GQ Insider CJ Johnson Explains How Learning to Ask Better Questions Could Level Up Your Mental Health

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Make One Day Happen podcast. I'm your host, Shenna Jean.

[00:00:05] This podcast is designed to inspire, educate and empower people to elevate their consciousness and activate their full potential.

[00:00:12] We share stories, ideas and resources that support our listeners and their personal and professional growth by hosting meaningful conversations that spark aha moments.

[00:00:21] Laughing, learning, leveling up all guaranteed.

[00:00:25] We'll be hearing from innovative thought leaders, CEOs, professional athletes, best-selling authors, musicians and more.

[00:00:32] As they share lessons, they've learned along the way and ideas that can change the world.

[00:00:35] So pull up a seat and let's get to it.

[00:00:42] Welcome back to the Make One Day Happen podcast. It's your girl, Shenna Jean.

[00:00:47] And today's guest is a special treat. We have got CJ Johnson in the house.

[00:00:54] He is an award-winning storyteller, content creator and media strategist.

[00:00:58] He's also a GQ magazine insider and he delivers stylish and creative uplifting content to more than 200,000 social media followers,

[00:01:05] including celebrities, world-class athletes, TV personalities, political leaders and others around the world.

[00:01:11] He is listed as one of the top creators to watch and rising voices in media.

[00:01:15] CJ receives over 6.9 million monthly impressions across all of his social channels.

[00:01:21] That's a lot of fucking eyeballs, y'all.

[00:01:24] A lot of eyeballs. He's been featured in GQ magazine, Forbes, Adweek, Men's Health, The Huffington Post, ESPN and more.

[00:01:31] He is the former co-founder of a top ad agency, J&J.

[00:01:35] And CJ is considered one of the leading global minds on the creator economy, social media marketing, brand strategy and cultural trends.

[00:01:42] He has successfully supported hundreds of small businesses to fortune 500 companies around the globe.

[00:01:48] CJ currently serves as a cancer research institute advocate, a Walmart civic engagement consultant,

[00:01:53] Adweek creator, Google NextGen tech policy leader and an impact venture partner at the Founder Institute,

[00:01:59] which is the world's largest pre-seed startup accelerator.

[00:02:03] This man has his hands in a lot of things, y'all.

[00:02:06] And I tell you right now, his stories are one of my favorite places on the internet.

[00:02:11] He's got phenomenal content, whether it's showing the vibes of where he's visiting.

[00:02:15] He's got great photography. I love the things that he repost. They're extremely relevant.

[00:02:20] And you just got a keen eye for content creation and connecting with his social media audience.

[00:02:25] And this is actually, we've been internet friends for a long time.

[00:02:29] And now we're like doing a real life thing because CJ just dropped his first book called The Maguire Method.

[00:02:36] And I am really, really, really excited to dive in with him.

[00:02:39] Actually, the first time that we connected was through Outsight.

[00:02:42] And it was the Core Values workshop. It was like, Core Values? Definitely my jam.

[00:02:48] Love me some Core Values. And so that feels like a lifetime ago.

[00:02:53] And now here we are. You've circled back around.

[00:02:55] And I'm going to let you take it over and let people know who you be, how you got to this point.

[00:03:02] And tell us a little bit about The Maguire Method.

[00:03:06] Awesome. Yeah. I mean, first of all, they sure did hit you.

[00:03:10] Yeah. I feel so much cooler than I actually am.

[00:03:17] I think you're pretty dope. So glad to have you here.

[00:03:20] And good luck following up my intro of you.

[00:03:23] Awesome. Yeah. I mean, first of all, thank you for that introduction.

[00:03:27] Yeah. I feel so much cooler than I actually am.

[00:03:33] I think you're pretty dope. So glad to have you here.

[00:03:36] And good luck following up my intro of you.

[00:03:40] Okay. I'm just going to leave now.

[00:03:42] And that's all.

[00:03:44] And that's a wrap.

[00:03:45] Yeah. I guess I'll just talk a little bit about my book.

[00:03:47] I really appreciate that introduction. I'm really happy to be here and be able to chop it up with you.

[00:03:51] I know you're always doing amazing things.

[00:03:53] So this is, I know this is going to be a really fun conversation for us.

[00:03:56] So The Maguire Method is, I'd like to refer to this as your go-to handbook

[00:04:02] for overcoming today's challenges to find success and happiness.

[00:04:07] It's not a hokey self-help personal development book.

[00:04:11] What it actually is, is something that I always wanted to do is I always wanted to write a book.

[00:04:17] Obviously, I've been able to do a lot of awesome creative things,

[00:04:21] but I always wanted to write a book like a trilogy of like nonfiction books.

[00:04:26] And one would be about money and business because obviously,

[00:04:32] I have so much experience in that from so many different walks of life.

[00:04:35] And then love and relationships.

[00:04:37] And then finally, one that's like self-discovery.

[00:04:39] So I kind of seen this as like the first part of a bigger trilogy.

[00:04:43] So I created this, right?

[00:04:45] I love this.

[00:04:46] I mean, step one is finding yourself, right?

[00:04:48] Yeah.

[00:04:49] So what I wanted to do was I wanted to explore all of these things that we're facing today

[00:04:56] in today's society.

[00:04:58] Mental health crisis is like, it's a thing now.

[00:05:01] It's like the biggest issue that we're facing today is mental health crisis.

[00:05:06] And it's so interesting because this is also the most connected access that we have to each other,

[00:05:11] yet people feel extremely lonely on a level that they never have before.

[00:05:16] Emerging generations are really suffering.

[00:05:19] Teenage suicide is at a really large rate, an alarming rate.

[00:05:23] Men are suffering really well.

[00:05:25] It seems like women are trying to do a pretty good job of really trying to understand mental health.

[00:05:30] Turns out feeling your feelings is a healthy thing.

[00:05:34] Yeah.

[00:05:35] Who would have known?

[00:05:37] Who would have known?

[00:05:38] But yeah, so I wanted to divide something that was easy to digest.

[00:05:43] I feel like there was a lot of information out there that some people can't relate to.

[00:05:48] So I wanted to make something that was very relatable.

[00:05:50] I broke it down into four core principles, which we're obviously going to discuss.

[00:05:54] And I came up with the name of the Maguire Method.

[00:05:57] Why is it called that?

[00:05:59] Honestly, it is because I love pop culture references.

[00:06:03] I would have named it a song.

[00:06:05] I would have named it something like, I love the secret.

[00:06:09] I love the principles.

[00:06:10] And if it was up to me, I would have just had a fucking logo on there

[00:06:15] and people would have been like, what is this circle mean?

[00:06:18] What is this pyramid in an eye?

[00:06:20] I would have did that whole thing.

[00:06:22] But what I did up doing was Maguire, the reason why it's spelled the way it is,

[00:06:28] is I was inspired by Jerry Maguire.

[00:06:32] It's one of my favorite romantic comedies of all time.

[00:06:34] And if you've seen the movie, it's a lot about a man

[00:06:38] who is on this journey of self-discovery.

[00:06:40] He has everything that you would want to have on a very superficial level,

[00:06:44] including relationships.

[00:06:46] And then he discovers less is more and like,

[00:06:49] discovers the beauty of simplification and minimalism

[00:06:54] on a very different way and fighting more success and happiness through that journey.

[00:06:57] So that's why it was just like a tongue-in-cheek reference.

[00:07:01] But yeah, that was the reason why I came up with that.

[00:07:03] The catalyst for this book was that I was finding a lot of success in life.

[00:07:11] I found a lot of early success.

[00:07:13] I'm a bit of a world traveler.

[00:07:15] Again, that's how we met outside.

[00:07:16] For those of you don't know, it's a digital nomad situation.

[00:07:21] It's awesome for entrepreneurs that love to travel.

[00:07:24] And I was in, I had a broken heart.

[00:07:27] And I was, I had two choices.

[00:07:30] When I looked in the mirror, I had two choices.

[00:07:32] I could be either the guy that's like, she sucks.

[00:07:37] She's terrible.

[00:07:38] What's her problem? Her loss.

[00:07:40] Me and my friends were going to get wasted.

[00:07:43] I'm going to find some other girl very quickly.

[00:07:45] I'm going to make as much money as I can.

[00:07:47] She's really going to suffer.

[00:07:49] She's going to come crawling back.

[00:07:52] And that was one of the choices.

[00:07:54] The other choice was, why don't I take ownership of what's going on in my life?

[00:08:01] And why don't I do something new?

[00:08:03] Because I think the other one was a very easy route to take that I knew what the result would be.

[00:08:09] So I decided to transform my life.

[00:08:13] That was taking care of my body in a very different way.

[00:08:17] Taking care of my mind in a very different way.

[00:08:19] Taking care of my spirit reading a lot of reading a lot.

[00:08:22] Doing a lot of research, doing a lot of work.

[00:08:24] As they say, the self work.

[00:08:26] And one of the challenges that I was finding

[00:08:30] was that I couldn't find any sort of literature

[00:08:34] that talked about the things that were going on with my generation and younger.

[00:08:40] And I started to see a correlation in that a lot of the personal development in self-help space

[00:08:46] was kind of middle-aged white men.

[00:08:48] And the advice that they were giving was great.

[00:08:51] But it had nothing to do with today's reality.

[00:08:55] What do we have access to?

[00:08:56] We have social media.

[00:08:57] We have blogs.

[00:08:58] And all of that is digestible in these white-sized situations.

