Ashley Suski | Discussion Combustion Podcast | #270

[00:00:00] This is a discussion coming to you from Dambert Colorado.

[00:00:08] This is Discussion Combustion Podcast with your hosts, Kevin Batstone and Arthur Rawe.

[00:00:16] Oh yeah, you're looking good tonight, looking healthy, kind of like what I was mentioned

[00:00:22] and we'll get into a little bit of your past, like some things that you had because you're seeing a lot of success right now.

[00:00:29] Like you have like this energy about you that is somewhat contagious.

[00:00:34] I don't know if you get hit with this too, because I feel like I've got hit with like I'm toxicly positive.

[00:00:41] Like I feel like I get hit with that.

[00:00:43] I feel like you might fall into the same category.

[00:00:45] I do.

[00:00:46] You got a lot of good energy on.

[00:00:49] I don't, I mean obviously toxic positivity is a thing.

[00:00:54] But I don't think that's me.

[00:00:55] I think when you get that energy from me, it's very genuine.

[00:00:59] Like those seven exclamation points that I like to give, like that's me.

[00:01:04] Not just me picking it.

[00:01:06] Oh yeah, I get that a lot.

[00:01:08] Toxic positivity.

[00:01:10] Like can can positivity actually be toxic though?

[00:01:13] I don't know.

[00:01:14] I think we talked about what Sean and Tony as far as it being.

[00:01:17] I think that was his word.

[00:01:19] Okay.

[00:01:19] Or is wife told him like, or no, she said he was annoying.

[00:01:21] We positive.

[00:01:22] Some people might be considered annoyingly positive, but that I mean,

[00:01:24] is that really a real thing or is that just someone's perspective and then,

[00:01:27] then, you know, being positive with themselves.

[00:01:29] That's true.

[00:01:30] Oh, sales of percent.

[00:01:31] It's your perspective of it because there have been times that I've definitely been in that space too.

[00:01:40] Do you feel like that's a high standard to be held too?

[00:01:42] Like do you feel like you have to keep that positivity going?

[00:01:44] And if you don't have it, like you just point yourself or other people?

[00:01:49] I think that.

[00:01:50] Actually now that you just said that.

[00:01:54] Because the things I've been through in my past,

[00:01:57] I would have still been this happy and positive.

[00:01:59] I always think about like the whole Robin Williams thing,

[00:02:02] whatever it wants.

[00:02:03] Like oh yeah, Robin Williams looks like the happiest person on earth.

[00:02:06] And then he went and died by suicide.

[00:02:11] So I do think that it's a lot to carry sometimes.

[00:02:17] But I think people that are truly depressed know like you're not always in that head space.

[00:02:22] So it's not like a constant thing, but sometimes the inside does get super overwhelming.

[00:02:30] But does.

[00:02:31] I mean we were just talking about this prior to jumping on.

[00:02:35] Like as far as finding more clarity by removing substance abuse.

[00:02:42] You end up like being less numb to stuff.

[00:02:45] So then you're actually like seeing life clearly for the first time.

[00:02:50] Maybe in years and it's really easy to start over analyze.

[00:02:54] And over thinking things when you have this kind of clarity and you're like making these changes.

[00:03:00] Yeah, and you're in the here and now, you know, you feel everything current.

[00:03:03] You know, I'm going through right now.

[00:03:04] I've been on a sobriety journey.

[00:03:06] I went 100 days and I slipped last week.

[00:03:08] I did slip and slip pretty hard got drunk and hated it immediately.

[00:03:13] I hated how it felt and I reminded me of why I'm on the sobriety journey.

[00:03:17] So I wanted to start with that and get that out of the way.

[00:03:19] You know, the viewers that have been watching this show.

[00:03:21] No, the journey I've been on. It's not easy. You know, I've struggled with alcohol for a long time, but we're five days.

[00:03:26] So again, we're going to get rip back on the horse here. Let's go.

[00:03:30] I that's first of all.

[00:03:33] Congrats that whether it is 100 days, one day, three hours.

[00:03:39] I and such a strong believer that like once you start on this journey, the sobriety is even the goal.

[00:03:45] It's why you started drinking. You don't even like that piece is you can take that out.

[00:03:50] Like the drugs, the alcohol, whatever your issue is.

[00:03:55] But just like like you slipped pretty hard, but it's like to me.

[00:03:58] It's like not the fact that you can assume booze.

[00:04:00] It's the fact that number one like here you are.

[00:04:02] You don't drive back on and every time it gets easier.

[00:04:07] Oh, my heart is with you so much right now because I know what it feels like.

[00:04:11] I dream all the time that I slipped or that I haven't actually been sober this long.

[00:04:17] And I am so gutted every single time I wake up.

[00:04:23] So my heart goes like exactly how you're feeling, even just having to say it out loud.

[00:04:29] Yeah, well, thanks for the kind of words.

[00:04:30] Yeah, and I've heard people say that too that like whatever substance they're trying to beat or whatever it is.

[00:04:34] They've dream about it. Like they dream that they messed up or they dream about the temptations.

[00:04:38] I don't know if that I've experienced that per se but I've heard people say like, you know, they got stoned in their dream or they took a pill in their dream or whatever.

[00:04:45] And they wake up with like that weird pit and stomach feeling like, oh, thankfully wasn't reality.

[00:04:49] Yeah, I did. I just mess up. Yeah.

[00:04:52] Yeah, I've had that a lot and I don't know.

[00:04:57] I think that it's a kind of a telltale sign that I definitely had a problem.

[00:05:04] But I'm kind of grateful that I have this problem and I hope that you get to this space too because it's not like people that go back and forth.

[00:05:14] And they're like, should I drink, should I not drink? Should I stop the structure and not stop it? Like I blew up everything in my life. Like it was pretty obvious that it's like a no go for me.

[00:05:23] And I almost find that a gift because I don't have to play that back and forth game. Like if I was to fuck up and sorry, I'm allowed to sit around here.

[00:05:31] Oh, no, yeah, this is 18 plus areas.

[00:05:34] Okay.

[00:05:36] But if I was to screw up, like I would know that's not for me. So I think we're almost the lucky ones that have the problem.

[00:05:44] I feel that sounds so bad.

[00:05:45] It's a good way to work it.

[00:05:47] But there is no gray area here. It's just a no, like it does not help me. It is not serving me in any way.

[00:05:55] And I almost find that to be a gift because there's no back and forth for me. Like I don't have to be like, oh, today should I drink? Should I not drink?

[00:06:01] I don't know.

[00:06:02] This is a good choice or a bad choice. Like not. It's just never a good choice for me.

[00:06:06] Yeah, it's a hard no. And you know, I think that obviously you went through it and it probably took you some time to realize that that's how you wanted it to be.

[00:06:14] You kind of found out what you wanted by find out what you didn't want.

[00:06:17] And I think that's kind of the boat I'm in right now. I know that that's it's no good. We got to keep moving.

[00:06:22] For you, like was there a timeline for that was a specific event? Like when did you realize like I'm done? I have to tighten up.

[00:06:29] All right, we've been on this for what like three minutes now. We're going to get deep real quick.

[00:06:35] Oh, let's go. That's dad in.

[00:06:38] We know each other enough. It's great.

[00:06:41] So November 2021 I was at an event for my sister and something just kind of snapped and cracked in me.

[00:06:54] I was wasted by four in the afternoon and I crashed a car through fences backyard into a house while trying to on a live myself.

[00:07:10] Got arrested got the whole I mean, like I can say it now like very detached from that event.

[00:07:18] One because I don't remember anything about the event that is how intoxicated I was.

[00:07:24] But like that was waking up in jail that'll do it.

[00:07:31] Wondering like not having any idea how you got there having no clue.

[00:07:37] But yeah, I remember the snap and then I remember waking up with bruises all over my arms and just having no idea why it was in jail.

[00:07:45] Well, it's very feeling like I can't say I've ever experienced that but I guess everyone has like a different rock bottom if you will would it was that kind of we consider your rock bottom or is it you think that's just kind of like a playground word.

