[00:00:00] This podcast is powered by The Plug. We got it. So I am in the Denver Community Media Studio with the Lovely Megan, and I just wanted first of all to just check in and see how your spirit is doing today as you introduce yourself.
[00:00:47] That's pretty good. I am Megan Lowry. I am the my I have a long title here at Dunbridge Community Media. It's a lot of jumbled up words that just mean I help people learn how to
[00:01:01] make their own media here. That's kind of my specialty and I am in higher spirits than I was a few days ago so I can understand that space and we just had a beautiful recognition
[00:01:14] of a holiday pass, which was Juneteenth. And did you give yourself some space, grace, acknowledgement, loving, and to yourself? In the past I would normally have to work a Juneteenth being in the media space so it's nice to have the day off and kind of do nothing.
[00:01:32] Right, like scheduled to do nothing is like a miracle to do. I just in what you were saying about always having to be like in a space of like recording something or capturing something
[00:01:44] to relax away from that. Did you have anything that came to mind? I guess would be the question in a celebration way or a podcast that stuck out to you recognizing Juneteenth or just the
[00:01:59] brilliance that is... I'm not, I don't watch much about like the history or anything of it. I know the history of Juneteenth. I just like to give space for people of color, black creators,
[00:02:18] mainly support them as much as I can. There's not a specific podcast or specific media that I want, it's just every time I see someone of color specifically black people especially, right, lift them up. Leave comments. You know, yeah, get that and elevate their voices because
[00:02:34] with the in-you being you know within the Denver community or Denver community media, I just combined all those words. Just the brilliance that comes out of this space, the different creators and how you really are like what you inspire me all the time,
[00:02:54] but you know sometimes we're unaware of how we inspire others. But just the brilliance that is you and in the realm that you do work, you know, bringing people's voices to the light or giving
[00:03:06] them encouragement. Even today we have a new intern in the building and he's sitting in here with us and just watching you guide and in up lift a person as they are on this journey. So I guess
[00:03:20] with all of that being said and just noting that we're in this fun little season right now, going into summer is like a really interesting space for me always and there's all these like holidays and notable times leading up to that, in celebrating ourselves. And so what my
[00:03:37] question would be is how you know what would your younger self say to you as the person you are today? Who, so we talked about this a couple days ago and I feel like I have a completely different answer now.
[00:03:55] I love that. So a few days ago I was in a very kind of protective and closed-in space as going through a loss and also you know when Juneteenth comes up I hate the idea that I have to be the
[00:04:08] token person to educate everyone and also with pride as well and being a part of that community and feeling like I have to be closeted or hide different identities or different personalities different parts of my personality. I said the other day that my younger self would be saying
[00:04:28] like blend in just like blend into the background just just like don't stand out. That's very much how I was but I think today it just feels like she would be really proud of how far
[00:04:40] I've come and who I am and how I represent myself and the people that I surround myself with. You say that I inspire a lot of people and I love to teach people and I love to see that journey of
[00:04:52] feeling like this is overwhelming. Look at all that like look at all these tools I'm not going to be able to do this to like I just produced my 50th episode come on I know what I'm doing. Yeah so
[00:05:02] just like I inspire other people people that come in here inspired me to continue teaching and feeling fulfilled in this especially you with we have a very similar mission where
[00:05:13] we want to give voice to those who are ignored or give voice to those who don't have access to telling their story. And I think you're bringing in those people to the space to give them a voice
[00:05:24] and that's always been my goal with teaching people how to do this. Gosh well so I love this point. Thank you so much because quite honestly I think that the group that's here provides
[00:05:39] such a safe existence for people like me to come in and speaking to all the spaces like you just said I'm part of this community and I'm part of this community and I'm part of this one
[00:05:51] and it's like I don't want to educate people always maybe I just want to sit down and tell my story and it's up to you to decide if you want to learn from that. And so speaking just
[00:06:01] to that space of acknowledgement that you know are growing up instances you know like what your environment was growing up at that time and how you navigated you know in your personality or
[00:06:16] or knowing that maybe you couldn't have one at a certain time you know and so it's almost like the reason my podcast is named living by Careously Through Myself is because we spent
[00:06:26] a majority of our youth living by Careously Through Someone you know people living by Careously Through Us you know and we were just like this reflection of them and their behavior because if we spoke
[00:06:38] then you know we there'd be disciplinary actions so you know speaking to it also being we you know Juneteenth has been is in celebration and for me sometimes I always encapsulate June as like a full like like to me it's still like always celebrating you know black folks
[00:07:01] because they're just the brilliance and I always forget that June is also pride month because I've had a fair enough time relating to the queer community. There's a lot of growth to be
[00:07:13] had there but there's also a lot of boxes to place myself in in order to remain relevant but also at the same time to not hide who I am but then also like I don't want to have to over
[00:07:24] explain that so within you being you know in the queer community what have you found as one of the most challenging spaces in how you identify with your queerness. I think I don't identify with it.