[00:09:02] And the thing about the digital age in which we live in

[00:09:07] is that so much information is out there that you don't quite know what's accurate, what's not.

[00:09:13] And obviously there's something for everybody.

[00:09:16] But I'm an old school dude.

[00:09:18] I love literature.

[00:09:19] I love to basically be able to hold something.

[00:09:22] So that's why this is like a handbook.

[00:09:24] So I wanted to do that with well-thought-out research.

[00:09:28] The through line is me and my experiences.

[00:09:31] So we're going on this journey together as you're reading this book.

[00:09:35] And yeah, I mean when my first copy editor got a hold of it, she was like,

[00:09:41] you're talking about this breakup.

[00:09:42] Way too.

[00:09:42] Who is this for?

[00:09:43] What are you like?

[00:09:44] What is this about?

[00:09:45] And I'm glad that she did that because without giving anything away,

[00:09:48] I think you know this because you read some of it.

[00:09:51] I changed the angle a little bit and I started it and ended it in a very different way.

[00:09:56] So the breakup actually wasn't as big of a deal in the book as it originally was

[00:10:03] because I wanted to make it more relatable.

[00:10:05] Now one of the things that also came up in my research was I emailed Mark Manson,

[00:10:10] the author of The Book.

[00:10:11] So the author of The Book.

[00:10:12] Give me the fuck?

[00:10:12] Yeah.

[00:10:13] Love it.

[00:10:14] He's one of the best philosophers of our generation, hands down.

[00:10:17] I agree.

[00:10:18] Hands down.

[00:10:19] Have you seen the movie?

[00:10:20] I haven't seen the movie yet.

[00:10:20] No, the Netflix documentary, right?

[00:10:22] No, it's on Apple TV.

[00:10:24] I was literally like, am I going to spend $5 to watch this tonight

[00:10:27] or am I going to do that this weekend while I actually stay awake and watch it?

[00:10:31] Yeah.

[00:10:32] No, I know.

[00:10:32] I absolutely should.

[00:10:34] No, I'm glad that you reminded me of that.

[00:10:36] Yeah, same.

[00:10:37] Came up this week for me.

[00:10:38] I was like, oh yeah, I was so stoked about that and I completely forgot.

[00:10:43] Say anything but forgive me.

[00:10:43] Yeah, there's just so much going.

[00:10:44] There's so much out there to see.

[00:10:46] So much content.

[00:10:47] But when I asked him, I was like, what's the number one question that you get asked most

[00:10:53] that people come to you for?

[00:10:54] And he said a lot of it was love and heartbreak.

[00:10:57] So through my own actual experiences dealing with all of these business leaders,

[00:11:03] extremely successful people from all walks of life,

[00:11:06] there was just always this need of being seen and heard.

[00:11:12] And in our careers and our work life is so tied to our personal life in a way that

[00:11:19] it's kind of silly to separate the two.

[00:11:22] I think that's sort of a right.

[00:11:23] That's kind of the law.

[00:11:24] Yeah, that is like literally the core tenant of my, I'm writing a book, my book and

[00:11:29] my work is like we compartmentalize.

[00:11:32] We separate personal and professional development and it's fucking bullshit.

[00:11:36] The sooner that we bring it all together and recognize that what's

[00:11:39] showing up in one is showing up in the other and vice versa,

[00:11:42] then you accelerate your performance in all areas.

[00:11:44] Agreed.

[00:11:45] And I'm assuming the assumption would be that it's a generational thing.

[00:11:51] Yeah.

[00:11:51] And obviously our generation is saying that like,

[00:11:54] which is the reason why remote work is such a big deal because younger

[00:11:58] generations are like, well, I don't want to go into the office anymore.

[00:12:00] I want to travel around the world.

[00:12:02] I want to be able to see the, I'll take less money to do that.

[00:12:04] Have the freedom.

[00:12:05] Right.

[00:12:06] And then older generations are like, well, but you haven't learned the social skills

[00:12:12] yet that you need to thrive in the world.

[00:12:15] That's why we need you here at office.

[00:12:17] And those, both the philosophies are actually both accurate and correct.

[00:12:21] It's just that like you said, we're seeing it as two separate verticals.

[00:12:25] But you know, the most of your life is going to be lived at work.

[00:12:30] Exactly.

[00:12:31] So work is a huge deal.

[00:12:33] Huge deal?

[00:12:34] Right.

[00:12:34] It's a huge, huge deal.

[00:12:36] Huge deal.

[00:12:37] Huge.

[00:12:41] Oh, that guy's good for something I suppose.

[00:12:44] Yeah.

[00:12:46] You've said so many things that I actually, there's a couple of things that I want to

[00:12:49] circle back to.

[00:12:50] I'm part of the divorcee club too.

[00:12:52] Just beautiful things that come from heartbreak and divorce.

[00:12:56] And there is, there's kind of two roads that you get to pick in that situation

[00:13:02] that the world makes it very easy to choose option one.

[00:13:06] Oh, fuck him.

[00:13:06] Absolutely.

[00:13:07] He's a piece of shit.

[00:13:08] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[00:13:10] Or for me it was this actually I want to understand what, because we're co-creators

[00:13:16] in everything, whether it's a marriage, a business, our life.

[00:13:20] And it's like, what is the shit that I was bringing to the table that I couldn't

[00:13:23] see for myself and what do I need to shift so that I never have, there were some

[00:13:27] beautiful things about that relationship for sure.

[00:13:29] And I never want to show up like this in a relationship ever again.

[00:13:33] Absolutely.

[00:13:34] I want to be completely, I want to heal the shit that I just uncovered in this mess

[00:13:38] that did not work out.

[00:13:39] That was the most beautiful mess that I needed.

[00:13:41] However, not what I am choosing to stay in and what needs to shift from there.

[00:13:47] And so I really resonate with that part of your journey because the world

[00:13:52] really wants you to be bitter and cynical and drag that person through the mud.

[00:13:59] Oh yeah.

[00:14:00] Oh yeah.

[00:14:01] All, you know, like, ew divorce and make it the thing.

[00:14:04] And it's like actually that doesn't have to be like that.

[00:14:07] It really doesn't.

[00:14:09] It doesn't have to be like that.

[00:14:10] And that's the way I start my book.

[00:14:12] My book is that you have choices.

[00:14:14] You have in fact, you make thousands of choices every single day.

[00:14:18] And what we do, and again, I obviously explore this in the book

[00:14:22] and give you some ways and how you can combat that.

[00:14:26] But what you're referring to is literally the difference between a scarcity mindset

[00:14:32] and a growth mindset.

[00:14:33] And that scarcity mindset is taking ownership of these labels and narratives and the stories

[00:14:39] that we hear, the stories and experiences that we see.

[00:14:42] And we forget the growth aspect, which is there's obviously more to this story.

[00:14:48] So when you decide that you want to be the main character, that you are the protagonist

[00:14:53] and not in this bullshit way where you see the memes and you're like, yeah, yeah, you know, whatever.

[00:14:59] Fuck him.

[00:15:00] I need it in a way of like you being open to change and open to seeing different perspectives of things.

[00:15:08] And I think that's something that I also explore in the book as well.

[00:15:10] But we live in a culture now where there's a lot of virtue signaling going on.

[00:15:14] And there's a lot of people that like we take ownership of ego and the narrative

[00:15:18] in a way that we never have throughout history.

[00:15:21] It just was not a thing now.

[00:15:23] It's a thing now.

[00:15:24] It wasn't back then.

[00:15:25] So when you talk about that, some people are like, well, are you trying to tell me your side

[00:15:30] because they're trying to persuade me to go to your side?

[00:15:32] It's like, dude, there has to be a level of coexistence and acceptance.

[00:15:37] If somebody can rock you from your own values and your own principles,

[00:15:42] then they weren't really solidified in the first place.

[00:15:45] Right.

[00:15:45] Which, right.

[00:15:47] Right.

[00:15:47] So that's not another person.

[00:15:49] That's on you.

[00:15:49] So for you to get offended and taking this so personal because I disagree with you.

[00:15:56] What are you getting at?

[00:15:57] What are you, who are you upset with?

[00:15:59] Right.

[00:15:59] I mean that right there speaks to the four things that CJ really goes into in his book

[00:16:04] for those of you listening.

[00:16:06] I love how simple this is.

[00:16:08] I love how simple this is because even in my own frameworks and what I teach,

[00:16:12] I'm thought reprogramming and energy hygiene and people are like, what is it?

[00:16:16] I'm like, I promise.

[00:16:17] It's really dope.

[00:16:18] And you're so simple, sir.

[00:16:22] It's simply this, right?

[00:16:23] Number one, questions.

[00:16:25] Number two, reflections.

[00:16:26] Number three, actions.

[00:16:28] Number four, habits and the best answers come from the best questions.

[00:16:32] And so even starting with the question of how do you want to show up in this breakup?

[00:16:38] How do you want to show up in this outbreak?

[00:16:39] Absolutely.

[00:16:40] How do you want to be on the other side of this?

[00:16:43] Right.

[00:16:43] Yeah.

[00:16:44] The quality of questions are going to determine the quality of our answers.

[00:16:47] And when we start asking different questions, we start getting different realities that we

[00:16:52] get to create for ourselves.

[00:16:53] Oh, absolutely.

[00:16:54] To be honest with you, exactly what you said, when you're able to do that,

[00:16:58] there is a level of like a hack because I know that's like, I try not to say that a lot,

[00:17:04] but everybody's always looking for a life hack and a shortcut.

[00:17:06] But the shortcut is asking better questions.

