How to Stop Overthinking Your Life | Belle-Lyssa Crawford

[00:00:00] We'll have this discussion. Discussion? What discussion? This is a discussion. Combustion. Coming to you from Denver, Colorado, this is Discussion Combustion Podcast with your hosts Kevin Batstone and Arthur Rawe. 319, it's time. Discussion Combustion Podcast coming to you from Denver, Colorado as always. We've been looking forward to this episode for quite some time. Kind of a throwback here. We got Belle-Lyssa Crawford in the building live action. We said it when she was on Zoom. We're gonna get her on the couch. She made it.

[00:00:30] Welcome. Thank you. Thank you. I'm so excited to be here. And I just moved back seven weeks ago. Woohoo! I'm so grateful to be here. Yeah, I didn't realize that you were from... you're a Colorado native? I am not. I'm an upstate New Yorker. See? Oh, wow. But you lived in Colorado. I did. Yeah. For the majority of your life? I left when I was in my early 20s. I had an adventure in North Carolina where I went to UNCA. Asheville. Fell in love with it. Mm-hmm.

[00:01:00] And then I got the calling. I just... some kind of energy kept driving me to Colorado. Okay. And I thought, it snows there. Why do I want to go there? I mean, I really was questioning. But I was asking. I was asking, you know, the collective consciousness and universe, like, what's next for me? And the buffalo burgers from my freezer were from Colorado.

[00:01:24] My favorite poet, Blue Mountain Cards. I love them. From Colorado. Songs on the radio, Colorado. And then I started my coaching career. So this is going back 2002. Okay. Yeah. 2002. Dating myself a little bit. And I was working on a master's in coaching and it was an international program. And the graduation was in Denver, Colorado. Oh, nice. And I was in Asheville, North Carolina. I'm like, well, I gotta go. I gotta go.

[00:01:54] And I had already decided to move there. And then when I got there, like, wow, this is... the energy's different. It wasn't about the weather. Although I absolutely love it. I feel clear-headed. I feel amazing. There's something about feeling connected to my highest and best self, my higher purpose. I meet the right people. They're all here. And I have not felt that anywhere else in my life. Interesting. Anywhere in the country?

[00:02:24] No. Never. I'm sure there was at least a couple glimmers of light down in Asheville, North Carolina. There were a lot of glimmers. Yes, absolutely. But nothing like this. That's amazing. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, alignment. Mm-hmm. And then when I left, I worked remotely. Mm-hmm. And I had told myself when I moved out to Wilmington, North Carolina, that I would be there for five years. Mm-hmm.

[00:02:47] And I'm pretty intentional. When I set my mind to something, even if I'm not ready, it's like, oh, I said that? Shit. I better do something about it. I gotta keep my promises to myself. That's good. Because things open up for me. Well, welcome back to the state. Thank you. The 303. How long have you been back now? Seven weeks. Oh, wow. So we got you on the couch quick. You did? On your return height in Colorado Springs area. Yes. It's beautiful down there.

[00:03:11] It really is. And what I didn't know, Colorado Springs has the highest suicide rate in the country. I didn't know that. No way. I did not know that. Yes, it does. I didn't know that. Wow. And- It's military town. Is that probably part of the country? That is a lot to do with it. Yeah. And that may be the draw to Colorado Springs, because I'd never really, I'd driven through, but I'd never really spent much time there. I'd been in Highlands Ranch in Littleton before that. Yeah.

[00:03:36] And as somebody who has struggled with anxiety and depression, having 10,000 thoughts in my head at once, overthinking my life away, I came up with a program to, and I call it mental fitness, intentionability. I create strategies for people to help them make their mind a beautiful place to be. And it's no wonder why I ended up in Colorado Springs. It's one of the number one podcast places in the world. And it's one of the number one places of cities in the country for women entrepreneurs. Oh.

[00:04:06] And there's so much, even the mayor supports mental wellbeing. And there's a mental wellbeing club that meets once a month, a new friend of mine, Russ Tellup invited me. I was on a podcast one night, advertising it and talking about mental health. And this is the place to be because not only is there more awareness, there's more need and there's more resources. Wow. That's awesome. That is. And I didn't know a lot of those stats. I mean, about Colorado Springs.

[00:04:35] It's awesome how you described the calling. It's unfortunate that Colorado Springs is suffering from that. But you're needed here in the state. It's how you're describing this. Thank you. Right. Thank you. That's what I would say. And I'm familiar, all too familiar with those statistics. Since we've last met, I am now on the board of directors with the U.S. Veterans Hall of Fame. Wow. They're out of Charlotte, but we are nationwide.

[00:05:04] And we help prevent homelessness and suicide amongst veterans. And we've been doing it for eight years, boots on the ground efforts. And we started out because we realized there's such a correlation and a connection to lack of money, homelessness and suicide. And there's so much shame that goes along with it. And I'm very familiar with all of those statistics and how a lot of people don't talk about it.

[00:05:32] So thank you for having me on your show to give people an opportunity to listen and talk about. There's a lot going on in people's heads. There definitely is. And I really love the gift when someone opens up to me and I can be that safe space for someone to share those heavy burdens that are going on in their minds. Yeah. Well, thanks for coming on and taking time out of your day to share that with us and be here to tell the story and take us on the adventure a little bit. Thank you.

[00:05:58] So one question I have for you then, because it is a lot to make yourself emotionally vulnerable enough to be able to help others. Like there is like an emotional, I wouldn't call it a burden, but it's like you can take on a lot there. Right.

[00:06:18] So how or what are some techniques and maybe this is in your book that's coming out soon, but like what are some techniques that you do to keep yourself mentally like optimistic? Right. Because I feel like that would be the biggest challenge is staying optimistic when you're totally or constantly around people that are the opposite. That's a great question.

[00:06:44] Early on in my life, I realized that I had a responsibility, a higher calling because I was able to pull myself out of a dark place. I could look at on a beautiful day and not be able to participate. I know what that feels like. I know what it feels like to look better on the outside than I feel on the inside. I know what it looks like to do all the things and still not feel good inside and not to feel safe to talk about it.