[00:07:57] I do think it's kind of a playground word because.

[00:08:02] I feel like had that happened when I was like 25.

[00:08:07] I still probably could have justified it again but having that happened when I had a husband of three kids like that's just way more of a rock bottom than.

[00:08:19] I think it would have been at any other time.

[00:08:21] Sure.

[00:08:25] Yeah, I mean, I appreciate you being open and honest with that story and I feel like that's one thing that is that helps with healing is like that brutal honesty but it really starts with being honest with yourself right because until you are honest with yourself like you would never have the courage to share that type of story a lot of people like.

[00:08:47] You know, they want the or other like them bearers and they don't want to share it but actually there's like strengthened that vulnerability but what we're recalling it's like a confident vulnerability confident vulnerability is like something that I'm saying the other day and.

[00:09:00] I have the toxic version of that.

[00:09:03] Okay.

[00:09:04] Okay.

[00:09:05] For sure, but it's it's important because allegedly because like everybody's dealing with something and we might not be handling it the best way and for me that was opiates and I'm like almost four.

[00:09:17] Four years like it and like seeing my life where it's now compared to where it was then like it is almost a little surreal because like I'm I'm in the sobriety from pills like not nearly as long as I was on them for right but it's like it's like my life has been solidified in this new realm.

[00:09:36] And it's almost surreal that I used to like lie to people I love that I used to overdraft my count to get high and like you know all these negative things.

[00:09:45] And that was part of my life thus who I was for a bit but I'm no longer that person so it's kind of odd how there's like these different realities within one life.

[00:09:55] Yeah, and your story you know wasn't easy you know you've shared a lot on the show of course but we're there we're revisiting it we're having safe space now.

[00:10:02] You know there were a lot of temptations and things around like when we started this program I know you were kind of you know in that in that in between.

[00:10:10] Oh, yeah, I'm trying to find yourself find something that motivated you getting off the stuff and it wasn't easy journey.

[00:10:15] No and here's the thing like with you going 100 days having to slip up.

[00:10:20] Like I had plenty of slip ups see I don't I don't consider that square one in my mind like because like you still may progress.

[00:10:27] You know and for anybody out there that's listening like if you are working towards something and you feel like you gave up one day.

[00:10:34] Like the main thing is like you can fail just don't fall like you could slip but like you don't stay down like even just like get like comfortable laying on the ground.

[00:10:44] Like twist and like make it look cool like I did that.

[00:10:49] Yeah, yeah, that was part of it.

[00:10:52] Just just solidifying that that was not.

[00:10:56] That was a work that was growing up process yeah is that mess up.

[00:11:00] Yeah, sometimes it's good to do that because then you get off your chest like all right I had my little slip you know all right I'm not perfect either and like and just keep moving.

[00:11:08] Like did Ash did you have time is where you were like when on your process off was it wasn't also yet speed bumps on there I'm guessing.

[00:11:19] Oh yeah I mean I think the most challenging part about alcohol being your drug of choice is that.

[00:11:27] It takes so long for your body to get back to any kind of homeostasis and like normal functioning like I'm talking like over a year before like you start feeling like.

[00:11:39] Yeah because of what alcohol does your body even casual drinkers like you could drink like a glass of wine like a week.

[00:11:45] Your body wants to just be at a homeostasis so it's going to release cortisol because you're so.

[00:11:51] You know zen and like it's bringing you down is a depressing and so you have that battle them that your body has to now.

[00:12:00] Realign itself and remember like because it's that fake stuff that is ripping the joy and the dopamine out of the normal stuff because.

[00:12:10] The beautiful things in life can't really compare to that synthetic shit so.

[00:12:14] It takes a very long time for your scent to come back for all of the.

[00:12:29] I think that's the biggest of how good this can be like haven't even scratched it.

[00:12:33] You really need to be in it for a good amount of time.

[00:12:36] Yeah I've heard that a lot and it couldn't be better said because we've done so Brock to over on the show a few times which was good you know but but for me.

[00:12:43] It was a countdown to when I can have a drinking in so wasn't I knew that there was a finish line with my drug at choice to yeah right so the challenge yeah had good intentions and help my body detox for a little bit.

[00:12:54] Right because I think that's what I noticed during the hundred day was the body got cleaned out with the mental piece like you're talking about that takes a long time to return to normal you're messing with your cerebral cortex the serotonin levels the dopamine receptors all those things take time to heal and that's what I'm learning.

[00:13:09] Yes that is I think and I think the more you dig into that piece like.

[00:13:15] Realize that you're not intrinsically or inherently broken.

[00:13:19] I think something some kind of defect and you like know like you've been putting this drug in your system for so long.

[00:13:28] And there is a light at the end of the tunnel it's just going to take a lot longer together than it would if you were detoxing off of some other stuff.

[00:13:37] Yeah, now did you feel that you did it with like support groups like a lot of A.A. people out there stuff like this whatever did you find support in the address you just kind of grab grab it by the rains and do it on your own.

[00:13:49] A.A. is hard for me because I'm not a super religious person so I just don't don't align with that.

[00:13:59] Which is also difficult though because all the courts stuff that I had to go through they only really recognize A.A. in my state.

[00:14:06] It's being a legitimate form.

[00:14:08] I just I did weekly therapy sometimes I would do I mean I went obviously after my situation I was hospitalized because mentally I was not in a space I was in a crisis.

[00:14:20] So I was hospitalized for a good week after and then.

[00:14:26] It was pretty clear to me that like my journey was all internal like I'm clearly using this external substance to and I really think that's what it is for all of us something internal that we're trying to deal with.

[00:14:38] Even if we don't know we're trying to deal with it like I can't even remember my childhood I don't even there might be something there that I'm covered with or I can't remember it so.

[00:14:47] But your body remembers it and.

[00:14:50] You have to deal with that so.

[00:14:53] I did.

[00:14:56] Therapy and I tried the Buddhist one.

[00:15:01] The there's a Buddhist recovery program tried that a little bit back at me in the meditation though and then I just went that route and I was like now we're on spiritual journey.

[00:15:11] Yeah, but it was really I have this really difficult time with like religion so.

[00:15:17] Yeah, I think the biggest thing I just like about AA they have good intentions right but yeah to start to start off by telling the people that are there that you're powerless over something as you said art is like one of the worst affirmations you can tell yourself for anybody.

[00:15:30] Yeah, like you're starting from squirt like okay here we go here's the program you're not about that I'm not I don't I don't consider myself an alcoholic not because I don't think I have a problem with health a hold of because like it's just not part of my identity anymore and maybe at a time I wasn't alcoholic but the minute I stopped drinking like I'm no longer that that it's not a part of me I do not claim that.

[00:15:50] I don't know what you can keep it but that was that was the big thing for me to even my I'm like training to be a rakey master and I find even those affirmations I say daily I switched to be a positive affirmation instead of like I will not be angry I will not worry.

[00:16:06] I switch them into positive because that's just helps me frame it that way for myself. I will be joyous I will be confident. Yeah exactly I will choose to call yes.

[00:16:19] And sometimes it's replacing those filler words a little bit right instead of the do what you say don't won'ts can't you get rid of those because that's what the mind's going to pick up on and you can switch that affirmation real quick.

[00:16:30] And so I think for me that's been helpful not even with drinking just with anything in life you know we talked about it for me is a lot. It's a good thing to do and kind of get in the rhythm of it start your day I'm strong and healthy I got this any problem comes well become you know and just consistent and it's not I'm not saying it's easy like you're just going to pick it up tomorrow and become a habit or whatever and everyone has their own approach to it there's you know I think we talked about it on our solo two weeks ago with right for for Ashley not be right for art might not be right for me you got to figure out what works on your own and I guess you know admitting and talking about it step one.

[00:17:01] Yeah, every time like I think it is.

[00:17:05] Go ahead.

[00:17:06] Yeah, I was just going to say being committed to it that is where.

[00:17:11] It's it's the most difficult is like sticking to it for like over that year mark like what you're saying like you're not even scratching the surface at 30 days and like truly committing to a new lifestyle for the rest of your life.