[00:17:09] So there are bad questions, right?

[00:17:10] There's good questions and there's great questions.

[00:17:13] So the difference between all three is that, for example, a breakup,

[00:17:17] a bad question is what did I do wrong?

[00:17:20] And like, what's wrong with them for them not seeing the value in which I have?

[00:17:25] A good question is, okay, well now that they're not here, like, you know, what can I do?

[00:17:30] And the reason why that's just a good question and not a great question is because it's too vague.

[00:17:35] Now, a great question is, you know, what was it that I really enjoyed about that person?

[00:17:41] What is it that I'm trying to attract next?

[00:17:44] Or do you be even more specific?

[00:17:46] What's the one thing that I always wanted to do that I couldn't because they wouldn't,

[00:17:49] they weren't into it that I can do now.

[00:17:51] And that one is a great question because that gives you something specific of a goal

[00:17:57] and an actionable step to take.

[00:17:59] And that's the way that we want to see it.

[00:18:01] And we want to do it in a healthy way.

[00:18:04] And again, we're all on our own journey.

[00:18:05] We're all going to like, like this isn't a guide to be perfect and nothing's ever going

[00:18:09] to be perfect.

[00:18:10] It's dealing with the imperfections of life and being okay with that and having a level

[00:18:15] of acceptance and pride, you know, on days that you feel like shit inside the end of the world.

[00:18:21] You know, when you're upset with somebody, it's not the end of the world.

[00:18:23] It's not a make or break situation.

[00:18:25] The life isn't breaking you.

[00:18:28] Nobody's out to get you, but it rains.

[00:18:29] It doesn't pour.

[00:18:30] That's not the way that we look at things.

[00:18:32] When it rains and pours, dance to the rain.

[00:18:34] It's as simple as that.

[00:18:36] Or stay inside of Cozia with the book.

[00:18:38] Yeah.

[00:18:40] Yeah, there's so much of, you know, the shift in mindset that I always am grounding myself in.

[00:18:50] My clients, people that I work with in is like, how do we get out of like this is happening to me

[00:18:54] and to why is this happening for me?

[00:18:56] What is here for me to glean from this?

[00:19:00] What am I taking away?

[00:19:01] And I think especially in heartbreak it's so easy to be like, it's what they did.

[00:19:06] And I wasn't getting this and I wasn't getting this.

[00:19:09] And it's like, well, that person's no longer here and what are you left with?

[00:19:13] Right?

[00:19:14] Oh my God.

[00:19:14] Well, you know, I always tell people this and it's like, obviously there's,

[00:19:18] I'm not talking about extreme situations of like abuse or anything like that.

[00:19:21] But when you date somebody, you break up and then you trash them.

[00:19:24] You know, that says a lot about you as well because it's like, I'm a boy in time.

[00:19:28] You know, you work like into me with that.

[00:19:30] Yeah.

[00:19:30] You were all about it there for a while.

[00:19:33] You're all about it until it didn't work out.

[00:19:35] So maybe, so maybe you're giving yourself more grace, not giving them a pass.

[00:19:41] But you're giving yourself more grace because you're like, okay,

[00:19:44] well there's something about that that I liked and maybe I don't like that anymore.

[00:19:47] Maybe I do like that.

[00:19:48] I just didn't like that with that person.

[00:19:50] And that's like a better way of exploratory exploration.

[00:19:56] So for me, when I was thinking of these principles, I essentially was like,

[00:20:00] okay, where are the things that you can do?

[00:20:03] And then like you were just saying, I can give you the complexities and the steps

[00:20:08] and the challenges and why it's hard to do some of these things

[00:20:11] and why you can make it easy to apply to your everyday life.

[00:20:14] So when we talk about questions, it's obviously like talking about questions

[00:20:18] from the perspective of you understand your principles,

[00:20:21] you understand your core values, you understand who you are,

[00:20:24] you understand what you want.

[00:20:25] And then the second part of that with the reflections is taking the time to be

[00:20:29] self-aware.

[00:20:30] And when you're asking questions, I want you to ask questions of yourself

[00:20:34] and ask questions of your environment and the world around you.

[00:20:38] Think about this.

[00:20:40] What would you say right now is people's biggest fear today?

[00:20:45] Oh, I mean, there's just so many.

[00:20:48] There's so many.

[00:20:49] There's so many.

[00:20:52] Not clouds.

[00:20:54] Not clouds.

[00:20:54] Did you say clouds?

[00:20:56] I'm not clouds.

[00:20:57] Not clouds.

[00:20:57] Oh, clouds.

[00:20:58] The answer is clouds.

[00:20:59] I mean, that's definitely right up there on my list.

[00:21:01] That's a really interesting question.

[00:21:06] I guess I would say probably somewhere in the realm of survival.

[00:21:11] I feel like there's a lot of am I going to make it survival

[00:21:16] scarcity energy that here keeps us in would be where my brain's going first.

[00:21:21] But I'm curious to hear what-

[00:21:22] That's interesting.

[00:21:22] I think that ties into the answer.

[00:21:25] Statistically, it's being alone with your thoughts for 15 minutes.

[00:21:30] People are more afraid to be alone with their thoughts for 15 minutes than they are of dying,

[00:21:35] that they are like clouds and snakes and spiders, which is being alone with their thoughts.

[00:21:40] So when we talk about reflection for somebody like yourself,

[00:21:44] obviously you're doing breath work, you meditate.

[00:21:48] It's a discipline that you learned over time.

[00:21:50] But some people are so scared to learn the discipline.

[00:21:54] And that is the reason why we have to ask questions.

[00:21:56] Because when we ask questions, we're reframing things.

[00:21:59] And it's like, what's the big deal to take 15 minutes every day to meditate?

[00:22:05] Well, because, you know, okay, great.

[00:22:07] Ask yourself why that's such a big deal for you.

[00:22:09] Like who's stopping you from doing that?

[00:22:12] I don't have enough time.

[00:22:12] You don't have 15 minutes out of your day.

[00:22:14] What about 10?

[00:22:15] What about five?

[00:22:17] And by the way, what is meditation to you?

[00:22:20] Are you asking yourself what meditation is?

[00:22:22] Because you know, meditation is just honestly just being still and thinking

[00:22:27] and being still and being present.

[00:22:29] And even if you are overthinking, if you do it over time, as you know, you know this,

[00:22:35] it's not going to be ruminating as much.

[00:22:37] Yep.

[00:22:38] And so again, if you ask questions and then you reflect,

[00:22:41] and then that third principle is action, taking bold action.

[00:22:45] I really want to do examine the actions that would really give you the opportunity

[00:22:50] to thrive, right?

[00:22:51] Not survive, but thrive.

[00:22:53] And then the fourth and final and toughest principle there is, is habits.

[00:22:59] Now I think anybody would understand if you have a good healthy habitual routine,

[00:23:04] you're going to find success, you're going to find happiness.

[00:23:06] Of course, it's hard to do why because we don't see immediate results.

[00:23:10] Why is that a big deal?

[00:23:11] Because we live in a world now where we get immediate,

[00:23:13] swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe.

[00:23:17] It's here now.

[00:23:18] Click.

[00:23:18] Done.

[00:23:20] It's here now.

[00:23:20] Here is my drone delivering my Amazon product.

[00:23:22] There's my five course meal in the microwave.

[00:23:26] We live, it's the microwave society.

[00:23:28] We have everything in the society.

[00:23:30] You can swipe for anything.

[00:23:32] So it seems like you're doing something wrong when it takes time,

[00:23:36] when in reality it's supposed to take time.

[00:23:39] I always tell this to people, I go the things that you want the most in life

[00:23:42] are always going to be the hardest to get.

[00:23:44] So if you think for one moment that you're going to like swipe right,

[00:23:48] fall in love on the first date, or it didn't work out on the first date,

[00:23:52] didn't work out on the second date, you're like this is stupid.

[00:23:54] This is a waste of my time.

[00:23:55] It's like, dude, you do realize that the more time you spend with somebody,

[00:23:59] the more they get to know you, the more you get to know them.

[00:24:02] And then you have that opportunity to be like I'm in or I'm out.

[00:24:05] But you don't do that by testing them.

[00:24:08] Like three strikes, you're out.

[00:24:10] It doesn't work like that because you're missing out

[00:24:12] on actually finding somebody.

[00:24:13] Same thing with work.

[00:24:15] It's like, you can quit your job if you want.

[00:24:19] It's not right for you.

[00:24:20] Do you really think you're never going to work again?

[00:24:22] Like is that what you're afraid of?

[00:24:23] Right.

[00:24:23] Or you can figure out ways to improve your current work situation.

[00:24:28] Is it a communication issue?

[00:24:31] Is it an issue that you're just kind of stagnant with certain things?

[00:24:35] Let's explore this.

[00:24:37] And we can explore this with the first three principles.

[00:24:40] Right?

[00:24:41] We can figure out a way to make this a habitual routine.

[00:24:45] And when you have it as a habitual routine,

[00:24:47] a lot of these things that might sound kind of complex and difficult and

[00:24:51] wow, that's a lot like she didn't see you talking about a lot of stuff.

[00:24:54] Well, it becomes like a muscle.

[00:24:56] It's like muscle memory again.

[00:24:58] When you practice something over and over again,

[00:25:00] it's not difficult at all.

[00:25:01] If anything is going to save you more time

[00:25:03] and it's going to enhance your life.