[00:07:10] And so I've worked really hard because I know our thoughts create our emotions. And I know that we have feelings that can make us sick. It's why I do what I do. I was mentored by Bob Proctor, one of the first 50 in the world that actually went to visit with him. And he's passed now, first 50 in the room when he first started coaching. And he had just produced The Secret.

[00:07:39] And I want to go deeper than that because it's deeper than that. Our thoughts create our reality. Our feelings, though, are under the subconscious, how we feel. Something happens to us. We go through trauma. We have thoughts. We have grief. We have all these things. And we don't necessarily take the time to process them. Being a coach, I have a higher calling and responsibility because I can't afford to take it on. I have tremendous empathy.

[00:08:07] I cried this morning in a session in a group. I do an All Are Invited. I co-host a mental fitness mastery group on Wednesdays. And I'll give you the details. Good night. And every Wednesday, people are invited. And I co-host it with Frank Sinclair. And I bet you most of your audience knows who he is in Colorado Springs, the most popular man. And he's known as the chief encouragement officer. And he's been an amazing influence in my life.

[00:08:34] And have those safe spaces to be able to talk and then to be able to feel my feelings and then ground myself. People talk about grounding a lot. What does that mean? To me, it means, and I've had a lot of training. I've trained with shamans. I'm a Reiki master. I do it on myself. And I listen to a lot of music that helps reset my nervous system.

[00:08:58] And I have programs available that are guided by my voice and then music that helps balance out the two hemispheres of your brain so it can clear. Because our subconscious mind doesn't know what's real or imagined. So if I'm feeling somebody else's feelings, like I was crying this morning. Someone was sharing that on her 48th wedding anniversary, her husband left her for another woman. Wow. And I felt so much empathy. And the group was talking about forgiveness.

[00:09:29] Deep, radical, complete forgiveness. And to be able to do that and not harbor. And so I had to clear that and take some time. And sometimes it can just take two minutes. And in the last episode, we talked about mental fitness exercises. And just taking two minutes to tune in, not just to one of your senses like the sounds or your breathing, but tune into where you're feeling and in your body.

[00:09:59] That's really important. Our bodies don't lie. And something that might have happened to you 10, 15, 20 years ago can come up and I have another story about that as to what inspired me to do coaching. Because I have an incredible example about how critical that is. And one of my mentors was a shaman. And she wasn't able to clear that energy. Her sister got sick. She was very close to her.

[00:10:29] And unfortunately, she passed away. She got sick right after that. And she was very young. She was younger than me. And I realized, and I started working with her when I was in my 20s, because I realized I have a gift. I have a gift of being able to identify what people's blocks are better than they can. I have an ability, even on the first session, to have incredible breakthroughs. And I hold that space. I don't call it a burden. It's a privilege. I have a privilege.

[00:10:58] So I look at it with gratitude. I said, thank you for that. Now I'm going to let that pass. I'm going to acknowledge where I felt it today. I felt it in my heart. I felt that grief. We process grief through our hearts, not through our heads. It's not logical. So even if I think that I should just go on with my day, I will take that time so that I'm not building up that residual. And that's what I help people with.

[00:11:29] I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that. I haven't had a cold or the flu. I've never gotten COVID. I haven't been sick in over 11 years. That's true. I remember the last time I got sick was when my dad died. And I was grieving. And it was too much. I was trying to help my mom grieve. Yeah. Who actually got diagnosed with bone cancer the week my dad was dying. Wow. Jeez. And my mom, she was really what inspired me to go into coaching.

[00:11:58] She got diagnosed with fourth stage ovarian cancer. 34 years before she passed away. She was given three and a half weeks to live. 34 years before. Mm-hmm. Okay. And one of her doctors said to my dad and I as an only child, you better get with it. And Doris, that was my mom's name. You better start planning. You're not going to be around. And my mom thought about it. She got really sad.

[00:12:27] Really stoic. And she said, I'm ready to go. And she watched her own mom die of ovarian cancer when she was only 18 years old. Mm-hmm. Not only that, she was pregnant. No one knew. She had to give up a child. The same month, her mother died. She watched her mother suffer. My grandfather, her father blamed her for her death. I don't know how that's even possible.

[00:12:57] But at 18 years old, my mom didn't understand. She stuffed those feelings. Mm-hmm. And I was adopted. I asked her my whole life. Mom, are you sure you never had a child? Because I'm very psychic. Are you sure? Nope. Well, when I was 22, I met my biological family. My biological mother had passed. That's a story for another episode. However, my mom met her biological daughter.

[00:13:21] She said, now that you've met your family, she put her name in an international adoption organization and met her three and a half weeks later. It wasn't the grand, amazing connection that she'd hoped for. Yeah. Her daughter felt that she wasn't there for her. She gave her up even though she had an amazing life. A year later, my mom got diagnosed with four-stage ovarian cancer. My mom said, the next day after she was ready to go, she pulled out her feeding tube.

[00:13:51] Quarter to five in the morning, her surgeon came in and said, why'd you do that, Doris? And he was also a doctor that did the surgery and got down at the foot of her bed and said, I can't get all the cancer, but I can pray. My mom was never religious and I never have been either. I'm very spiritual though. And she said, I decided I wanted to live. And that right there changed my whole life.

[00:14:16] Because she focused on everything going forward about what she wanted to have happen, not what she didn't. She visualized the chemo that she had for two and a half years. Only killing the bad cells, not the good. And so that's what I do with my thoughts. I feed my positive thoughts. It's a responsibility. It's an honor with gratitude. And I catch myself. It's a constant thing. I'm more aware and I help people change their default. But that's what started my coaching career.

[00:14:45] Because she focused on what she wanted to have happen, not what she don't. What she didn't. How many people, how many times do people focus on what they don't want more of? All the time. Right? All day long. Like, oh, I hate traffic. And then they talk about hate and traffic. And it's like, traffic exists. Why is this influencing your emotions? True. So great in-depth story. A lot of like emotions there. A lot to unpack there, yeah.