[00:17:24] Like that's like a personal marriage like with a mentality that you know will benefit you but it's that commitment and dedication to actually see it through even on the bad days like.

[00:17:39] So that's that's like where the rubber meets the road is that daily commitment and for me whenever I like would get cravings or even when I wasn't drinking and I'll get like a craving to drink like it's honestly like just two to three minutes.

[00:17:51] Like you have this craving that you want to fulfill and if you could literally just move your mind to something else within two to three minutes.

[00:18:00] Then you're good and then the more times that you handle that two and three minutes than the less that they appear to so it's like it's like these consistency patterns.

[00:18:10] That's truly where the success is found and like that long term dedication because like like you said like anyone could do something for a month.

[00:18:17] Anyone could like do a new diet for three weeks and like lose five pounds or something but it's like are you actually changing your lifestyle.

[00:18:25] To where it's going to be beneficial long term like so it's not a flash in the pan.

[00:18:29] That's gonna be like my thought that's on that.

[00:18:31] Yeah, I love a kept that it's a countdown to when you can have that bad habit again.

[00:18:36] It's not a there's nothing encouraging about that you still the only thing you're thinking about focusing on is that bad habit that you said that cake you can have after you're three week diet.

[00:18:46] Like that's what I'm thinking about the whole time instead of just trying to take.

[00:18:51] Just to just which my mind to think about to change to good habits and dead.

[00:18:58] Yep, and that's what we're I guess that's what we're all on hunt for you know I mean all of this but some folks you know some folks going to do things a little bit differently but I think three of us can kind of agree that.

[00:19:07] You know we want more and we're going to dedicate tomorrow and we have more I mean and that's great look at you now actually your crush on it.

[00:19:15] Go all this toxic positivity that we call pages positive.

[00:19:18] Yeah, have it it's yours.

[00:19:21] I think it's funny when people get upset about my happiness level because sometimes people don't want to like so sometimes I feel like I have to tone down my level of like outward.

[00:19:36] You know, it's like, you're the part of like happiness because it's like that upsets people sometimes like during their day they're like why is he so happy.

[00:19:46] And I'm not so it's like sometimes like once you want to find like your joy and you're choosing to see the light more often than not and like life starts to open up and be like beautiful like there's like this space where you have to kind of like be humble and like keep it to yourself a little bit.

[00:20:04] It's it's a little interesting because I like then I'm just speaking from my experience I want to share it I want to share but then at the same time like.

[00:20:12] You know, is that is that like putting too much out there like there's like this level of like being humble and keeping it to myself that I try to maintain I guess.

[00:20:21] Do you feel like when you put it out there because you're good at doing you know social media stuff and talking about things you've been very honest on this program.

[00:20:27] Do you feel I'll ask you the same question I asked her do you feel like you have to hold that standard day today like you now everyone expects art to be that positive guy he's always got to be on.

[00:20:35] I mean to an extent it's like yeah like it's almost a responsibility I feel like.

[00:20:42] You know, I've built this new version of me well I've actually just refurbished it it always existed you know but we got it updated now and it's like you want to keep it right.

[00:20:52] You have to keep it right.

[00:20:54] Yeah, let's go but we have to like we have to change our own oil we have to like do the little things to keep our engine going right just like car maintenance yourself.

[00:21:05] It's true keep the wheels turn yeah and on on.

[00:21:08] Go back to those basics go back to the basics if you stop doing that stuff that like really keeps you grounded or really keeps you.

[00:21:16] You're eye on that prize whatever that is for you like that's the stuff I always try and like write down like.

[00:21:24] To go back to that like never be too good to like.

[00:21:28] Go to the training again to like do something again even if you think you're an expert at it now like.

[00:21:34] The amount of times I've gone back and read a book or just done something even like oh I forgot about that piece that like spoke to me this along the go so yes that maintenance pieces crucial.

[00:21:45] Yeah and what if that book went because the first time you read it you were in a different mentality and then you reread it and then like you kind of get a new gem from it too because your mentality changed a little bit you're looking at it a little different.

[00:21:58] I love a good reread like there are certain books that like I'll try to get a reread every like couple years reread it.

[00:22:05] What what's one that you would say actually like what's one of your favorites.

[00:22:10] Um neither of you will really relate to this one too much but quit like a woman is a super very book.

[00:22:17] Like a one act yes she wrote it's all about her sobriety journey she gets like really wrong real in it but I have never resonated so much with the book in my life and that book definitely gave me permission to do my healing my own way to stay still where my own way.

[00:22:35] Um I'm a project I don't know if you know human design but I'm a projector so I need permission to do things.

[00:22:43] I need to be asked and like invited into the conversation I cannot.

[00:22:47] In put myself into it, I mean I can but then I'm not living in alignment with myself so I do way better when I get permission and am asked to do something and invited to do it.

[00:22:57] And that book changed my life for sure.

[00:23:00] Well quit like a woman. Never heard of it.

[00:23:04] I feel like as modern men we could probably read that book and as modern men and find some gems in there.

[00:23:10] Well I mean the mission is going to be good.

[00:23:13] Yeah, there's probably some good yeah some good Easter eggs and gems in there that everybody could relate to I think that's the thing the energy of it.

[00:23:18] Right is definitely relatable how would assume which is the fact that she.

[00:23:24] The fact that she just brings to light like alcohol is literally what they put in the engines.

[00:23:32] Like you put your car to run.

[00:23:36] Is that the alcohol?

[00:23:37] Yeah alcohol has never changed the taste of it only your preference for it has but it still tastes the same the entire time so that first shot of out because that you took that you didn't like or whatever your drink a choice was that you were just like this is gross.

[00:23:49] Like that that's never changed you just found a way to live with it and to keep putting it in your body so she does a lot of the educating that I needed to be like now I'm just not doing this anymore because I don't want to do that to my body.

[00:24:03] Yeah that's good with highlighted because it is ethanol which is chemical that's found in gasoline so there's a lot of truth there and you're right everyone's going to find a reason to cover up the taste the smell the whatever and it's just crazy man.

[00:24:15] Let me like for let me get my Coca Cola which is one can a Coca Cola.

[00:24:24] It's like 50-6% of your sugar added sugar not just sugar but the added what is that it's so bad.

[00:24:31] And let me put some of the gym dean you know it's like it's horrible like that mix Coca Cola and booze.

[00:24:39] It goes down he's like I didn't even see I was in a whiskey and coke guy that was a beer guy so I could never I don't like soda even just alcohol soda and general I think it's own kind of poison gross.

[00:24:50] It is it also.

[00:24:53] Yeah and I see a lot of people addicted to soda you know and that sugar and that artificial whatever's in it is a dick thing and people are on it.

[00:25:01] I'm a million percent even my kids.

[00:25:06] I like that the right every now and then and I'm like every now and then but every time they see it they're like fiends and I was like no.

[00:25:14] Yeah give him a little taste here in there but it's like can't do too much sugar for sure remember when I was a kid that's all I wanted was cookie's candy sugar.

[00:25:21] Right and I see adults doing that that's all they're eating is is skittles and Coca Cola and it's like you can just tell they got that sugar high so while summer's throwing without call or opiates people are struggling with food.

[00:25:32] They're struggling with sex addiction there's there's so much going on you know and it's like everyone's addicted to something that to open me nation.

[00:25:39] Yeah I switch I never had a sweet tooth until I quit drinking and then I was like give me the candy like it's like go and for it.

[00:25:50] I gained weight most people lose it when they quit drinking I gained it.

[00:25:55] Now the sugar the sugar will do it I feel though when I got up the booze was off it for a bit candy was like I want candy.

[00:26:02] You know I always had a little bit of sweet tooth but that was like it was that sugarcrate for sure to fill in whatever whatever the body was searched for because there is I mean a lot of glucose in alcohol at least that's how the body processes that I believe.

[00:26:12] Oh yeah.

[00:26:13] A lot of reformed guys I think go to either coffee.

[00:26:17] You know candy or soda.

[00:26:21] It's got to do something.