[00:07:39] I think that's my biggest issue is that I hid the fact like my sexuality I think sexuality is very fluid it could change I could have a different one tomorrow but yes although for the longest time
[00:07:54] so in my don't like if I've identified myself as a bisexual woman and I think that there's there was a lot of shame around that because anytime I told someone it was the reactions you'd get are
[00:08:07] just like sexualizing you oh let's have a three-sum or you've never actually been with a woman or you're probably one of those girls who just like kisses, girls when they're drunk and you're making like lesbian thing when you're not actually and then things like that I never really
[00:08:24] identified as it I've never really explored that side of myself even just like having more queer friends and feeling like I belong in that community so it's just kind of something that I don't
[00:08:36] heavily identify with and so I don't really feel like I'm a part of the queer community at this point maybe that'll change later but see and I love this because I have felt and not to take away
[00:08:48] like you know hey let's make it about this I have the same experience with the the queer community I think you know ultimately the word queer has been taken back and there's power in it now
[00:09:00] you know in a really beautiful sense like I grew up having to play this game called smear the queer on the playground where they chased out you know to taste somebody and kind of beat
[00:09:11] them up on the playground that was a game that they had us playing and so it always had a very negative connotation my dad used to say really odd things just based on the generational
[00:09:23] sayings you know he'd just be like you're acting so queer and it was like a negative thing and to be like who I am now versus like when I first came out there was only the words
[00:09:33] lesbian and gay at the time that was really like you know I'm coming from a town of 54 people I don't know any better so I am you know trying to be like okay well I think I'm a lesbian but I
[00:09:44] don't like that terminology because again hyper sexualized and then it's like being relationships with folks that maybe weren't super comfortable identifying that with that so we go out in
[00:09:55] public and we kind of play on the male gaze portion of it you know like oh we're gay so guys pay attention to us or something or so that we can kind of blend in but not really be seen that
[00:10:06] this is an actual relationship so anyway moving into understanding myself which I have always been is more fluid in the binary like I don't you know I grew up on a cult wearing dresses all the time
[00:10:18] because that was the identifier but the older I got I was just like I want to wear this so I want to wear this and I didn't really put a gender to it and then moving into the space of understanding
[00:10:28] myself with the word non-binary I had most instances that it was something that was critiqued or criticized was from the queer community saying that I needed to make a decision that there's only
[00:10:41] one or the other and most of those folks now have transitioned which is brilliant you know I'm not here to yuck your yum but I totally understand that space and even to say like queer community
[00:10:53] I don't have like a queer community there's a community of individuals I'm around but we're all kind of in that self-same space of like we can only identify up to our safety you know and I am
[00:11:08] wondering I guess with yourself as this you know regal human that you are in the aesthetic obviously you're very beautiful does that you know when you identify as buyer you share that do you feel like
[00:11:23] you were saying sexualized or does it feel not safe to communicate that with an a community I feel like it me it feels more like not accepted or not believed because I do present as a feminine
[00:11:42] person so people are just like that's not true oh like you're too pretty to be queer and you know it's funny I've heard like you're pretty for a black girl oh girl and you also have this thing
[00:11:53] kind of like yeah like sentiment where it's like you're not enough for one group or the other Wow yeah okay I'm sorry I had to sit with that for a second these are real things that people say so
[00:12:06] in your experience you know trying to grow into the personality or the being that you are what do you think has you know what do you think has affected that most you know is it you know being in your
[00:12:22] in your stance within your race in your ethnicity or is it in the queerness or is it just across the board where where is that the most difficult space definitely has always been race is the most
[00:12:34] difficult space for me growing up I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood with kids that didn't look like me weren't like me they I was in a very I come from a very like poor family