[00:15:14] I'm picking up some themes and it's really about acknowledgement. Like, I feel like that's one of the most important things is to actually acknowledge what is occurring. Understand like how you're feeling about it. And then there's always that redirection. So like, that's kind of what I've applied in like my life. And I'm very fortunate. My mom taught me about affirmations when I was like 14.

[00:15:40] So I've been practicing affirmations for 16 years or something. 26 years? How many years is that to 40? That's enough years for you to know that they work. Well, they do work. They do work. And like I said in our last episode, he taught me that. I've applied it to my life for the last 10 years. Positive affirmations have transitioned fundamentally for me. And you mentioned another thing about kind of clearing energy with music is one thing you referenced. I listen to frequency specific. That's exactly it.

[00:16:10] And I started that about maybe two years ago. Sleep frequency, healing, you know, whatever it is. And to your point, great sleep. I haven't been sick in six years. Just fundamentally changed my thoughts around it. Just speaking for myself, what I can offer to the experience. And it worked. And it's something I got to keep leaning into though. Because like you said before we jumped on mic, keeping that light, right? That could be a little tougher for some, I think. I think it can be.

[00:16:37] And I want to offer some strategies to you. Because I think it's all great to say positive things. Our subconscious mind doesn't know what's real or imagined. It's also always working in the background. It's always picking up on things. And we may not realize if we don't check in with ourselves multiple times a day and ask our bodies, how are you feeling? Where'd that hit?

[00:17:05] Because it might trace back to something that happened a long time ago. And then you can heal all of that. And so giving yourself permission to be open, to be curious what something's bringing up. And living in that conscious space. And to use the tools. I've been using frequency music for over 20 years. That's amazing. And I use self-hypnosis. And I have some self-hypnosis programs that I've put together. And I use them on myself. It's really interesting to get used to my own voice.

[00:17:33] How do you get out of your own self-hypnosis? I just fall asleep and meditate. Okay. And then you just come to naturally? Yeah, I do. There's six to ten minutes. And then I have music that kind of brings me back. But it's just guided meditation that I talk. Okay. I talk to myself before I go to sleep. I take advantage. So here's some really powerful things that people can do. Our subconscious is a superpower.

[00:18:00] And the opportunities that we have to program our subconscious mind are incredible. Especially just before we go to bed. So how many of us are just not conscious about what we do before we go to bed? I'm big on having a mental diet. So, you know, we've heard about turning the lights down and things like that. But how do I clear the energy from the day? About eight o'clock. I'm very religious about it. I'll meditate. 30 minutes. That's it. 30 minutes.

[00:18:30] And I ask for what's highest and best. And I ask for things, the highest part of myself. I ask for the things that are not highest and best for me to gently dissolve. And I imagine it. I visualize. I do that. I listen to music. And I make it an intention so that my mind, my body, my spirit has a time every night that I can pay attention to it. And then I have rules for myself. I know this about myself.

[00:18:57] And anyone who's worked with me or anyone who knows me knows that I'm probably not going to have a heavy conversation unless it's really, really critically important about something or I'm not going to do something incredibly creative after eight o'clock at night. Because guess what? This Disney mind of mine does not shut off. I have to really put guardrails around it with love. I know that about myself. If I don't, then I become fatigued and I'm more susceptible to picking up negative energy

[00:19:24] from other people and the other people's emotions. It's hard enough to do with my own. Sure. I have a lot. I have a lot of emotions. However, imagine if I have 10 people a day that I'm connecting with and maybe half of them have some heavy stuff that they're dealing with. Trauma. Imagine if I'm carrying that all around. So not only do I give myself times throughout the day where I'm checking in, I also give myself

[00:19:50] an intentional time at night where I really allow myself to let go of the residue. And I have some radical honesty with myself. I ask myself, well, what was, what were those tears about this morning? What did that hit in me? Was there any part of me there? And I truly, this is something that just came out a few years ago and I'm super excited about it. Science has proven that negative thoughts actually have a negative pH in our body. Why is that important? Because a cell can get weak.

[00:20:19] Cancer lives in an acidic environment. It doesn't live in an alkaline environment. So when we're more positive, we have more light energy, we're vibrating higher. And that's another strategy that I want to share with your audience and both of you, that we bring in that and we can actually raise our vibration. Sickness can't live there. I tell myself I have a kick ass immune system. Hell yeah. Every day.

[00:20:46] I did name it after a company in Boulder, Wish Gardens, kick ass immune activator. I highly recommend it if you're around any germs or have it on hand. It's amazing. I used to work with them. It's incredible. Yeah. And that's where I got it. I have a kick ass immune system and I don't fight it like my mom taught me. I don't fight it. I allow it to pass through me. I make friends with it. Thank you for showing me. If I have a little pain or whatever that is, thank you for bringing that to my awareness.

[00:21:17] I don't fear it. Yeah. And that's really, really important. That's another thing that I learned. So many people automatically like that happened. Mm-hmm. And what's happening is they're reacting. And so I teach people how to move into the parasympathetic part of their brain, the part of their brain that's more calm, the part of their brain that changes their defaults. So when they have something happen and they're in traffic and there are lots of people out here. A lot. Mm-hmm. I won't say how they're driving us, but let's just say.

[00:21:47] They could do some proof. Right? We know. And so there's all kinds of things that could set us off. Somebody could come into this room right now and yell. Sure. We weren't expecting it. Or a child screaming. Whatever it is. Something happens, you get a phone call. What's your immediate response? What's your immediate response? If you have a fight or flight response, you're dumping adrenaline and cortisol and you're dumping in other hormones and you're actually imbalancing your neurotransmitters in your brain.

