. That longs for the eternal. She says, knowledge has entertained me,

[00:23:30] and it has shaped me, and it has failed me. Something in me still starves. In what is probably the most

[00:23:36] serious inquiry of my life I have begun to look past reason, past the provable in other directions.

[00:23:42] Now I think there is only one subject worth my attention, and that is the precognition of the

[00:23:47] spiritual side of the world, and within this recognition, the condition of my own spiritual

[00:23:53] state. Home is a place to express our humanness, but it is also the place that can bring forth the

[00:24:03] greater, greatest awareness there is of our own divinity, of our own soul, of that laughing

[00:24:13] place. That place where when we look at everything that we've gone through in our life, the good

[00:24:22] celebrations and the trials and tribulations, where our truest, most sincere response is joy,

[00:24:30] is exhilaration, is gratitude for this thing called life itself. So there is this child we were. We don't

[00:24:43] heal that child by getting rid of or fixing or changing, but by learning how to respond to that child

[00:24:52] and take care of them. The social self isn't complete until it takes us away from home and brings us back

[00:25:01] there to reinvent and uplift. And home is not complete until it has become a sanctuary in which our soul can

[00:25:12] live and breathe and thrive. And in that laughing place, we touch upon the eternal. And the eternal

[00:25:19] touches upon us and we finally experience the full breath and wholeness of our being. Moving into prayer

[00:25:29] this morning, I invite any of our Waktitioner prayer partners to stand and join me. I am home. I am home.

[00:25:45] I am home. And as I come home, I know that I am safe. I know that I live in the sanctuary of God's divine

[00:25:56] beingness. And in this home, I know that what comes forth is the love of family. What comes forth

[00:26:05] are the hard lessons that I've learned. What comes forth is an awareness, not just of the past, but of the

[00:26:15] eternalities of life that tell the story of the soul in our existence. What I affirm and know right now

[00:26:24] is that there is no more space for grievance in my house, that there is no more space for belittlement

[00:26:36] or hurting in this house, that any hurt that comes forth comes forth to be healed, not to be prosecuted,

[00:26:48] that the best of who I am comes forth in this consciousness of home. And by coming home myself, I am a presence of home for others.

[00:26:57] I am a presence for their own self-acceptance, for their own healing, for the revelation of their own soul,

[00:27:07] their soul's work, and their soul's joy. So grateful to know this truth, I head into this holiday season,

[00:27:15] which literally or metaphorically means returning home. May this consciousness of home express as God's presence in my life.

[00:27:29] May I return there again and again for wisdom, for joy, and that deep and profound love that is the truth of who we are,

[00:27:39] the only truth there's ever been, and the only truth there ever will be. I am home. And so it is.

[00:27:51] Thanks for listening to the Mile High Church podcast. This podcast is made possible by the generous contributions

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