[00:12:50] I came from a family of abuse as well so I felt like no one related to me also no one looked like me right so I didn't fit into the trends because I couldn't afford it or I couldn't look like that
[00:13:01] right um I would straighten my hair to look like everyone else I would try to blend in and just be in the background I never wanted to stand out I never wanted to be different it was always about
[00:13:12] blending in and looking like everyone else acting like everyone else mm-hmm and I think that that's carried over I'm just now starting to feel comfortable with how unique and how different I can be and I think everybody's different everybody's absolutely um but that with with race it's
[00:13:30] always been an issue because my hometown is a very racist place but instead I heard a lot of you're pretty for a black girl and that's because I have white privilege in there because I'm mixed
[00:13:42] so being pretty for a black girl just means you don't have the kinky hair you don't have the darker skin and those features are beautiful in and of themselves as well absolutely you don't
[00:13:52] have to compare me to another woman and have some like backhanded compliment right it doesn't feel good for any of us and it's so awkward like how do you even take that like thank you yeah exactly
[00:14:03] yeah so I surmised that you wouldn't want to stand out like you were just saying you know so we kind of not that we're hiding ourselves we're just keeping ourselves safe that was the only way to advocate you know
[00:14:14] yeah and then struggling a little bit in my teenagers with like an attraction to women that I didn't want to think was real well that it's wrong that I'd shame around yeah really added to that
[00:14:27] idea of like oh I'm different and I need to hide all of that yeah and I'm interested to hear like with you growing up you say you grew up in a cold how does that really like what kind of
[00:14:40] kind of upbringing did you have well look at you I see you really I think the the biggest identifiers to me being an occult we're just not having autonomy over ourselves and especially
[00:14:57] those that they view you know because there's only male and female there's only the head of the household and then the subservience and and many times you you're not allowed to question anything so I didn't
[00:15:09] have autonomy over my own intuition I grew up knowing that things were wrong and then convinced out of them and groomed in a way that this abuse is normal wow and so I'm still I think you know our front
[00:15:24] aloves are are so sensitive as we're growing at the age that I was in colt realm that I still find a struggle with myself sometimes that I'm like I've been in therapy for a couple years and I'm even
[00:15:36] talk with my therapist about it that sometimes I will even revert to the words saying sin like because I'm so different I'm sinning you know in the autonomy over my thought my intuition and so it's taking
[00:15:50] a lot of therapy and a lot of you know conversations with other folks that have either come out of it or their curiosity around it that they're like oh my god that's not the normal life experience and
[00:16:03] so and I think we talked about this the other day was when I would I guess I sometimes forget that my story is my story right because I have this empathy or this hyper vigilance around everybody else's
[00:16:19] energy that if somebody tells me like oh I got kicked out I was homeless and my god I could never imagine I'm like bitch that was you you went through that same shit you know and I didn't really take
[00:16:34] that story on really quite honestly until podcasting started about a little over a year and a half ago and here my own self tell my story and then people reflect on the mic with me so it's like we're
[00:16:48] having now I'm like oh my gosh we're you know there's such a diversity within our experiences but we all still come from the same place of curiosity to learn about ourselves and there's always
[00:17:01] someone there to like dictate and say no that's sin. Know that's this you know so you know in an identifying within myself like okay my you know growing up in a house of trauma as well I you know
[00:17:17] Mexicans vanish on my mom's side but that's where a lot of my trauma originates from that I'm like I don't want to dive into that ancestry that seems horrible you know and then you know
[00:17:28] understanding that I grew up where there was prejudice I just thought it was warning families and so my white family just being like the drugs that got to exist the way they existed and then
[00:17:38] the poor Mexican family that was the only one in the county you know it was like I didn't recognize how systematic that was as well as that there was a lot of racism where I grew up so I'm having the
[00:17:50] like just kind of go back in time like with all these instances so I guess I didn't I wasn't aware that I was allowed to have power you know and so just hearing how you're saying things like oh you