[00:22:13] So those things happening, but imagine if you can actually keep the peace. Learn how to make your mind a beautiful place to be and be happy from the inside out. Mm-hmm. Yeah. To be able to have that strength to draw on. That's what helps me the most. And here's another. It's one of my secrets. And that is really paying attention to your vibration. This requires you to have full accountability. Full accountability for your feelings.

[00:22:42] If you're feeling resentful, if you're angry, if you're tired, if you're sad, you're feeling depressed, feeling disappointed, hopeless, all those things, take responsibility for those feelings. Yeah. Do something about them instead of sit with them. Because those are the lower vibrations. They're not bad. But if you can move them and acknowledge that and find ways to bring your vibration, you're a walk in a room and you feel like that person lights up the room. Yep. It's because their energy's higher.

[00:23:10] You know, when I walked in here, yeah, I felt your vibe. I felt your energy. Like, I want to be around you guys. Right. That's how I felt all the way from North Carolina. You probably hear that a lot. And so being able to be that light for yourself and acknowledge it when it gets a little dim, you got to feed it. You got to fill it up. You don't fill it up with darkness. You got to fill it up with the good stuff. So really paying attention and being in tune to your energy. And I think isolation, going back to why the suicide rate is so high.

[00:23:40] Okay. People are suffering in silence. People ask, how are you? Sometimes people don't know how to respond. Or people make an assumption when they don't hear back from someone. Yeah. And they don't know what to do. They have no idea what to do for someone. They want to fix it. Or maybe it's uncomfortable. And so being aware of those things can save a life. And being aware of that for ourselves, too. Are we isolating? Check in. Have community.

[00:24:10] Before the show, we talked about your friendship of 17 years. Yeah. What a great story. And I shared with you about the group that I do. Yeah. And that is community. Having those safe spaces where there's no judgment. You don't want to share things with everybody. No. You want it to be safe. You want to feel heard. You want to feel listened to. You want to feel valued. Not shut down and judged. And what does it mean to really listen. And to be able to do that for yourself.

[00:24:38] So that's my strategy. Is to be able to just listen to myself, too. Yeah. What's my body saying? Being present. Exactly. Being present and being honest with myself. Sometimes it's really uncomfortable. I love the honesty. And I love. You, too. I love healthy barriers, too. Mm-hmm. Like, being honest. Because I used to be the biggest manipulator when I was doing drugs all the time. I would be lying to everybody, you know, not paying my bills, not taking accountability,

[00:25:07] which is another thing that you mentioned. And, like, when I acknowledged that I had the issue, I was 28. And then it took me five years to actually be, I disappointed myself so much after I was aware. Because I'm like, okay, I have a problem. And then every time that I would mess up, like, I would be feeding into my own disappointment for myself. Because I knew I was doing something wrong.

[00:25:33] And it took five years until I was like, I'm done disappointing myself. And then at that point, I was 100% honest. All the corners that I cut in the past, I had to circle back and, like, do it right. And that was expensive. Because I was being an idiot. But all this stuff resonates. And really, the one point that I wanted to echo with this and, you know, share a little bit of the overcoming drug story, which I've shared before on the podcast.

[00:26:02] But it's daily, like, some kind of, you do it five minutes a day. You do it 10 minutes a day. Like, you don't have to be in this place all day. Because it's a big task. Like, when life is, when you're pessimistic about life and it doesn't look good and it's dark and gray. Like, it almost sounds like bullshit that life can be so beautiful and full of light and love. Like, it's, like, that's stupid. It sounds stupid sometimes.

[00:26:31] But so if, like, you are slowly working up to it and, like, it takes time to make a big change. It took me five years after acknowledging wanting to quit pills. Like, it took five years to get off of it. And you have to give yourself time and, like, grace. And this was one of my favorite quotes. And then I'll pass the mic. But I was trying to quit pills. I kept redoing opiates every month. And I would, like, spend my last $100.

[00:26:59] And one of my friends told me once, because I would, like, go maybe a month without it or something. And he's like, hey, man, you know, because I was talking about, oh, I'm starting over again, square one. And he's like, dude, it's not square one. Like, you still have been thinking about it and doing all this work all these years. That's still progress. It doesn't matter if, like, you have another sip of booze, if you're trying to quit alcohol or whatever. The fact that you care enough to even try and that it bothers you that you had a slip up, that's progress.

[00:27:28] So, like, changing our mentality of, like, how we feel about our thoughts about ourselves. Like, and it takes daily work. And it's the best work I think anyone can do. Like, I am so grateful every day. And, like, nightly affirmations before I fall asleep. Morning affirmations when I'm waking up. Frequencies. Being intentional. Yeah, the frequency. How do you start with that? It's all awesome. And it works.

[00:27:54] And people say that it sounds like woo-woo or, like, it's because they're a nonbeliever. And as long as you don't believe, then it's not going to work for you. Like, you have to have some faith in your amazing capability to shape your own reality. Because that's what we can all do. It just takes time. And we shaped our realities into the negative ones by not practicing the positive habits. We're practicing the negative habits.

[00:28:21] And then so that's, like, what shaped this horrible situation that we have to get out of. Yeah. It's very true. What do you think, Kev? No, I think it's all accurate. I mean, we both have different stories of how we ended up here. And that's why I love this podcast journey. Because we have this journey we've been on since 2019. And then we can go back and look at where we were. So when we started this, you were exiting the drug addiction cycle. We're still doing it. And entering a new cycle. And we have all that documented through our podcasts.

[00:28:47] And so that part, I feel very grateful for it to be a part of that journey and be able to continue to tell these stories. But a lot of things have changed, too, that we've had to adapt with through time. I mean, you've been coaching a long time, so you've seen it longer than I have in the sense of working with people in the integration of social media. Now working through the integration of AI. There's a lot of things coming at us that we're having to bob and weave and adjust to daily, right? Right. That's kind of changed the way and the thought process, I think, of a lot of folks. It has. Absolutely.