[00:26:24] You know it's like okay I'm paying attention to one big elephant in the room but like what are all these other critters in this room that like my creep up on me and stuff so it's it is interesting how.

[00:26:38] There is this fine line that we can walk to be our best versions of ourselves and.

[00:26:46] How find that line it's right and like it's it's an unpaved path like so you can't always see the line right because no one did it for you before so it's like new treadness like really so that's why it's okay to mess up a little bit when you're trying to improve yourself because.

[00:27:03] You can't always be on 100% and hit it's a lot of pressure.

[00:27:08] Yeah so sometimes you step off the fine line and then like oops that was a wrong step, you know let me find where this is at again and I feel like that pursuit though of actually betting your betting yourself being honest about it being honest about your story.

[00:27:22] Sometimes I remind myself of where I was at too I'm like you know it was bad and and I haven't really good now so sometimes like when.

[00:27:30] The process of being in a more coherent mindset like you get boring sometimes like where's my rewards that.

[00:27:37] Like sometimes you have to remember like that's what was that you know like it's like hey actually knows the reward is the fact that I am bored with like this amount of success that I have right now because I've overcome this.

[00:27:48] You know we have to remind ourselves of like well we've well we've achieved.

[00:27:51] True times yeah it's true I mean it's it's you know it's a balance for sure everyday is a little bit of a balance you know there's going to be problems whether you're on alcohol or not or whatever whatever I mean things are going to happen life's going to come out as fast and that's certainly not going to help.

[00:28:04] That's just going to make it worse right and unfortunately I don't have you know kids or anything like that they impact it some folks get even more into that you know dark pit.

[00:28:12] And it gets nasty for them but yeah the fact remains I think it's just find that balance find it find a different ways and channel that energy in different directions right and that looks different for everyone.

[00:28:23] But having that clear sober mind to be able to do it makes all the difference.

[00:28:29] It really does yeah does everything's a little.

[00:28:32] Little calmer you know everything's just a little more you can hear here though the leaves wrestling in the trees it's just different you know when you're booze up all the time you're just rocking roll loud music just kind of.

[00:28:43] Fast.

[00:28:43] Now for different.

[00:28:45] On aware I think we're like a good 10 years and I didn't drink every day it just with I would always know the date I had off work.

[00:28:55] And those nights I would drink and I when I started drinking I couldn't stop drinking it that's there was no stopping I cannot drink but once I start game over.

[00:29:07] And I think for a good like 10 years I was just frozen in my body not actually I was experiencing life but I was not experiencing life like I do not remember it.

[00:29:17] Yeah that's crazy and because like it's not it's not too because like when I met you you had already put in that work you you kind of became the next version of yourself.

[00:29:29] And just were like a beacon of light like that's how I would describe your energy as I first started to interact with you through our day job and and start to get to know you better.

[00:29:39] And then I got to know your story when we were out in Vancouver and and that's when I was like wow you know like here's somebody outside looking in.

[00:29:50] First impressions like wow they got it together but like everyone kind of has that story right of so.

[00:29:56] Now I want to talk about it and thank you for being open about all this because it's an important conversation.

[00:30:00] Yeah I appreciate that yeah need to get that.

[00:30:02] I go and it is an important conversation having we can jump back to it.

[00:30:07] I was like right a segue to so people with with the light that you found in your life.

[00:30:11] You have created new opportunities for yourself for your family and I wanted to celebrate some of your success right now that we've seen recently as far as a little side venture that you're doing with soul which is like type of beauty products is is that correct.

[00:30:29] I mean yes and it's also a real holistic way of like looking at your health.

[00:30:38] It's it's funny it's almost like the accumulation of like all the things that I've been like working on in like in some way.

[00:30:46] The thing that really grabbed me though is the digital courses like there's one on self love mindset and manifestation which I highly recommend to both of you because it is.

[00:30:55] Even with like years in this it's like one of the best programs and like 28 to change.

[00:31:01] You can do this for a while now huh.

[00:31:04] I have like ever like yes my sobriety journey but the mindset and manifestation thing has always like I remember watching this secret when I was like 20 years old maybe 19 and everyone was like what is she talking about.

[00:31:17] Like no there's something weird.

[00:31:19] I don't know what but there's something here and I mean the secret just barely scratches the surface like it just like so that it affirmations for dummies it's like here's like yes the appetizer let me open up the door for you and you can peer in yep and if you're curious there's I mean that's a great way to get started.

[00:31:37] It's the perfect way even the visuals in like the movie I was like okay I get this like I needed that that's how I learned the best to it's just visually saying it.

[00:31:47] And that was like the end of it for me and for I've always been curious about it since then but not until I was sober have I been able to do anything with it.

[00:31:59] And so where's it at now?

[00:32:04] I think I finally kind of like I've had a few things happen recently that I was like oh hey it's working like this is exactly what I envisioned and not like three years prior like I've been working on this for three weeks like this specific thing.

[00:32:20] A large sum of money and then like just happens to appear and you're like wow.

[00:32:25] Like just even you are surprised by your magic sometimes.

[00:32:31] And it's really just been a very cool kind of like upgrade of your energy and vibration that you can almost feel unlocking like okay this is making sense now I'm finally getting through the.

[00:32:48] Through the work.

[00:32:50] Mm-hmm.

[00:32:52] I see that's karma coming back around though like how you're saying like how you know your because you've been involved with soul for multiple years right.

[00:33:01] No like literally the company started 60 days ago.

[00:33:04] Okay and so you got.

[00:33:06] It's brand new.

[00:33:08] Yeah, yeah.

[00:33:09] I don't want to approach you.

[00:33:11] Yeah, no one knows about this yet this is discussion combustion is literally the trend better.

[00:33:18] Yes, it's one of it.

[00:33:20] It was started by a real housewife of Salt Lake City and her husband Justin Justin Whitney Rose and then there is Rodney James and Ashley had lead so these two power couples and these men were just like.

[00:33:34] This network marketing a lot of people have a really a key feeling about network marketing I'm also one of those people.

[00:33:43] Because people are really good at making like good things, I keep.

[00:33:48] But like this is very different I've been burnt by the thing that we're working before I've done like.

[00:33:55] Other companies and it was a terrible experience.

[00:33:59] And when my mentor gal pal Marcy came to me with this opportunity I was like.

[00:34:04] It was like that one little like sometimes you get those little hands and you're like okay like your intuition like telling you like this is it.

[00:34:14] So yeah, I'm going to do this.

[00:34:16] So I invested a little bit very little very little bit into it and it's it's been really fun so far literally I think we're.

[00:34:23] Like June 20th I want to say was when the company officially relaunched so it launches for sure for real in October.

[00:34:32] Wow, so we're getting like a little little sneak peek here of what's to come you are yes.

[00:34:38] Wow, it's pretty exciting I mean you said you made a small investment but obviously it's something you believe in and it's something that's going to bring you joy and happiness and that you can share with others I mean it sounds like it's a great investment.

[00:34:47] It is it's been very fun and to take kind of like the experience that I had with network marketing in the past and just be able to reshape that and put it back in the universe in a really great way.

[00:34:58] And it's just having ownership of that experience is really cool too.

[00:35:03] Yeah, well also you get to have that devious photo where like you're you're having fun in that picture because like she's like in like the top top 10 you know folks right now.

[00:35:15] It's not like, so like.

[00:35:17] For like, it's like months I've been in the top recruiting space for the entire company.

[00:35:24] Which has been so cool because never has that happened before for me.

[00:35:29] I know I had those pictures taken because I was like I have no photos of me and I need to start putting something out there so my son's best friends my seven year old.

[00:35:40] But my baby his best friends, Molly's a photographer and I was like can I take some pictures of me and it was the most awkward experience of my life.

[00:35:49] She's like, I don't think she said I was like okay and that would literally be like, like this is weird.

[00:35:56] She got it.

[00:35:57] It's like there it is.

[00:35:58] It's her now good how long how long was the photo shoot for like 30 minutes.

[00:36:03] No 30 minutes.

[00:36:04] I was like, I can't do this anymore. This is so awkward.