[00:18:05] know you're pretty for this or you know getting sexualized here and trying to like take our power in that and have some sort of like you know not really maybe a box but like a title to ourselves
[00:18:18] it doesn't hold shame or have us wins and like want to protect ourselves because there is a safe space for us to exist so yeah I guess that's like a snippet of what it's like for me but
[00:18:32] getting a witness you in your excellence is the way that you navigate you know people in here but just how like even when I asked you which you don't know this about me but I store a lot of information
[00:18:46] but when I first asked you like is it would it be okay if I share or if I got your social media and just the response that you gave me was like that's not an important part of me but I would like
[00:18:56] for you to have it you know and just the way that you delivered that is a way of protecting yourself I really really appreciated that but if there was a way just like moving into this next portion of like
[00:19:10] what it's like to want to be a part of something and not be seen but also you want to be acknowledged for your individual self and being the representation that you are even if you're unaware of it
[00:19:23] what you know what is kind of something that you're doing or maybe have in practice so that you can honor these spaces a little bit more even if it's in private and not you know to just be all of
[00:19:33] social about it yeah I think it's um it's a great question I think it's boundaries are important like you said like before we started you said is there anything that's off limits you're
[00:19:45] setting that you're not gonna cross it um the same with you know it's due in teams but I'm not going to educate you and I'm not going to go film something for work I'm not going to work on this
[00:19:53] you get it relax um things like that with having boundaries for yourself also you got to let stuff kind of roll off your back a lot more I've been placed in these boxes
[00:20:10] based off of a lot of times race like if I'm bringing up racer I'm like I'm uncomfortable because someone said that it's like oh you have to make everything about race that kind of thing or
[00:20:20] the angry black woman I get um right and you kind of just have to be like well if you want to think that there's nothing I can do about that you know that roll off my back and I think that
[00:20:30] also goes with like boundaries like what am I gonna let affect me right what you're reacting what am I really gonna react to what is it gonna benefit me to hold this you know because ultimately
[00:20:40] doesn't originate with you but the whole saying that you you know I would never I could never understand that space just what you said about being an angry black woman and not to mention just
[00:20:54] like societally um what has been allowed for that to be the I guess like the go to when somebody standing up for themselves or a woman is taking the power stance and just being like no absolutely
[00:21:08] not you know I think that happens to a lot of people of color too because um I'm not I'm not even a black woman and don't identify as a black woman I sometimes I do only when I'm the only
[00:21:23] only one in the room right I'm like representing black people as a whole I guess in any instance where I'm the only one but I'm mixed and I will never experience the hardships that a black woman
[00:21:36] goes through every day like I said I do have that side of white privilege because I am I have a more palatable look I think is that's where I want my white privilege comes from but
[00:21:49] you're awareness around that which also allows you to protect other people in the room which is really profound but within that too as being like a representative half the time and almost like okay
[00:22:04] now I have to educate a room and that can be really exhausting so as for folks that maybe don't understand you know even maybe what they're hearing what is something that if you like for instance
[00:22:17] me having you as a friend and you feeling important and safe with me what is something that you recommend for me to do so that I could understand you more clearly without you having to educate me
[00:22:33] I think that if it's coming from a place of you wanting to know information and it's coming from a genuine like I care about this will you tell me about it? I think that's totally normal
[00:22:45] I've done that with some of my Romanian friends when I didn't understand the conflicts going on in Armenia and I said hey I've tried to educate myself I've gone Google's for you we talked about
[00:22:56] yeah I've tried to educate myself and I'm still just not understanding the full story can you break it down for me and she happily gave me all these resources and she told me her the story in her own
[00:23:08] words and then she also gave me organizations that I can donate to or buy a product in support and I did that I think that if it's coming from a genuine place and it's genuine love and genuine care from other