[00:25:04] That part, that's the part that people don't understand enough about meditation

[00:25:09] is when you create space to sit and be still with yourself,

[00:25:13] to reconnect to a source of energy that's greater outside of you

[00:25:19] and way more fucking intelligent than us.

[00:25:22] Oh yeah.

[00:25:22] Like we get downloads.

[00:25:24] You get the to-do list that you need for the day through that

[00:25:28] versus just running around like a chicken with your head cut off,

[00:25:30] trying to get to all the different things and all the different

[00:25:33] Like you become your actions become so much more potent

[00:25:37] if you give yourself that time and space to plug in first

[00:25:41] and fill up your cup and you're able to you,

[00:25:43] you're able to literally source more energy to bring into the actions

[00:25:48] and the habits that you're performing.

[00:25:50] So it's yeah, I mean a big part of what I do is helping people get into

[00:25:55] a meditation practice and it's so funny hearing the shit

[00:25:58] that people say oh, I'm just not good at it.

[00:26:00] I'm like you're not fucking special.

[00:26:02] Nobody's good at it.

[00:26:03] I mean when you when you realize that like you're in Georgia special,

[00:26:07] when you realize that like it's such a difficult task for people to be

[00:26:10] along with themselves, you know, I don't and see that's another thing too

[00:26:13] is that like when I wrote this book,

[00:26:14] I wanted this to be relatable for everyone.

[00:26:17] I didn't write this just for women.

[00:26:19] I don't write this just for men.

[00:26:20] I don't write this just for people of color.

[00:26:21] I didn't write this, you know,

[00:26:22] I wrote this in a way where it's like somebody could take something from this

[00:26:26] because I do feel like like I don't want to shame somebody

[00:26:30] for not being able to meditate.

[00:26:31] What it is what I would say is it just what you said

[00:26:35] it's like you're wrong if you think that if you stretch yourself as far as you can

[00:26:40] to make something work that it's going to work.

[00:26:44] It's just like a rubber band.

[00:26:45] You stretch it too far.

[00:26:46] It's gonna it's gonna snap and what you're saying is something

[00:26:50] that really needs to be admired and respected,

[00:26:54] which is like you gotta fill your own cup.

[00:26:56] You fill your own cup.

[00:26:58] That's why a journey of self-discovery is so important.

[00:27:02] It's not because you're just like being fru-fru and you're just like

[00:27:05] I'm a wonderlust.

[00:27:06] It's like because if you take the time out to know yourself,

[00:27:10] you get to understand so much more about life and then

[00:27:14] and then outwardly it's a big deal.

[00:27:18] And one of the things that I found that was very difficult for people

[00:27:23] with making habits was that a lot of times it's because of their environment

[00:27:28] and the people that they have around them don't reinforce those good habits.

[00:27:31] Right?

[00:27:32] So that narrative isn't just a you thing.

[00:27:35] It's also reinforced by the environment you in.

[00:27:38] So I do provide tips and strategies on how you can curate your environment

[00:27:45] and community is huge.

[00:27:48] I know that there's some YouTube or some that YouTube

[00:27:50] and social media videos that put out there of like,

[00:27:53] six types of toxic friends,

[00:27:56] seven types of people that you need in your inner circle.

[00:27:58] I have that in the book.

[00:27:59] But yeah, it's so important because that is how you're really going to find

[00:28:04] that next level of what you're looking for.

[00:28:07] Absolutely.

[00:28:10] Man, there's so many things that you said.

[00:28:12] Okay, let me go back here.

[00:28:14] A community, we're going to circle back around to that because

[00:28:16] community activation is something that is very near and dear to my heart.

[00:28:20] I've opened two different social clubs, one in Phoenix,

[00:28:23] one in Aspen, Colorado, Tulsa, Yall's Nex.

[00:28:27] And going back to before that, right?

[00:28:31] Like, you know, before we started recording,

[00:28:33] we were talking about VCs startup culture, a bit of that grind and hustle.

[00:28:42] And one of the things that I find after working with founders

[00:28:45] for well over 10 years of my career at this point now

[00:28:50] is getting them to recognize how important their meditation practice,

[00:28:54] their gratitude practice, their energy hygiene in general

[00:28:58] is literally the most important asset of their business.

[00:29:01] Your business doesn't go if you're burnt out.

[00:29:04] It just doesn't, right?

[00:29:05] And so it's interesting to hear you say that.

[00:29:08] What would you say out of your 10 years of experience,

[00:29:12] would you say is the number one thing that you think founders get wrong?

[00:29:18] Like when they fail, like why they failed?

[00:29:21] And the number one reason why you think they found the most success?

[00:29:27] I think that it comes down to probably energy hygiene.

[00:29:32] A founder that is willing to make space for themselves

[00:29:35] and that looks different, like energy hygiene to me looks different for everybody.

[00:29:39] The way that we meditate is not necessarily going to be the exact same way that I meditate, right?

[00:29:45] And there's going to be different practices.

[00:29:46] So I talk about the idea that there's going to be cognitive practices

[00:29:50] that we need to be doing and there's somatic practices.

[00:29:52] So mind and body.

[00:29:54] And while cold showers might really work for me,

[00:29:57] you might be like, nah, fuck that.

[00:29:58] Like I'm going to go a cold plunge instead or something different, right?

[00:30:03] Like you might really fuck with acupuncture,

[00:30:05] but for me chiropractic is the thing that's really rewiring and repattering my energy.

[00:30:10] So there's different strokes for different folks just like we all need to brush our teeth.

[00:30:15] We don't all have to brush in the exact same way in the exact same strokes

[00:30:20] right?

[00:30:20] It's just, are you willing to prioritize yourself and your energy and

[00:30:29] that in order to show up more fully or are you going to be on that grind so much

[00:30:34] that you wake up immediately into your inbox, immediately into your dues,

[00:30:39] self-sacrificing everything for the business and for the investors

[00:30:42] and the upcoming board meeting and then your team and your people.

[00:30:45] You've just got nothing left.

[00:30:47] You're like that is just a recipe for burnout and disaster.

[00:30:51] And it's not sustainable.

[00:30:52] It's not sustainable.

[00:30:53] It's not sustainable.

[00:30:54] Yeah.

[00:30:54] It's never sustainable.

[00:30:55] It's never sustainable.

[00:30:56] I mean, that's the word that I think of sustainability.

[00:31:00] And you're absolutely correct.

[00:31:01] That's the misconception that's out there is like there's like this

[00:31:04] one size fits all strategy and maybe the Maguire method is that.

[00:31:13] Well, and I would offer that it's a framework that you get to personalize

[00:31:16] within it.

[00:31:17] Right?

[00:31:17] Exactly.

[00:31:18] Yeah.

[00:31:19] That was my whole point is that I wanted people to read my book or even in encountering me

[00:31:25] and listening to me and speaking with me and spending time with me is that I want you

[00:31:29] to walk away feeling more empowered than you were before.

[00:31:35] And the way that we can empower ourselves is by learning something new

[00:31:40] that we didn't learn before and then also reinforcing some ideas.

[00:31:43] Maybe you're kind of on the fence of like meditating and you're listening to this and

[00:31:46] you're like, okay, I definitely need to meditate now.

[00:31:49] For me, I've been journaling since I was 13 years old.

[00:31:55] So I have a plethora of information of like my trajectory in life and like,

[00:32:01] didn't work out the way I imagined and like, you know, what did I care about

[00:32:05] when I was younger and what I care about now?

[00:32:07] And that gave me a different level of self-awareness.

[00:32:10] So sometimes I am able to just sort of separate myself and take out that time to journal

[00:32:17] and be a little bit analytical about things.

[00:32:20] But that works for me.

[00:32:22] I know some people like, I say journaling and they literally cry for like, oh, I can't, why?

[00:32:28] I don't, what I got to eat.

[00:32:30] Like in their mind, they're just like, I got to get a notebook and I got it ready to,

[00:32:33] I don't know.

[00:32:34] And I'm just literally like, dude, like,

[00:32:36] this is such a, such an interesting topic that you're bringing up.

[00:32:41] So metacognition, are you familiar with that word?

[00:32:45] Metacognition for the listeners that don't know.

[00:32:48] The ability to think about our thoughts.

[00:32:51] Right.

[00:32:51] And so there's, it's a word that I think they are hiding from us.

[00:32:57] Yeah.

[00:32:58] My day was an air quotes.

[00:32:59] They're hiding from us because the more metacognition that we have as a people

[00:33:03] and as an individual, the more power that we're going to be, begin to gain.

[00:33:07] Once we start to understand that our thoughts, we are not our thoughts, right?

[00:33:11] And so three kind of, I would say two fastest ways to understanding what's happening in your mind

[00:33:18] is through meditation and through journaling.

[00:33:22] Are you, you're an 80s baby?

[00:33:24] Yeah.

[00:33:24] You give, you give a 80s baby vibes.

[00:33:27] Oh, okay.

[00:33:27] Sweet.

[00:33:28] I hope that's a great thing.

[00:33:29] I'm an 80s baby as well.

[00:33:30] He's baby as well.

[00:33:31] 80s are awesome everybody.

[00:33:33] So 80s babies are extremely, we're honestly the most important generation of humanity

[00:33:38] in my humble opinion because, because we had an analog childhood and had technology

[00:33:46] introduced us at an early age that we could adapt to it.

[00:33:49] Whereas the generations behind us don't have that link to technology like we do.

[00:33:55] And the generations in front of us will never know life without a screen.

[00:33:59] Absolutely.

[00:34:00] You get something?