[00:29:17] And you brought up a really good point. And I want to go back to something that you said. Acknowledging where you are. And one of the things that I love about what I do is I teach people how to become their own best friend. Talk to themselves. Because we are the person we talk to the most. What are the commercials running inside our minds? What are we saying to ourselves? And acknowledging the strengths. Took a lot of strength and courage to get here.

[00:29:46] You don't have to get it perfect. That's actually a mental hijack. To think that we have to get it perfect. That we can't just start over right here where we are. That we can't just keep going. That look at how far you've come. Look at the humility. Look at the vulnerability. And I also think that as a coach, it's important for me to share my stories. No, I can't relate to someone being married 48 years. True. Having their husband. I can't relate to someone losing their child. I can't relate to someone losing two husbands two years in a row. It's tragic.

[00:30:17] One was a sickness. Unexpected illness. And the other was a motorcycle accident. Wow. Yeah. I don't think I'm ever going to buy a motorcycle just since we've mentioned that. Yeah. Yeah. Mitigate risk. You know, however, we don't, I don't necessarily have to know what someone is going through to be able to hear their story, to be able to come alongside them and allow them the safe place to be vulnerable.

[00:30:43] And I want to be vulnerable about my stories, how I've moved through it. And by you sharing your healing in your journey, you're helping someone else be able to do that. And that's the greatest gift. Honestly, the fact that the podcast has helped one person ever once. It's amazing. Hundreds, hundreds, hundreds. You know, but even just affecting one life.

[00:31:08] And it's interesting because these type of conversations, when you start breaking down like the superpower that we all harness, which is our intuition and subconscious and having a higher conscious collective through awareness and all that sort of stuff. Like you are changing the energy in the room and you can give that energy away for free because it's perpetual. It's like from love and joy. So it's, it's more elevated.

[00:31:37] And then just even talking about this, if someone's hearing this for the first time, like I was talking to this, this couple about attractor fields and how, and you've read power versus force, the hidden detriments of human beings. I could tell when anyone has read that book, I can tell by the way they talk. Um, so I was talking about attractor fields and I could tell that through the body language and me explaining this layer of information that the conversation was like elevated and

[00:32:06] you could feel this elevation and being, and it's, it's really interesting because alcohol takes us away from that, uh, smoke, smoke and weed or, uh, edibles take us out of that. And nicotine will remove us, you know? So there's all these things that are like promoted and, and like, you know, wearing polyester clothes and, and like all this stuff is to disconnect us and like keep our energy enclosed.

[00:32:34] So, so it's like, once you start breaking free, it's, it's, it's very interesting. There's so many layers to this conversation. There is, but I just think it's interesting. It is. And I want to go back to what you said, Kevin, and about the layers. I love Chachapi. I love AI. I love Claude. I love all of them. It's helping me be more. Mm-hmm. And I love it is. It's amazing. I get to go to Disneyland and create all kinds of things. I love it. But here's downside. I've heard that term. Yeah. It's a downside.

[00:33:03] There's downside to it. Sure. People use it to isolate. Mm-hmm. People lean on it too much. People trust it too much. Yes. Instead of reaching out and maybe talk to someone like myself or someone else, they're asking, but they're not having the human interaction. Mm-hmm. There are people marrying virtual beings. And so it's removed a layer.

[00:33:33] And then people are like, well, I'd rather, I can count on my Chachapi. I can count on AI. AI tells you what you want to hear. You program it. But I've actually heard like, I, that it's like a best friend. It's an extension. And then it's removing them from something. And I think also there's a lot of fakes out there. There's a lot of fraudsters out there. And I've been coaching 25 years. Mm-hmm. And I think the biggest challenge is one of them is social media. Mm-hmm.

[00:33:58] Thinking that just because someone is connected, they might actually be more connected to somebody who isn't actually, maybe they're a charlatan. And there's, there's a lot of them out there and there's some that aren't. Yeah. But they're really good at marketing. They're really, really good at tricking you into thinking that they can help you because it sounds really good. And so there's a slippery slope of that.

[00:34:24] People really have to do their due diligence and hone into their intuition, not trust the fancy lights and the fancy things. And I think it can be almost a drug, a dopamine hit. They get on social media. And it's a mood regulator too. I prefer to be in control of my own mind and my own mood. It's all about regulation. Because you're just absorbing every reel that goes across. You're absorbing it. Yeah. And at this rapid rate, like how many reels can you look at in like 60 seconds?

[00:34:52] And then you intuitively absorb that energy. And then if you're not being conscious about it, like what you're talking about, then where do you displace it? It's a short-term dopamine hit, like you were saying. It is. Just like drugs. It is. And I think too, have you ever experienced someone who says, I hate social media. Oh, yeah. It's awful in negativity. Well, what are you feeding it? Right. How are you interacting to it? What's your accountability and responsibility? Sure, there's negativity on there.

[00:35:21] It doesn't show up on my feed. I take ownership of that. Some people don't know how to do it. But now there's AI that could teach you how to do it. And there's lots of tools there, right? It's true. And I think that that is really, really important. And also to be able to like the news, watching the news or the Weather Channel back in North Carolina, hurricane season. I never turned it on because it was the doom and gloom in the music. No hurricanes this year. No, I know. Well, we had- We had Dolly a couple. We had a couple just come through kind of the Carolina area, actually. Yeah.

[00:35:50] Charlotte just got impacted. Did they? Yeah. It wasn't a full strength. I mean, we're not talking Katrina's here or anything like that. Right. But yeah, there was a couple tropical- Oh, okay. There were. But either way- I'm out of date on that. Just to echo your point, because I'm a big weather guy. But, and I wanted to be a meteorologist when I was a kid. Like, that was my dream. So this is kind of fun, because I played weatherman on here a few times. Oh, wow. I love that. Chief meteorologist. Chief meteorologist of this guy. I love that. I have a lot of fun with it. That's fantastic. And I still enjoy it, because that's what I always wanted to be when I was a little boy. Love it. But what I've noticed in my years is like you just, you hit nail on the head.