[00:36:07] Just me and her walking down down down this area.

[00:36:12] I kind of make some things you guys have ever seen to pull in dynamite.

[00:36:15] Yeah.

[00:36:15] Remember when the web does the glamour shots by Deb she gets like really into it.

[00:36:19] Just bring it into your chin.

[00:36:21] Lean into it.

[00:36:22] It's like it's called movie of course, but it's that.

[00:36:24] It reminded me of that movie.

[00:36:26] It's so bad.

[00:36:27] I remember watching that movie the first time in thinking it was the worst movie on the planet and then I watched it second time and I was like.

[00:36:34] Yeah, I just watched it the other well a couple weeks ago and it makes me laugh still.

[00:36:40] It's 20 years later.

[00:36:40] Some good parts of it.

[00:36:42] It really does.

[00:36:43] Can't.

[00:36:44] I can't.

[00:36:47] Kip.

[00:36:48] Tina.

[00:36:50] The lava.

[00:36:51] Yeah, the llama.

[00:36:52] Yeah, all of it is.

[00:36:54] And you know what those guys only got paid a thousand bucks each.

[00:36:57] And until it blew up, I mean until it blew up.

[00:36:59] It was like a low budget film.

[00:37:01] John Hitter got a thousand bucks to play that role and they didn't know it was going to become this whole class.

[00:37:05] That's crazy.

[00:37:06] Because they were like contract like piecework at first, like not royalty type.

[00:37:11] And so they got set up like that.

[00:37:13] So they did like go back and rewrite the contracts after like it blew up.

[00:37:18] I don't know about that, but I heard an interview with John Hitter saying that we don't.

[00:37:21] He's like I got a thousand bucks and I agreed to that role.

[00:37:23] It was up and coming after.

[00:37:24] Now he's you know he's doing things, but yeah when people hear that they're like,

[00:37:28] I know that was such a blackbuster film.

[00:37:30] I don't know that folks like younger kids these days would get kind of he was more you know, our generation.

[00:37:34] I feel like but anyway.

[00:37:36] We were very unique.

[00:37:38] Are you doing it?

[00:37:39] Folk millennial right.

[00:37:42] 1989 for me.

[00:37:43] Yeah, 87.

[00:37:45] Yep.

[00:37:46] Yep.

[00:37:46] So we're the cool.

[00:37:47] We were the last of the cool generations.

[00:37:49] I feel like the 90s were so cool.

[00:37:50] The toys, the candy.

[00:37:52] The experiences.

[00:37:53] Like now I just I don't know.

[00:37:54] I wouldn't want to be a kid now, but hey they have great opportunities.

[00:37:58] There's a lot of it's tough though, you know because like and this is a subject we talked about a lot, but like having the screens.

[00:38:06] And not having the screens growing up for us playing outside.

[00:38:10] There's there's health benefits that and like we haven't had enough time.

[00:38:15] Maybe we're starting to see the effects of like screens always being in front of people's faces as they're growing up and like,

[00:38:23] you know, calling people now for example like we used to call people all the time back in the day.

[00:38:28] Like that's how you get into the time.

[00:38:29] I make my husband call for ordering food and like, yeah, I don't want to talk about it.

[00:38:36] Yeah, a lot of people want to avoid these phone conversations.

[00:38:39] Well, that's we proved the no call culture.

[00:38:43] The no call culture.

[00:38:45] Yeah, I'll call on the voice mail and then I get a text back.

[00:38:48] It's like, yeah, all right, especially in the dating world, like you go in and out a little bit.

[00:38:52] It's so consistent actually you wouldn't believe when I was dating, I'm in a relationship now.

[00:38:56] It's great. But when I was dating like Kevin and I like played old school and we would we would share date data as well.

[00:39:05] So we would like be coming back with our dating data and we would talk about like, hey, like where did you fall apart?

[00:39:11] Where did the mission fail like how to how to mess it up?

[00:39:14] But one thing that we found is that whenever we would call because like you get the number right and like you have to be patient with this.

[00:39:22] Because you don't want to blow her up and like be overly excited, chase her away.

[00:39:26] So you'd like wait a little bit. And then you would call and leave the nice voice mail inviting them to a nice meal of sorts.

[00:39:34] And almost 95% of the time you get a text back.

[00:39:39] Or we're nothing at all or nothing at all.

[00:39:42] Oh, I think it's a post mortem reveal that the call worked or like with a turn off.

[00:39:47] It depends on the situation. Yes, so I guess I guess the the most simple dating advice that I could give is just be yourself and people that like your vibe will give you the hands that they do.

[00:39:59] And don't not everyone likes your life and don't over pursue.

[00:40:02] That's that's the other piece of advice nobody wants to be.

[00:40:04] I mean, they think they do but reality is we're just going to chase away just like just like a cat you run after cats going to go into bed.

[00:40:09] Let's cat come to you.

[00:40:10] Very simple.

[00:40:11] It's true.

[00:40:13] Is true.

[00:40:13] How do we end up on dating advice?

[00:40:14] I don't know.

[00:40:15] Dating date is fun.

[00:40:16] Oh, because you're time out phone calls.

[00:40:18] And like yeah, leaving messages and stuff.

[00:40:20] Leaving messages.

[00:40:21] And just say, you know, we're because we're millennials and things like that.

[00:40:24] Yeah, I mean, I mean, I like the nostalgia stuff though.

[00:40:26] I think I still think it's fun.

[00:40:29] Oh, yeah.

[00:40:29] I was in a full on with my probation officer was in a full on conversation about WWF and WWE

[00:40:37] Resolversity.

[00:40:38] I'm totally sleepy.

[00:40:39] I'm totally sleepy.

[00:40:39] But this all day.

[00:40:40] Yes.

[00:40:41] Okay.

[00:40:41] I'm amazing.

[00:40:42] How do you keep up with wrestling stuff?

[00:40:47] I haven't kept up with it too much.

[00:40:50] I did CCM punk was back and that made my, especially I used to think he was such a nerd

[00:40:55] for being like the straight edge guy and now I'm over here like yay.

[00:41:00] Go for it.

[00:41:01] I do.

[00:41:03] But yeah, yes, I do not keep up too much.

[00:41:08] But all the old school stuff.

[00:41:10] I do brick flare, like references.

[00:41:14] Like I do a lot of those references and we work with a lot of younger kids.

[00:41:17] Arthur and I so that never lands well.

[00:41:21] They're always when the no one blats or something.

[00:41:23] You talk about it.

[00:41:24] I know.

[00:41:26] That's what I mean with an appalling time.

[00:41:27] If we drop lines like that to be like, huh?

[00:41:29] No.

[00:41:30] It has no idea.

[00:41:32] Although my kids do there will be songs that come on.

[00:41:36] I really do not have a lot of them from the music school that comes at the

[00:41:37] school of the music school that comes at the music school.

[00:41:41] And that's such a great form.

[00:41:44] And it's also a song right now that is an old school one.

[00:41:51] And I was like why are my kids Cheers for fears whatever that song is.

[00:41:56] My children were singing along to the words to tears for fears and I was like,

[00:42:01] I did not teach them this but here we are.

[00:42:03] So YouTube does have some advantages, I guess.

[00:42:07] Well, here's the thing about good music and then you go, but like,

[00:42:12] good music is always good.

[00:42:14] Like it doesn't matter if it's 20 or 20 years old, like,

[00:42:18] it's still good music.

[00:42:19] Oh, I agree.

[00:42:19] If you look at my playlist, I got stuff from the 40s in there.

[00:42:22] I mean, it just depends on the mood.

[00:42:23] There's been good music for for a long time going back to us,

[00:42:26] banging on rocks and sticks together to make a, to make a melody.

[00:42:28] Or are you talking about, uh, we will, we will, rock you.

[00:42:35] Everyone knows that one as a guy.

[00:42:37] Yeah, even the youngsters.

[00:42:39] That's fun.

[00:42:40] Well, so actually outside of that, what else is something fun or maybe different

[00:42:43] than people don't know about you?

[00:42:47] I'm really like reading, like, push.