[00:34:01] It was good.

[00:34:01] That, that what you just said was going to be like a whole chapter in my book.

[00:34:04] And I took it out because it was, it was, but because I was like, it's kind of hard to explain

[00:34:11] that like what you just said, because nobody really talks about that a lot.

[00:34:16] I think they just sort of like throw in the like, you know, millennial this, millennial

[00:34:19] that and it's just like, dude, you know, like, I remember, I remember, you know,

[00:34:24] the like TV becoming a bigger deal, internet becoming a bigger deal.

[00:34:29] Right.

[00:34:29] Like we grew up in the age where we got our internet on a CD.

[00:34:34] Like you didn't grow up to be able to go get, go get on the internet.

[00:34:38] Yeah.

[00:34:39] Yeah.

[00:34:39] Yeah.

[00:34:40] Dial up.

[00:34:40] Yeah.

[00:34:41] So that's the air point.

[00:34:42] It made us not fear technology.

[00:34:45] I think that the thing that it did do was that we didn't get to see

[00:34:49] what all these older generations kind of like promised us, I suppose, because

[00:34:54] the world just changed so rapidly with conflict and accessibility.

[00:34:59] And this is the financial system just like really took this really weird left turn as we were

[00:35:04] becoming adults that we never had the same accessibility as older generations.

[00:35:09] And then obviously younger generations have so much accessibility that, you know,

[00:35:13] we kind of get this label of being like haters.

[00:35:16] We got to get this label of being like disconnected.

[00:35:19] But, you know, that's just because of what she said.

[00:35:21] It's like, well, we saw every, like we kind of saw a little bit of everything,

[00:35:24] which is, which is extraordinarily interesting.

[00:35:27] I feel like that that should be talked about and studied to your point a little bit more because,

[00:35:33] you know, I mean so much happened.

[00:35:35] Like there's so much happened.

[00:35:36] Like if by the time that I die, there might be AI overlords.

[00:35:42] We probably will be colonizing on another planet.

[00:35:45] Like I'm like that's not far away.

[00:35:47] Self-driving cars, like none of that is far away.

[00:35:52] And then on the other side of it, climate change.

[00:35:54] Like climate change was like not a serious threat.

[00:35:57] We can wipe ourselves out.

[00:35:58] You might worry, yeah, we don't know.

[00:36:00] We don't know.

[00:36:01] Is this all these things we just said?

[00:36:02] Not to mention, this is another one of my controversial opinions is, you know,

[00:36:07] there's obviously when we're recording this, there's a lot going on in the world right now.

[00:36:11] Israel and Palestine are in it.

[00:36:14] And my opinion of war is that's on a, it's showing on a collective level

[00:36:22] the inability that we have to sit and reconcile the wars within ourselves.

[00:36:27] Right?

[00:36:27] Like if we get with ourselves for 15 minutes and watch what's happening there

[00:36:33] and learn how to be with those uncomfortable emotions and those false narratives

[00:36:38] that we actually have a choice to disengage from.

[00:36:41] Absolutely.

[00:36:41] And we just constantly spewing and projecting that on other people.

[00:36:45] That's how we get to situations like we're seeing in Israel and Palestine.

[00:36:48] And so when I say, sit your ass down and meditate

[00:36:52] and actually pray for what's happening over there right now,

[00:36:56] we could legitimately shift some things if people would actually do that.

[00:37:02] You know what?

[00:37:02] You know what?

[00:37:03] That's a really good point.

[00:37:05] This has been on my mind for quite some time.

[00:37:07] Obviously it's like, you know, I'm releasing my book.

[00:37:10] I'm talking about all these topics and one of the things,

[00:37:15] and again, I dive into this in the book.

[00:37:16] So you have to get in the book if you're listening.

[00:37:18] But one of the things that-

[00:37:19] You're actually on YouTube.

[00:37:20] I also just want to show you how-

[00:37:21] Here you go.

[00:37:23] By the way, that's all my photography.

[00:37:24] That's all my-

[00:37:25] I know.

[00:37:25] Is that why?

[00:37:26] We're having a conversation where we talk about the clouds yet.

[00:37:28] We've got the clouds.

[00:37:30] That's me.

[00:37:31] If you said clowns earlier, I was like, what did you say, clouds?

[00:37:33] You said, did somebody say clouds?

[00:37:35] You know, I was like-

[00:37:36] I was asking myself and I was thinking on a little bit about what you just said.

[00:37:43] And there's a lot of key takeaways that I hope people get from this situation in the Middle East.

[00:37:50] One, questions.

[00:37:52] You should be asking questions about what you do and do not know versus your assumptions about anything.

[00:38:00] And where are you getting your information from?

[00:38:03] And how accurate is that information?

[00:38:05] And you honestly need to be thinking about that.

[00:38:09] Now, I am only going to speak through the lens of a-

[00:38:16] For lack of better words, a westernized American, my dad is in the US Army, retired.

[00:38:24] And I think that it's safe to say that I might be like a good example of somebody that grew up

[00:38:31] not knowing the difference between Palestinian and Israelite.

[00:38:36] Everything in the Middle East is the same because none of that was really-

[00:38:40] If you're not from that culture and you're in America, it's not something that you-

[00:38:46] America doesn't really teach outside of our life.

[00:38:51] If you grew up in America, America is number one.

[00:38:53] Everybody else is second.

[00:38:54] And like, who cares?

[00:38:56] So in reality, when we're asking ourselves these questions and we're thinking about it,

[00:39:02] it would be a really good idea if you were to maybe jot down what you're learning

[00:39:09] and take bold action and sharing what you're learning and saying like,

[00:39:13] Hey, I didn't know any of these things.

[00:39:15] I don't even know if I'm right.

[00:39:16] I don't know.

[00:39:18] But I think the action that I'm taking is sharing my own personal experiences versus

[00:39:25] repurposing or resharing something that you saw in a soundbite or on social media

[00:39:31] and then making that type of conversation habitual.

[00:39:35] And I think that even you reaching out to somebody that is Jewish, is Palestinian

[00:39:41] and asking them what their perspective is.

[00:39:43] And to your point, why is there so much volatility now?

[00:39:48] And I'm not talking about what's going on with the surging violence.

[00:39:52] I'm not talking about that.

[00:39:53] But just like, how can we resolve this?

[00:39:55] What would you like to see happen?

[00:39:57] What would you like to see happen for this to work out?

[00:40:02] Now, obviously explore this and this is specific to this topic.

[00:40:06] You're going to hear very specific answers.

[00:40:08] But also you're going to hear a lot of pain and anger and frustration.

[00:40:12] You're going to hear that more than anything.

[00:40:14] And she knows this is the biggest takeaway that anybody listening to this as they understand.

[00:40:19] We cannot repeat the mistakes of the past.

[00:40:22] We are the generation of change.

[00:40:25] If you're not going to be a conduit of change, then you're just repeating the pattern.

[00:40:30] What's happening right now in the Middle East is not new.

[00:40:34] This is not new information.

[00:40:35] I'm sorry.

[00:40:36] I was so sorry if you're just now hearing about it and you're like,

[00:40:39] oh my God, I can't believe this is happening.

[00:40:41] This has been going on since before I was even fucking born.

[00:40:45] And this conflict never stopped and it's still evolving.

[00:40:49] And the only way that we can stop it is by actually

[00:40:54] formulating some sort of game plans and dialogue and community

[00:40:58] between each other where we can be a voice of change.

[00:41:01] And I don't think, and again this is just me as from my own perspective

[00:41:08] and observationally speaking, I don't think the things that work before

[00:41:13] are going to work now because the world is different now and culture is different now.

[00:41:17] And by the way, we all have silos now.

[00:41:21] Like you can't help it.

[00:41:21] That's just sort of the way that the world works now.

[00:41:24] You want to break free from those silos?

[00:41:26] You know, you listen to this podcast, you read my book,

[00:41:29] you find new ways to break out of that.

[00:41:31] But-

[00:41:32] We're the silo breakers.

[00:41:33] We're the silo breakers.

[00:41:34] We're the silo breakers.

[00:41:35] But you should understand that.

[00:41:37] You should understand that like you are in a silo,

[00:41:39] but you have to break free from that.

[00:41:42] So again, it's not helping anything if you're just going to argue with other people

[00:41:47] to get your point across because at the end of the day,

[00:41:50] the whole point is to grow and change.

[00:41:52] Now why do we feel so amped up and angry and sad and like,

[00:41:59] why are you- why do you think this way?

[00:42:02] You know, at the end of the day, how do we coexist with one another?

[00:42:07] Like do we really want to be in this constant conflict?

[00:42:11] Like is that seriously how we want to show up in the world?

[00:42:13] Like when we really break it down, do you seriously just want to live a life

[00:42:17] where you're constantly being noticed?

[00:42:19] Somebody that's instigating, hating,

[00:42:22] argumentative, repeating things that have already been done.

[00:42:25] All of those things that happened in the past have happened.

[00:42:29] When we deal with trauma, traumatic situations,

[00:42:32] we have to accept that that happened and we have to find ways

[00:42:37] to move forward with our lives and find ways to mitigate triggers.

[00:42:42] But it already happened.

[00:42:43] So if we play things over again in our mind, it's not happening.

[00:42:48] We ground ourselves to remind ourselves that it's not happening now.

[00:42:52] Like that's already, you know, happened.

[00:42:55] So when you talk about generational traumas from the situation happened

[00:42:59] in the Middle East, you talked about generational traumas

[00:43:02] of all these different cultures that are still experiencing things.