[00:23:22] people that's all that matters okay because I know that's something that I think I've taken for granted is like the communities I've gotten to exist and well not being part of I just have a
[00:23:35] brain that collects a lot of data so I learned that way but there are folks that don't know how to apply that and we live in a very like Google is free but there's a lot of censored content or lying
[00:23:47] out there and so then people but just you know as friend to friend it is not your job to educate your friends for one and it's also a really brilliant space for you to be protected by them if they
[00:24:00] educate themselves too you know and even not only that we're in pride month and let's just not forget that pride started as a riot by a very beautiful black community and I feel like sometimes
[00:24:21] pride becomes it obviously is a very like the term queer baiting it's like where companies can be in that consumeristic holiday they're making money off of selling all these shirts but they're not sitting
[00:24:34] down and actually hearing the real stories and then after it passes the laws are still going to pass that you can't marry same sex but these same things you know you want us to be celebrated
[00:24:44] but you do nothing to protect us and so even in the even in that realm of like educating folks like pride is awesome and we want to stand in solidarity with those that fought for us but we're fading
[00:24:58] away from that story so much that we are not embracing in being in a community as to build each other up and educate each other it's just further dividing us I feel sometimes you know and so in
[00:25:11] you were speaking to the space of you know what it's like to be bisexual and unfortunately media for the longest time has really demonized bisexual folks and I despise it I have a sibling who's
[00:25:26] bisexual and they immediately get sexualized or their partners like let's have a three so it's anything to benefit like the male gaze or something like that which is so infuriating or it's
[00:25:36] that you've not made up your mind or you just haven't had the right whatever and that used to get told to me a lot back in the day when I was more fem presenting is a guy would come up to me and partner
[00:25:48] just like casually sitting somewhere and they'd be like well it's because you haven't met the right man you know you know let me try this on you and I'm like have you have you met the right man you don't know
[00:25:57] you know and then it's like you don't know what you're dealing with somebody going to a psychosis and kill you for saying something like that because that ego space is scary you know especially in
[00:26:08] a man and they have a lot of homophobia there's so much internalized homophobia oh my goodness men and they feel inferior if you're like okay well I'm by will I have to be part of it that's having
[00:26:20] like that's a different definition of things right I was told once that that's a red flag and I said why is that a why is my sexuality of a flag and he said well now I have to worry about
[00:26:31] both sexes and I'm like oh I'm not a cheater so why is it matter oh my god that's not caught in the morning about anything wow friend yeah okay so within you understanding yourself
[00:26:44] and having you know in attraction to the female energy a lot of times with them by sexual what I've heard from some of my bisexual friends is it's more of an affinity to the sharing the same
[00:26:57] sex like you see the nurture and the loving and the compassion it's not a hyper sexualization so you know in order for you to stand in that fullness and in state state that for yourself
[00:27:10] what do you I guess where do you feel most safe and what space do you feel the most safe to just stand in your fullness of being like I'm bisexual I think it's just when I'm around people
[00:27:26] that love being care about me and don't judge me I'm not going to say it's like I feel more safe around like lesbian women or something like there's no like label there's no box that makes me
[00:27:37] feel safe it's just the people that I can like crawl out of my shell in front of you are one of them okay we're doing just kind of have these like honest conversations about who you really are what you
[00:27:48] like your interests the sexuality just feel comfortable and completely accepted for who you are and I think that's rare these days it really is and there's still like ulterior motives because you know
[00:28:01] we still have like you were saying we have that underlying homophobia but then we still have this misogynistic way in relationships so I'm going to get really vulnerable with a story really quickly
[00:28:14] I decided recently to be in a fashion show where I was wearing intimate wear now I've never had autonomy over my body like that I enjoyed it it was so beautiful I had a great experience
