Guilt Be Gone with Michelle Medrano
[00:00:00] I wonder if anyone besides me out there struggles with guilt. Feeling guilty? Anybody? Anybody?
[00:00:13] Well, if you do, I'm going to just take a few minutes and attempt to invite us to consider ways
[00:00:23] that we can get rid of our guilt, ease our guilt, heal our guilt and stand in a centered place.
[00:00:33] Now before we do that, I do want to say that I think there is something that I've heard people call
[00:00:41] healthy guilt. Healthy guilt is that recognition, I made a mistake. That didn't go so well. I
[00:00:49] wish that would have gone better. I wish I could have done better. It comes with a
[00:00:55] somewhat healthy recognition that not everything goes perfectly, that we don't always show up
[00:01:00] perfectly, say the right things, do the right things, but that in mature hearts and mature
[00:01:07] relationships, we can acknowledge it. We can even feel badly about it, but then we can get
[00:01:12] about doing what we need to make amends rather easily, have conversations, do whatever is necessary.
[00:01:20] So it's not that guilt is horrible and should be stricken. It's just that guilt becomes then a
[00:01:28] sign, an indication for us inviting us to resolve it. However unhealthy guilt, unhealthy guilt
[00:01:37] is that kind of guilt that even if we have done everything we could to make amends,
[00:01:44] even if we have examined the situation, we continue to feel horrible, berate ourselves,
[00:01:52] fall into shame, not give ourselves a break, feel for sometimes years and years and years
[00:02:01] remorse and a lack of self-forgiveness about the things that we've done or said
[00:02:10] that we wished we wouldn't have and we let it eat at us. And what it eats is our greatness and what
[00:02:19] it eats is our joy and what it eats is our happiness and our energy and our life force.
[00:02:29] And it really doesn't serve us. If that kind of guilt, if unhealthy guilt really served us,
[00:02:37] we'd all be happy and fulfilled, but it doesn't. It stops us in our tracks and it keeps us
[00:02:44] from really living out our full potential. So all of us have those places and situations.
[00:02:52] I invite you to think about one right now. Maybe there's a relationship that you just feel horrible
[00:02:59] for the choices that you made. Maybe there's something you've said to someone recently that
[00:03:04] you wish you could take back. Maybe there's something you've done in your past that you think
[00:03:10] if people knew about this, they wouldn't like me, love me, see me in the same light.
[00:03:17] Well, that may all be gnawing away at your heart and there are some strategies that I think can help
[00:03:26] us begin to shift it, probably shift it into healthy guilt and then can shift us into action
[00:03:36] or shift us into healthy activity that can help us relieve ourselves of some of that toxic energy.
[00:03:46] Because as I said in the beginning, it certainly makes sense to say, I wish I would have done better.
[00:03:53] Oprah is fond of saying if they knew better, they would have done better.
[00:03:57] And so let's start with that. Let's start right there. Take a deep breath and just
[00:04:02] say to yourself with me, if I'd known better, I would have done better. So there's a first
[00:04:09] step of softness and compassion and allowance for ourselves that I think then can open the door.
[00:04:18] The door that gets opened at that point, I think can be leading us to a place of total
[00:04:25] accountability is to say I really messed up. I didn't do the right thing. I didn't say the
[00:04:31] right thing. And it can be then in telling someone about it. They say in the 12 step programs,
[00:04:39] we're only as sick as our secrets. And so for many of us, we have guilt about secrets.
[00:04:46] And I know for myself that my life and my happiness and my sense of acceptance of myself
[00:04:56] in many ways grows to the level that I'm accountable. I may not be able to go back and change the past
[00:05:03] for things that I've done that I might have guilt about, but I can tell someone about it.
[00:05:08] Even if I feel shame, I can look someone in the eye. It could be my therapist. It could be my
[00:05:14] life partner. It could be my best friend and say, I need to tell someone what I did
[00:05:21] and how I feel about what I did and how I'm so sorry about what I did. And if I'd known better,
[00:05:28] I would have done better. What I wished I would have done instead is to let someone know about it
[00:05:35] and speak it aloud. And even though that person may be shocked or even see us a little differently,
[00:05:43] it can be so helpful to our soul to confess like that and just say this is
[00:05:50] something that has bothered me for years. So I'm accountable for it and I can acknowledge
[00:05:56] that I have not done the best thing in my life. And I find personally often one tool when I'm
[00:06:04] really ready to do this is to write it out. It might be to write a remorseful letter to that
[00:06:11] person or that organization or that situation that is in the past. Dear so and so, I am so sorry
[00:06:20] for the way that I treated you or for the action that I took that hurt you or for the way I betrayed
[00:06:26] you or for the way I left you or what it might be. And to write that letter full out if I'm
[00:06:33] not up to telling someone and or if I've told someone and I'm still feeling remorse
[00:06:39] because I don't feel comfortable going to the person or I can't because they're no longer in my life
[00:06:44] or they've passed on or whatever it might be that I can write it out and read it aloud to myself.
[00:06:52] And then I can let it go. I can burn it. I can feel that I've kind of gotten it out of my system
[00:07:01] and can move on. And so that all of that taking accountability and taking steps that really
[00:07:09] demonstrate to myself mostly that I'm willing to be accountable for that decision that I made that
[00:07:15] I regret really can be a first and powerful step to healing myself of the guilt. And then
[00:07:23] there comes along with that and there must come at some point self-forgiveness. A willingness to
[00:07:31] release myself from that guilty feeling, a willingness to love myself. We say in this teaching
[00:07:41] and people say it all the time who talk about forgiveness as a beautiful tool that forgiveness
[00:07:46] is about setting ourselves free. And really I see this as when we get to the point where
[00:07:52] we're willing to forgive ourselves for things we feel guilty about in the past. It's one step to
[00:07:57] really restoring our self to our self. It's like our psyche, a part of us, a part of our sense of
[00:08:04] power is stuck in the past. And when I am willing to say I let go, I forgive myself and do this
[00:08:14] as many times as possible that I can create an affirmation for myself it could be as simple as
[00:08:21] here's one I use for myself. I, Michelle, forgive myself. See how simple that is? Or just simply
[00:08:30] I forgive myself for state the challenge and every time that guilt comes up if I've done
[00:08:39] the work of accountability every time that guilt comes up I have an opportunity to take a deep
[00:08:45] breath, feel it and say I yeah there it is again. I forgive myself. I forgive myself. And I just breathe
[00:08:55] into my heart space and just let myself give myself a break. It's one way to relieve myself of guilt.
[00:09:07] It's one way to move myself forward just to be accountable, to forgive myself,
[00:09:13] to state it, to think it, to write it, to put it anywhere I can in my life to remind myself
[00:09:21] that I'm willing to see that I made a mistake and I'm willing to love myself anyway. Guilt be gone.
[00:09:29] Good luck. Let yourself be free.