[00:43:05] We have to figure out, okay, well what do we do next?

[00:43:08] Is it easy?

[00:43:09] No, because if it was, then we would have already been doing.

[00:43:11] But it gets easier when we find methods, the Maguire method.

[00:43:16] I know we find ways to do that with one another

[00:43:19] and we take on that challenge.

[00:43:21] Not the challenge of telling you or showing you how wrong

[00:43:24] and stupid you are.

[00:43:26] And I'm right, but the challenge of saying,

[00:43:29] this is what probably needs to change.

[00:43:33] How can we help with that?

[00:43:35] I think, oh, so much goodness there.

[00:43:38] So much good stuff.

[00:43:40] There's community kind of circling back around so that community

[00:43:44] is such a vital important part of it.

[00:43:47] And you know, when I was in Phoenix,

[00:43:51] I was running a wellness-based social club

[00:43:54] and that space was so many different things

[00:43:58] and really taught me on a deep, like visceral soul level

[00:44:04] how important it is that we create safe spaces

[00:44:08] for people of all types.

[00:44:10] I agree.

[00:44:11] This as diverse as possible, like literally no sort of thing.

[00:44:17] And there are certainly going to be times and places

[00:44:18] where women's only men's groups and BIPOC groups and LGBT.

[00:44:24] Not to shame the work that happens in those spaces.

[00:44:27] It's important to have that.

[00:44:29] However, if we really want to accelerate humanities healing,

[00:44:33] we got to do it together.

[00:44:34] Absolutely.

[00:44:35] We have to learn how to feel safe and get vulnerable

[00:44:38] and actually do some of these somatic practices

[00:44:41] like breath work and sound healing and cold plunging

[00:44:44] and these things that release trauma from our body.

[00:44:47] We need to do some of the more cognitive things

[00:44:49] where we talk about mindset,

[00:44:51] where we learn how to meditate,

[00:44:53] where we do some visualizations.

[00:44:54] And we need to play together.

[00:44:56] We need to play together.

[00:44:58] Oh my God, thank you.

[00:44:59] You took that.

[00:45:00] Are you okay?

[00:45:01] Yeah, and we just need to like-

[00:45:01] You took the words right out of my mouth.

[00:45:04] All of it.

[00:45:05] Like we just need to like let our guards down

[00:45:06] and not take ourselves so seriously.

[00:45:08] That's another thing.

[00:45:09] Why are we taking ourselves so seriously?

[00:45:11] Like we're bumming each other out.

[00:45:13] It's really ridiculous.

[00:45:15] We're being a real bummer right now.

[00:45:17] Yeah.

[00:45:17] We are being a real bummer.

[00:45:19] Yeah, you know, I was-

[00:45:21] And it's funny because again, it is because we're just-

[00:45:25] There's so much information that we're being overloaded with.

[00:45:29] There's so many choices out there.

[00:45:32] We feel kind of like-

[00:45:34] It's this feeling of being overwhelmed

[00:45:36] and feeling like you're not on top of something.

[00:45:40] Maybe there's something you don't quite know

[00:45:42] and that makes you a little bit anxious

[00:45:43] and then you make a decision and you're like,

[00:45:45] well maybe I'm missing out on something

[00:45:46] and then it puts you on this edge.

[00:45:49] And as we continuously see all of this conflict in the world,

[00:45:58] it does go in the back of our minds.

[00:46:01] It's not in the forefront.

[00:46:02] You know, I honestly do think there obviously are exceptions to this, obviously.

[00:46:07] But I think for the most part,

[00:46:10] most people aren't trying to hurt one another.

[00:46:13] They're just trying to survive and be heard and be seen and live their lives.

[00:46:17] And if we can be more jovial with each other,

[00:46:21] if we can find ways to learn from one another

[00:46:24] and embrace growth versus scarcity.

[00:46:28] And you know, I do-

[00:46:31] This is the reason why community is so special

[00:46:33] because if you are in an environment and a community

[00:46:38] that reinforces a scarcity way of thought,

[00:46:42] then it's hard for you to break free from that.

[00:46:44] Like it's almost impossible

[00:46:46] because no matter what you do,

[00:46:47] your environment is going to reinforce

[00:46:50] all of these old bad habits, right?

[00:46:52] So again, if you live in a house

[00:46:54] and everybody is eating unhealthy

[00:46:57] but you're saying to yourself, I want to go on a diet,

[00:46:59] well, it's only going to be a matter of time

[00:47:02] before you're not going to be able to like stick to that diet routine.

[00:47:06] That's sustainable.

[00:47:07] It's not sustainable.

[00:47:08] So even when you're talking about like the CEO and the entrepreneur,

[00:47:12] getting burned out is different now than it was even-

[00:47:17] Even when I remember how long ago when I was doing this

[00:47:19] because now you get burned out by like doing shit

[00:47:23] that like you never even would have thought would have burnt you out

[00:47:25] because you're just being overwhelmed by all of this shit.

[00:47:28] You don't think it's overwhelming you,

[00:47:29] but if you're exhausted by the end of the day

[00:47:32] and you're like, man, I didn't all I did was check my emails.

[00:47:35] And you're like, dude, yeah, that's because you're just

[00:47:38] you're being overloaded with a lot of information.

[00:47:40] We wake up, we immediately grab our cell phones or mobile devices.

[00:47:43] So we're being reactive immediately as soon as we wake up.

[00:47:47] Usually we're on our devices when we go to bed.

[00:47:48] So we're being reactive from the moment that we wake up

[00:47:51] to the moment that we go to sleep.

[00:47:52] So I don't like to lie to people and be like, or not lie,

[00:47:56] but I feel like I feel like a lot of the things

[00:47:58] that you would suggest someone do pre-pandemic.

[00:48:02] There were some tips and strategies that I would suggest post pandemic.

[00:48:07] I can't suggest those same strategies and tips

[00:48:10] because we live in a different world now.

[00:48:12] We also done this habitual routine of avoiding one another.

[00:48:18] People forget that that is something that we actually learned.

[00:48:20] That's a new learned behavior that the whole world did.

[00:48:24] And not don't even I don't even know that we need to get started down this

[00:48:27] down this rabbit hole of what the pandemic did to fuck us up.

[00:48:31] But there is there was a lot.

[00:48:33] There was a lot of fear.

[00:48:34] There was a lot of social distancing when actually being

[00:48:36] in in social connection with one another is

[00:48:40] one of the core foundational needs of being human.

[00:48:44] Right?

[00:48:45] I'm sure I'm sure it's a little bit of a shock to the system.

[00:48:48] It has to be right.

[00:48:49] I think a lot of the conflict some of that boiling over conflict is from that.

[00:48:54] Is from like a year and a half two years for some people where you're like

[00:48:59] figuring out ways to like isolate yourself.

[00:49:02] So again if I were to say you know don't answer your phone first thing in the morning.

[00:49:07] I don't think that's a realistic ask at this day and age.

[00:49:11] Yes it is.

[00:49:12] Yes it is.

[00:49:13] It is a realistic ask.

[00:49:15] Is it a realistic ask?

[00:49:16] I think it is and I think that there's a lot.

[00:49:18] There's actually a really I'll send it to you after this.

[00:49:21] Actually I'll post this shit in the show notes.

[00:49:23] There's an alarm clock that mimics sunrise and sunset right?

[00:49:30] So this one's just not so it launched on Kickstarter recently

[00:49:33] and it's completely like there is no Bluetooth connection.

[00:49:36] There's not an app to it but there's enough time that it gives you in Theta.

[00:49:41] And this is what I mean between like we are the gatekeepers.

[00:49:44] I agree.

[00:49:44] We agree.

[00:49:45] Analog and the digital that we have to recognize that we are headed down a path with technology

[00:49:53] that's that is very dangerous if we don't hold on to some of the core things that make us human

[00:50:00] like sticking our feet in grass and breathing and sitting still without a device and like

[00:50:08] there's that's where I think that we get the opportunity.

[00:50:11] There's some of you keep saying about the amount of information that we receive.

[00:50:15] So this was this statistic comes from like 2010 which let's just put in contact.

[00:50:21] There is like really free social media right?

[00:50:24] Yeah.

[00:50:24] Yeah.

[00:50:24] Well like in like 2010 we received the same amount of information that someone in the 1800s

[00:50:33] their entire lifetime the amount of information that their brain got we received in one day.

[00:50:37] Yeah.

[00:50:38] Yeah.

[00:50:38] Like our from a biological standpoint we have not evolved our nervous system.

[00:50:45] We have the same nervous system as a can fan and we are flooding it with information that

[00:50:52] we're flooding it with visual stimulation like never.

[00:50:55] Oh my God.

[00:50:56] Yeah.

[00:50:56] Visual simulation.

[00:50:57] Yeah.

[00:50:58] You know like the blue lights that our hero chemicals are literally losing their

[00:51:03] shit based on everything that we're flooding an overwhelming system and to your point we

[00:51:08] reach a free state where it's like I literally just checked my emails all day if that and what did

[00:51:14] I do and I'm fine.

[00:51:17] So there is this like how do we start to teach people how important it is to actually unplug

[00:51:23] and how to disconnect in ways that will fill you back up so that you can come back to it

[00:51:28] in a more productive state and it's tough.

[00:51:33] It's tough.

[00:51:33] It is tough and everybody is built differently.

[00:51:36] You know some people can do these sort of situations like cold turkey where they get

[00:51:40] to get super excited about it and be doing they stick to it.