[00:28:25] I can't control every member of that audience and how they were going to respond to me right so I like I could have just like been like okay I'm not going to do this based on there maybe a man out there
[00:28:36] that's like oh my god you know the things I would do to that person and I can't think about that because I felt so empowered in that moment but from that I did get invited to be a gogo dancer
[00:28:50] for an event now I'm not a gogo dancer I am more of a stimming human and I just like to move and flow and sway because that allows my anxious energy to get out and then I feel more grounded and it's
[00:29:02] I was also how I receive information so they were they again seeing an opportunistic time and I agreed to it in the beginning I was like yeah I'm going to do this I'm going to have power and autonomy
[00:29:14] over myself and then I started seeing like you know the function of the event and it's women x Pride so it's spelled WOM and then x like including non-binary folks but it's still like
[00:29:30] the more I sat with it as I was going through like you were saying in this identity of myself like yesterday I felt like this and I was like yeah I'm going to go rock that stage I'm going to shake my ass
[00:29:41] today I woke up and I was like my soul is really sensitive right now and I don't think that I be safe up there because this event oddly enough is on it was going to be on Friday which is tomorrow and
[00:29:55] is the fifth year anniversary of me no longer drinking alcohol okay alcohol free and I was kind of thinking to myself I'm really going to go into this like thirsty little lesbian atmosphere not have
[00:30:10] like that's so I want to celebrate myself and you know it was like very vulnerable moment like I'm just going to retract that like yes I said I'd be there but this version today this version
[00:30:20] doesn't have the capacity to do that doesn't have it within my wheelhouse no matter how beautiful pride could be celebrated we're still as a queer community we are still perpetuating a space that
[00:30:35] isn't healthy for me and I said yes to it but then I'm really like quickly that I'm just going to be sexualized there nobody's going to care that there's an autistic person up there trying
[00:30:45] to dive into their sexuality you know so just to I still battle that within myself that I get I can get very hyper sexualized in certain spaces and it doesn't feel safe and I have to again
[00:30:59] after all this religious stuff and everything to have autonomy over myself is the power of having a choice and I had a choice and I knew that it wasn't going to fulfill my spirit which also let me
[00:31:11] knew that no that I have my own mind about me because I was able to change it and be okay with it you know that's really beautiful that you're able to say you know what I don't feel safe in this and
[00:31:21] I can say no I can change my mind at any point I can be someone different today that I was yesterday yeah I love that that you can that you really like are taking your power back because that's something
[00:31:31] that a lot of people struggle it's like I struggle with with just like I made this commitment so now I have to do it and I hate myself for that right my super extroverted self that's just
[00:31:42] willing to have the experience and now my introverted ass is like you bitch yeah you're making me go out and you already know this is it something I want to do you know and that for me is like you
[00:31:53] know that divide that like talking to self you know being in that parallel with self like across the board what is this going to serve the entirety of my spirit you know like that I can
[00:32:03] always take something good away from it because I am my own magic but I can also affect my magic simply by where I place myself and so it's okay for that you know that gut to talk and I was like yeah
[00:32:16] I can't do this dancing like that like save that for my living room save that for the street occasionally when I just want to burst out and dance but to put myself on you know on a stage and say here
[00:32:29] I am and you can you know you can basically absorb me the way you want to versus me having control over that yeah was and so just to speak it within that queer space as well as like societally there has not been
[00:32:44] representation that is positive for a majority of the time for the bisexual community and those that are in that you know I think I was even sharing with you which I don't know if you've seen but
[00:32:58] the L word back in the day the series that ran you know 15 years ago and even the cover of that series it's all like ceilacious and you know just has a certain tone to it
[00:33:10] but they even were really aggressively passive on how they approached the bisexual community on that show and it caused a lot of lesbians in the community to perpetuate that instance of like well you need
[00:33:29] to make up your mind it's either a man or a woman and you can't be gay unless or you can't be queer unless you only stick to one side or your straight and it was just this whole thing that I think it affected my