[00:36:20] It is doom and gloom. You know, it's almost propaganda, but it isn't because like, sure, we're going to get some rain. We're going to get some wind. But the way that information is being presented from what I remembered as a kid is a fear-mongering tactic. It really is. And there's this neat little experiment, and we don't have any water here, but if I could pretend. So just come, audiences, come with me here. Let's pretend that I've got a glass of water in one hand.

[00:36:49] I've got another glass of water over here, setting them right in front of me. And I have a dropper of black ink. And I equate this to people being addicted to negative thinking. One drop of black ink in the water on the right. Okay. I can handle that. But what happens if I start to spiral down? If I start to really sit in grief, I really start to allow myself to absorb all those things.

[00:37:19] What happens to that glass if I get 20 drops? If I get 50 drops? I can't see. And I truly believe that that is where a lot of the deep depression and hopelessness goes. When you lose hope, what do you have? If you can't find your way out of that, people get in a black hole. I've been in a black hole. I know what it feels like. Therapy didn't work for me. I was very sensitive. I didn't take medication. I found my way out of the hole.

[00:37:49] And I feel like it's my calling to help other people out of the hole to identify that actually there's neuroscience that backs this, that we can get addicted to those negative thoughts and not be able to get out of the loop. How many times do you mentally rehearse something and just can't get over it? You just can't let it go. You've got this negative thought, whatever that is, and it just goes and goes and goes. And it's really hard for us to get out of those sometimes without some help, without a pattern interruption. And that's where mental fitness comes in and the kind of coaching that I do.

[00:38:17] But really to look at, I'm going to step back and pause between my sessions, between my conversations as I go throughout my day so that I'm aware of how many drops of black ink do I have in my tank. Because if you can't see it, then you become unaware. And then your subconscious eats it and shame goes in. And I see so many people that don't have unregulated, they have unregulated nervous systems.

[00:38:47] And you can tell. They get activated when you try to have a conversation. And so it shuts them off even more from the world. And they probably need us more than anyone. Hmm. Because they get activated, they get defensive, they get deflective, they get agitated, and then they're telling a story. And here's what happens when we get agitated and we get activated in our nervous system as fight or flight. What happens is, we then hold on to whatever story it is that we heard in our minds. Doesn't mean it's true.

[00:39:15] Oftentimes it's not. And it's usually not a positive story. It's usually not. 99.9% of the time, it's not a positive story. But you hold into that. You buy into that. You're sold. You're hooked. That's where that doom and gloom comes in. So you actually hold on to that narrative. And it's very, very difficult to break free from that narrative unless you have help and supports. Because people aren't aware of that. I think that happens all too often in society.

[00:39:45] People get judged. People get shut down. Whatever hurt them. Maybe someone didn't listen. Maybe they're afraid to share. Whatever's going on inside of them. But can you imagine somebody feeling all those feelings? Maybe they lost a job. Maybe they had custody issues. Maybe they had court issues. Maybe they had job-related stress before that. You could get like... I was struggling with responsibility from success.

[00:40:15] And like doing things that were progressing my life, bringing more responsibility. And the way I was compartmentalizing it and like perceiving it was more things for me to do opposed for opportunities that I've been able to create. And it was... Like I had to shift. So it's not even always a negative thing that can create like these negative thought loops. Like... So even successful things can like...

[00:40:43] You have to change your perception on it. Absolutely. Sorry to interrupt there. No, I can totally relate to that. I'm really glad you brought that up. Because I struggled with that. Yeah, it's like you have all these things happening and you're trying to be a productive person. And so one affirmation I've been doing often now is I do things immediately that like I take immediate action. And so that way things don't get away from me and like my task list is getting done and I can breathe then once I've completed things. And then also I enjoy being productive.

[00:41:13] I enjoy being productive and that is actually a true statement. But sometimes we have to like remind ourselves like, okay, I took a hot shower today. That's a blessing, you know, and making it simple. Being present. And just because I have the mic right now, I'm going to say one more thing.

[00:41:33] Letting go of stuff and like these energies, like negativity, some easy things is like literally if you shake, like that releases a lot apparently. And then like even just going on a walk or when I'm taking a shower at night, if I've had a stressful day, I do like to say to myself like this water is washing away all the negative energy of the day.

[00:41:57] And like I feel it just dripping off like it's getting rid of it, shake it off, you know, but you have to like have fun with it. You've got to try to have fun because it is chaos. Like life's crazy. So it's intentional. Like you have to be intentional. It takes time, I think, to reach that. It does. That level of awareness, being in present takes, you know, repetition is the mother of skill, right? It is. So we kind of, you know, you talk mental fitness and making those adjustments.

[00:42:27] I think what you call it like a interference with the negative thoughts or redirect. A pattern interrupts. Yeah, there it is. And consistency. It's like going to the gym. It's mental gym to be able to do consistency. And I think the more aware we can be and the more honest with ourselves. I used to struggle with even getting started on something as a sorry. And I didn't realize it until another coach helped identify quite a number of years ago, but it was life changing. Identify why are you afraid of success?

[00:42:56] Like what's your problem? Well, I realized because I burnt myself out at a very young age. I was a super performer and I was exhausted. I wasn't enjoying anything. Hmm. I'd fall asleep in the middle of my books and I just, I was just work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work. No connection. Isolating. And I looked better on the outside than I ever did on the inside. And I realized, wow, I made that up in my head. That was a belief that wasn't true. Yeah.

[00:43:23] And I think the reframe is what you're talking about. When it's being humble enough to acknowledge that you're wrong. Right. Like that's, that's, I feel like that's a difficult step. Yeah. Is admitting like I am wrong. I made a mistake. But like the own it, hashtag own it. Right. Being accountable. Like I love being honest. Like it's set me free in so many ways because you know, people can relate with you. People can feel your energy.

[00:43:53] Like we're talking about. And when you're over exaggerating and you're not being honest or authentic, people can feel that like they can tell. So there's, there's a lot of benefits to just acknowledging and being honest with yourself. Even if you got to take that, take that L, take that loss. Takes time. You know, one of my favorite things that I've learned and I'll quote Jade. I am one of our previous guests. She, this always stuck with me. If it's not a hell yeah, then it's going to be a no.