[00:42:52] I've been really into this territory in my culture.

[00:42:54] I don't know if you all have been exposed to that.

[00:42:56] Does your girlfriend like doing reading art?

[00:42:59] But like a court of Thorne and Rose is like, it's like the,

[00:43:05] that's like fiery romance, right?

[00:43:09] Or a roti.

[00:43:10] It is not that's like a fire.

[00:43:12] Like a thousand percent smut but also a, it's inappropriate and appropriate.

[00:43:17] It's a, it's tasteful and appropriate.

[00:43:20] No, I know.

[00:43:22] It's a, it's a rotica tastefully done.

[00:43:25] Yes.

[00:43:26] In books.

[00:43:27] Isn't that kind of with, what was that thing I got dragged to one time?

[00:43:31] So shades of gray.

[00:43:32] Yeah, the shades of gray.

[00:43:33] You go to tell a story.

[00:43:34] I'm going to tell this.

[00:43:35] I don't know.

[00:43:36] Yeah, I want this story.

[00:43:38] I'll leave some names out of it.

[00:43:39] Okay, leave the names out.

[00:43:40] Yes.

[00:43:42] Yeah, I'll leave names out of it to protect their identities.

[00:43:44] But and then we'll die more into it.

[00:43:46] So I, I was dating, well, I can say brandy.

[00:43:49] I was dating Brandy back in 2015.

[00:43:52] And that's when the first one came out, I believe.

[00:43:54] And so we went on a double date with a couple to go see the film at like a cozy move.

[00:43:59] Like one of those movie theaters where, you know, you got like food and there's table and get cozy and stuff.

[00:44:03] I didn't know what I was getting myself into.

[00:44:04] I was just along for the ride.

[00:44:06] It's new date in the sky.

[00:44:07] It's Valentine's Day weekend.

[00:44:09] Everyone was excited about it.

[00:44:10] What's called 100 shades of gray?

[00:44:11] Fifty shades of gray.

[00:44:12] I mean, those names are, there's only 50.

[00:44:15] There's only 50.

[00:44:16] And, you know, I'm put on to me.

[00:44:18] The couple that we were, we're visiting the film with one and to do swinging.

[00:44:23] And so, you know, as the film goes on,

[00:44:25] I'm starting to see what's happening.

[00:44:26] And then like they're like touching my leg and stuff.

[00:44:28] And I mean, at this point, I'm profusely sweating because I wanted out of this situation immediately.

[00:44:33] I was extremely uncomfortable.

[00:44:34] I couldn't even pay attention to the film anymore at this point.

[00:44:37] Because I'm like, I don't know what's going on around me.

[00:44:39] You've got your girl on one side.

[00:44:40] Yeah.

[00:44:40] And I think like this mystery.

[00:44:42] That's your other side.

[00:44:43] And I'm just, I'm sweating.

[00:44:45] I'm so anxious.

[00:44:46] So all I knew how to do in this moment was play dead.

[00:44:48] And I pretended to fall asleep.

[00:44:51] To get through this film because it was so awkward.

[00:44:55] I think that's the possum was awesome.

[00:44:58] And that's her good stance.

[00:45:01] That's what I'm showing you how to do.

[00:45:03] That is incredible.

[00:45:04] My mother at one point was invited to her friends, but my mother.

[00:45:10] I was invited to her friends party.

[00:45:12] Her friend's dentist's party.

[00:45:15] And at some point in the evening realized that she was out of swing or party.

[00:45:18] And if anyone does watch you, because still, my mom likes the cutest, most awkward person she was.

[00:45:27] And yeah, I remember that I feel like a lot of people have these.

[00:45:31] It's swinging, I think, is a lot more prevalent now.

[00:45:32] Like a lot more people know what it is.

[00:45:34] But my mom had no idea what she was that when this happened.

[00:45:41] Yeah.

[00:45:43] That's a real story.

[00:45:44] But so that's how it happened.

[00:45:45] So 50 shades.

[00:45:46] And so is that kind of taught like it was that where this kind of literally.

[00:45:49] Like these are also like these people have like wings.

[00:45:53] They're like fairies and like it's like fantasy.

[00:45:56] Oh, so it's like a lot of fantasy Harry Potter.

[00:45:59] Okay.

[00:46:00] Now I see what it's going here.

[00:46:03] That's interesting.

[00:46:04] 10 out of 10 recommend.

[00:46:06] I can't wait if they make like movies or like TV shows of this,

[00:46:09] I know everyone would be into it.

[00:46:11] They're probably going to.

[00:46:13] Oh, I think better.

[00:46:15] Probably I don't know what have to be in the works.

[00:46:17] Yeah, I know probably work not.

[00:46:19] Yeah, I know most people do not like like TV's like after books,

[00:46:24] but that's my favorite thing.

[00:46:25] I just love this story so much.

[00:46:27] I don't know if it's good or bad.

[00:46:28] Like I just want to experience it again.

[00:46:30] They're two totally different media's.

[00:46:33] So you see when you watch the film after reading it,

[00:46:35] you don't go in with like super high expectations.

[00:46:37] You just want to see what it looks like.

[00:46:39] So I do not get respect about film.

[00:46:40] Yeah, that's a good approach.

[00:46:41] I feel like because so many people tell me like all the movie ruined it.

[00:46:44] And this and that.

[00:46:45] Why would yeah, how does that ruin it?

[00:46:48] Right.

[00:46:49] Yeah, I could do this.

[00:46:50] The book is still there.

[00:46:51] The book still there.

[00:46:53] No one wants to watch it.

[00:46:55] Yeah.

[00:46:55] Nothing watched about that.

[00:46:57] Where I saw the movie first and then I read the book later in life,

[00:47:01] the movie was ever done that Jurassic Park.

[00:47:05] Right.

[00:47:05] She saw first and ready.

[00:47:06] Yeah, a bunch of times.

[00:47:07] I think I did Jurassic Park and then I've read the book Jurassic Park.

[00:47:10] And like the movie helped inspire some of my visualizations that I had.

[00:47:15] But it was a completely different different thing that happened.

[00:47:19] Like in my head, like what I was seeing.

[00:47:21] So I think it is fun reading.

[00:47:25] There's so many benefits to it.

[00:47:27] It's it's something that I could improve on.

[00:47:29] Like I haven't picked up a book and probably over a month and read for 10 pages.

[00:47:33] Like I haven't done that.

[00:47:35] And I know it would be a benefit.

[00:47:36] But there are some major benefits to reading a book opposed to like a screen.

[00:47:43] So I'm just going to go through these really quick and the benefit is that when you're reading a book and it's back

[00:47:49] lit, that's a natural occurring thing, right?

[00:47:52] Because you have the light shining upon something.

[00:47:55] But if you're reading office something where it's lit from the screen,

[00:48:00] that doesn't naturally occur in nature.

[00:48:02] So this also applies with like seeing film and a movie theater has a different experience

[00:48:09] like emotionally and like the attractor feels that you get because it's projecting light onto

[00:48:14] his screen opposed to from your TV.

[00:48:16] It's being back lit from the screen.

[00:48:18] But like so there's all these positive things about reading just with that alone

[00:48:22] if you're reading a book.

[00:48:23] And then like it helps with dialogue, like I'm sure you could bust out some benefits here.

[00:48:30] Like to reading.

[00:48:30] Why so beautiful.

[00:48:32] Benefisual.

[00:48:33] I just feel like.

[00:48:36] Do you ever like create?

[00:48:37] I don't know if any of you are creators already.

[00:48:39] I know Arthur, I know for like you do music and stuff like that too.

[00:48:42] So I feel like when you stop doing it for a little bit, it like once you get back into it,

[00:48:47] you're like, oh yes, like you get that flow going again.

[00:48:50] And you're just like, I feel like that's what it does for my brain is just the more

[00:48:53] I'm reading and like using that part of me that I don't.

[00:48:57] I love holding the book.

[00:48:59] I love bending the book.

[00:49:01] I love I will just I need to have the book.

[00:49:03] I just smell those pages.

[00:49:04] You're like, I do.