[00:33:40] community where people would actually vocalize exact scripted lines from that show in order to like defend their take on it so you all haven't had proper representation but I'm telling you right now
[00:33:54] you're being the best representation that I've ever seen which is having grace and compassion on yourself but also protecting yourself in the way of you know you get to you can view it the way you want
[00:34:07] but it's sacred to me and so when I decide to speak about it I'm going to find the safest room to do so you know yeah definitely it's just brilliant so with all that you know with all of that being said
[00:34:21] and having sat in this conversation for this little moment of time that we have what now what would you say as this version of yourself right here today what would you say to your younger
[00:34:34] version of self that hasn't hit double digits yet the biggest thing for me is that you're safe and you're loved I think those were the two things I was lacking right especially self love
[00:34:48] but you're safe you're loved by a lot of people from a lot of different backgrounds and it just stopped worrying stop worrying so much yeah just be you and the people that
[00:35:05] the people that love you for you are going to stick around the people that don't you don't need them right yeah you don't have to try to convince people to that part one you don't have to be
[00:35:16] palatable until you don't have to convince people to love you you don't need them to be around you just gonna give you that energy that you don't need anyway you don't have to earn it it's already
[00:35:26] yeah how friend that's really beautiful and so within all that you've been doing for the community to you know bring awareness to different voices to different backgrounds to just the human experience what would you say is the representation that you are to your younger self but
[00:35:45] maybe folks that are similar to you what is something that you could say that might feel encouraging to that spirit of a young one that needs someone to look to I would say if you're feeling like
[00:36:02] you don't have anyone you always have yourself that sounds very lonely I know that's really beautiful I I talked to myself as my higher self and I talked to my younger my younger version as myself
[00:36:17] there's a lot of like inception in my brain I love this song but I think that's helped a lot heal like I'm parenting my younger self and then my my higher self or my future self is parenting me
[00:36:31] I love that so when I feel lonely when I feel like I have nobody I'm like let me sing a romantic song to myself and it's just my higher self talking to me and then I feel like so empowered and loved and not
[00:36:42] alone because I have always been here for myself I've always gotten through everything and I can look at my inner child and say a lot about things have happened to you but I have you in my hands
[00:36:55] and I'll take care of you and I think that's helped so immensely I feel what I've gone a lot of what I've done through because and even like you were saying like you're parenting yourself I and you know speaking how we were talking
[00:37:08] about abusive backgrounds and then you're like in a way of having the autonomy over your own self your spirit and everything and you're like no I got you and so it's that parallel of like okay
[00:37:18] this quantum leap back and forth between like people could try to tell me the type of child I was based on their preconceived notion of me but they had no idea that like I had to talk to my
[00:37:30] higher or might older self or I had to talk like I was already out of this position and I think that we make that like a loser thing you know like as I always always buy myself as a young person
[00:37:43] like hanging out on my own but like now I see the importance of that because I can be alone with myself and it's not terrifying it's literally the safest space I can be and you just spoke so eloquently
[00:37:55] to that thank you okay I need a that too yeah reminding me yeah yeah I think it's sometimes it's really hard to like do that for yourself like this present Megan feels depressed and doesn't want
[00:38:10] to acknowledge all the beauty in her and so you can just put yourself in that older body and be like come on look at everything you've got come on young wonder you got this you're doing it already
[00:38:22] yeah and I love that you bring up like you're speaking to yourself as if you've already gotten through this right and so that gives you a whole new layer of hope especially when you're filled own or you're
[00:38:32] going through something based off of your circumstances or sexuality you're just getting come you always have yourself which sounds weird but it would I just wish people would have said this to me
[00:38:42] back in the day versus like oh don't be lonely if you're that weird kid in the corner you're the loser you know I just wish I would have heard you say exactly what you just said because it took me