[00:44:22] And I love telling people no. I've worked a lot of years in sales, so I've been told no a lot, but then putting that into my own life, you know, let's go do this. No. That's been. No to me a lot. A lot. He'll always try to get me to go out after tonight's episode. I'm going to say no. And that's a beautiful thing. I like it when he tells me no. Yeah. I love that.

[00:44:45] And I, and I love what you said about being freed up, but I want to go back to something you said, take the loss and being alone something. Oh yeah. I don't know. I don't know if I see it as a loss. I actually love at this point in my life, being able to own something. And I'm going to go a little deeper with that. Not just own my part in it.

[00:45:11] I want to own that the other person had an experience, even if I don't agree with it. And I've learned that other people's experience of me is important. I don't have to agree to give them space. Imagine how different the world would be if we just owned that. Like, I don't know how I come across as someone else. Maybe they heard me differently than I intended. I'm going to take off my ego and arrogance and be present.

[00:45:41] Share with me. What was that like for you when I said that? And I am famous for asking someone to pause because sometimes people get a little agitated. And I'm, my energy is really important to me. And I want to keep it calm. Because I want to help regulate the nervous system in the room. That's really important. Does it always work? No. It works better when I'm in the same room, but sometimes I'm doing it remotely on the phone. Yeah. And so I'll say, let's just pause.

[00:46:09] Let's just give each other the opportunity to really be heard and hear what's going on here. Because so many times people get hurt because of something they thought they heard. Not because of what was said. And certainly not the intention many times. So being, I feel like it's a gift. Somebody says to me, I own it. Someone recently came back to me and they ghosted me. I don't know if any of you have been ghosted, but it's an awful thing to happen. It was a friend. I've been ghosted. We've all been through it. Yes.

[00:46:40] And someone came back that ghosted me a year and a half ago. Didn't know I'd moved back to Colorado, but actually just reached out and said, I'm so sorry. And he lives in Colorado. I'm so sorry. You didn't deserve that. I was going through something. Yeah. And just that piece of the impact, he acknowledged the impact of what that felt like. All too often we have narrow visions and we're stuck inside our own trauma and thinking, oh my gosh, I hurt somebody.

[00:47:09] But that's not what he led with. He led with, you didn't deserve that. I wanted you to know that I value you and I appreciate your friendship. I was going through something. That's very simple. That was so healing to be able to just open the door of communication so that we're not sitting with that energy. So it's a gift for both people. Yeah. And that's somebody owning it too, right? Yeah. Owning what it felt like and understanding how it impacted you and taking ownership of it. Right. It's important. Yeah.

[00:47:40] So you have a book that's coming out soon. I do. I do. So it's kind of, it's not kind of exciting. It was going to come out tomorrow. However, I pushed it back a little bit. It's my first book. Stop Overthinking Your Life Away. And the inspiration for this is not just because I want to help people stop overthinking their life away, help overthinking their worth away, their relationships away, their health away, all the things. Mm-hmm.

[00:48:07] So it started, I've always wanted to write a book and a lot of people have told me I should write a book. It started with these daily mental fitness strategies that I started during the pandemic, 2019. And I send these three to five minute audio messages out and they're really good. They're insights, daily strategies you can incorporate into your life. And then one day I thought, I could expand on that. That's a page. That's a page out of a book. Do you know how many of those I have? 1,300.

[00:48:38] I was going to say 1,000. I had 1,100 before I moved here. Now I have 1,300. It's amazing. Little, they're not my posts. Yeah. They're literally insights. They're daily insights. How do I? How do I do mental fitness? How do I make my mind a better place to be, a beautiful place to be? How do I reprogram the hard drive of my mind? How do I get the bugs out of my software awareness? So it's these daily things. That's a fun thing.

[00:49:06] So I put that in the book and I'm so excited about it. It has my own personal journey and my own personal stories. I have relatability. It's also going to have a workbook with it. And I'm so excited about it. And I designed the cover myself and I'm really happy with it. I love the colors in it. It just makes me happy to look at it because I can reach people. I notice. This is something I notice. And you may experience this too. I have quite a number of followers on my Facebook now and a lot of friends on there.

[00:49:36] I don't always know who's watching me. And I've had people come to me over the years that have been watching me for 10, 15 years. They've been overthinking some things. And then all of a sudden I have this book. Like she's putting it all in a book. And so I'm going to be able to reach people that I've not reached before. I'm going to be able to reach people that have been sitting on the sidelines wanting some things, wanting some another way to reach them.

[00:50:04] So it's another way to bring community and help change in the world one thought at a time. I love it. Don't overthink your life away. Stop overthinking your life. Stop overthinking your life. Stop overthinking your life. It's a great, great title. Thank you. I feel like a lot of people might be scrolling for a self-help book because I'm assuming that's where it's going to land. Yes, self-help book. And it launches December 1st. Okay, terrific. It's going to be available on Amazon and I'm sure I'll do some sort of virtual launch or maybe even something in Colorado Springs. I'm really excited. That'd be fun.

[00:50:34] It keeps coming to me. I mean, I can't stop thinking about it. Yeah. I just work on it every day. Every day. And my biggest thing is to organize it. That's really all I have left. Is that why you got pushed back a little bit? Well, yes. And I also realized that as much as I realized that there was a big transition in moving here, there's a lot of moving parts. Yeah. And I've done a lot of podcast interviews and I've done a lot of things and I'm really getting involved in the community more than I was there.