[00:49:06] I walk in a book.

[00:49:07] I couldn't live in a bookstore and just like these so happy.

[00:49:11] One with a Starbucks.

[00:49:12] Oh, like heaven.

[00:49:14] But there are literal like I just loved to hold it and have it because it's the experience

[00:49:18] you're right.

[00:49:18] It's completely different.

[00:49:19] And now that you say that it makes perfect sense because the whole visual experience

[00:49:24] it's so different.

[00:49:27] It's wild because like you no matter what you do, like we still have our monkey brains.

[00:49:31] Like our brains have not evolved in any way shape or forms since we were first created.

[00:49:38] There's just no real evolution there.

[00:49:40] So like even if you want to think and I did I think I do this a lot.

[00:49:44] I think I'm smarter than things.

[00:49:46] So like I think I know something.

[00:49:49] And then I but I still have that monkey brain.

[00:49:51] So even though I think I know that I can do something like my anxiety, for example,

[00:49:57] doesn't know if it's a fricking Saber II tiger and I'm in a cave running

[00:50:01] her survival or if it's like literally coming onto a podcast for an interview.

[00:50:06] Like my fighter flight and my body is the exact same thing.

[00:50:09] Like just no matter.

[00:50:11] And even though I know this, my monkey brain still doesn't care.

[00:50:15] It does not compute the difference there.

[00:50:18] And so I think that's so important to just learn the science of like what you just said

[00:50:22] about like looking at the book and the layer experiencing it versus a life behind it.

[00:50:25] Because if you don't have that adventure, like that's still the brain that we're working with.

[00:50:32] That was a great visualization there.

[00:50:34] I was a picture in that lion run over whatever you said you were running through a cave for survival.

[00:50:38] Stroke like you know it about yourself and it's like channeling that a little bit into a book or whatever.

[00:50:43] Now, have you read from a Kindle and felt that different experience or your phone or something?

[00:50:47] I have your files to work.

[00:50:49] Yeah, I don't like to the read.

[00:50:51] I literally have to hold the book.

[00:50:52] I will not buy a like I have actual diagnosis ADHD not like the fun kind that everyone has nowadays.

[00:50:59] It like literally cannot like eat my eye.

[00:51:04] There does not engage me the same way as holding the book does.

[00:51:07] Just that's not now.

[00:51:08] What's the difference between your ADHD and the funny ADHD?

[00:51:12] Like I just feel like how everyone now has like short term memory loss and like you know just like I think.

[00:51:21] Like we were saying like that being on the screens, I think not I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD to us 27.

[00:51:27] But I think if I was a child and I had a screen in front of me all the time like that would have triggered my ADHD a lot soon.

[00:51:34] Like there would have just been way more obvious signs.

[00:51:36] But I think the way that we're now conditioned to have such short attention spans because of Instagram because of that, you know like there's no delayed gratification.

[00:51:47] It's so instant that I think now it's simulated a lot of ADHD symptoms but like I actually struggle with like executive function.

[00:51:56] Different things.

[00:51:58] So everyone now just thinks it's a cute little diagnosis, but that's like probably my most challenging of all my challenges.

[00:52:05] So stuff, when I say the fun kind that everyone just kind of has now.

[00:52:10] They make it joke about it or like you know most ADHD or something and yeah.

[00:52:14] I was just curious because seems like everyone's got something right and it's like yes.

[00:52:18] You know and we talked about being you know millennials and stuff.

[00:52:20] We didn't have as many of those screens like TV time was like a treat.

[00:52:24] I didn't you know and I always wanted to be outdoors or doing other things and it's like unfortunately now you know not all parents can't speak for all but you know it's easy to give them the talent throw in a DVD.

[00:52:32] By kids I would probably do the same thing.

[00:52:35] I'm you know I just curious what is that going to do long term with everyone being on social media all the time always getting that into gratification.

[00:52:40] You know we're always being sold to there's so much dark arts out there so many things coming out of so that you know so many different angles politics all this nonsense it's creating so much like.

[00:52:49] With everybody where's it like where's it stop where's it in and I guess that's the personal piece of it but man it's just so integrated everything we talked about it with the you know.

[00:52:57] Networking piece of it or advertising or doing stuff like this. It's hard to get away from it.

[00:53:03] It is a night kids who like they love being outside they love playing outside but having to take them from.

[00:53:12] An iPad to like encourage them to do it what they're doing at their fine but like they don't want to go to soccer practice if they have if they're sitting after school playing on their iPads.

[00:53:21] There's you know they mean like that struggle.

[00:53:25] Is something I have to like proactively try and.

[00:53:29] The go boy but like sometimes when I'm working from home like my husband and I don't have time to go grab the devices.

[00:53:35] It's just burst them.

[00:53:38] But it's definitely a real thing like.

[00:53:41] They're addicted to those things.

[00:53:44] Yeah they're very addicted to it and that's like that kind of one of my concerns sorry not to cut your work.

[00:53:48] You know like the addiction's kind of start young you know and kids are like they're getting that that dopamine hit from a video games iPads movies whatever.

[00:53:58] I'm you know I'm just forced to have a growing up but I'm concerned now like it's that.

[00:54:02] You know we talked about cookies and candy earlier as well but like is is the screens and the virtual world.

[00:54:08] Is that kind of triggering that dopamine.

[00:54:10] I mean need and addiction to young in these kids.

[00:54:13] I don't know.

[00:54:15] I think about like.

[00:54:17] In that book but if you read it the quit like a woman.

[00:54:21] I think about how she says like alcohol kind of having a cigarette moment right now.

[00:54:25] Like it's you know like it was fine it was candy and now everyone's kind of seeing like what it's like a truth of it.

[00:54:33] Like we did with cigarette at one point and I do believe that we'll probably get to that point with a lot of stuff like.

[00:54:41] Coke is kind of like you know like soda too.

[00:54:43] It's also kind of having a cigarette moment like I think we'll get to the point where we see the actual real life effects of these things like I had babies during COVID and my middle child.

[00:54:54] Was in second first second grade during COVID and he his hand muscles never developed like for writing because he was on the computer the whole time so he struggled so much with his handwriting so like you know like that we got to see.

[00:55:11] I was like the residual effects kind of quickly but it wasn't like immediate like it would took a couple of years.

[00:55:18] So if there were like oh his whole hand muscle like he needs putty to like build up this hand muscle because they were in.

[00:55:25] For first and second grade they were just on a computer.

[00:55:29] So they didn't have that practice.

[00:55:31] Under this name it's something I ever thought about but it makes sense.

[00:55:33] I mean because even in schools now they're kind of given these kids devices and they're signing out things I think right.

[00:55:38] And so and some schools are not about all but like yeah we we I remember learning cursive and having to do a lot I mean my it didn't work for me my pent up still terrible.

[00:55:46] Looks like a four year old wrote it but I mean at least do how to write and do all those things if kids are just getting these devices now and educational purposes and have to use party to build their hand muscles that's interesting.

[00:55:56] Well then like with the AI learning and stuff and being able to transcribe notes and like have AI listen to a lecture and then print out your notes and then like it could do all your equations for you.

[00:56:08] Like there's there's a lot more technology is going but one thing that I was thinking about.

[00:56:13] To the point that you said when you have the kids on the iPad and it's kind of like a struggle to get them going but then once they're going like it's good right.

[00:56:20] And it made me think about like working out for example so like if you are staying in a like a good fitness routine and you're like doing that like you're in it right like you're doing it for months but then like you take one or two days off.

[00:56:36] And then all of a sudden it's like hard to get back on right so it depends what you're being consistent with and like what excuses you're making to be complacent right.

[00:56:47] So it's just like you almost have to like say busy like doing productive things to stay busy and be productive.

[00:56:54] And it's like because I'm guilty of it like we're all spend four hours after work just on like tick talk or IG and it's like really what substance have I fed my brain.

[00:57:06] You probably know what have I accomplished like so I need to get up and like do the dishes or something to like offset that.

[00:57:13] And I was just for us you could just fall into like this lazy.