[00:38:53] you know till about 37 to finally honor that part in myself and so yeah just the brilliance of what you just said I need to go back and rewind and listen to that I just need to be like on repeat because
[00:39:06] we are the only people that can actually advocate for ourselves and most certain in most instances and you just having that awareness but also just saying it to any version of a person out there
[00:39:19] that needs this representation is so impactful and I think that we kind of live in a world that's obviously like we're very social media driven in many ways however there are those little sound
[00:39:30] bites that people really grab on to and they are palpable and they make sense and they give them that reassurance you know because we are all connected as beings we're all having a human experience
[00:39:45] we all of our emotions are valid but our behaviors are not exactly that's what a lot of people don't get is that they they're quick to say well I act like this because of this rather than
[00:39:57] saying I shouldn't act like that yeah it's that what I went through sucked but that doesn't mean that I get to treat people like crap absolutely I have like a conscious love with yourself like
[00:40:08] oh I just got triggered but I need a second I'm going to come back to the drawing table about it because it's my reactive behavior that I get to control you know and not every instances this but
[00:40:17] because of the privilege that we do have in this instance of having some of that free will for ourselves is really brilliant and I needed to hear that today so thank you so I just want to give some
[00:40:32] honor to what it is that you do hear really quick obviously my voice is on the mic with Megan today at Denver Community Media would not be possible without the programs that they have in order
[00:40:44] there's so much to learn here and they will guide you what is the best place that they could go to look for resources if they wanted to come in and start a podcast journey I say come in beautiful I
[00:40:57] don't want to of course you can go to the website I don't want to direct people to the website I want them to come in and meet us see what we do here so we see this podcast here it's so deep
[00:41:07] of producing our doors opens people people can walk in right now absolutely yeah I would just say come in meet us get a tour where we're all everyone here is very friendly and ready to help
[00:41:19] I love that and this is very true and I'm a firm believer in coming into the brick and mortar spaces because those are coming those are becoming like so far a few between that you can actually like
[00:41:30] be in person with a lot of things half the time so if you are like me and you need to be stimulated by seeing it for what it is remind me of our address again here because I just have memory
[00:41:41] that leads me here we are at 21 01 a rapper host street bomb take it a y'all so if you want to come in and have conversations like this be under some beautiful guidance or you just need to sit in the
[00:41:54] ethereal essence that is someone that is here to help here to learn with you and all of that you need to just hop in here it's kind of what I got I just want to say thank you so much for your time today
[00:42:08] for you know opening up I don't want to say like vulnerable I don't want to overuse that word but just for your earnest energy speaking with me today I don't take that lightly and I just feel very
[00:42:19] honored but yeah you sat here today yeah thank you for having me I don't feel vulnerable which is weird it just feels comfortable I've never talked about this stuff openly with anyone other than
[00:42:30] maybe my sister's so this is beautiful it's definitely a safe space it is a sea but it starts with how y'all put it into play you know you're you're the co-creator in that so thank you so with that all being said y'all
[00:42:45] I again if this resonates awesome keep listening or send it to somebody that maybe needs this representation I am not here to yuck anyone's yam on their healing journey just simply to advocate
[00:42:59] for the being that I am continuing to become it's been amazing sitting with Megan in the chair today and I just want to remind you all to continue creating earnestly in love talk soon this is Sarah
[00:43:13] Hubbard host of you and me kid a podcast about starting and raising a family on your own we've just launched season two and I'm speaking with single moms those still considering an expert in relevant
[00:43:24] fields to give you a real sense of what the day-to-day experience of solo parenting looks and feels like plus this season I've partnered with California Cryobink the number ones for Megan the U.S. so wherever
[00:43:35] you are in the process this podcast provides some support humor and helpful information listen to you and me kid wherever you get your podcasts