[00:51:01] Like, oh, I really want this to be a really, really good representation of what I can give the world. Yeah. So that's why. And I'm also, someone suggested that I put together a launch committee that's going to review the book before it launches so that I can get some good reviews too and get some good feedback. Okay. Launch committee. That makes sense. Yeah, another author. A couple pair of eyes on it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[00:51:26] I mean, when you're always, when you're in the weeds, I guess, and you're focused on like one thing, sometimes it's hard. You need another set of eyes. You need a team. Like there's been so many times I'm happy I'm doing a podcast with this good fella here. Likewise. Because sometimes I'm missing something, he hits it. Sometimes I, like I have a creative direction that we wouldn't have. Yep. And like being able to not always, you know, want to do it my way and like working with how Kev wants to do it or him doing it my way.

[00:51:55] Like, this is, this is like we work together and you, and it's just like a life lesson in general. Like things aren't always going to work out how you plan. Mm-hmm. But if you're listening to this podcast and you're breathing right now, then I guess everything worked out. Right. You survived up until now. Yeah. So why overthink all this stuff when it all works out anyway? Right. Like that's one thing I tell myself sometimes. That's perspective. Yeah. It is. And sometimes you need a little help. Sure.

[00:52:22] And I love what you said about connection and relationship. And I'm really big on relationships. And I think it's really important that we have those intimate, close relationships that we, cause that's how we grow. Well, there are studies that people who lacked meaningful friendships over the age of 50 had a much larger cognitive decline than people who had meaningful relationships.

[00:52:48] And I'm talking when you're getting into your eighties and nineties, like the people who had meaningful relationships were still sharp, making jokes, you know, witty moving around. And then people who were very isolated were declining. Interesting. So like. Makes sense. We're social creatures. Sure. Yeah. And, you know, like the tools of zoom, right? You use that a lot with your coaching. We, we first met you over zoom. So we had that, that experience. It's a great tool, right? We've talked about tools, but nothing like the energy that's coming out.

[00:53:18] It's radiating in this room right now. Exactly. And I love how we can all talk and maybe see a perspective and see each other's blind spots and know, and I know your energy and I know your hearts. I don't have to know you for a long time. Oh, you do. You know, know that you have a good heart to want to make the world a better place. Yeah. And we all have that in common. Yeah. We want to make the world a better place. You're here because you want to reach people. Yeah. You want to share. And I love that. We are making the world.

[00:53:47] You are making a better place. A better place. You are. We call it the people's podcast. Yeah. It's fantastic. And so when you meet people that really want to make the world a better place from that heart space, that heart space. We talk a lot in the mental fitness master group that we meet with on Wednesdays that I do with Frank Sinclair. We talk about love. And I'm not talking about romantic love. I'm talking about just love. Genuine love. Genuine love. Mm-hmm. Like, just that love emanating.

[00:54:17] How cool is it in Power Versus Force when he is reciting. So he was like a doctor and he had worked with mental patients. Oh, yeah. You've been telling about this for 16 years. He was just like, look at somebody dead in the eye with the emotion of love in his heart and mind. And it healed people. Right. Like, no words were said. So like, literally just these frequencies and, yeah, humans are super powerful.

[00:54:44] Like, we are super influential, like fourth dimensional influential type of like stuff. Right. And like, why not? Like, because if, you know, if placebos work and you believe it works, then it works. So it's like, might as well believe that it works and then live this life that is, it's more fun and it's more freeing. Yeah. Well, yeah, to echo you with something you said, right? The subconscious doesn't know reality from fiction.

[00:55:14] No. So we kind of have to guide it. Yeah. Show it the way. Exactly. Hold its hand. Hold its, you know, if we're in a funk, things aren't going our way, we're feeling hopeless, then look at what your thoughts are. Look at how you're feeling. Where are your thoughts coming from? Mm-hmm . Where are you feeling them? Whereas a lot of folks, I think in those moments coming from experience, go to alcohol, horrible food, sugar, scrolling. Mm-hmm . Right.

[00:55:42] The binky is what we called it one time. That quick fix. Or Tinder. Yeah. All that. Porn, all, you know, the mind goes that wants that quick fix. Well, that's uncomfortable. I want something that's not uncomfortable. Right. I've lived it. Yeah. I've experienced it. And that's what social media, AI, all those things. It's made it easier for people. It's also given us opportunities. Sure. That we wouldn't have had before. To be able to have that discernment, just like you said. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:56:10] Well, I'm very grateful that you're back in the beautiful state of Colorado. So exciting. And that you are helping the people of Colorado Springs. And beyond. And beyond. Yeah. Because you've been helping people nationwide. Have you had probably worldwide. Yes. I have had quite international clients. That's just fantastic. Yes. So, so you have a worldwide impact. And it's, it's, it's so great to have you back in the state. And so we'll have to make this a more regular occurrence.

[00:56:40] Now, now that you are closer. So when we have the book launch, like within a month about, it's like a little bit more than a month. Yeah. Yeah. We should do another one. I would love that. We can do another one. We'd come down to the Springs maybe for, if you're going to do something like a launch. Oh, I would love that. There's a studio down there we could rent. Oh, that'd be fun. Yes. Do something a little different. Okay. That'd be great. If you want to. Oh yeah. I'd love that. I really feel like I have such a calling and I know we met for a reason.

[00:57:09] And I just, I'm just very blessed and grateful. And I feel the vibration lifted and I hope that all your listeners feel that too. Yeah. Yeah. That's fantastic. It's a great way to close it. It is a good way to close it. Well, it was a pleasure to meet you in person. Yes. It's not too often that we get to meet people that we've interviewed via the internet and Zoom in person. So it's great to make your acquaintance in person. Yeah. And I just feel blessed. I feel honored to have had this conversation.

[00:57:38] I feel like it's an important conversation to have. And it's just proof. Like, Melissa has overcome her demons. I've overcome my demons. Kevin has also overcome his demons. It took time. And you have to give yourself grace. Give yourself time. Because you deserve it. So true. And wish you continued success. We'll help and support wherever we can with the book. We can go back and edit this episode in the future and just drop the link in for folks

[00:58:07] that follow us and want to get in touch. So... Thank you. Absolutely. Thank you. Thanks. Eat the dog bowl family.anderthED bitch.raris Thorntag