[00:57:16] Like I don't want to do anything mood and I think we're all susceptible to having that happen like it's it's slipping.

[00:57:23] How do you feel about video games at that point because like with video games you like it to at least using the brain a little bit a little bit of hand eye coordination I'm not defending one way or the other but what do you think about that.

[00:57:33] It's interesting because video games I used to game heart like I used to game for all the time but now I can't find myself like keeping my interest for more than like an hour on it.

[00:57:43] Like I'll unless if it's something competitive, but I'll generally like I like to watch things on video games.

[00:57:48] I feel like there is that interactiveness and use the brain right you saw them puzzle.

[00:57:52] Yeah, but if you're still doing it for like eight hours.

[00:57:54] Oh yeah, there's there's definitely what do you think actually.

[00:57:57] I agree I do like I mean like there's something that's so sweet about my boys because like they'll play together on the video games.

[00:58:04] They'll play with their friends I hear them all and they're yelling because their boys I'm three boys so they're all just there's a lot of energy into thoughts around in my house.

[00:58:14] So like I do love like that they can play with each other and like there is that piece of it you know like at least they're like being social and not just like.

[00:58:23] But it's such a struggle like why can't we like have like an emotional regulation game.

[00:58:30] Like a tasting game that they're equally as excited about as for a night.

[00:58:36] You just use the even potential you just were again yeah those monkey brains they just even if we know better there's not going to do their thing.

[00:58:47] That's yeah that's for sure.

[00:58:49] I think they're okay to like escape from reality a little bit like if you wanted to get the games in this case because everyone needs to check out.

[00:58:58] Everyone's in a while and there's healthy ways to do it books now that's yeah so that's that's a healthy way to check out.

[00:59:05] That's good just mind food you know keeps the mind moving yeah books is a good way to go.

[00:59:10] I need to get I need to get back into it to reading more regularly like I can admit to that here and also admit that I got to get back on my my intermittent fasting and your tech.

[00:59:23] Yeah, I got to get back on that like I kind of I kind of fell off there like I like we like to go to here you know.

[00:59:29] I'm going to shout out for names E.V. Ho. She is the Mrs. fit. Ho she is because her letter last name.

[00:59:38] She I just I could watching her for so long and I was like I'm doing it and I sent her my questionnaires signed up for six months with her she's doing my meal plan and my workout.

[00:59:48] Okay, this is exciting and I like but I like had to do it for the six months and I'll say because I just you have to do it and I have to build these habits that now I've learned so we're actually no.

[01:00:00] Previous Ashley wasn't so what's so short but I know now that I need to I need to build these habits so future actually really excited.

[01:00:09] I'm sure six months have me back and put an all people like all buff.

[01:00:13] Yeah, I'm excited for that that's terrific very exciting good momentum there good things to focus on and control what we can control you know at the end of the day things we put in our body the people we surround ourselves with decisions we make took us and was a good friends and family along the way.

[01:00:26] I got one more little gem here let's go like as far as what living actually is like where where do you actually experience being alive.

[01:00:39] You experience it when you overcome challenges like that's when you're alive like when when you like want to do something.

[01:00:48] And then you second guess yourself and you almost don't do it but then you do it anyway and then you like accomplished overcoming your own self doubt like that you feel alive when you do stuff like that.

[01:01:02] And so like these long journeys that we're talking about like years off of booze years off of opiates years working out losing weight whatever it is like seeing that long term result like that's living in my personal opinion that's that's feeling alive right there beautiful.

[01:01:20] I don't know Ash we haven't asked this question in a while.

[01:01:22] So we want to ask you this question and this is definitely a discussion combustion type question but let's say that the entire world here's this episode tomorrow when it drops everybody hears it.

[01:01:34] What's your one piece of advice for humanity so everyone can be better people tomorrow.

[01:01:45] I don't have any advice I want you to just we're all going to do this together I'm just going to sit.

[01:01:51] And I want you to just like relax your forehead like behind your ears have even when was the last time you even like thought about that part of your body.

[01:02:03] Just relax it just breathe and do it right breathe into it relax a little bit.

[01:02:11] And just breathe just sit in it for a moment on clenched your jaw I don't think there's any piece of advice that.

[01:02:19] Will improve humanity but I think the more and more you can sit with yourself and just like think about the back so your knees the little like the tops of your toe like any little part of your body that you haven't even acknowledged and so long.

[01:02:31] I just just sit with yourself and just just breathe I think that that's little help us all.

[01:02:44] I love that advice that was good I feel more relaxed after I did a meditation right before I came on I was so nervous the nature itself like.

[01:02:53] Did ground myself.

[01:02:55] I knew you'd crush this you have a great energy you have a lot to say and great things to say as well that are empowering.

[01:03:06] So definitely want to help give you a voice here I'm really happy that you you filled out or that you accepted the invitation I was very excited.

[01:03:15] So we will be sharing your Instagram like your Facebook all that will be in the comments below is there anything special that you want to call out to make sure to drive traffic to.

[01:03:26] No just come hang with me you'll line with me and my what I do and what I talk about like I just I just want to bring more of that into my life so.

[01:03:35] And I my new my new Instagram handles put your action to it I thought I was so clever.

[01:03:41] That is fantastic that's probably my favorite handle yet.

[01:03:46] That's just that really it's gonna be like laughing my ash off but like Instagram doesn't let you do capital letters so it just looks like L my a look no good till.

[01:03:55] You can do a picture put your ice cream to it.

[01:03:58] I should do it.

[01:03:59] I should do it.

[01:03:59] I should do it.

[01:04:00] I should do it.

[01:04:00] I should do it.

[01:04:03] You weren't you weren't positive we were millennials about you really now now you know.

[01:04:08] Yeah, I can't say out of the bag ice cube for life baby.

[01:04:12] He's one of the great one of my favorite.

[01:04:14] Yeah, and he's not part of the club either now he told me to kick rocks.

[01:04:18] Yeah, yeah, no he's he's good guy for sure.

[01:04:20] And look at us now all of the ones that are kicking that it doesn't come to kick rocks we're doing okay for ourselves over here.

[01:04:27] Yeah, he did he's and we don't even know what country I don't want to know.

[01:04:31] Yeah.

[01:04:31] I don't want to know but yeah, this episode will drop September 12.

[01:04:37] So we are recording on 9 11 of course you have a quick shout to the flag there.

[01:04:41] Yeah, 23 years to the fallen never forget 9 11, you know kind of a big deal and just quick shout out to that.

[01:04:47] Yep.

[01:04:47] Quick shout out to 9 12.

[01:04:49] That was my the most patriotic day I've ever felt in my life so.

[01:04:53] Oh, hands and like heartbreaking as it was like I want this country if we're going to make anything happen in America again

[01:05:00] I want to feel like we did that.

[01:05:02] Oh, hey buddy, what could it is everybody.

[01:05:05] Yep, and so like I I agree with that bringing the people together because you're right everyone was really together and it would be it's sad that a moment like that had that created from that moment it'd be great to see Americans align more especially without polarized it seems now it's out without devastating loss.

[01:05:27] I think that's what we need to try and do more of in our lives.

[01:05:31] Get together.

[01:05:31] We thought that extension.

[01:05:34] Yep, yeah because there's a lot of noise around us and a lot of things pulling out of so let's keep this positive what is it toxic positivity.

[01:05:41] Confident vulnerability full send hashtag own it letter ripp tator chip.

[01:05:46] Let's go baby.

[01:05:48] Yes.

[01:05:49] This pleasure having you on actually.

[01:05:52] We'll talk and soon and we'll get you we'll get you back year in the.

[01:05:56] In the discussion combustion family now you're in the network.

[01:05:59] We like to do annual revis it's and we can't wait to hear more of your story.

[01:06:05] Same I can't wait to hear what number you're at two kids.

[01:06:09] Awesome appreciate it.

[01:06:10] Yeah, thanks for letting me speak and just being open and vulnerable and stuff appreciate means lot absolutely on that note everyone.

[01:06:19] Thank you for tuning in.

[01:06:20] Be good to yourselves.

[01:06:22] You deserve it.