[00:51:42] Some people need incremental steps obviously incremental progress is like much more better

[00:51:48] odds of success if you do it that way.

[00:51:50] And you know I think that to your point if you do enough things which is why actions

[00:51:56] was such a big deal for me.

[00:51:58] I feel like actions is kind of like the easy the easy things to do because obviously you

[00:52:02] know you're like well you know if I want to get that app then I'll get that app like I can do it

[00:52:07] right now.

[00:52:08] But what we want to do is we want to create enough action for ourselves that increases

[00:52:13] the odds of like achieving the goals that were that were seeking right.

[00:52:18] So that's the reason why the questions are so important because you have to be

[00:52:22] intentional about these things.

[00:52:23] You have to know where you're coming from why you're doing it.

[00:52:27] I think that to your point the inaction aspect of things is really is a really

[00:52:32] tough pill to swallow because it's affecting younger generations even more than it that

[00:52:38] it is even for somebody like you and I we've lived like a life we have experiences so we

[00:52:43] can know the difference between certain things as we're learning.

[00:52:46] But you know it's like that thing where like where somebody is like you know like

[00:52:52] oh I want to quit my job and I want to I want to work on my own.

[00:52:55] And why well because you know I'm tired of like slaving away over here I work all the time

[00:52:59] and then they quit and they realize like oh shit like I'm working five times as harder

[00:53:05] and longer than I did with the other thing maybe I should have stuck with that.

[00:53:08] But but that's only because you know you have to have that experience of what it is that you

[00:53:14] want but that doesn't mean that you made the wrong choice it just means that you have

[00:53:18] to find those experiences. So the same thing with like love like oh I want to fall in love

[00:53:22] with this person but I can't never find them they're not a rabbit.

[00:53:25] It's like do give yourself the grace of time but also if you take some steps of asking what is it

[00:53:31] that you really are looking for think about it then take that action make it habitual put

[00:53:35] yourself in winning situations. I say this to my guy friends all the time they're like I can't

[00:53:39] find anybody blah blah blah I'm like what would he do like well you know I get on you know

[00:53:43] hinge tinder raya awesome that's so cool that's so great are you looking just to hook up with

[00:53:49] someone are you looking to find your soulmate well you know I mean wow it'll be nice to find my soulmate

[00:53:54] okay cool like where do you think your soulmate would actually be right now well I don't know

[00:53:59] like maybe in a conference I don't even know whatever they say and I'm like why are you not there

[00:54:05] why are you thinking the easy route and then why are you thinking the easy route which

[00:54:08] you've done a million times before to be different and what's wrong with the harder

[00:54:11] route because that sounds so interesting right that sounds like a new experience especially right

[00:54:17] if you're feeling overwhelmed are you feeling stagnant are you feeling depressed try something

[00:54:21] new because what does that do it like releases all these endorphins it gets you excited your

[00:54:25] blood's pumping a little bit you're nervous obviously but then you have that experience

[00:54:29] and because you have that experience and obviously you're gonna find out what it wasn't that bad

[00:54:34] it really wasn't that bad it was actually okay it's same thing I live in Los Angeles it's a

[00:54:38] high trap high volume traffic city it's notorious for two things one being the loneliest city on the

[00:54:45] face of the planet two being one of the most populated cities on the face of the planet why is that

[00:54:51] because there's so much shit for people to do in Los Angeles and a lot of people that go to

[00:54:56] Los Angeles go out to Los Angeles for themselves it's usually like a career-centric move so there's

[00:55:02] no thoughts about community there's no thoughts about love in fact when you're coming out

[00:55:06] usually coming out alone so you're saying to yourself well I came from this other place where

[00:55:11] obviously community was a big deal I was a big deal blah blah and the root awakening is that

[00:55:15] everybody else is on the same wave that you are which is like I'm out here for myself so there

[00:55:20] is this need for community but also it has to be on that person's terms right that's where it

[00:55:26] becomes lonely that's where the dating part or even work like work easy community hard

[00:55:33] and you don't know unless you take that leap of faith so even you saying after a hard day's work

[00:55:38] I'm gonna go meet up with Sheena for a drink we're gonna talk about life we got a lot of

[00:55:43] catching up to do and then you you flick well you just you just did a disservice to both of you

[00:55:50] because what you just did was you missed out on an opportunity of connection which you sorely

[00:55:55] miss and then you make that a bit your routine dude you're primed for you're primed for the

[00:56:01] opposite of says you're primed for failure now what do you do if you go grab that drink

[00:56:05] you have a fantastic time you're leaving prep you're alleviating pressure she she feels you feel good

[00:56:13] I feel good you know it's like oh man I'm glad that I did I'm glad that I took out the time to

[00:56:17] do this I'm glad that I actually did this like yeah this might be a little inconvenient for other

[00:56:21] stuff I got going on but I'm glad I did this because it's making me feel better and I feel much

[00:56:25] more connected to you I feel much more connected to life you go back home you're

[00:56:29] like it just you're priming yourself for more opportunities for success but you have to take

[00:56:33] that leap of faith it only becomes a leap of faith if you really didn't think it through it only becomes

[00:56:39] a scary thing that's like hard to do when you make it hard to do again ask yourself the right

[00:56:44] questions think about it just think about it just for a little bit journal about it right

[00:56:48] now look at your own words look at your own thoughts then all of a sudden it's not that

[00:56:52] big of a deal is it and then if you do it again and again and again you know you're

[00:56:56] priming yourself for success and happiness and I love what you're saying here because it becomes

[00:57:03] I think anytime we take on something new right it's that like I gotta learn something and of

[00:57:07] course you're gonna kind of suck at it it's gonna take longer and it's gonna be this thing and

[00:57:11] it's like all right I'll read this book now I gotta ask myself questions I don't know what

[00:57:16] but the more you do it then the more second nature the more second nature becomes

[00:57:20] yes then it becomes a way of being versus a thing you gotta absolutely and I think you hit the

[00:57:28] knell of the head earlier like it's like this is what evolution actually looks like if anything to

[00:57:33] your point like we're kind of we're kind of stagnating ourselves or like we're kind of hurting

[00:57:38] ourselves it's like I call it in a chapter the art of self sabotage because you know we're really

[00:57:43] like you know putting up barriers in front of ourselves and then we're blaming other situations

[00:57:51] and other people when they have nothing to do about that one of the one of the one of the most

[00:57:57] true things about life is that people don't give a shit about you as much as you want them to

[00:58:04] like it's just that's just the life that's facts um that shouldn't hurt your feelings

[00:58:11] that doesn't be your unimportant it doesn't mean you know you know if anything what that means is

[00:58:16] that like oh wow you have a lot more freedom of choice to live the life that you want for yourself

[00:58:21] than you ever thought you thought that there's all these eyeballs on you there's not people don't

[00:58:25] care people will know and then and then that's another thing too in some ways when we ruminate

[00:58:31] and we play all these like false narratives in our mind we think people don't care that

[00:58:37] shouldn't be your go-to it should be like they care they just probably they're they're busy they just

[00:58:42] they don't know i need to i need to reach out to this person i need to say what's up like i didn't

[00:58:46] know to do that you know why am i not thinking to do that so simple you know there's some friends

[00:58:50] that i have that have lost contact with this sometimes when i hit them up or they'd be up

[00:58:53] randomly you know i don't tell them i like man i shouldn't be doing this well i don't know why

[00:58:58] what's going on with me and they're just like yeah like what are you like what like why would you

[00:59:04] why would you feel nervous about calling me up out of the blue like if i'm not taking picking up the

[00:59:09] phone it's because i'm busy not because i don't want to talk to you i'm like yeah that's a good point

[00:59:15] yeah social isolation though isolation isolation we'll go no let's we're gonna coin that a new

[00:59:21] phrase okay yeah social isolation y'all heard it here first we just found a new title for

[00:59:27] through your next good okay great because i'm in deliberation on that uh yeah it's a real thing and

[00:59:35] we get to it's it's that silo that we get back in right and that silo that we're meaning making

[00:59:42] machines and we are making these assumptions about other people making assumptions about

[00:59:48] what it means that they did or didn't answer or projecting on them how they're gonna feel about

[00:59:53] reaching out or we should it is one of my least favorite words of all time it's on the top of

[00:59:59] my word diet like it's gotta go because should is creating such guilt and shame and resistance on

[01:00:05] what and judgment around what other people should do or what i like i should be able to handle this

[01:00:11] by myself i shouldn't be able to reach out to my friends and say that hey i'm struggling right

[01:00:16] now i should have my shit together right at this point in life whatever and those are

[01:00:21] those are all so incorrect and i and it's so weird but because now there's so many successful

[01:00:28] stories and there's so many statistics out there that would counter argue that and rip it apart

[01:00:34] in a second i mean obviously you can't succeed unless you get support like you can't do it alone

[01:00:41] it's impossible because you just can't do it alone um and if you're gonna if you're gonna be

[01:00:48] ruminating and thinking about like you know being shamed because you know you're not putting yourself

[01:00:53] out there man that's just that's just such a miserable life and i understand that people get

[01:00:58] a lot of anxiety about this i understand that it's becoming much more common

[01:01:02] but that means with that all that all that means that we have to be able to

[01:01:06] to do more and give ourselves more grace of opportunity and that's what i always try to

[01:01:12] tell people you know when you're saying what you're saying to make me think about all of the

[01:01:18] the entrepreneurs and business leaders and creative professionals that have come to me for advice and

[01:01:24] and how like you know you would think that like they would do the simple things like them like the

[01:01:31] simple things well did you well you know you want to be a millionaire i wouldn't be a millionaire

[01:01:36] well why well because like somebody like me should be a millionaire okay cool when is somebody like you

[01:01:43] what does that mean like is that what you're looking for is that gonna make you happy is i

[01:01:47] gonna make you is that gonna make you feel successful well yeah of course you know it's like and i've

[01:01:50] heard you even say and i'm in this isn't like a man thing i know that because you know i'm saying

[01:01:55] from the perspective of me but no it's it's just this interesting thing to your point

[01:02:01] that it takes a little bit of thought and a lot less effort than you think

[01:02:09] to understand what you're all about and what you're really after and why you're doing the

[01:02:13] things that you're doing and if you did that you would save yourself a lot of pain and heartache

[01:02:19] and again i wrote this book the maguire method you know through the i wrote it the catalyst was

[01:02:26] a broken heart and i and i kept saying myself i was like man i would love to save people the

[01:02:30] trouble of what i went through because this pain is unbearable um and i had to really take

[01:02:39] a hard look at myself and and really like figure out ways of doing things that i never did before

[01:02:48] so like even when um meeting you outside that was like that was me taking on the mission of like

[01:02:55] oh i can work from anywhere like i don't have to be in an office and that was like a lie i told

[01:03:01] myself that was a lie which is so weird because i was known for being an early adopter especially

[01:03:06] with technology so here i am being like i have to be in and i have to you know i have to be in an

[01:03:11] office i have to you know i have to get you know okay old man yeah it was just it was just

[01:03:17] so weird it was just like i was just like literally but nobody was saying any of that to me

[01:03:22] i was saying that to myself as i'm clearly seeing the world one of my clients at one point was

[01:03:28] um we work so you know we you know and i'm just literally like well you know maybe we work

[01:03:33] i don't know it's not the same i don't know and you know just literally like okay i have to i have

[01:03:39] to like do something different so like yes i understood that i wanted to share that and that's

[01:03:44] something that i also put in the book as well is like you know you and you can also enhance your

[01:03:49] community and the environment that you have around you when you're sharing these ideas because

[01:03:55] that's how people learn new ideas just like what we're saying about the uh the middle east

[01:03:58] conflict you don't share these ideas you don't talk about this with other people then you know it's

[01:04:04] not going to go anywhere but you can't just like judge people you can't judge yourself you can't

[01:04:09] judge the world around you it's just it's like no be you can look at things that are critical

[01:04:13] lens but but you want to be asking yourself um questions that that's more of a problem

[01:04:19] solving lens versus like you know owning a narrative that's uh self-defeating there is

[01:04:28] something that i think just so beautifully ties back into to almost where we started uh around

[01:04:33] the idea of like having these conversations and maybe places that we don't traditionally have

[01:04:38] them right and like how do we have more of these conversations at work how do we recognize

[01:04:43] that we're whole ass humans doing this whole human ass thing and maybe taking some time to

[01:04:50] ask some different questions and think about reflect on some things differently uh can get us to

[01:04:55] different results and there's uh there's a tedx talk by i'm blanking on the guy's name ted i want to

[01:05:01] say platenburger right now where he breaks down the anatomy of results and he's studied and worked

[01:05:07] with just elite performers across many different industries and has been able to kind of really

[01:05:14] break it down into three things that are required for results there's uh intention there's state

[01:05:22] and then there's actions and so he always does this thing where you ask people like which of

[01:05:26] those are the most important out of all three and like if you were to swim up um percentage wise

[01:05:32] like how do you how are you currently moving about in your life with those things and most people

[01:05:39] are like action yeah and what he shares is that the most you know industry-bending performers

[01:05:51] are actually spend most of their time in their state of being and that there's also such an importance

[01:05:59] on the intention because the intention is going to amplify their state of and then all of that

[01:06:05] will inform the very small part that is absolutely and i think that this goes all the way back to

[01:06:11] as the choir method as something that really helps you get clear on your intention

[01:06:19] in your state of being so that you can take better actions right and like we all need some support

[01:06:24] and kind of clearing out the noise and finding a through line and that so that we can get to

[01:06:30] the end results that we're looking for yeah i hear spot on i think you're absolutely correct

[01:06:34] yeah that was a great exercise too that guy did i think i remember that yeah that's cool

[01:06:41] yeah he's a he's a he's a goodie well cj i have a question that i asked all of my

[01:06:47] guests before they're allowed to leave the show and that goes back to my gratitude practice so

[01:06:53] every night before i fall asleep i think of the three oddly specific things from my day that i'm

[01:06:59] most grateful for and i'm only going to put you on the spot for one oddly specific thing that you

[01:07:04] are very grateful for in the last 24 hours uh when you say oddly specific does it like have to be

[01:07:10] an odd thing that great before or do you or do you mean that in a way of like because it's specific

[01:07:15] it's odd i like i want you to get oddly specific with it like get grander and you can't just be like

[01:07:24] uh my bestie because he's yeah no no i am there's several things that i very elated about um

[01:07:37] i i do practice gratitude and the small things and the big things um i'm very grateful um

[01:07:44] to be back home in my my old hometown um even though we lived all around the world i guess this is

[01:07:49] considered my my old hometown and um i'm out here with my daughter and like as soon as we you know

[01:07:58] she's so excited to be here and my my parents are so excited to see her and like everybody's

[01:08:06] festive and in the holiday spirit i'm like well i'm really grateful that um there's a lot of

[01:08:13] generational curses that are being broken i'm really grateful that like you know i could be

[01:08:19] supportive of my my daughter i'm very grateful that she's happy and laughing and running around

[01:08:26] and i'm very grateful that that i get to be on the on this podcast with you um i do believe in

[01:08:33] like uh serendipity i do believe in like everything happening for a reason and it's awesome to be

[01:08:39] able to to share knowledge to learn to listen uh to someone like yourself and and to and to

[01:08:47] and to talk about my book like that i'm a published author which sounds fucking gnarly

[01:08:53] so so i'm stoked on that and it was uh it wasn't an easy journey it's probably the hardest thing

[01:09:00] i've ever done but i'm so grateful that i um that i finished it and i finished it and i

[01:09:07] probably still could have tweaked things this probably still could have done things but to

[01:09:11] the conversation that we're having i understood which is the thing i'm most grateful for with this

[01:09:18] is that i wanted to be able to share something with someone from my heart and and the fact that

[01:09:26] i was able to do that uh before the year is out um i can't say that uh you know there's

[01:09:32] nothing more than i'm grateful for than that well congratulations it is truly a labor of love it is

[01:09:40] really one of the most beautiful books that i've ever seen uh thanks to the photography y'all he's

[01:09:48] got clouds it's off if it starts if you don't if you really know me you know how much i love

[01:09:54] clouds and sunsets and i'm going to spoil this the opening chapter is called sunrise and the

[01:09:59] closing chapter is called sunset and there's literally neon clouds and other full clouds

[01:10:05] throughout this whole thing i'm biased about how beautiful this book is but i really do want to

[01:10:10] give you some roses on the marketing um on how you've been sharing about this it's uh it's truly a

[01:10:16] work of art and i just acknowledge that that labor of the heart that went into it so that we can

[01:10:23] all connect more and learn from each other and have some some great frameworks

[01:10:27] and ways to think about things differently if my audience wants to find you where can they do

[01:10:33] um yeah you can find me on the socials um it's uh at cj johnson jr um also have a website

[01:10:39] www.cjj johnson jr.com uh the maguire method is available on amazon uh ebook and paper book and

[01:10:48] and yeah like um yeah get the real good there's like cute enough coffee it's when i made that book

[01:10:56] as where is the sounds i made it specifically to be paperback and to be a certain size that you

[01:11:03] can carry in your purse or bag or or with you uh the way that i imagined it is uh is me folding my

[01:11:11] book putting in my back pocket while i'm like hiking up a mountain just to like watch the sun

[01:11:16] go down that's that was like in my mind that's what i imagined so well it fits perfectly in like my

[01:11:24] favorite like that i take any adventure so you nailed it yeah i yeah i was yeah if you go to

[01:11:33] cafe or do any of that stuff and you just set it out there what somebody to walk by and be like

[01:11:37] what is that um the maguire method oh you didn't know well let me just like first we're gonna do

[01:11:47] breath work but then you're gonna read from the barb yeah y'all i literally made cj do some breath

[01:11:53] work because we had some technical difficulties getting onto this call so i'm like excuse me while

[01:11:58] i palo santo and do you want to breathe with me and he was like uh thank you thank you for

[01:12:05] rolling with the punches on this i am just i'm so grateful for you sharing your creativity for

[01:12:11] your voice for your heart in this book your time and energy in this podcast thank you thank you

[01:12:16] thank you i hope you and your loved ones have such a wonderful holiday thank you so much i hope

[01:12:22] you do too all right thanks we'll talk soon and that's a wrap we want to hear from you guys so tag

[01:12:28] at make one day happen on instagram and share your biggest aha moment or one thing you can take from

[01:12:33] this episode and put into action today if you're ready to go to the next level i'm currently

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[01:13:40] the episode description for an exclusive offer this is sarah hubbard host of you and me kid a podcast

[01:13:49] about starting and raising a family on your own we just launched season two and i'm speaking with

[01:13:54] single moms those still considering an expert in relevant fields to give you a real sense of what

[01:13:59] the day-to-day experience of solo parenting looks and feels like plus this season i've partnered

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